He lied about his age

[sheera]

Learning that he lied about his age left me feeling betrayed and unsure about our relationship. His dishonesty about his age has made me question the trustworthiness of our interactions. I never expected him to deceive me about something as fundamental as his age, and now I'm left wondering what else he might be hiding.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, sheera said:

Learning that he lied about his age left me feeling betrayed and unsure about our relationship. 

This this happened to you as well?   It's written in the first person . Are you the OP? 

[pmw06092016]

Hi sorry for the late response.

He has apologised for not telling me sooner and said he wanted me to get to know him, he really liked me and planned to tell me on the second date but didn’t know how, he said he kept leaving things on tables when we were together with his Dob on hoping I’d see which I remember and eventually that happened. He said women his age have a lower energy in life than him and he likes women a bit younger. It’s difficult because he has been brilliant in every way it’s just the age thing he kept out for the first few weeks. I said to him I’m willing to see how it goes but any more lies and I’m done. I hope I’ve done the right thing. 

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, pmw06092016 said:

. He said women his age have a lower energy in life than him and he likes women a bit younger. I said to him I’m willing to see how it goes but any more lies and I’m done. I hope I’ve done the right thing. 

Do you feel the same way regarding his "energy"?  If things are otherwise ok and he apologized you could give it another go and telling him no more lies is a good decision. 

[Kwothe28]

16 minutes ago, pmw06092016 said:

He said women his age have a lower energy in life than him and he likes women a bit younger.

Translator: I like to have sex with woman that can be my daughters.

You wont see that one because as soon as he gets the sugar he is out if there faster then you can say “What happened”. Good luck.

[rainbowsandroses]

1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

Translator: I like to have sex with woman that can be my daughters.

@Kwothe28do you know him?   From everything she's posted I'm not getting that sense from him at all.

Not all men dating younger women are horndogs.  My dad wasn't and his younger wife (my stepmom) ended up becoming the absolute love of his life! 

25 minutes ago, pmw06092016 said:

I said to him I’m willing to see how it goes but any more lies and I’m done. I hope I’ve done the right thing. 

Fabulous!  You set that boundary, now he knows where you stand. 😀

You have nothing to lose by doing that and everything to gain if it works out. 

HE may turn out to be the love of your life as well!!  

If not, so be.  Life goes on. 

Good luck!

 

[Kwothe28]

19 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Not all men dating younger women are horndogs. 

Few of you here don’t understand the concept of hypotheticals. When I say “Men who specifically target way younger women are horndogs” that means that majority really is. There is no need to yell at me how “Not all men” because you know one whole example where they aren't(and it happens to be someone close to you). That is not how hypotheticals work. There is always exception from the rule. That doesnt mean that rule where older men dont seek meaningful connection but just physical , by targeting way younger women or even vice versa, is wrong. Because, spoiler alert, it really isnt. It just means you know exception from the rule. That is, close to you, so you get up and arms about it. If you think this one is like your dad, who knows, maybe he is. However, again, there is way more evidence that he isnt. For example, he wouldnt even say anything to her if she didnt said anything. That shows how much he is willing to prolong the lie. Only to have sex with somebody way younger that he met by lying to her on OLD.

[rainbowsandroses]

24 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

There is no need to yell at me how “Not all men” because you know one whole example where they aren't(and it happens to be someone close to you).

I did not "yell" at you @Kwothe28and I have other examples as well as mentioned previously.  In fact there are many other examples.

I made the mistake of pre-judging someone recently and learned a big lesson from that!  That's its unfair. 

Again in this particular instance, from reading everything she's posted about him and their relationship thus far, including the lie and the apology and how well he's been treating her and their connection, I have a different opinion from you. 

Might I be wrong?  Of course!  So might you be.

WE don't know him only the OP does.  And she feels good about him and willing to give this a shot.  

That was my only point. 

 

[Kwothe28]

5 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Might I be wrong?  Of course!  So might you be.

Sure. But there is like 5% chance that I am wrong. And 95% that you are wrong. Because, again, there is a much bigger chance that he is just some lying old man who is after younger women for sex than there is a chance that he is somebody who chases meaningful connection. Few of you here really dont know how hypotheticals work at all. And it shows. 

I said a lots of times that I dont mind being wrong. Lots of times I do have a negative view on things and things arent really always negative. Just dont think I am wrong now. This one is a huge liar who is just after one thing. 

[rainbowsandroses]

21 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

This one is a huge liar who is just after one thing. 

Fair enough.. That's your opinion, not gonna refute it. 

However, would you be open to considering the possibility that his motivation going in was as you say BUT after meeting the OP, felt a certain connection with her and wants more with her than just a hook up with a woman young enough to be his daughter?

This happens often as well.  Someome only seeking casual hookups meets someone special who elicits a certain spark within and their mindset completely changes. 

I'm an observant of the world/people and I've seen this a lot!  

I dunno @Kwothe28 we are all entitled to our opinions I just don't see the point of being so negative based on an arbitrary statistic. 

IMO, human emotions don't work that way, they're nuanced, never black and white. 

PS:  I don't live my life in hypotheticals which may explain our disconnect at least in part.

