Do you believe in "Gaydar"

[serve_the_people]

Hey,

 

Does anyone here actually believe in the so called gaydar, the supposed ability to tell if someone is gay???? I don't mean obvious things like wearing and ear ring in a certain ear or living in a certain city or neighbourhood. LEss obvious things. Because last summer my best friend told me he is gay, and I was blown away. I had no idea. He acted straight...everything he did seemed straight. And it turns out he is gay. Also, I have been working with a gay co worker, and he isn't any different from anyone else. I wouldn't have suspected he was gay if I didn't know he was gay. So is gay dar real, or is it just a load of #$#$#$

[keenan]

I dunno. It's just a rapid 'categorization' that we do unconsciously based on a whole constellation of behaviors. I have lots of gay friends, and I think I can tell pretty quickly whether somebody is gay or straight. But I don't really think about it that much, and I'm sure I'm wrong sometimes. It'd be pretty arrogant of me to think otherwise. But I mean, I can also tell pretty quickly if somebody is confident, generous, emotionally available, and generally happy & healthy. Having said that, most of my gay guy friends claim to have NO problem spotting somebody who is "one of us" (their phrase)...and they even chuckle at the ones who don't (yet) self-identify as gay. Who knows it they're right either, though.

[Gunther]

Gaydar is only a suspicion of gayness in people. Most times it is neither confirmed nor denied, so the people only claim to have it. Anyone can tell if you catch them at the right time. It's not impossible that he changed his mannerisms around you to negate the idea of him being gay. Perhaps because he values your opinion, and didn't want you to think less of him because he was gay, until he told you himself.

[shes2smart]

I believe some people are much more observant about other people in general. I wouldn't limit it to just having "gaydar," but rather a knack for being able to read other people overall a little more accurately than average.

 

Also, I have been working with a gay co worker, and he isn't any different from anyone else

 

Yup. That pretty much sums it up right there. Other than the specifics of which gender they're attracted to, they aren't different from anyone else.

 

The only way to know for sure is to ask -- and even then it's none of your business (unless you are interested in them in that way) and there's no guarantee they'll tell you the truth.

[EnglishSilver]

My gaydars pretty good, I'd say about 95% accurate! and once when I thought I was wrong, it turned out that the person was gay, but in denial at the time. I think its down to being good at reading people and picking up on little subtleties. My ex doesn't have a gaydar at all, but isn't generally very observant of whats around her.

[Carnatic]

I've always thought gay people have gaydar... I certainly don't have it, I don't really need it though, the majority of people are straight. Gay people however never seem to accidentally hit on straight people, I have mates who are straight guys who sometimes to to gay clubs, some are (in the opinion of girls) quite to very good looking and two guys, housemates of mine can even be slightly camp at times. A lot of straight girls assume they are gay but he never gets hit on by any gay guys, even in gay clubs... I can only assume that the gay guys know who is gay from hints which are much more subtle than thinks we straight people take to be signs, such as camp behaviour and going to gay bars.

[Imaginary]

I was told it's a "vibe" some people get... and they don't always recognize it, so the more gay people they meet and the more time they spend with them, they are able to pick up that (in)famous vibe. Sounds somewhat plausible.

[brando]

I don't believe it is a real thing. How would one know??

 

I am curious how you reacted to your friends disclosure???

[Imaginary]

Well, there are some people who do "seem" to have it, and are always somewhat right, so I thought that may be a good theory, somewhat. But I still am not sure about it.

[Prufrock06]

Still not sure as to whether gaydar exists or not. It would be a nice notion to think that you could aquire certain skills and talents to read into people's sexuality -- it would certainly help end this trend for gay individuals falling for straight individuals, haha.

 

But I think what it boils down to is a combination between the intuition of the person assumed to have gaydar, and the personality of the person being gaydar-ed. I don't feel like there's any 100 percent foolproof method to tell if someone is gay or straight or bisexual or whatever. Some of us just have an easier time at spotting out our peers than others.

