she says she loves me, how can I get her back?

[daregveda]

When I woke my oldest daughter on wednesday night to leave, all I said was "wake up baby, mommy's here". She was crying as she hugged me and walked out to her mother's car. She tells me last night that when her mother saw her crying, she got annoyed and said "what did he say to you?" My daughter got angry and said that I didn't say anything, she just misses me and wants to come home. Her mother said nothing after that and my daughter cried all the way home.

 

I hope the guilt is punching holes through her. Sure, she had her reasons for leaving and I take responsibilty for my part in that, but she keeps acting like I'm the one putting our children through this. I've done everything in my power to A) fix what was wrong on my part so that she can bring home the girls and work out our problems together and B) comfort my kids, give them hope and be here for them. I'm the one spending time with them, while she's reliving her teenage years and sightseeing at the lincoln memorial.

 

Twice now since she's left, she's blamed me for my daughter's tears. The first time was when my daughter called me and started crying because she missed me. Not only did I get accused by her of calling my daughter and saying something to hurt her, but she threatend to take our phones away and let her "aunt" curse me out in front of my kid and scream at her.

 

Then wednesday night...this is ridiculous. As though me and my kids haven't gone through enough. My kid is pissed...not that her mother cares. I wish there was a way I could get them out of her custody and into mine; she's starting to show that she isn't capable of being there for them or making them feel better. My kid tells me that my g/f spends more time on the phone talking to her friends now than spending time with her and her sister. Now she's taking weekend-long road trips, and if my daughter cries when she returns, I'll be the one at fault.

[daregveda]

Just got off the phone with a girl that liked me a few years ago, I posted about here a few weeks or so ago. We talked for an hour or so, and she said she's probably going to come down my way to visit her mom (she lives over an hour away). She told me she saw something I needed and bought it for me, but she won't tell me what it is...she wants to give it to me in person. I told her if she does come tomorrow, she should call me and we could go out for coffee or something. She said that sounded nice and that she would.

 

I'm not expecting anything more than a nice evening with a beautiful and interesting woman. I'm sure I'd love to see her naked (she made it clear to me in the past that I could if I wanted, even though she knew I was with someone), but it'll be a while before I'm ready to touch someone that isn't the mother of my children.

 

All the same, I'm looking forward to spending time with her. I have always been faithful to my g/f, but the advances this girl used to make toward me put me closer to the edge of infidelity than I had ever been. Now I have no guilt at all about being interested in her, this is the way my g/f wanted it to be.

[becallamjr]

Good for you man, glad to hear that you are getting out a little. You need it more than you know. Enjoy your evening with a hot interesting woman. "wink" lol. I wonder she bought you? Maybe, something skimp to wear for you. lol. Sex is always a great stress reliever. Have fun! Talk to you soon.

 

Bill

[daregveda]

She never ended up making it to town last night. I'm a little disappointed but relieved at the same time...I was a bit nervous to tell the truth. I thought about going out by myself, but last night was the last night off I'll have for a while, so I just did some homework and talked on the phone to my daughter.

 

I wonder how long it'll be before I stop waking up this early, lonely and depressed before my feet touch the floor. Even with the interest of an exciting woman and a full day ahead of me, the first waking thought I have is...my family's not coming home.

[becallamjr]

You need to slowly accept that and learn to make yourself happy. Sorry she didn't show up, I hope you do get to see her. Why don't you give her a call?

[daregveda]

I probably won't for a while. I've got no days off until monday, which I want to spend with my daughters. MY water got cut off today, I have the money to pay to get it turned back on, but no time or transportation to get to the payment center.

 

I called the girl last time, I'll wait for her to call me when she wants to come out.

[becallamjr]

go to a gas station

[daregveda]

Done. Halfway through the month and I've already got next months rent and a pretty significant bill paid off. I'm going to make a lot of money this weekend too...double shifts on friday, saturday and sunday. Banking everything I make except for money I need for transport and cigarettes. My bills are a lot lower with only me living here and barely ever being home and I don't even have to buy groceries...I eat at work for free.

[NJRon]

Nice. Good job. It feels good to dig out of that hole

[becallamjr]

How are you feeling?

[daregveda]

About the same, I suppose. I don't think I've accepted defeat as far as she and I are concerned, but I have accepted the fact that there's NOTHING I can do or say. If my efforts, my children and my love isn't enough for her, then I guess all there is to hope for is that one day they will be.

