Can men and women just be friends?

[Day_Walker]

I dont believe that men and women can be "just friends." Friendship implies nothing else besides a platonic relationship and that means that if one person has feelings for the other then its more so hoping to be something else and being friends is just to remain close to them.

 

It also is up to the person, because if you want to have the kind of friends that are interested in you then it wont bother you. I dont have those kind of friends. If you prefer a more emotional friendships then having the opposite sex definitely puts more spice into a friendship just because there seems to be alterior motives.

[bobo85]

I do believe that men and women can be "just friends". But often times usually a man is in the friendship so he can get close to the woman he really wants. For me its easier to have friends that are girls who i'm not attracted to. But having friends of the opposite sex is natural and healthy. But i believe a balance of friends (male/female and even different races) is more healthy than just hanging around just men or just women.

[SilverManic]

yes on the bases that the majority of my friends are male and I'm sure as hell not dating all of them!

~S.

[whitefang]

I believe that men and women can be just friends, depending on the relationship they have with each other.

 

Believe it or not the majority of my friends are girls lol but it's due to the course im currently doing at University (well that's what i put it down too) and i have very little male friends because they've moved away. I just find it alot more interesting talking with girls than guys, im not a football nut... maybe that's why? but i just can't relate to other guys which i've have found too be strange.

[Hope75]

I have many male friends, in fact one of my very best friends is a straight male, and we are both in committed relationships.

 

I think as long as you establish boundaries, and both parties feel they can comfortably stick to those boundaries, many rich and rewarding friendships can develop with members of the opposite sex.

 

Like RayKay, I have always been a bit of a tom boy and as my friend just told me just today when three of my male friends and I went to lunch and I asked him if my presense would through off the testosterone balance, "You are like one of the guys."

[arwen]

I think yes. But like Ailec, I am now in a relationship with someone who used to be my friend.

 

I have had different friendships with males, but also lost the friendship to their gf's who were mostly not happy with the friendship

 

Ilse

 

Psst Ailec! Congratz on the boyfriend!!!

[Tesseract_Witch]

"But I do agree that boundaries must be set, otherwise people might develop feelings and that could ruin the friendship."

 

 

A very truthful statement; when love is stronger between two friends than all the rest, it is no longer a friendship with the others.

[chai714]

I mostly agree with Derek.

 

I can be a "distant friend" with a female, but anything that becomes quite regular then I naturally start to view them in a different way. Of course, humans like other humans based on how you make them feel about theirselves. With that being said, it's only natural that you become attracted to a friend of the opposite sex because of the feelings that become associated with that person.

[TiredMan]

My two closest friends are females. One for 14 years, another for 8 years. So I would say yes???

[itsallgrand]

Yes.

 

It's a lot easier to do this when neither is attracted to the other.

[Midgi]

I am friends with guys I find attractive (or I would not hang out with them) but for some reason I do not fancy.

 

Like they are not my type, or are too selfish, or drink too much.....

 

For relationship you should not settle for anything less than butterflies.

[monsieur]

not possible, maybe superficial distant friends, but any more of a connection and for sure feelings would have to start to develop, it is only natural. If no feelings, then it is not much of a friendship then anyways.

 

It seems only women have this strange concept of finding a guy attractive personality and physically, yet not at all possibly considering them someone they would have a relationship with. I think 99% of guys that find a girl attractive personality and physical would for sure have a relationship with them if the girl was receptive or better yet if the girl pursued them. And that goes for all these so called 'friends' relationships that the women seem to think the guy has no feelings for them. I guarantee if the girl showed some pursuit, those guys they think are only there for friendship would be all over them.

[TiredMan]

I am friends with guys I find attractive (or I would not hang out with them) but for some reason I do not fancy.

 

Like they are not my type, or are too selfish, or drink too much.....

 

For relationship you should not settle for anything less than butterflies.

 

Wait, so you wouldn't be friends with a guy you find attractive?

 

Wow!

[hosswhispra]

Based on my opinion and experiences: No (unless one of them is gay)

Reasoning: opposite sex = possibilty for sexual tension to develop

 

Hossee's Theorems:

 

1) The guy will fall for the girl = and the feelings are reciprocated

 

2) The girl will fall for the guy = and the feelings are reciprocated

 

3) The guy will fall for the girl = and the feelings aren't reciprocated

 

4) The girl will fall for the guy = and the feelings aren't reciprocated

 

5) Something rare that can happen (it happened to me): The guy and the girl fall for each other but because of certain circumstances they can't be together

 

Besides, isn't that how romantic relationships develop? First you are friends and then you become friends/lovers.

