she says she loves me, how can I get her back?

[redhook]

Another thing you could do is rearrange the furniture and get your self some new pictures to hang up. I did that going through my divorce and it really helped me. Don't be afraid to spend money on yourself either. Go out and get that new leather coat or haircut style change. Once I started to do those things for myself and losing some weight the ladies picked up on my confidence.

[daregveda]

She'll be here in a few hours to pick up the girls. Thought about asking her to bring the girls down saturday after I get off. i wanted to see if she would stay and watch a movie with us, but I don't think I'm up to being shot down. Rough enough week as it is, and I've got a long weekend coming up at work.

[daregveda]

Well, she came and left. And any uncertainty I had followed her right out the door. I went ahead and asked her in a candid nonchalant manner if she wanted to watch a movie with me and the girls on saturday. She couldn't. She was driving down to Virginia to see a friend. I had to ask. It was her friend ronnie, from before she met me. I have seen pictures of them sitting very close together and happy. She was quick to assure me that he's only a friend and she was just going to see virginia and catch up. Apparently he contacted her after she called another friend from before she met me, when she lived in L.A. The girl in L.A. called ronnie, I guess told him my ex was now my ex, and he got a hold of her.

 

Since she made it a point to assure me she was not seeing him, I went ahead and asked if things were over between us. She said yes. She told me she has felt this way for a while, there's nothing I can do and no hope for a second chance. I asked her if she missed me and she looked me right in the eyes and said "no".

 

I guess I got my closure. And ronnie got the mother of my children.

[NJRon]

Well, that really sucks. But closure is good. She's being awfully hasty and will likely regret this down the road. Still gonna stick by my party line of not seeing someone till you heal a bit more, but, I think you've given yourself a firm foundation to move forward and are way ahead of the curve.

[daregveda]

I'm don't feel like I'm ahead of anything. I know something will happen with this guy, she's leaving the kids at home with her aunt.

 

She's being hasty indeed, and even trying to appear as though she's not. The words "for now" kept coming up. Nothing I can do "for now", no hope of starting all over "for now". She said she didn't want to give me false hope. She doesn't feel that way about me any more and there's no chance that she ever will again "for now". For now, there's a male "friend" from 13 years ago that she will drive to virginia to be with, on her weekend off.

 

Ron, you're so right about me not being ready to see someone. But I am ready to bring someone home to eff the ess out of her on my ex's side of the bed. Just in case she hasn't found her closure yet.

[NJRon]

Well, do what you got to do. But, as for being ahead of the curve. Look how far you've come in 6 weeks. 6 weeks ago, you weren't doing anything, you couldn't even pay the bills and were in danger of having to leave your house. Since then you gone back to school, you got a job, you're paying your own way, you're taking care of the house and taking care of yourself. If that's not progress, I don't know what it.

 

So... just keep your head on straight. You're reinventing yourself and don't let anyone or anything take that away from you.

[daregveda]

Thanks man. I just woke up after dreaming about her being with someone else. I know I've done a lot in six weeks, but apparently I somehow managed to push her straight into another man's arms. Seems as though she's been busy too.

 

A few days after she left I asked her if she missed me and she said yes. Now that she's going to reignite a 13 year flame (friends my @ss) she says she doesn't miss me at all. I believe her, too...she can't even talk to me on the phone, but she can drive to another state to visit him. I honestly didn't think another man would be a factor.

 

It's truly over. I'll never be able to look at her again.

[NJRon]

After my ex came back from a cruise, during which she cheated on me, I asked her if she loved me, she said yes. I asked her if she was 'in love' with me. She said yes. A week later she's hanging out every night with some other guy until 4 in the morning. She said she thought he might be gay, she didn't know... well... turns out she needed to get her gadar tuned up.

 

You didn't push her anywhere. That's the beauty. You did your thing and let her make her own decision. She's made her choices and now has to accept responsibility for them. So far, you've made all the right choices...

[redhook]

Sorry to hear that man. My ex wife did the same damn thing. I found out she went to dinner with a "friend" and asked her about it. She said not to be concerned and all that bs. Found out later by looking at her emails there was more to it. But hey, if that is what it takes for closure so be it. I can tell you that she will regret this someday if she does anything with him. She will always be thinking of you just not in the same capacity and to rush things like she is a huge mistake. I feel really bad for you man because I went through this and I wouldn't want my worst enemy to feel this pain. Keep your head up man. 31 is not old by any standard and alot of ppl aren't even getting married until the late 30's nowadays. When you least expect it and are not looking for it there will be someone there for you...

[dishrag]

I'm sorry to hear this. I don't think I'd be very happy hearing such things from my ex. I'm going to stick with NC in my case to protect myself. In your case, you needed to know and there are children involved.

[becallamjr]

That sucks man. Sorry to hear that. It sounds like she is getting even now. So this is what I advise.

