Hook-up pressure, irrational

[pineapple159]

Why is there so much pressure from society to be in a relationship. If I am hanging out with the opposite sex my age, it is typically assumed that we are dating. We need to break the barriers of this irrational thought process that everyone is a potential significant other. I do not want a boyfriend at this time, but I feel pressured by adults and peers alike that because I hang out with males, I should start a boyfriend girlfriend relationship with one of them. I don't want that commitment and find it especially unnecessary at this age.

 

I would just like everyone's opinions on "just friends."

[registered]

Um, I say that "just friends" is ok.

 

I don't even consider it... I agree with you - what's the big deal?!

 

Also everyone I've ever met has really close friends of the opposite sex... so I don' t see anyone who thinks that people should be more than "just friends".

 

Don't give into any pressure - do what you want to. I think it is great that you want to act in your own beliefs - well done!

[ShySoul]

Just friends is perfectly fine. The majority of friendships I have had in my life has been with females and it was only friendship, nothing more. Two people of opposite genders can have completely platonic friendships and they can be great friendships. It also bugs me when people assume or wonder if there is something going on just because one friend is male and the other is female.

 

Don't let the pressure get to you, if you don't want a relationship, don't think you have to have one. There is too much pressure on that as well.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hi pineapple,

 

i think this could be a personal thing.. it depends from one person to another.. You dont want a bf, other people like to have a bf... some girls could feel them secure and comfortable when they have a bf, other girls dont like this type of commitement..

 

If you just want to hang out with people from the opposite sex without dating... then its your choice and no problem about it.. maybe you feel its not the time.. then you know yourself better than i do.. think and do of what you feel comfortable..

[shes2smart]

Ya wanna talk pressure? Try being "never been married & not even looking to date right now" in your 30's.

 

One Christmas it got so bad, I swore up and down that the next person who asked me if I was seeing anyone was going to get this answer: "Why, yes I am, and she's a wonderful gal. I'm sure you'll like her."

 

As it turns out the next person to ask me was my 80-something year old grandmother who was not in the best of health at the time.

 

I kept my witty retort to myself. I wasn't going to be the cause of Grandma's demise.

 

So, you're not the only one who has felt that pressure...you're not the first, and you won't be the last. You can't change society, the only thing you can change is yourself. If you're ok with the way you are leading your life, and you aren't doing anything that prevents/prohibits others from leading their lives, screw what anyone else thinks. Just keep doing what you feel is right for you.

[annie24]

LOL S2S - Ditto!!! I'm hearing the marriage comment already from my old-fashioned family. Ugggg..... it's really annoying. My brother even told me that I need to get married soon because "my value is decreasing as I get older." Yup, that's what he said. I was thinking, "No - I'm continuing my education, and learning how to be a better partner, I would say that my value is increasing!" yuck.

 

Nothing you can do pineapple. People are going to ask you all sorts of stupid questions that are none of their business. So, either ignore them, or come up with some witty retort.

 

take care

[Venturer]

Annie24, haahaha! the crazy things family members say to each other...!

[Jinx]

Relationships seem like the in thing of the moment, almost more like a fad than a loving commitment. I personally have never been into the match making thing of today, but friends and acquaintances of mine seem to jump in glee at the thought of making a match between people, any people, they're not picky.

 

Example of societys attitude you've explained, when out with a male best friend of mine (despite the fact we're not interested in one another and never will be) we get "the look". Its almost like a "Wow, look at that pair." thing, I don't know quite else how to explain it but its just how people look at a pair differently than singles. People are too quick to make assumptions that if you seem close to someone and both are of the opposite sex, you're a pair, an item, significant others, etc...

 

I do tire at the prodding that goes on when people ask, "Do you have a boyfriend?", "Have you found that special someone?", "Partner by any chance?", "Bring your significant other there to the party tonight." it is similar to the whole marriage and family question. People ask about my future thoughts on marriage and children and when I'm not as enthralled by the idea at this point in my life, they act almost as if it is a personal insult on them.

 

"No - I'm continuing my education, and learning how to be a better partner, I would say that my value is increasing!"

This quote I do agree with and the idea that was brought up by Annie. Its more like we're items to market than people at times. I tell others I'm pursuing an education so that when I do plan to settle down someday in the future I'm well off, thereforeeee fewer problems. Unfortunately, for a lot of people this seems all too logical and rational and goes through one ear and right out the other.

 

I've just learned the words of magic are similar to, "I'm not interested. Thank you but no Thank you. I have a life to pursue and my priorities are in order already. Get back to me in five, ten years or so."

[Day_Walker]

I dont believe that the concept is irrational, from society's perception the majority of people around your age are worried about finding a bf or gf. If you want to be "just friends" with guys then do so.

 

From my perspective the idea of being "just friends" for me has always been strange. It never made too much sense for me to search for more friends, since I already had friends, I really didnt have any desire for more. Once I started looking for potential partners this idea of just being friends also didnt make sense, since once again I wasnt looking for a friend instead I was looking for a partner. It all comes down to how you want to conduct your love life.

[registered]

From my perspective the idea of being "just friends" for me has always been strange. It never made too much sense for me to search for more friends, since I already had friends, I really didnt have any desire for more. Once I started looking for potential partners this idea of just being friends also didnt make sense, since once again I wasnt looking for a friend instead I was looking for a partner. It all comes down to how you want to conduct your love life.

I think that is a great point to make and I hadn't thought of that before.

[pineapple159]

hmm...I wasn't really looking for advice, just stating a point. Haha. Thanks everyone I guess though

[ShySoul]

From my perspective the idea of being "just friends" for me has always been strange. It never made too much sense for me to search for more friends, since I already had friends, I really didnt have any desire for more. Once I started looking for potential partners this idea of just being friends also didnt make sense, since once again I wasnt looking for a friend instead I was looking for a partner. It all comes down to how you want to conduct your love life.

 

But can we ever have enough friends?

 

Just friends isn't about searching for friends. It isn't about searching. It's about being friends with people as they naturally come into your life. It's about removing the pressure of finding a relationship, through any means, and just being happy with your own life. Then, the potential partner will appear in time in one of your friends and you can go for there.