For The Guys!! Can You Guys Actually Be Faithful?

[latina07]

Please Don't Get Offended!!! But I Have A Very Hard Time Believing That A Guy Can Be Faithful. Don't Know Y But I Do. I Know How Your Hormones Jump All The Time And Wonder If You When You Guys Are Out Where You Know You Cant Get Caught You'll Cheat.

My Bf Of A Year Is In Jamaica For Vacation. He's Been Gone For 1 Week And 5 Days, I Love Him To Death And I Would Never Ever Ever Cheat On Him. #1 I Do Not Cheat, #2 Im Very Pleased With Our Sex Life And Relationship. (besides The Part Where Im Waiting For Us To Take The Next Step) Anyway, So He's Out There And He Says It's Been Just Family Members Around Him And He Has Not Gone Out Anywhere. He's About Family, Work, And Me When He's Here. (ny/nj) But Out There... I Don't Think It Would Be That Way. He Says He Loves Me Beyond Belief And That He Is Very Happy With Me, That He Would Never Cheat. That If That Would Ever Cross He's Mind That He Would Just Leave Me And Go With The Girl He Wants. He Says Ive Bee The Best Sex Partner He Has Ever Had And 4 Me To Trust Him. I Honestly Do Not Badger Him About Him Cheating But Out Of The Blue Do Ask Him And Remind Him I Would Not Tolerate This, Cause I Would Not. Sooooo How Faithful Are You Guys When You Feel The Way He Does About Me? Please Answer!!!! I Need Some Opinions.

[DN]

31 years married and never cheated.

 

But some guys do cheat - about the same percentage as women.

[Rebel]

I dated my girlfriend for three years. Asked her to marry me and we were engaged for 2-1/2 closer to three (two of which were long distance while she finished college), and I never even came close to cheating. So the answer is yes.

[coollady1957]

THere are going to be some that do cheat and some that don't, male and female.

 

I was married for 28 years, until my husbands death, and never once was I cheated on , nor did I cheat.

 

However , after my husbands death I became involved in a relationship of 18 months, in which the guy cheated on me several times. I am not with him anymore.

 

So I have had both sides of the coin, had the faithful husband , and then turned around and ended up with a nasty cheater. Wish I had known the last guys mentality on cheating and fidelity before becoming involved with him.

[NJRon]

I've never cheated before, but have been cheated on by numerous girls. So, I don't think it is a male specific thing.

[annie24]

Please don't start every word with a capital letter. It is difficult to read.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

It is probably even overall between guys and girls.

 

Me...never been cheated on in 12 + relationships.

 

Me..cheated on at least 4 people last year alone. I think. Not proud.

 

Currently.. 6 months, no cheating! People can change, maybe.

[Dako]

Somehow I feel compelled to ask.

Do the men in your immediate family cheat? I find women with fathers or brothers who stray seem to worry more than others. I knew a player who zeroed in on women with philandering fathers, considering them more tolerant. He even married one so she'd expect him to stray.

 

Just a thought.

[southerngirl]

Please don't start every word with a capital letter. It is difficult to read.

 

I thought that was creative...

 

 

My 2 cents on cheaters is that both male and females cheat. However, there are alot that DO NOT cheat.

[Relationship Coach]

Are you thinking about cheating on him? Then neither is he. It's not a gender issue, it's a moral issue and that is how you need to view it.

 

RC

[RandomAdvisor]

31 years married and never cheated.

 

But some guys do cheat - about the same percentage as women.

 

Married? YOU'RE MARRIED?

 

But when we met up and shared that special night in the backseat of your car, you said I was the only one!!

 

 

LOL

 

Just kidding.

 

 

I've been with my GF nearly five years. Havn't cheated. If your boyfriend hasn't given you any reason to doubt him, then you should trust him. Questioning him about his fidelity constantly is only going to lead to problems.

[RandomAdvisor]

Ok, I just did a little background check and I'm not surprised you're posting about this. Frankly, your relationship is a bit of a slow moving train wreck. But then again, you already know that, don't you?