 

 

 

 

I don't think a piece of * * * with no strings attached is that bad of an idea. It would definitely relieve some stress for you. At this point, * * * * it! She wants someone else, not you, go do what it is that you want to do. Sure, you may not be ready for a relationship right now, but that doesn't mean you can't get yourself some "fun" in the meantime. Go out and enjoy yourself a little. At this point it is not about her anymore, it's about you and only you. The kids too, but aside from them just you. Keep up the hard work, but when you get some free time, go to the bar and grab a drink. Quit being a hermit. lol. From what I have learned over the years, you can talk about your feelings as much as you want and get stuff off your chest, but once you've gotten things off your chest, if all you have to turn to is your thoughts, you end up at the beginning again. Get out and socialize a little, it can't hurt.

 

Your young still and single again!!! Keep being a good father and try to enjoy your singleness. Right now things seem bleak, but sooner or later things will get better.

[daregveda]

Okay, so my next question is...does anyone here still think making her jealous is a bad idea? I know this guy she's seeing used to be her best friend and still keeps in contact with all of the old L.A. friends she used to run with, but I still think something could happen there. She's driving all that way...for what other purpose? And how long has she been talking to him? Last week she's sending me late night picture messages of my daughter to me, and this week she doesn't miss me? Anyone else think that this is when they started talking? They say "trust your gut" in a situation like this, and my gut tells me that this is the guy she's going to be with next.

[becallamjr]

I'm telling you to let * * * * go and go out and enjoy yourself. Don't get desperate or spiteful. Making her jealous isn't gonna do anything. It may just backfire with her being all up on that dude to get back at you. Cmon Greg, go somewhere where you don't have to think about this right now. Get your mind off it and come back to it in a more relaxed calmer state. You will be thinking more clearly

[NJRon]

You need to separate the issues.

 

1. Your ex is doing something rather dubious. Has told you it's over. There's no hope to get together again. To move on.

 

2. You want to hurt your ex.

 

So... for the first part... do what you think you need to do to move on.

 

For the second... not worth it.

[redhook]

She is on the same emotional rollercoaster as you are right now. Hence, the late night pics then the cutting you off ect. Maybe she is just going to get her mind off things if they were just friends a long time ago. Making her jealous when she is showing you she doesn't want to be with you is only going to backfire and leave you in a worse position.

[daregveda]

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to make her jealous to hurt her. I want to make her jealous because she is by nature a possesive person, and I think that if another woman touches what's hers, she will run to reclaim it.

 

But at the same time, I do realize it could backfire. I'm not real sure what it is I need to do to move on. But I do know that I don't want her to think I'm waiting for her anymore. Strictly NC from now on, all visits with my girls will be arranged through my older daughter. In the event she contacts me, "I'm too busy to talk, just call later and leave a voicemail".

[redhook]

Maybe you should have an adult do the corresponding. Do not and I repeat do not put your child in the middle. It is not fair. Your child is going to love you to the day you die no matter what happens so tend to this relationship respectively.

[daregveda]

There is no adult that I trust in that house. The woman she lives with is not related to any of us and has already taken it upon herself to try and set boundries between me and my children. Basically, I just call my daughter, ask her to call her mother about our plans and when it's worked out, my daughter calls me back.

 

My little girl already knows the score and she's been amazing thru all of this. She's tried in her own little way to influence her mother, with no guidance from me. Even going so far as to play music that I like or programs that I watch to remind her mother of me. Now she is very angry at her mother for putting us all through this. She's even said that she hates her mother, and I told her that it was unacceptable for her to say things like that. I have no doubt that this is harder for my g/f than she's making it seem, and I don't want my daughter to make all of this more negative than it has to be. I feel that I've approached this with a little sensitivity, where both mother and daughter are concerned. My little girls are in pretty rough shape, they miss their daddy, their home and the parents that loved each other as much as they loved their children. I try to give them hope, and I ask my oldest daughter to be strong for her mother and baby sister.

 

She's in the middle no matter what I do. She wants to be with me and her mom, sleep in her own bed, go to her school with her friends and be a family again. This is what I want too. Her mother, I feel, is thinking only about what she wants and for now that's what my daughter has to live with. I have no doubt that she would win custody if I contested her for it and there's no hope for reconciliation...at least in her mother's word "for now".

 

I remember her saying those two words a lot last night, and I'm pretty sure it's just her way of trying to let me down easy. I'm no longer interested in talking to her or seeing her, but I must be with my girls as often as I can. The only way to arrange it is to have my daughter arrange it. If I wait for my g/f to contact me, I'll never see them again and there's no way in hell I'm contacting her.

[confusedashell]

damn mate, thats rough! sorry to hear this! Sounds like she wants to see if the grass is greener..which it most cases is not. I think at this point, its best to just get her out of your system. And dont fall for any of her nonsense later. Going off for a weekend with some male friend right in the middle of all this is unacceptable. Doesn't matter what her reasons or even if he *is* just a friend, its putting you in a postion and she shouldnt do that. Not at this early stage. Hell, you were together a long time and you have a family together.

