she says she loves me, how can I get her back?

[daregveda]

Now it's the sixth straight day of her contacting me. She called a couple of more times last night, finally leaving a brief voicemail saying to call her if I wanted to get the girls this week. She just called a few minutes ago too, no message this time.

 

I can't help feeling like every call I duck is another nail in our coffin, but at the same time I've come to terms with the coffin itself. If I call her back, it will turn into nothing at best and an reopening of my wounds for certain. Until she calls me and says clearly and distinctly that she wants to start a dialog about repairing our relationship, I have no time for her. I've done her a few favors this week, and I'm going to have the girls overnight on friday...I have no desire to play "let's see if he's waiting for me to call" with her. Because I'm not, I'm getting enough calls from girls who would rather play an entirely different and mutually enjoyable game

[Süsser Tod]

I'm really glad to see how you are doing at this point. Guess she wasnt the be it end it all of girlfriends... How much can things change in 6 weeks huh?

 

Keep walking and don't look back, you are on good track for something better.

[daregveda]

She hasn't tried to call me yet today and I think it's bothering me a little. Not that I would answer if she did, but I think some small part of me was hoping the frequency of her calls lately was a sign that something was about to give. I went out last night with a girl I haven't seen in three years and had a great time. And today the girl I've been seeing a lot of lately came to visit me on her lunch break. When I'm in the company of beautiful young women, I'm not thinking much about HER, but when I'm alone with my thoughts it's a different story. I love her, I still want her to come back. Perhaps she really does miss me, perhaps she just needed a few favors from me, either way not answering her calls or returning them makes me feel like a d1ck. I'm staying the course, though, because I feel a hell of a lot better now than when I was waiting for her.

[becallamjr]

Thats good Greg, I think she is trying to see if she can just walk in and out of your life whenever she wants. Women tend to like to have this card up their sleeve, don't let her have that card. Glad to hear you are doing better, so have you gotten yourself a little action? I'm sure that will add to your great mood.

Talk to ya soon bro

 

-Bill

[daregveda]

Lol been considering it, but the most probable candidate right now is a little pissed off. She's a lot of fun and all, but tonight was the second time in a week she brought a friend to the restaraunt where I work and requested me as their waiter. The first time was cute I guess, but I was busy tonight, so I'm a little pissed about that. She called me midday yesterday wanting to come to my house for lunch, I said sure, what the hell...had some coffee and cigarettes and she was on her way. Texted me today wanting to come again on her lunch...told her I wasn't home. Texts me a dozen times the other night when she knows I'm trying to work telling me she misses me...we've been out 3 times, and she knows I've been on a date with someone else. She calls me every lunch break she gets, as soon as she gets off work and as soon as she thinks I may be off work. Literally whines about wanting to see me when she calls and it annoys me a little.

 

So after coming to my job again, she calls twice before I get home, even though I told her I would call her when I got off. When I answered the second time, she asked what was wrong, I guess I sounded a little pissed. I basically told her that I enjoyed spending time with her, but that she needed to give me some space. I reminded her that I was 2 and a half months fresh out of a 13 year relationship that I couldn't commit all my free time to her and that I felt like she was expecting a little too much from me. She said that she wasn't and that she understood, but she started to get a little upset.

 

I told her that I just wanted to be honest with her; that the constant contact felt like a relationship that I was in no condition to be in. I also told her I wasn't really a big fan of talking on the phone and texting several times a day and that I would rather see her when I wasn't trying to focus on my job. She of course got offended by a lot of this, she told me she wasn't going to call me but she wanted me to call her. I was going to take her to a show on the 7th, if she's not still pissed off by then.

[daregveda]

She dropped off the baby today and is coming back with my older daughter when she gets out of school.

 

Only saw and spoke to her for a minute about when she'll pick them up. I didn't show her any sign of it...but I miss her so much right now.

[daregveda]

I don't understand it. Less than a week ago I was all but over her.

[NJRon]

Ups and downs my friend. Be prepared for a rollercoaster for a number of months... which is why you need to watch it with other women. Just be careful

[daregveda]

I've been trying to be careful, but now doubts are starting to present themselves. Eight of the past nine days, she has found a reason to contact me, often several times a day. She tries to call at different times a day to catch me when I'm not busy, and the few times she's actually left a message, I don't call her back. I'm beginning to fear that she's reaching out to me but doesn't know what to say or do, so she makes excuses. Wishful thinking I suppose, but until I stopped calling her, she didn't need anything from me and wouldn't call me back half the time. And just when I think she ran out of things to take from our home, I find out from my daughter that she took a couple of my favorite DVDs that I happen to know she doesn't even like...to remember me by or to hurt me?