 

This man is married. separated from his wife for a few years, but wont finalize the divorce. He is reluctant to start a relationship with your son. At the end of this thread, you had announced you finally broke up with him after numerous attempts. Then a couple of weeks later, you post this thread a few weeks later, talking about your BF of a year. Now, unless you have some sort of magic device to condense a years worth of a relatonship into two weeks, you got back together with him again.

 

Then a few days ago you make another post, this time about interracial relationships and mentioning your wonderful Jamaican BF. Now this most current thread I'm posting to now. I'm assuming this is all the same guy, right?

 

He wont commit to you, wont develop a relationship with your son, is still married to another woman, OF COURSE YOU ARE WORRIED HE'S GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU. He's not on the same page as you relationship wise, and it's making you insecure.

 

You need to dump him and be done with it. For good this time. You should go to immediate NC with him and STOP LETTING HIM SWEET TALK YOU BACK INTO THE RELATIONSHIP. Hang up on him when he calls, or change your phone number if you have to. If he shows up at your home, tell him you are calling the police.

 

This isn't a very fulfilling relationship for you, and everyday you stay with him is another day you wont be able to find someone who will give you the things you want from a relationship, which this guy clearly is not.

[KweenofDenyl]

Ooooooo, you need to get rid of this one quick like a bunny.

 

Then you need to get thyself into some therapy or at the very least a support group for co-dependency.

He is NOT good for you or your son and your first priority needs to be yourself and your child--NOT THIS MAN.

 

You can and WILL find a better person to have a relationship with, who will be a role model for your son and a loving partner to you.

[latina07]

i am so thankful for the fast reply. ever since i started posting it's been that way. thanks all of you for that. by the way i know women cheat i have three close friends and 2 of them cheat constantly. no my parents did not cheat, and matter of fact i do not cheat cause the girls and guys that cheat and break hearts inspire me of not doing so. isn't that funny? i do admire and love it when people do not cheat. congratulations to all of us that do not... and to the people of do cheat don't feel offended cause i have nothing bad to say about you personally. everyone has their own lives and can choose 2 do anything they want weather is good or bad. ( i do not like to criticized anyone) so like i was saying. i just want to know if he tells me the truth about this like i do. he seems very honest!! and we have no jelousy issues but does that sound like my guy loves me and would not cheat? what are the things that do not allow guys to cheat?

[Relationship Coach]

some_guy, Good due diligence!

 

Latina07,

 

I hate to tell you this but he IS cheating, not on you but with you. Married is married and as long as they are married, separated or not, he is cheating and you have become the other woman. The fact that he does not want to get close or share responsibility of your son is a huge RED FLAG! Why would you settle for this guy when you deserve so much better? You are a package deal with your son and if this guy wont take the package, then it's not going to last.

 

To answer your initial question now that more light has been shined on this relationship of yours...if he is cheating with you, he may very well cheat on you.

 

RC

[latina07]

that's nice you did a background check, yes i did break up with him. it lasted a week. i know it was very weak from my side. but it did work. cause he has been more involved with my son and has bee coming to my house like he used to. regarding his wife (separated) i have no doubts about them anymore. i swear!! and i do thinky ur right maybe the fact that so far he has not gotten to that next level that makes me feel a little insecure. cause if there would be no rush from my part regarding me wanting to move forward than i consider our relationship an 8 (out of 1-10). matter of fact i wanted to mention that he had offered to buy a house in jamaica for us to go live there and i wanted to know anyones opinion as why he offers for us to go live there and not here together. i asked him in a text msg and i said that he offers that cause he wants to take me there and abandoned me there. ( as a joke) and he responded as a joke yes you got it. im very confused cause he seems to want to go there but not right now, we do have a great relationship. i do not lie about that, but i wonder if it'll go further than that. he says it will with time. ??????????????

[RandomAdvisor]

I'd be curious to know why he is separated from his wife. Was there infidelity there?