 

You're still a young guy and sorting your life out in a real quick and good way so I've no doubts you'll meet some great woman later on! Yeah like the other poster said: go and get some woman for a night. No strings, just one night and that will help you see there is other women out there for you

 

You're doing VERY well! You've become an entirly new person and reinvented yourself completely these last few weeks! Hats off to you! I wish I could get my act together like you did! I've no doubts you'll be fine and maybe in a year or two even think this was a blessing in disguise! And trust me, sooner or later your gf will regret what she threw away! Not a doubt in my head. You seem like a real decent guy with your families interests ahead of your own. Thats admirable! Keep doing what you're doing: fixing up your personal and economic situation and then go have some fun! Maybe go away for a weekend with some friends? Sure over there in USA theres some great things to do! And maybe another weekend so away with your daughter? Just you and her! Just get out and have fun.

 

Don't do anything to make her jealous, just do everything to make yourself happy and content! At this point, she's not worth it. Get her out of your head like "that". The sooner the better. I know right now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel seems far off, but its not. Its just shocks to the system every time she does something you are not used to. Soon enough you wont even care enough to think about it for more than a few seconds!

 

I mean it: Hats off to you!! You're doing exceptionally well!

[confusedashell]

If you're worried about the contact with your daughters you should do something at this early stage. I don't know just how worried you are over this but if she is really being that neglectful of the relationships your daughters have with you then maybe you could arrange something legally? don't have to go to court but something so you know that you have them so and so and she has them then and then? One week each maybe? Do you live close to oneanother??

[becallamjr]

Dare, you can call me Bill, since you cant spell my last name correctly. Just joshing ya a little. How's work going? How's school? and how are you?

[daregveda]

I'm alright, thanks. A little tired, I just worked 12+ hours...but I made big bank tonight. Now I'm enjoying a little Dewar's and listening to Chevelle.

 

I miss my daughters, but I actually feel a little better about things. I'm afraid I may have overreacted to the events on wednesday night. She used to tell me stories about her friend ronnie, how him and her and her sister and friends all used to hang out and get into trouble. He's still in contact with her friends in L.A. so I guess being in contact with her is no big deal. I'm still not sure why she would drive a state away to see him, but I'm fairly certain she told me before that he's married and has kids. I'll go ahead and give her the benefit of the doubt on this one, I think she would feel pretty akward about sleeping with someone the first day she's seen since they were teenagers. Not to mention the guilt I'm sure she would feel.

 

And the fact is, she didn't tell me she doesn't miss me, doesn't feel anything, blah blah blah, until after I had expressed...concern about her seeing him. I think my exact words were "that didn't take long". A lot less malicious than the things I said to her the night I accused her of cheating on me, but probably still enough to bring back the memory. I believe she does still miss me, why else would she send pics to my phone of our baby late at night, when noone else is awake in the house where she is? I'm not naive enough to think that it's proof that she will return, but I do think that nothing she says she feels about me is set in stone.

 

On a related note, I talked to my friend today. He's the one who has been there for me, the one I posted about before. Every day we talk on the phone at least once, and I've been using the cell phone she got for me on the family wireless plan. We had been talking not too long ago about how she could look at the bill and see every number that calls me or that I call. Before you ask, yes we were discussing how I could use this to my advantage...calling other women and having them call me. (Not real proud of the idea, just so you know). Today he said that although he thought nothing of it at the time, someone with their number blocked called him a few days ago and hung up when she answers. He said that had never happened to him before. It's been exactly a month since she got on the wireless plan, I'm not real sure how soon she would've gotten the bill...but next to my daughter's number, his is the one that would show up the most on the bill. Like I've said before, she's always been the jealous type. She's went through my e-mail many times in the past so I wouldn't put it past her to do something like that.

[daregveda]

Getting ready for work when my daughter calls me this morning. I had planned on going out tonight, but she asked if her "aunt" could bring them down to spend the night when I get off today. Looking forward to that, so maybe I'll go out on monday.

[Süsser Tod]

And the fact is, she didn't tell me she doesn't miss me, doesn't feel anything, blah blah blah, until after I had expressed...concern about her seeing him. I think my exact words were "that didn't take long". A lot less malicious than the things I said to her the night I accused her of cheating on me, but probably still enough to bring back the memory. I believe she does still miss me, why else would she send pics to my phone of our baby late at night, when noone else is awake in the house where she is? I'm not naive enough to think that it's proof that she will return, but I do think that nothing she says she feels about me is set in stone.

 

Hmmm, you are reading in too much about those pictures, I do think they mean nothing.

 

Why would she send them? Well, basically because she knows you are her father and knows that no matter how much she doesn't care about you, you still care for the kids, and the kids love you.

 

Its more a thing of not keeping you out outside of your kids life than any chance of her coming back.

[daregveda]

I realize it doesn't mean she's coming back, but I think it's more than just keeping me interested in my children. She could easily cut off all contact with me without interfering with my relationship with the girls. Her, myself and my oldest daughter are all on a wireless plan that she set up. She doesn't have to call me, but she does. I even go so far as to have my daughter relay my schedule to her, and she calls me directly. She doesn't have to sit up in the middle of the night and send me pictures but she does.

 

My heart is telling me she's moved on, but my logical mind is telling me she hasn't yet made that decision. Perhaps I'm reading too much into the positive things she does, but I do that with the negative ones, too...and I can't be wrong every time.