[Batya33]

OP be very very careful in dating this man to stay youthful and energetic and heaven help you if you were to fall ill or be out of sorts from I don't know -menopause etc. Are you in tip top shape? Youthful looking? I mean obviously he's basically told you you'll get traded in for a younger model eventually.  Right? (Oh and he's full of it -I am 57, became a mom at 42 -married my husband who was 42 - -and I have overall had much more energy than in my 30s because of positive changes in diet, exercise, hydration etc.  I know many women like me.

Also didn't you catch him in his lie so what's with the apology for not "telling you sooner" - anyone's guess if he was ever going to tell you.

[yogacat]

4 hours ago, pmw06092016 said:

he said he kept leaving things on tables when we were together with his Dob on hoping I’d see

I'm sorry, but "he kept leaving things on tables when we were together with his DOB on hoping I'd see"... that just doesn't make sense.

It's not like his DOB is tattooed on his forehead...

'Oh, I'm not going to tell her, but I'll leave little hints here and there?'

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, yogacat said:

I'm sorry, but "he kept leaving things on tables when we were together with his DOB on hoping I'd see"... that just doesn't make sense.

It's not like his DOB is tattooed on his forehead...

'Oh, I'm not going to tell her, but I'll leave little hints here and there?'

Yes -that appears very unstable on his part.

[boltnrun]

Wouldn't it be more honest and more efficient to just tell you his true age? It doesn't seem he trusted that you legitimately liked him if he feared you'd dump him because of his age.  Or maybe he feared you'd dump him over his lying, which was more likely.

But you didn't. I hope HE trusts YOU now. 

[Andrina]

Many people are "lovely" in the beginning highs of the honeymoon stage. So it's no surprise there have also been good times. You might not see the age difference as too big of a problem at your ages now. But have you thought about that when you're 65, he'll be 80? Perhaps good to envision not just the present, but also the future. You're giving him the benefit of the doubt at the moment about his lying. But speaking of benefits, of him at 80 and you at 65, who is really getting the benefits from all of this, presently and in the future?

[Batya33]

18 minutes ago, Andrina said:

Many people are "lovely" in the beginning highs of the honeymoon stage. So it's no surprise there have also been good times. You might not see the age difference as too big of a problem at your ages now. But have you thought about that when you're 65, he'll be 80? Perhaps good to envision not just the present, but also the future. You're giving him the benefit of the doubt at the moment about his lying. But speaking of benefits, of him at 80 and you at 65, who is really getting the benefits from all of this, presently and in the future?

But he already told her he doesn't want a woman who now is his age so she already knows she'll be traded in given his presumption that younger is -- more "energy".  Also assume that if he could be this devious and manipulative in his lying -leaving "hints" imagine what other aspects of his life are affected.  Won't you wonder if you're supposed to go on a regular scavenger hunt when he leaves clues around about -I don't know -his infidelity, his shady business dealings, whether he's still employed, and heaven forbid if you ever buy property with him or have your name associated with his? Assume this is his MO -his approach to justifying misleading people and outright lying so long as it makes life more pleasurable for him. 

[rainbowsandroses]

Annette Bening - 65 / Warren Beatty - 87 -- 22 year age difference.

Both still going strong!  Raised three children (he was 55 when first child was born) and Warren still has the energy to be a great husband and dad.  They were interviewed on a local program here recently as they were in SD attending an event.

Same with my dad and his wife who had nearly a 20 year age difference and there are many MANY other large age gap couples who are still together and happy well into their later years.

Just because on an app, he was seeking a younger woman who matched his energy level, once love enters the picture (should that happen), all that goes out the window and they simply live their lives like the rest of us, with all the challenges that every couple experiences no matter what their ages.

Why not let the OP and her boyfriend do just that!  Maybe they will last another week, a month, a year... or forever!  I mean, one or both could die tomorrow in a car crash, anything can happen.

Not to mention there are many young women who actually prefer older men, for various reasons.  Stability, security, maturity, how is this different from a man seeking what HE prefers -- younger to match his own energy level?

And remember, as she grows older and loses some of her energy, so is he!!!  And women can still be damn HOT well into her 50s and 60s too, I see it every day in my neck of the woods.

OP, you made the right decision for YOU.  No need to envision what will happen 30 years down the road, like I said anything can happen between now and then.  Or become paranoid that he's going to "trade you in" for a younger version.

I do respect all opinions but that is a very broad assumption based on bias IMO.

Be happy!!!   And I wish you both the best of luck!  💛

 

[pmw06092016]

Hi all

Thanks so much for your replies, I am going to see how things go and give it a little longer because I’m honestly unshure what to do. He’s lovely to me, but I do agree that 15 years may be too much so I just need to have a really good think. I overthink so it doesn’t help in this situation. 

[MissCanuck]

18 hours ago, pmw06092016 said:

he said he kept leaving things on tables when we were together with his Dob on hoping I’d see

You realize this is more than likely a load of equine manure, right? 

He got caught that way, so he's now pretending he did it on purpose?  Sure, buddy. The more you tell us about this guy, OP, the worse he comes across. 

