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awakeintx

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  1. awakeintx
    That's the thing, there is no perfect "last conversation". I am struggling big time with that.
  2. awakeintx
    If you dont mind me asking, how many times have you broke NC? Stay strong
  3. awakeintx
    Day 4 for me. Feeling :sad: A question about the rules, does Email contact count? What if it is just to see how they are doing?
  4. awakeintx
    I did the "one month magic of making up" strategy. It worked (she was willing to try again though). However we have since had 2 more more painful breakups, the last one being the most painful and the one that brought me here. If I had known the breakups get more painful I would have stayed broken up. Problem is she never wanted to work on any of her problems. But at least I tried.
  5. awakeintx
    Day 3 for me after my falling off the wagon at day 9 This morning is tough, I got drunk last night and that was a big, big mistake. My mind is cloudy and my emotions are spinning in my head. This weekend is really making things go by in slow motion. I am hoping my mind gets calmer as the day goes on.
  6. awakeintx
    I sure hope so
  7. awakeintx
    Anyone else fall off the NC wagon at some point then make it back up? I feel so guilty now. I promise I wont fall off again, at least not until I am 100% healed.
  8. awakeintx
    I am embarrassed to admit this but I am starting at day 1 again... I fell off the wagon at day 9. I initiated contact because when we broke up the it involved some anger exchanges and hurt feelings for both, but mainly for me. I wanted to end it on a better note. We talked and discussed some things I thought might help me in the long run. We discussed and got to hear there was no chance for hope, which helps for "closure" aspects. I also wanted to know and found out there was no cheating involved. I told her there was no way we could contact each other for awhile. For me that may mean forever, i don't know yet. How do I feel? Like crap. I think the conversation was helpful in some aspects, and hurtful in others. It hurt to see she was taking it very well and did not seem to be too concerned. I kinda feel like I have gone back to day one or two feelings wise. But I hope to get going again. Anybody fall off the wagon like did and make it back through this? I will be here every day until I feel better
  9. awakeintx
    Day 8 for me Yesterday was not good. The reality is sinking in more day by day but my pain still lingers. I am starting to think more about the negatives of the relationship instead of the positive. But I am not going to lie, I still feel like crap. Yesterday I started reading "How to break your addiction to somebody" It is a highly rated book about why people stay with bad relationships. It is somewhat geared towards helping the dumper realize they need to get out. So it is kinda hard and painful to read, considering I was the dumpee. But it also deals with the false sense of addiction the dumpee goes though in this withdrawal process. I would recommend it but only for those ready to accept the fact that the relationship is and was a failure (in terms of lifelong success anyway). Ljp, I feel the same, part of me wants to think we will talk in the future. I was the last one to break NC before I started counting, and she was the one to break up with me so I should not feel any guilt about it. But I don't like the anxiety, I have thought about blocking emails, but have not been able to do it yet.
  10. awakeintx
    I'm in at day 6 Today has been the toughest so far because the reality is setting in. I read this board most of the day and am praying things get easier from here. Funny thing is when we broke up last time I made it to 6 weeks before she contact me and I fell for it. Hopefully I will not repeat that situation.
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