You want your ex back? Things to avoid certain doom!

[Yowser_76]

Hey Normalman,

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know what it's like to feel like you've pushed someone away. It's hard and it hurts A LOT.

 

I think you need to focus on YOU. You said yourself that you have low self esteem and insecurities. Don't feel like you're not good enough because YOU ARE. Take some time to do the things you want...do anything that will make you happy and take your mind off things. I know it's hard, believe me, I'm going through the same thing. My ex has said so many terrible things to me that somedays I feel worthless and just getting out of bed is a struggle. But we have to do whatever it takes to keep going right?

 

As for your ex I would start NC. I won't lie...it's hard. I made all the same mistakes...calling, texting, you name it. But I think you have to do it. It doesn't sound like your ex has ruled out the idea ever being with you, but you have to give her a chance to miss you. And if nothing else at least with NC, in time you'll learn to be happy with yourself.

 

Just my two cents. Hang in there ok

[normal man]

Normal Man,

I would say No Contact...work on yourself and you'll feel so much better. It does take time believe me, but once feel good about yourself things will start to turn around.

 

The last time I spoke to her was on the phone when I was out weds night. I ended up calling her 3 times in a row with blocked call and she called me to see if it was me. I expressed how I felt and all and at the end I told her I loved her and she said she loved me too. Usually I would think of this as hope, but I do know she loves me already and just cause she loves me doesnt mean she'll stop being strong and goign with her determination to not be with me.

 

I havent spoken or called her since than and now it is Monday. I did drive by her house cause I was curious Saturday morning at 7am after dropping my brother off at work and her car wasnt there so it seems she has been staying out all night.

 

I'm continuing to give her space and do NC, but this is so tough. I'm thinking of her all day cause I have nothing to occupy my time. If i had to answer yes or no to if she is sleeping with people already id most definatly say 300% to yes. just the type of girl she is, she believes in just casual sex with people and it doesnt faze her. This is burning a hole in my life thinking of this.

 

many times i'll sit here depressed and wish I never meet her so i wouldnt have to hurt. But I know that is dumb because so people never get to experience love in their lives and I should value it and not hate the fading of it.

 

Im blabbering on here and hoping it helps. 5 days of NC over a weekend while she was busy so no calls, I hope she starts calling soon so I atleast know she is missing me or something. During the weekdays will be the toughest cause I wont be able to occupy my time as much to keep going with the NC.

[normal man]

Thanks for the comments I appreciate it and it helps a lot.

 

I know doing NC is for me to work on me but im looking at it so much differently right now, im using it as hope. I wish I could just move on but i'm still in my hope stage.

 

She told me last week that she hasnt even had one day without talking to me and needed herself to make herself happy. So doing NC is a way im showing her i care and that im respecting her wishes. But as i said Im hoping she misses me so much without talking to me or knowing wht im up to and it brings her back to me.

 

Another thing into the breakup is that she has brought so many people in to support her that even if she had doubts she wouldnt allow herself to wonder back to me. She will be determined to do this for herself and I need to somehow accept that and somehow give up hope.

 

When I spoke to her on weds i said screw everybody else and what they say and what they think, if ur heart tells you to come back than they'll understand. I hope her heart does want to come back and she follows my advice.

 

Thanks again for viewing my situation and giving feedback. I need support more than you can know. I have friends and a good family but no one who knows what im going through so I bottle up my pain and moupe around everyday feeling sorry for myself

[Yowser_76]

But as i said Im hoping she misses me so much without talking to me or knowing wht im up to and it brings her back to me.

 

I feel the same way Normalman, even though I know I shouldn't. I think we all keep a bit of hope alive in us...it's part of loving somebody. Just try not to let it consume you, (that's pretty funny coming from the girl who couldn't go five minutes without crying yesterday

 

And you're right...if eventually her heart tells her to come back she will. It won't matter what her friends say or think. But in the mean time just try to think about yourself.

 

Believe me, I know how much you need support...I do too. Keep posting here and keep your chin up ok. We'll help you through this.

[Fireman057]

Normalman,

 

I seem to find myself in the same type of situation.. How have I been coping? Distraction is one of the keys for me. One thing I remember to hold on to is that I cannot hope to find happiness from someone, I must find it within.. and bring it to the table as my own.

[normal man]

Normalman,

 

I seem to find myself in the same type of situation.. How have I been coping? Distraction is one of the keys for me. One thing I remember to hold on to is that I cannot hope to find happiness from someone, I must find it within.. and bring it to the table as my own.

 

She left a week ago and I just started NC 5 days ago. I've been coping with the breakup rather roughly. Depressed and still in my holding on and hoping stage. Reality hasnt set in yet so i'm still hoping she contacts me and somehow it works out.

