Is this girl giving me the runaround or am I just overreacting?

[spicyalien]

Me and this one girl have spent the past year and a half working as assistant managers at the same job. I always had feelings for her, but I never made a move since I didn't want to get involved with a co-worker like that. But last week was her last day before moving onto a new job and I decided to make my move. I asked her out on her last day and she didn't seem very responsive or excited. She basically told me that we can't do anything until Friday since she'd be busy for the next couple of days. (I asked her out on a Tuesday) I couldn't help but be slightly irked by that since she knows that my only real free days are my days off on Wednesday and Thursday. Friday-Tuesdays are my days when I work and I work closing shifts, meaning that I work as late as 11:30, along with having to be on call and ready to come in early if needed.

She didn't offer much in the way of alternatives, but I mentioned us already having each other's numbers and that I can text her and iron out some details for later. She just kind of nodded and smiled about that, but didn't say much. I've recently texted her, but it's just a lot of excuses about being busy with family and not coming up with any free dates for her. This is disappointing since I thought for sure that she liked me back. We always got along and were at least good friends at work. She seemed comfortable around me, but I don't know what's going on now. What do you make of this?

[Batya33]

I don't think she's that interested in dating you and if she does she'll be lukewarm about going and likely cancel. I'd move on. I'm sorry you're disappointed.

[yogacat]

She is giving you the light brush-off.  In other words, she does not want to get into any situation where she is forced to say 'no'.

[spicyalien]

31 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think she's that interested in dating you and if she does she'll be lukewarm about going and likely cancel. I'd move on. I'm sorry you're disappointed.

I just don't get it. We were so close at work and even some of our co-workers thought that we'd look good together as a couple. Asking her out seemed like such a sure thing.

[kim42]

Maybe she sees you only as a friend. Did she ever flirt with you, at least a little? Maybe you've misread the signs, sorry about this.

[spicyalien]

17 minutes ago, kim42 said:

Maybe she sees you only as a friend. Did she ever flirt with you, at least a little? Maybe you've misread the signs, sorry about this.

I don't know so much about flirting, in the sense of anything obvious. We'd talk at work, get along, make jokes, etc.

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, spicyalien said:

I just don't get it. We were so close at work

This right here.  At work she felt comfortable having you as a coworker or even a friend but it seems like that is all she sees you as.  I am sorry and I know it sucks even worse when you felt for sure it was going to work out.

 Chances are she was being polite and avoiding hurting your feelings.  If you send her a text leaving the ball in her court then you end up waiting and waiting for a text from her which is not a good place to be.  She knows you are interested so she can reach out if she wants to pursue anything romantic with you.

At least you didn't ask her while you worked together, that would have been awkward...

Lost

[spicyalien]

20 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

This right here.  At work she felt comfortable having you as a coworker or even a friend but it seems like that is all she sees you as.  I am sorry and I know it sucks even worse when you felt for sure it was going to work out.

 Chances are she was being polite and avoiding hurting your feelings.  If you send her a text leaving the ball in her court then you end up waiting and waiting for a text from her which is not a good place to be.  She knows you are interested so she can reach out if she wants to pursue anything romantic with you.

At least you didn't ask her while you worked together, that would have been awkward...

Lost

I don't want to sound like I'm in denial or anything, but surely she offered up the exact day of Friday for a reason, right? It's not like she said "I'll think about it" or "I'll get back to you" or anything super vague like that.

[Kwothe28]

Frienzoned.

3 hours ago, spicyalien said:

She seemed comfortable around me, but I don't know what's going on now.

Because you are not a "threat". Just somebody who she works with and thinks of as a friend. But now she knows that you like her so you made it awkward. See, women have a very keen distinction whether they view you as a "boyfriend material" or not. You are not that, she considers you a friend and thats it. When they think you are boyfriend material, they would act awkward, try to be around you, even try to call you out. When you are not, you are just "eh, some guy I work with" when they tell their friends about you. Sadly, you are second, sorry.

Also, whenever they make up excuses, they dont like you. Otherwise, they would take the date or quickly found an alternative one. Because they wouldnt let the opportunity go away. This one just doesnt like you. Thats it.

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, spicyalien said:

I just don't get it. We were so close at work and even some of our co-workers thought that we'd look good together as a couple. Asking her out seemed like such a sure thing.

Yes- been there.  And opposite -never imagined and -there was interest! Glad you tried - doesn't matter what co workers perceive -she is not interested in dating you and better to move on now so you don't waste time ruminating and you'll be open to someone enthusiastic about dating you!

[lostandhurt]

1 hour ago, spicyalien said:

I don't want to sound like I'm in denial or anything, but surely she offered up the exact day of Friday for a reason, right? It's not like she said "I'll think about it" or "I'll get back to you" or anything super vague like that.

She knows you can't do Friday so perhaps that is why she chose that day. 

 If you want send her a text.  Hi ____________, if your schedule frees up Wednesdays or Thursdays work best for me for a date.  Then leave it and see what she does.  If you don't hear back very soon after that text one way or another she isn't all that interested.

Give it a shot, it is only a few seconds and keystrokes.

Lost

[spicyalien]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

even try to call you out

What do you mean by this part?

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, spicyalien said:

What do you mean by this part?

I think he meant that sometimes if a woman is into a man rather than treat him like a buddy she'll sort of put him in his place, in a flirtatious way- draw attention to the flirting etc.  I also know of many people who are friendly and pleasant and then -it's friendship caught on fire. However it happens a person who wants to date another person will respond with enthusiasm and either say yes or no -I am busy that day but I'd love to reschedule.  Or suggest a specific day they are free. The only sign that someone wants to date you is if the person either asks for a date planned in advance or accepts an invitation with enthusiasm.  There are no signs otherwise - some people like flirting and feel chemistry but don't want to date the person, some people are friendly like that in general and don't want to date, etc.  Many reasons.

[catfeeder]

Often as people are exiting a job, they just want the clean break they've been craving. The idea of connecting with anyone from that job is less urgent than that feeling of freedom.

She has your number, she knows you want to get together with her, and I'd leave it at that. If she catches her breath and then gets the chance to grow sentimental, if she wants to see you again, she knows how to reach you.

Head high.

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry, man. 

She's not interested that way. She doesn't have the courage to come right out and say so, but that's what this is. 

11 hours ago, spicyalien said:

We were so close at work and even some of our co-workers thought that we'd look good together as a couple. Asking her out seemed like such a sure thing.

Unforuantely, you guys were wrong. It sucks but there's not much more you can do. 

[DarkCh0c0]

She's not interested in being more than colleagues. 

It's disappointing, but now you can move on to other prospects.

[Kwothe28]

14 hours ago, spicyalien said:

What do you mean by this part?

I mean teasing you, even calling you out on some stuff. For example telling you how they would maybe be on some place when they go out with friends and that you should come. Women usually arent that straight forward like we men are. But they do declare interest in a certain ways.

[Sam1986]

She is not interested. Had this happen to me before as well, and it's nice that you took your shot. But recognize it for what it is and see it as something good, since now you can spend your time on better prospects and forget about her.

[smackie9]

Totally blown off. Shouldn't be irked about her not being available on YOUR days off....it's how she was letting you know she's not interested. lots of people use this tactic because they were put on the spot, don't like confrontation and don't feel comfortable to just outright reject someone. This is typical passive rejection. That's just the way life is. The trick is too acknowledge it, and stop wasting energy on what just happened. Some lessons to be learned here for next time.