my girlfriend hates my therapist

[AliasMcnutFace]

a few months ago, I decided that I wanted to go back to therapy. ive been in and out of therapy since I was 10 and I hated it back then, but I want to give it a fair chance now that im a little older. when I told my girlfriend that I think I should start going back to therapy, she seemed iffy about it. she's not one of those people who don't believe in therapy, she just said that since I haven't had the best experiences with therapy, she doesn't want me going again to negatively impact our relationship. I reassured her that it wouldn't and that it could maybe even have a positive impact on our relationship because I might be a little more...stable. she still seemed doubtful about it by the end of our conversation, but she said that she thinks it's great, as long as it had no affect on our relationship.

a few days after that conversation, we got into a small disagreement about something that's irrelevant to most of this, and she said that she doesn't want me to talk about her to my therapist at all. her reasoning mostly being that she doesn't want all our dirty laundry aired out to someone who's consistently in my life without a chance to defend herself. I agreed that I wouldn't because I somewhat understood where she was coming from and I wanted her to feel more comfortable with me going to therapy without her thinking that our relationship will get caught in the mix. but even with me agreeing that I wouldn't talk about her in therapy, every time I come/came back from therapy, she pesters me with a million questions. like what did we talk about? did I talk about her? do I want to keep going?

I tell her almost every time that I don't want to talk about how it went because it's more so of a private thing for me, and I feel incredibly emotionally exhausted after, so I don't want to talk in general. I just want to relax. one of the days that she did this, she kept pressing me to tell her how it went and what we talked about. I was tired of her asking, so I cracked and I told her all the details about how it went. she then went on a tirade about how my therapist is a btch. (the only therapist ive ever liked) so now she doesn't like my therapist after the few interactions that ive told her about. she thinks that my therapist is unprofessional, self centered, and talks about herself too much. and she thinks that my therapist is planting thoughts in my head that are unnecessary and questionable with her being a therapist.

my next therapy session after her big rant about my therapist, I just got home from a session and I wanted to go straight to sleep. but as soon as I stepped in the door, she started trying to make out with me and said that I would tell her about my therapy session "after we were done", implying that it wasn't optional. I tried to brush her off as nicely as possible, and I told her that I was really tired and just wanted to go to sleep for the night. and she got really upset by my response. to sum it up, she said that I promised her that I wouldn't let therapy affect our relationship and that ive been acting more distant since I started going. and that clearly my conniving therapist said something bad about her to me, for me to be being so vague with how my therapy sessions are going, and giving her the cold shoulder every time I got home from a session.

I told her that I was sorry, my sessions just always make me feel extremely drained for seemingly no particular reason. but I would try to be more interactive with her and act less mopey after my sessions. and that I wasn't talking about her to my therapist or planning to. she responded that my actions were speaking louder than my words and that she wouldn't believe me until I was acting like my normal affection self. so instead of going to sleep like I had planned, I did what she thought that my "normal affection self would do" because I was scared that she would be really upset if I didn't and feel like I was proving her point. which has been an ongoing thing ever since then. I feel like it's not fair to her for me to be mopey or glumly around her.

but anytime I get home from therapy and show even the slightest bit of low energy, she says "the old you wouldn't do that or act like that, im just telling it how it is" I don't think that ive changed these past weeks, and I don't think that she outright thinks that either, im just more irritable, emotional, unenergetic, and less likely to do what she wants when I get home from therapy, which I understand must be annoying for her. ive offered to just stay at my actual house for two days after my sessions, because that's how long it usually takes me to "emotionally recover". but she said that she'd rather have me at her place because spending less time apart from each other won't be good for our relationship. maybe space between us isn't the best solution, but I don't think that pretending that im in a good mood is either. I don't want to snap at her because im in a pissy mood, and im sure she doesn't want me to either.

im starting to become increasingly frustrated with our inability to make this work or come to a resolution that works for both of us. and I feel like she isn't acknowledging how hard therapy has been on me. continuing on to what I was yapping about, three days ago, she went through my phone. I wouldn't usually care if she went through my notes app, journal, phone, etc, because she probably wouldn't see anything that she hasn't heard from me already. but it was the way she confronted me about what was in my phone, or even felt like there was something to confront me about that made me upset. so I angrily told her that she couldn't go through my phone anymore. which sparked an argument between us. even though I didn't feel like I was wrong for telling her that she can't go through my phone anymore, I still felt extremely bad and guilty for the way I reacted.