[FoxLocke]

I really wish that I was born with gaydar. That way I could just zero in on all the gay and bi guys out there, without having to worry about someone being straight.

 

I think it comes down to being intuitive. And I guess it ultimately comes down to you comparing someone else to yourself. Like, if you see a certain individual who may do things a bit "differently" or say things and etc...

Or maybe if you look at someone and their eyes linger on you a bit too long.

 

I don't really know. But I can say that not everyone has this gaydar thing.

[Jinx]

I personally think Gaydar boils down to one's in depth (or lack there of) understanding of human communication both verbal and nonverbal. I don't believe it is an inborne aspect, if it were we wouldn't have as many "detection errors" I suppose.

 

For myself I can tell gay men just because there are slight differences which can be noticed from that of straight men, they are finite and sometimes even make me wonder but usually I'm pretty good about it, whereas you could surround me with lesbians and I'd wonder if they were straight, what luck.

 

I think the fact is with our own gender we all have stereotypical ideas of what is and what isn't and more prone to take the overanalysis approach or ignore the "maybe" pangs as just an odd day. For myself, I have no reason to overanalyze men so when I observe them and see certain traits which I've came to make an assumption are the finite differences between straight and gay male attraction which are not blunt or extremely outward, I can usually make a decent assumption.

 

Women since I am interested and for many of us a major downfall is overanalyzing normal behavior in an individual as potential interest and eventually confuse ourselves when it isn't true. I'd be a little happier with my own "gaydar" IF people were honest. Seriously it irks me to a degree when a couple women that I've got a "ping" on say they're straight and not sinners and months later they're walking down the street hand in hand relationship like with another women. It is extremely misleading and hurts our perception level.

[KIDD]

I think I have some to a certain extent. Some guys just give me a certain vibe.It's like I can tell when someone is attracted to me or diggin me. This goes for male & female. Like for a male, the staring & the double look is a big indicator to me that a guy is gay.I mean why would a supposedly straight guy stare at another guy so much or why does this guy practically glows when he see's you? Just little things I pick up on, it might not mean anything.I remember one cute guy I like back in high school. I think he was gay because he seemed a little too nice & friendly with me. Like I'd come in class & he would run up to me & say sup man! What's going on? He wouldn't do this with anyone else but me. Then we'd play the staring game & he'll play with me & he'll laugh & say, What are you looking at? But he was just playing when he said it.

 

 

Now I probably can't tell if he was gay or not if he doesn't seem to show interest. I can usually tell when another guy is into me. The problem is, neither of us ever have the guts to tell one another how we really feel!

[Carnatic]

imaginary's answer sounds good, about it being a vibe. Gay people spend more time around gay people, so naturally you would expect they would become more attuned to this vibe than straight people... which is kind of what i was saying. But i'm curious about Foxlocke's answer, is that you are gay and wish you could tell better when other guys are gay. I'm interested in knowing now... how much of a problem is it for gays and lesbians, (considering they are in the minority) to pick out other people of the same sexuality.

[Prufrock06]

I'm interested in knowing now... how much of a problem is it for gays and lesbians, (considering they are in the minority) to pick out other people of the same sexuality.

 

I don't have quite the seemless friendship with my "gaydar" as I would like, haha. In fact, often times I feel like I'm the only one out there with a defunct gaydary (which, at the end of the day, I know isn't the case).

 

It goes back to the fact that there are different types of gay and lesbians and they don't all fall into one category. Speaking from the experience of a gay guy, it's certainly easy to pick out the very effeminate or stereotypical gay guys -- but we all know that not all gay guys are effeminate or pander to stereotypes. I'm more attracted to less effeminate/stereotypical guys -- in which case I would certainly have a harder time pointing them out in a crowded room just because their "signals" aren't so blatantly obvious. Given that I don't wear my sexuality on my sleeve, some people are surprised to find out that I'm gay myself.