 

As for what I've been doing, I read posts on here and nothing else much really. I'm out of work so I sit around doing nothing really. I think I'll start working out again today and start getting myself in order. Ive been going on interviews and going out with friends drinking and trying to interact with people to keep myself occupied.

 

But just an inside part of my story that has me actually feeling better:

 

Before this girl that broke up with me now after 2 years I had a previous Girlfriend I was with for 3 years that left me, it was my first real relationship and I delete with ity badly. We faught when we saw each other up to her throwing a drink in my face and me spitting in her face, drunkeness made me do dumb things when my emotions were seeming to be uncontrolable. If got so bad she went to the police and had us never to be allowed in the same place, wasnt a restraining order by close enough anyways. Well 3 months after this we both started new relationships and were both happy and we chatted on AIM several times to see how things have been going with each other.

 

Well after the breakup with my new girlfriend last week I contacted my other ex to see how she was and told her me and my gf broke up and such and we just chatted online for awhile.

 

The moral of my story is that for that previous girl i felt hopeless also and that id never find someone else, but I did. And another side is that I thought I would never hear and be able to be civil with my previous ex and I'm talking to her again now. The past ex has a boyfriend and is happy and i have no desire to get back with her or hope for it....im just saying it's strange how things work out and sometimes things happen for a reason.

 

But i'll contradict all that and say I'm actually still in pain and hoping my gf comes back to me soon

[OCD]

SuperDave71 or anyone else out there...what do you think about this advice below regarding trying to rekindle me relationship...

 

 

"If she's calling you, and you want to see where this goes, get on it.

 

I'd play it cool. Don't bring up the situation. Ask her to do something fun. Get together, gauge the situation that way. JUST DON"T PUSH. Man, its hard, so make sure you have yourself together

 

That's my opinion. I'm a sucker waiting for her to call now...."

 

Does this mean the next time she calls I go for it, but not over the top or does this mean call her in a little while and see if she wants to do something? Thanks for all of your help...

[SuperDave71]

OCD,

 

 

That advice is rubish( right now )....You would be a gusher in a heartbeat....

 

 

 

GUSHER - someone who plays it cool until you can't stand it any longer and gush about how you feel and puts the ex on the spot. When this occurrs. the ex is forced to fight or flight....It usually ends up being both.

 

 

 

DO NOT DO IT. YOU MAKING EXCUSES AND TRYING TO GET PERMISSION TO CONTACT YOU EX.....OCD..GO TO YOUR ROOM AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!!!! NO DINNER FOR YOU.....trying to fool SuperDave71 like that.....you should be ashamed.

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[OCD]

LOL, I'm laughing my head off right now. I almost spit my water over my screen. Thanks SuperDave I knew I could count on you. Yes, I'm making excuses. I'll stop all of that now, sorry about that. I'm haning in there. Thanks again.

[SuperDave71]

Going to get DUCT TAPE and DUCT TAPE OCD to his bed!!!!

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[normal man]

a hollywood moment is what i need right now. She knows I love her, want to work it out, but she still is keeping her distance and being strong to end this relationship.

 

hate knowing she feels she can be happier with someone else and has given up all hope that we could be together and happy again and threw away all the plans of someday getting married and having children.

 

Sometimes I even feel angry about the situation because i cant control it and force her into loving me and staying. Silly man, I am

[SuperDave71]

Everyone has felt that way sometime. You need to worry about you...and only you. In time, you may never know what could be right around the corner.

 

-SuperDave71

[OCD]

Hi all,

Things to avoid certain doom...that's what I'm afraid of I guess. It's amazing the different advice I get from people. I try to take all of it and make my best judgement. Below is some advice I got from a long time friend (female)...I'm doing NC and haven't call her at all. I'm very proud of myself for going 7 wks without calling her. I've been told NOT TO BRING UP THE RELATIONSHIP the next few times I speak to my ex...so down the road if I ever get another call do I take her lead??

 

"You need to ask her what is the reason she wants to stay in contact. Like I said before, life is way too short to play these games. Answer her calls and you two need to figure it out. I would tell her that you are not playing games. What is it she wants out of these conversations?"

 

This sounds very dramatic so I'm taking SuperDave's advice and sticking to NC for now. My friend means well, but I can't call her, and may not even pick up the phone the next time she calls. Sorry for venting, but I'm just trying to stick to my plan and it helps to get others advice. Thanks guys.

[SuperDave71]

OCD,

 

 

You should stick with what works for you

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[OCD]

Thanks SuperDave,

So far NC is working for me...I'm getting stronger every day. Some days are harder than others and I don't want to push the issue on her and ruin all of this time. I do hope she calls again soon though. It does feel like if I make the call that would spoil NC and get me back to square one. Our conversations went so well last time we spoke, but seems like there were somethings she wanted to talk about and couldn't bring up...until that call comes in I'm sticking to NC. It's been one week to the day since the last call...we'll see what happens. Thanks again!