That's my opinion on this matter, take it for what it's worth.

[Süsser Tod]

Nope, I don't think so.

 

The closest I've been was with a girl that I met on highschool. In the beggining I wanted to date her, but as the time went by, I got to know her so much and so well that I knew I wouldn't be able to date her, she was not the kind of girl that I could be with...

 

However, as much as I wouldn't have dated her, sexual tension was always there, we were never able to get over that.

[Relationship Coach]

It's nice to see a wide variety of opinions, examples of personal experience and thoughts here. I think this proves this was a great topic for a post.

 

To add my two cents in I will say that as I respect all opinions here, I'm going to have to say yes, men and women can be just friends. I say this from both personal and professional experiences. Friendships with members of opposite gender can become complicated if one or the other, not both chose to cross the friendship line and pursue a more serious relationship. In general, friendships have their own built in boundaries and in some ways clear spoken ones as well. The importance of the friendship should keep it where it belongs.

 

RC

[ocrob]

Hi Relationship Coach, I respect your opinion a lot and you always bring value to this room. You did not answer the question or the question was not directed properly. Can you be friends with the ex or someone that you have had sexual realtions. I am interpreting that question, but I can't imagine why anyone would ask it. I can be friends with women all day. Can I be friends with an ex, then it depends. Did she break my heart, did I break her, or did we end things with respect? I don't think you need a phd to answer this. If you have respect for that person and care about them and can deal with your feelings, then you can. I will give you my personal experience. My ex is with someone and I have not talked to her in four months. I miss her and think she is a great person and I know she loves me as a friend. We just had contact and I am happy to say that we will be friends, but it will be very peiodic. It is ok to love someone as a person.

[Relationship Coach]

You did not answer the question or the question was not directed properly. Can you be friends with the ex or someone that you have had sexual realtions. I am interpreting that question, but I can't imagine why anyone would ask it.

 

I'm fairly certain that the question is stated as it is meant and I answered it. Now, you are adding your own interpetation to it to better represent your situation which is fine.

 

RC

[monsieur]

That sounds like an opinion coming from high and mighty "friendships have their own built in boundaries and in some ways clear spoken ones as well. The importance of the friendship should keep it where it belongs."

 

So the 'importance' of the friendship should supercede the 'hearts and feelings' of those in the friendship? I think that is malarky. If one or the others heart starts to ache and yearn for a deeper connection, I say that is much more important to be honest about rather than worrying about 'the importance of the friendship'.

[Relationship Coach]

Monsieur,

If you don't agree with what I've said, fine this is the topic of discussion here. The fact that you have had your own demons to deal with due to your own issues of being friendzoned and shyness, your opinion is certainly welcomed here, it doesn't mean you or I are more right or wrong than the next person. Now if you want to attack me personally, don't waste others time, PM me I'd be glad to discuss any topic with you. I'm sorry that you have been hurt.

 

RC

[monsieur]

wasn't intending it as a personal attack, it just sounded like it was coming from an unrealistic point of view that was a regimented set in stone kind of way of thinking (the word 'should' really hit me) that had no respect for feelings or heart in such matters.... I didn't mean you were high and mighty, I apologize for my choice of phrasing which made it look that way.... it is the way of thinking that there are 'set in stone rigid rules' to this sort of thing that I found high and mighty, and that those that start to feel heartache are completely wrong and are scum for questioning those high and mighty rules of m/f friendships

 

 

and I guess I responded strongly because that unrealistic point of view seems to be a common one I am hearing from many here, especially women that say they have lots of male friends and none of them are looking for more

[Mrocza]

I think men and women can be friends and only friends as long as there is no attraction present or any strings attached/ulterior motives in the friendship.

 

There is however an article I read online about a thing called the "Ladder Theory" about how men and women interact and friendship. Long, but interesting.

 

link removed

[DvlsAdvc8]

I don't know about other guys, but I can't be friends with any attractive females without contemplating sex. I'll pay them more attention. I'll be more complementary. I'll naturally try to charm her without even thinking about it. Then, if she returns the gestures... home run. Until then, its a work in progress that some would characterize as friendship, but is really just something waiting to happen.

 

Maybe women can be friends, but I don't honestly think a guy can just be friends with a good looking woman. No way... don't care... no way.

[monsieur]

well said dvlsadvc8... .you said it and thought it out better than I could have, but you absolutely hit the nail on the head, so true!!

[DvlsAdvc8]

well said dvlsadvc8... .you said it and thought it out better than I could have, but you absolutely hit the nail on the head, so true!!

 

Thank you!