Should I go from Ireland to England for first date

[Miketangent]

Hi,

I'm an English guy living in Ireland. I matched with a local English guy when I was visiting back home, and have been chatting a lot since I'm back in Ireland. Had a few video calls. We said we both were keen to meet in person. I was happy to fly to England for a whole day pretty much to meet him and go to his place probably. Not as much jeopardy for me to make the journey as I have family in that part of England.

 

This guy kept saying he wanted me to come for 2 days however, and didn't seem to understand that a two day first date is a long time, even if we've been chatting etc. A day isn't enough for him which just seems strange. Who knows if it would end up serious, but I've been willing to try. Also flights back are way more expensive later on. He offered to contribute to flight cost which I appreciated, but I wouldn't want that meaning I had to stay longer. What if it didn't work out. Also I like time to myself, even a day for a date is a lot

So now I've just been put off a bit. Other red flags were him saying 'I don't listen ' quite early on as I'd forgotten about one of several trips he was going on, yet I've had to repeat things to him several times. Although may have been jokey, seemed a bit much. He also fell out with his friend on his holiday and they ended up going home separately. He also said he may be getting hopeful but said was excited about out future though we've never met. Also sending crying emojis if I haven't responded right away

 

Just wondering if this is worth pursuing. My attitude was to go for it, nothing to lose etc, but now I don't think I can be bothered lol. Really would like to find someone, but nothing seems to be happening where I an in Ireland.  Thanks

[catfeeder]

I would fly in to stay with family, not a total stranger. Then you can just set up a first meet with him for while you're there. This way, if you determine that you're not a good match together, you can skip making another date, visit with your family and friends, and then go back to Ireland on a planned round-trip ticket.

The guy already sounds a bit pushy about your time. I can only speak for myself, but that would be a turn-off for me, and I would not cater to it.

[Andrina]

Why are you living in Ireland? I imagine for some great career opportunity? Are your plans up in the air of how long you'll live there or will this be a lifetime thing?

What types of activities do you engage in to meeting potential dates where you live?

You are right to be concerned about not having a first meet be a marathon. That's one of the downsides of LDRs. It's not the normal pace of dating, which could end disaster since it's either too much time together combined with long stretches apart.

If it were me, and I had plans to visit my family anyway, I'd insist on no more than 4 hours together with the guy and spend the rest of the time with my family. I'd not go to a stranger's house. You don't know him, and that's not safe. No need to be speed racer and then regret doing something you wished you would've taken more time to consider with a clear mind and more knowledge, gathered over time, of who he really is. If he balks and argues, he's not mature enough to be a good dating prospect.

But if you're already put off too much to spend a time, amp up ways and think outside of the box of how to meet more guys locally. Don't let desperation have you settling for what your gut tells you is a no.

[ShySoul]

If there is family in the area, make it a two for one trip. It probably isn't a safe or wise idea to stay with someone you barely know and have never met in person. Unless you've been speaking to him for an extended period and feel you absolutely trust him, which doesn't sound like the case. Family gives you a built in escape plan if you need a break or something feels off. Its something anyone should be able to understand and be ok with.

Ultimately, go with your instincts. As long as you stay safe, why not see how things go? But if you start to feel uncomfortable or just aren't feeling it, its fine to not pursue. Remember, this is supposed to be fun and make you happy. So go with what you think will make you happiest.

[Wiseman2]

He seems to high maintenance to bother pursuing anything except casual hookups. 

[TeeDee]

It sounds geographically undesireable even if it worked out unless you have some vague plan about moving home at some point in the future.  

[Miketangent]

Thanks for your replies everyone. He has now said his friend will come over to beat me up, with laughing emoji. Could well be a joke but still a bit weird say to someone not met.glad he's actually making it easier for me to decide now lol

[mylolita]

26 minutes ago, Miketangent said:

Thanks for your replies everyone. He has now said his friend will come over to beat me up, with laughing emoji. Could well be a joke but still a bit weird say to someone not met.glad he's actually making it easier for me to decide now lol

I wouldn’t touch this stranger with a barge pole personally Mike! 
 

Trust your gut. Way too much, too strange; and some very potentially creepy comments and veiled threats. No way! 
 

x

[boltnrun]

40 minutes ago, Miketangent said:

Thanks for your replies everyone. He has now said his friend will come over to beat me up, with laughing emoji. Could well be a joke but still a bit weird say to someone not met.glad he's actually making it easier for me to decide now lol

No way. His humor is not funny. I wouldn't go. 

[rainbowsandroses]

Mike with respect, you don't need anyone's permission (for lack of a better word) or even their opinion to not meet someone you've been chatting/interacting on line with.  The fact that you are 'put off' by his behavior is enough to toss this one back.  

Learn to trust your own intuition and if YOU don't feel comfortable or feel put off or turned off, then it's a next. It honestly and truly does not matter what anyone else thinks.

That said, since you did ask, IMO it's a big fat NO.  I don't meet men with whom I feel put off before even meeting.  Complete waste of time especially given the fact it requires you to travel to do so!

His behavior with the crying emojis, etc. and then his remark about sending his friend to "beat you up," is beyond creepy.

Your initial gut feeling was spot on, learn to trust it!! 🙂

 

 

[Capricorn3]

I would give this one a miss.

[catfeeder]

6 hours ago, Miketangent said:

He has now said his friend will come over to beat me up...

There is something seriously wrong with this guy. 

[Tinydance]

Well IF this guy seemed good and you weren't finding anything concerning, it would be fine to meet him. I think you could still come for two days and just stay with family. If you have friends and family in the area then you could catch up with them as well. Like, you could meet the guy one day and if you want to see him again, you see him again the next day. But if you don't want to see him again then you just say: "Sorry I didn't feel a click, good luck with everything" and wish him well.

I'm not sure if this guy sounds that great though because what he said about beating you up was really lame. But I guess if you'd like to go back home to see family anyway you could meet him and just get peace of mind that at least you tried.

[Kwothe28]

On 5/6/2024 at 7:34 PM, Miketangent said:

Just wondering if this is worth pursuing.

Nah. Too much of a fuss. First meet should be something more casual. You spending a good amount of money along with a lot of your time, doesnt seem that casual.