Sorry, but I'd still be moving on. I would be too turned off by his dishonesty and immaturity.. No wonder women his age don't want to date him. They see through his BS in a way that a younger and less experienced woman might not. 

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, pmw06092016 said:

Hi all

Thanks so much for your replies, I am going to see how things go and give it a little longer because I’m honestly unshure what to do. He’s lovely to me, but I do agree that 15 years may be too much so I just need to have a really good think. I overthink so it doesn’t help in this situation. 

I think it's too much with a man who lies and has told you, basically, you're getting traded in when  you're the age he deems cannot keep up with his energy (must take a lot of energy to leave stuff with his DOB lying around). Or heaven forbid you get some illness etc like my friend in her early 40s who is in and out of hospitals with MS and sometimes depression and pain and is right now using a walker -the person with the energy is in her 70s -her MIL moved to where they live some years ago to help with their child.  I hope OP you stay extremely healthy in every way -just please don't venture even one step more with a man who is telling you that you're only worth dating if you meet his criteria -but of course  you have to give him another chance after this pile of manure lying as Miss Canuck mentioned.

No need to scrape the bottom of the barrel OP.

I don't think the age gap per se is a dealbreaker. Maybe a factor to consider just like people typically consider such things when they choose who to date. 

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I don't think the age gap per se is a dealbreaker. 

Agree.  And here, she's turning 40 and he's 54-55, that's 15 years.  I dunno not quite seeing the big deal..

If she were 20-25 that would be different but once people get to be 35-40+, age isn't as important or hold as much value imo.

They've both matured and had various life experiences.

I'm still not getting this "trading in for younger woman" she's 39 now!  Turning 40.

Not exactly a 'young' woman herself, again it's not like he's 54 and she's 24.

Yeah the lie was wrong and hopefully since she set the boundary he KNOWS for her lying is a dealbreaker.

Time will tell assuming they continue dating.  It’s early stages, anything can happen for both of them.

Good luck OP whatever happens.

 

 

[Batya33]

18 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Agree.  And here, she's turning 40 and he's 54-55, that's 15 years.  I dunno not quite seeing the big deal..

If she were 20-25 that would be different but once people get to be 35-40+, age isn't as important or hold as much value imo.

They've both matured and had various life experiences.

I'm still not getting this "trading in for younger woman" she's 39 now!  Turning 40.

Not exactly a 'young' woman herself, again it's not like he's 54 and she's 24.

Yeah the lie was wrong and hopefully since she set the boundary he KNOWS for her lying is a dealbreaker.

Time will tell assuming they continue dating.  It’s early stages, anything can happen for both of timp.

Good luck OP whatever happens.

 

 

Thanks. The lie plus the justification he gave plus how he lied would have me thrilled to dodge a bullet and move on from the time wasted before he revealed his lack of character, integrity and basic humanity. To me it’s not just a lie. Certainly if she had to interact with him as an acquaintance or in a business situation no real worries there but if I were she I’d avoid any close personal contact from now on. That’s my opinion. 

[rainbowsandroses]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Thanks. The lie plus the justification he gave plus how he lied would have me thrilled to dodge a bullet and move on from the time wasted before he revealed his lack of character, integrity and basic humanity. To me it’s not just a lie. Certainly if she had to interact with him as an acquaintance or in a business situation no real worries there but if I were she I’d avoid any close personal contact from now on. That’s my opinion. 

That's totally fair Bat, we all have our dealbreakers.

Take me in my recent thread.  I harshly judged and initially rejected a man because of how he was dressed during first meet!   Which was my prerogative.

However, I gave it a second shot and have done a complete 180 after interacting with him and having another date. 

There's no wrong or right here as far as I'm concerned we all do what feels right for us.

If it turns out not as we hoped, we value the experience and maybe even learn something.

I truly believe that! 

 

[yogacat]

I feel like he's counting on you not having fully grasped the concept of setting boundaries and standing up for yourself.

It's like he's banking on the fact that he can dangle things like money, housing, and job opportunities in front of you and that will be enough to make you overlook the age thing. I don’t know if this guy is actively cognizant of any of this, but it's almost like saying, "I can have someone with younger, perky boobs who won't demand too much from me emotionally."

Both aspects are yucky, but the second one is particularly insidious.

He could be the one who defies expectations and ends up being a perfect match for you and he’s emotionally intelligent enough to be able to navigate the dynamics of an age gap relationship with you. But, I'm not too sure. Because that requires not saying you're younger then your age in order to attract younger woman and he isn’t even giving you that. Which frankly is kind of the bare minimum.

If you are super satisfied with his answer, which is sounds like you are, then ride it out.

Once again, it's up to you to determine what your deal breakers are. You decide what you are willing to put up with and what you want to spend your energy on! 

[LootieTootie]

I remembered reading one of your threads, OP. I think you mentioned you have a high sex drive and your bf at the time didnt and that was something you were unhappy about. I can tell you that a man who is 54 and as he gets only older might not be able to satisfy you if you value a robust sex life.

Any way, I don't like his lie about "leaving his DOB" around for you to find out. Hopefully you knew that was BS.