 

he seems very honest!!

 

If you were so sure of that, why do you say "seems" instead of just "He is very honest." You sound like you are trying to convince yourself it's true when you say it.

 

what are the things that do not allow guys to cheat?

 

Being content with their current partner.

 

Being secure enough to not need to seek self validation in the arms of another woman.

 

Being responsible enough to address problems as they arise in the relationship, and end the relationship if need be.

 

Not being selfish. Cheaters tend to be very selfish and think only of themselves in the moment. People who don't cheat are aware of the hurt and pain it would cause their partners and their relatonship if they were to do it, even when they are tempted. Temptation is not a sin.

 

With your current BF, all I can really say is that he doesn't sound very responsible. A responsible man would have ended his failed marriage years ago.

[DN]

Married? YOU'RE MARRIED?

 

But when we met up and shared that special night in the backseat of your car, you said I was the only one!!

 

Oh, was that you?

[RandomAdvisor]

Mmmmm hmmm. Play dumb now!

[tyler711]

Hold on, let me get my raging, cheating hormones under control, since I am a male. It's hard to type with all this testoserone. If you have a hard time believing that ANY man can be faithful, why are you putting yourself in a position where you have to depend on a man to be faithful?

[latina07]

cause i know theres some that don't, i might have expressed myself wrong, i feel like some guys seeing the oportunity to cheat and get away with it do it. ( I know girls do the same but im not dating a girl that's y i say guys cause my focus is on the guys) so i was wondering in what case do guys decide ur girl is a good girl and don't cheat. cause ever since my man left on vacation he says all he does is to think of me, so i was wondering if it's true. and like i said he sounds honest to me. but then there have been relationships that guys and girls cheat and act like they're massively in love with their partners. and they don't even show any signs of cheating. that's y i decided to ask. so that some males tell me how big is the temptation when you guys go away.? or how much is it in ur mind?

[NJRon]

Let me help...

 

cause i know theres some that don't, i might have expressed myself wrong, i feel like some people seeing the oportunity to cheat and get away with it do it. so i was wondering in what case do people decide ur people is a good person and don't cheat. cause ever since my person left on vacation it says all it does is to think of me, so i was wondering if it's true. and like i said it sounds honest to me. but then there have been relationships that people cheat and act like they're massively in love with their partners. and they don't even show any signs of cheating. that's y i decided to ask. so that some poeple tell me how big is the temptation when you people go away.? or how much is it in ur mind?

 

--

 

Guess it depends on what type of person you are.

[NW Homey]

It sounds to me like he is geniune. I am in the process of endidng a 28 year marriage because my wife has cheated on me twice. I have never cheated on her and don't indend to as long as we are still together. I does go both ways though. This last time with her was with a married man - soooo. Anyway, he says if he didn't want you he would leave yuo for the other. If you still have doubts, ask his family haw much fun they are having and what they have been enjoying about the trip and things like that.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

To answer your question, yes there are men out there who can be faithful. I'm one of them. The trick in your case is to not chase after a guy who is already married. Picture the ideal solution for you, he leaves his wife to be with you. What happens when real life invades in on the fantasy , no-reality, relationship that you two have right now? He'll start to wander on you too.

 

Drop him. There are tons of men out there who will be true to you and only you. You'll never know though if you concentrate on being the affair for some married man. He's only using you.

[RayKay]

Not all men cheat, I know several men whom have never cheated, and have very strong beliefs against it.

 

I also trust my bf entirely and know neither he nor I will cheat, even when we are apart for business trips, etc.

 

Some men of course will cheat, for whatever reason that justifies it to them personally. So will some women. There are also plenty of either sex whom do not believe there is any reason that justifies it and have no desire to risk their relationships and happiness over a fling.

 

I think if you are asking "will he cheat" you already have a gut feeling there is something amiss there. It might not be that he will cheat, but I think you have a feeling about his commitment to the relationship in the long term.