 

School and work are going good. My busy schedule is starting to catch up to me, but I go on break from school next week, so I'm going to catch up on some rest.

[daregveda]

She called me friday at 6:30 am. I woke up, saw her name on my phone and went right back to sleep (which surprised me). She left a voicemail saying she knows I don't have school on fridays and she didn't know what time I had to go to work, but that she would be going to lunch with her sister and wanted to know if I wanted to go driving. (I haven't driven a car since before I met her, just recently got my learners permit and had told her before that I wanted to practice a little before taking the driving test). She told me to give her a call and "keep her informed",

 

It seems to be a pattern. I go a few days without calling her, then she calls me for some reason. What I can't figure out is why she even cares whether or not I got my license. Even when we were together, I didn't ask her for rides anywhere. I won't be buying a car anytime soon and having or not having my driver's license has no effect on her whatsoever. Why is she contacting me, and why at 6:30 am?

[becallamjr]

She is thinking about you man. I think its a good sign.

[daregveda]

Not such a good sign today. Got home from school looking forward to seeing them today and there's a letter from the post office. A change of address form for her. The last real loose end, pretty sure her mind is made up.

[daregveda]

Going out this weekend to see a live show with a girl I know through some friends. She added me on Myspace and it turns out shes best friends with the g/f of one of my best friends...she lives less than 5 miles from me. We talked in IM last night for almost two hours, and the phone today for over two hours, plus some more IM before that. I really like her. We like the same music, she has a little girl thats a year older than my youngest daughter and we have a great time talking. We traded pictures of our little girls and each other...she's hot as hell, and the clincher is, she thinks I am too.

 

Moving on never looked so good.

[becallamjr]

Have fun with that Greg. I'm glad to hear things are looking up on the homefront. * * * * just hit rock bottom on this side. I could really use a stiff drink right about now.

[daregveda]

Bill man I'm sorry. I just read your post from today and I hate that you feel the way you do right now. I know you did everything you could and those of us who know you are lucky to have you as a friend. The fact that you can't cry right now means nothing, it's obvious enough that you feel the pain. Her leaving me is one of the worst experiences of my life and it was weeks before I shed a tear. But now I have no tears, and the pain is subsiding. In her own twisted way, she's making it easier for me and now I have something to look forward to besides the pipe dream that she'll come running back to me.

 

It's like you've told me a few times...actions speak louder than words. Your actions involved doing everything humanly possible to save your friend, any words to the contrary mean nothing. You're a hell of a guy.

[becallamjr]

Thanks Greg I appreciate it.

[becallamjr]

So you gonna fill that empty spot on the bed for a few hours?

[daregveda]

Lol, not yet. As it turns out, we discovered that neither of us had anything to do today, so we decided to meet for lunch. She asked if I would mind if she brought her daughter, I told her that I would love to meet them both. After lunch, she asked if I wanted to watch movies with them at their house, which we did, then we went out for pizza and beer for dinner. Our first date lasted almost 10 hours, and ended with a kiss.

[NJRon]

*sigh*

 

ok... your next assignment is to read your entire thread from beginning to end... you spent enough time typing... you deserve to learn from it.

[daregveda]

lol i hope that wasnt a sigh of disappointment ron...

[NJRon]

Hehe... it sure wasn't

[becallamjr]

That's awesome. I'm glad you found someone else, it's good to hear your spirits are back. How are the kids?

[daregveda]

The kids are good, we're missing each other a lot, but I know they're okay. Their mother called me today, I didn't answer. Left a voicemail saying since I didnt have class tomorrow, she could drop the baby off with me. She told me to call her if I didn't have to work.

 

An hour later, I hear a knock at the door, and she proceeds to let herself in. I opened the door and asked what she needed. She said she wanted to grab one of the upstairs TVs and asked what I was doing at home. I told her it was finals today and that I didn't have to take any and told her to get the TV from our daughter's room.. She then asked if I hadn't got her call, I told her I had, but that I had to go in to work at 4 tomorrow, then walked back into the kitchen. She grabbed the TV from our bedroom instead, came back in from the car and went back upstairs for I don't know what and then told me to call her when I wanted her to bring the babies as she left.

 

The thing is, I lied about having to work tomorrow. I'm off all day, but I have plans with the girl I went out with yesterday. I know it's kind of a fuct up thing to pass up a rare chance to see my baby, but it's also an opprotunty to stay out of contact with her mother. The girls are in high spirits lately and although I miss them, I have enough going on to take my mind off of it.