[Lil Eddie]

SuperDave, please help me out on this. What is your opinion. I feel like im going to loose it.

 

link removed

 

Thanks!!!

[salamander1]

this is my first post guys and gals. I myself had my heart broken - my g/f of 1yr decided that she needed some time alone. I guess she was right - i am 29 she i 21. But that didnt help me at all.

 

All I am saying is that it DOES get better - hang on in there guys - you feel your life is over, you wonder what she is upto with her new boyfriend, every minute of the day. You are hurting, your esteem has been shot to bits.

 

What I found really helped me was to smile. Go out and get drunk with your mates, have a laugh, talk about it. But the main thing i found helped me was to write a letter. If you are hurting then it is probably you who is doing all the texting, emailing , waiting for any kind of response from her - waiting on her every word, analysing all her message for any clues.

 

What helped for me was to write her a letter - tell her that you had some great times, you do still have strong feelings for her, you do still care for her. BUT, she needs to go out and sort out what she wants. Say you are letting go - you are saying goodbye. YOU are the one in control then - you are calling the shots. DONT be to hard on yourselves guys. It is NOT your fault. Keep your respect. If she really wants to be with you she will get back to you.

 

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP. DONT BE A WIMPY AR*SEHOLE. Lets all stand strong guys.

[normal man]

Salamander - I know what you're saying is 100% true since ive gotten over a past love several years ago. But no matter how many times i get my heart broken it'll always be the same feelings of pain and lonliness....Problem is each time it happens i gets harder and harder as Im getting older. Reaching 25 and not having a career set and a future set is depressing, for me anyways

[salamander1]

Im not sure about career/money issues mate, Im only going by getting hurt by a girlfriend.

 

But what i am doing is going to the gym. Im saving up to go travelling.

 

 

SMILE and the whole world will smile with YOU!

[normal man]

Im not sure about career/money issues mate, Im only going by getting hurt by a girlfriend.

 

But what i am doing is going to the gym. Im saving up to go travelling.

 

 

SMILE and the whole world will smile with YOU!

 

Guess my issues about career and money are because she makes good money and works with 'kids' that make large amounts of money. I get thoughts about how im broke and cant offer her much in that department. She was paying my way the last 3-4 months of our relationship

[OCD]

Hi guys,

I'm taking off for a few days...I read that post from Salamander regarding just writing a letter...it actually got me confused on my situation. It sounded like a great idea, but I'm just reaching for anything at this pointe. I still have not called my ex. I can't believe I've held on this long without calling (8 weeks)...anyway the letter things sounded great, but in my case I don't think that would do any good. I'm hoping to get her back someday and NC has been working; for me that is. Also, she's called many times. I'm waiting for call #10, we spoke briefly last Wed. I'm taking the friendship angle and going from there. We need to be good friends again before anything else will ever happen. During our 2 year relationship we spoke every night...she was my best friend; that's what hurts even more. I can't even talk to my best friend... In my heart I know we can work this out and she just needs time alone. I'm not sure how a letter would be received at this pointe? I think she knows how I feel about her...so I wait and work on myself and stay busy and keep hope that the is someone out there for me if not my ex. Wish me luck guys that I stay strong this weekend and not call her. If she calls me than she 'is' thinking about me and that's one step closer to having her back in my arms. Take care all.

[coooolsome]

Hey, so I have a question. Im in sort of a delicate situation. My ex has been hinting that she is now missing me and is missing me so much she feels sad. However she is the type of person who would call but wont b/c she is scared. I am on day 13 of NC and I know that she might be feeling regret but I am not sure. The guy she basically dumped me for has a GF and was treating her like crap, basically using her to mess around. She is now sort of realizing what we had.

 

Now I want to open lines of communication just in case she is scared and I dont want to miss the chance. I am ok with the breakup and can handle talking to her b/c I have before. I just started NC b/c I felt that I needed to leave her alone and live her life and me live my life.

 

Its funny how things turn around so quickly but I could be wrong. So basically I have no idea what to do.

[coooolsome]

Ok, I talked to a friend of mine and he told me not to call b/c if she might be doing this to get me to call her and come back to her. Well this is not going to happen. I am a stronger person and I dont need her to be happy. I will wait it out until I get better information on how she feels and will let her contact me. I would like to talk to her again but she is going to have to make the effort. She needs to realize that she is going to lose me and I will not wait for her.

[ellasanvictores]

You really are SUPER! Your advice is by far the best I've ever read on the web! Impressive!

[Juha]

Cooolsome,

 

Just a thought here...If you both love each other then why be stubborn also???

 

You are both going to sit there and wait for the other to call...Life/love is about taking chances and when you want something you need to take a chance...

 

If you love and care about her as much as you say you do then contact her...

 

If you don't you may regret that you did not....