 

Her behavior has changed since I stopped trying and I don't know how to take this. If she was lying when she said she doesn't miss me, I am wrecking any chance we have of fixing things by avoiding her the way I've been doing. As far as she knows, I'm no longer bearing a torch for her. It's only a matter of time before she finds out I've been dating, and she'll assume once and for all that I'm over her. Nothing could be further from the truth.

[lonely days]

Chance are when she finds out you have been dating, that's when she will realise that she could actually lose you. I say keep doing what you are doing because it seems as though when you stopped pursuing her she began pursuing you. it might be wise to answer the phone a few times when she calls but do not bring the relationship up at all and keep it short.

 

When you speak to her or see her try and be happy, confident and a little indifferent. Never ask her if she misses you or if anythings changed, I am sure she'll let you know when or if she is still interested. Don't make the mistakes that alot of us have. You seem to have gotten your life turned around since the breakup and i gurantee she notices that. keep your chin up, your doing great!

[NJRon]

Maybe you shouldn't avoid every single call. Doesn't hurt to pick up a random one to see what she has to say, if anything.

[daregveda]

I know if it's her, I'll flip the phone open with just enough hope to be crushed again when she asks about the banking or the girls. But at the same time, by my cell phones recent call count, she has tried to call me 19 times in the past 8 days and I only answered once, yesterday morning because I knew she was bringing the baby. This seems excessive. She also called my daughter's phone today and asked to speak to me. She needed to know if I could watch the baby next friday, I told her I would let our daughter know when I get my schedule on monday.

[NJRon]

It is excessive. I'd ask her why she's called 19 times in the last 8 days and never left a message. That would be a much more effective use of time. But hey, that's just me

[daregveda]

I'd like to ask her that, but I'd rather wait and see if it continues. She'll probably be getting the cell bill soon and she's going to see that someone else has called me over 20 times in the same amount of time. And yet another girl that I went out with has called me a half dozen times. She'll block her number again, dial those numbers and I'll probably never hear from her again.

[becallamjr]

You worry too much.

[daregveda]

lol I know it. All weekend I've been struggling with this...take the bait or wait and see if she's breaking.

[becallamjr]

I recommend staying on the path that your on and not faultering.

[daregveda]

Had a feeling you would say that. Good to hear from you Bill.

[becallamjr]

I'm * * * *ing drunk as * * * * right now, glad to see you are having good spirits about everything. It's so true that when * * * * hits you it all hits you at once. We shall see what happens. Good to hear from you too.

[becallamjr]

worst hangover ever on this side, how's it going greg?

[daregveda]

lol you got an early start yesterday, didn't you? Things are about the same on this side...depression followed by hope, then indifference and back around to depression...you know me. She hasn't called me for a few days now, I guess it was just a moment of weakness on her part and not really any sign of changes to come...

[daregveda]

Well she just called and I have to say I'm a little relieved. I answered this time as though I didn't know who it was...she was calling to ask what days I had off that I would want to see the girls. I told her the only day off I had this week was yesterday and that I had a little time on saturday before I had to work. I told her that I was sorry and that we would have to work something out later so I could spend some time with the girls. She said she was pretty open and that I was the one who always seemed busy...she actually sounded a little upset about it.

 

That'll be the last call from her I answer for a little while. Probably should've ducked it, but I did alright. Whether or not she's trying to keep us in each other's lives by contacting me, she's at least making an effort to keep me in our daughter's lives.

 

I miss her.

[majord23]

daregveda,

I haven't posted on your thread before but I've followed it closely.

You are an inspiration my friend. I am going through a break-up that, although heart-breaking to me, is insignificant compared to yours - especially when children are involved.

 

I *struggle* to be strong when I have no need to be in contact with my ex - but you *are* strong when there is no alternative but to be in contact with your ex.

 

I am in awe of the way you handle yourself and although I know that you hurt and sometimes doubt yourself, rest assured that you are doing better than I, or alot of others, could ever do.

 

Hold your head up high mate - you should be proud of yourself and you deserve happiness, whether it comes with your ex - or beyond her.

 

Just wanted to let you know that your story has touched me, and the way you have (and continue to) handle it is awesome - stay strong mate.

[daregveda]

Thank you majord, you have no idea how good it feels to read that. I have been questioning myself and the way I've been handling this the last few weeks; part of me still wants to fight with everything that I am to win her back. But hours of reading and posting here have given me some clarity, the best thing I can do for us is to give her what she wants...time away from me. NC is difficult but not impossible in our situation...I find alternatives to contact where she does not. If she goes a few days without hearing from me, she contacts me. Perhaps the whole concept of NC is foreign to her, in her mind I may really be moving on. Whether or not this will change her mind in the long run, I can't say...but not waiting around like a dog for her to whistle for me gives me a little bit of control back.

[NJRon]

Don't worry about whether NC will change her mind or not. NC is for you. Don't try to play some sort of game with NC, it can backfire hard. Just keep doing what you need to do for you. You've been doing great.