 

So it seems to be a two-way street (is that even the right term to use? haha) depending on what you're looking for. I guess the moral of the story is that, whatever our interests, the best thing to do is scrunch up our insecurities into a tiny little ball, throw it away, and go make conversation with someone we're interested in so we don't have to rely on such potentially faulty machines like the infamous GayDar, haha

[ShySoul]

If you are around gay people (or any other subgroup that people form) often, you may be able to pick up on certain things and signs that would lead you to believe another person is gay if they did those same things.

 

It comes down to your level of observational skills. Some people are able to pick up on minor things that a person does and from it deduce other things. Think Shelock Holmes. He could piece together a crime from the tiniest of details. Or in sports when a player sees the opponent in a certain position, they can figure out what he is going to do and outthink him. Same applies for people. Based upon certain behaviors you can get a very interesting and detailed look into the persons life, with accurate results.

 

But of course, the only way for 100% certainty is for the person in some way to admit it.

[sexyguy2004]

haha i could use some help developing my "gaydar" i am often attracted to straight guys....and in denial about guys that many say r clearly gay!

[jon 13]

heh one way to have a gaydar is to just ask someone if there gay or not and then tada ull know

[drjqd112804]

honestly

my boyfriend look at guys and goes "hes gay"

whereas i look at the same guy and go "hes straight"

 

so i dont know. maybe mines broken or maybe his is way off.

i was walking one day with my friend and i glanced at a guy who was staring at me. our eyes locked and i looked for a second before turning a corner.

 

a couple minutes later he came up to me and started talking and asked for my #

 

so i dunno. maybe its real.

[KIDD]

honestly

my boyfriend look at guys and goes "hes gay"

whereas i look at the same guy and go "hes straight"

 

so i dont know. maybe mines broken or maybe his is way off.

i was walking one day with my friend and i glanced at a guy who was staring at me. our eyes locked and i looked for a second before turning a corner.

 

a couple minutes later he came up to me and started talking and asked for my #

 

so i dunno. maybe its real.

 

 

I wish guys would be more bold with me like that lol. You did get the number right lol??

[iLoVeCoNnie]

GayDar !?

 

well i don't believe in it myself ...

 

Because you can't tell my looking at someone their gay!

 

Really you can only tell for sure if someones gay if you give them sighs.

 

Its how the person is , i know what you mean ....

 

xxxx

[Daddy Bear]

"gaydar" boils down to (a); someone giving small, often indeliberate clues; and (b); someone else being able to pick up on those signs. it is NOT a sixth sense/ESP; if it were, it would presumably work through walls ("hey, i think there's one in the next room!")

[kadvati79]

Its all in the eyes. If you want to see if someone is attracted too you look them dead in the eye for slightly longer than normal, then look away when they are just about to look you in the eye. If you want to freak them out, keep looking lol. If this process goes on between the two of you for a bit then there is some real interest there.

 

The only caveat on this is that there may be some other reason they are staring at you, maybe they recognise you from the paper or something, maybe you have some food on your face... the point is - the use of eyes is a HUGE indicator of attraction between people.

 

For me thats my Gaydar.

[KIDD]

Its all in the eyes. If you want to see if someone is attracted too you look them dead in the eye for slightly longer than normal, then look away when they are just about to look you in the eye. If you want to freak them out, keep looking lol. If this process goes on between the two of you for a bit then there is some real interest there.

 

The only caveat on this is that there may be some other reason they are staring at you, maybe they recognise you from the paper or something, maybe you have some food on your face... the point is - the use of eyes is a HUGE indicator of attraction between people.

 

For me thats my Gaydar.

 

 

I agree 100%, I can usually sorta tell when someone fancies me by just the way they look at me. Their eyes get very glossy & shiny, they have this great big grin on their face!

[Tigris]

I have the same problem as Jinx. I can tell if a guy is gay but when it comes to lesbians I can't tell unless they look butch. There again some people who look butch are straight.