I had a therapy session this same day and I was talking to my therapist about how I felt guilty for trying to set boundaries with people in my life, and how I just feel like it make things worse, and that I felt like people in my life were upset with me for trying to set boundaries with them, etc, etc. (I wasn't talking about just my girlfriend when I was saying this, and I never brought her up in the conversation as my girlfriend) my therapist said that since im just learning how to set boundaries, I might have trouble trying to set them without going a little bit overboard. but its normal and all skills, just like setting boundaries,take practice. after that conversation, I went home, and I apologized to her for the way I reacted. we made up, and that was pretty much the end of it. then today, I casually brought up that same conversation I had with my therapist about setting boundaries, and said that I mentioned her, not knowing that she would get pissed about it. she nearly lost her mind I told her that I mentioned her. she said that I need to find a new therapist, and still not mention her to them ever again.

it's starting to feel like that's really going to be the only solution to stop us bickering. every single therapy session, besides my first two, there's been an issue. this is the only therapist that I really felt like I clicked with and almost immediately felt comfortable with, and I don't want to let her go, especially under these circumstances. I thought that this whole "don't talk about me in therapy" thing would blow over because she originally said it after a disagreement we had that she was upset about. or once she realized how unreasonable it is to expect me to never mention in therapy at all. we've been talking about getting married this year since ill be at a marriageable age. (plus all those other reasons why most people get married. I don't want to get married *just* for funsies) and I don't think that we won't not get married this year unless there's a legal gray area with us getting married that we aren't aware of. so I just feel a little weird, unsure, and apprehensive about not being able to talk about someone that im getting married to in less than 12 months from now to my therapist.

I practically live with her and 70% of my human interaction is with her. I had a problem with telling white lies to my last therapists because I thought that it wouldn't matter or build up over time, but it definitely did and was probably one of the reasons I didn't feel like therapy was "working", so I want to be completely honest with my new therapist. I don't want to have to jump through hurdles or lie in therapy just not to talk about her. my girlfriend is usually an understanding, accommodating person, so im hoping once she cools off, she'll say that I don't need to switch therapists. if not, I think I might tell her myself that im not switching therapists. but even then, we don't usually legitimately fight, so im wondering if it's even worth us arguing or her feeling uncomfortable with someone I see weekly.

this turned into a bit of a ramble, but what would you guys do? is it messed up to keep a therapist that my girlfriend doesn't like and feels uncomfortable with me seeing? and with her not wanting me to talk about her in therapy... should I just do it anyways and not tell her so there won't be any further issues? it feels morally amiss but I can't think of another solution.

[MissCanuck]

Jesus. 

Your girlfriend is the one who needs a therapist as she's got some serious issues with insecurity, controlling behaviour, and emotional blackmail. 

8 hours ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

it feels morally amiss but I can't think of another solution.

I can - reconsider this relationship. You are seeing some significant red flags here in this woman. Yes, it's that serious. 

Do you normally have difficulty speaking up for yourself, and has your girlfriend always been this threatened by other people in your life? 

[Kwothe28]

You are just now noticing how bad your girlfriend is? Good, that means therapy is working. The aim of therapy is for you to get healthy mental fortitude. Which in turn would mean that you would see how unhealthy some of the stuff, including your choice of girlfriend, is for you. Your girlfriend was afraid of that because, well, she knows she is unhealthy individual. And that when you found out that, you will leave. And looks like its a good time to do just that.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

. we've been talking about getting married this year since ill be at a marriageable age. (plus all those other reasons why most people get married. I don't want to get married *just* for funsies) and I don't think that we won't not get married this year unless there's a legal gray area with us getting married that we aren't aware of. so I just feel a little weird, unsure, and apprehensive about not being able to talk about someone that im getting married to in less than 12 months from now to my therapist. I practically live with her and 70% of my human interaction is with her.

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How old is she? Why are you practically living with her? What besides your therapist are the arguments and bickering about? 

It seems like you are not on the same page as far as relationship goals and values. Is she pressuring you to get married? Please stop staying at her place this much. 

This isn't a therapist issue. This is a relationship issue. Your therapist can't fix this.

Your therapy sessions are obviously supposed to be personal and confidential, so please stop sharing the details or giving her third hand hearsay about what the therapist supposedly says.

This is creating an us vs you situation which isn't helping. If you are tired, withdrawn and just want to process and relax after therapy, go home and don't get into debates about the merits of therapy and therapists in general. 

 

[Batya33]

Agree with Miss Canuck. My dad stayed alive till age 83 partly because of therapy.  This person you are dating is going to increase your need for therapy.  When I was in my early 30s -this is the first time this ever happened -on a 4th date the man I'd later be seriously involved with for years told me he saw a therapist.  He wanted me to know early on. 

To me -it was -neutral and mostly positive.  I didn't know him well yet but I was glad he was taking care of himself (this was in the late 90s).  I remember him being tired after a session -in the sense you described -and- whatever - because in a relationship we all have days where it's draining physically or emotionally or both. 

I totally get that we don't want a partner who chooses an activity or behavior that detrimentally affects his well being -and of course there are bad apples out there in the mental health field -but in a relationship between adults with rare exception you trust that the person knows when a therapist or doctor is not the right fit.

I'll add that in the 7 years I was with that guy I don't  think I once asked him a thing about his sessions, and never ever asked if he spoke about us.  I assumed he did - I guess -but it wasn't something that I dwelled on -because -why would I worry??

[AliasMcnutFace]

there's no real reason for me to be staying with her this often (most of the time). my living situation has always been a little undesirable to go home to, and rocky at times, so staying with her has just been a nice escape. 
everything that ties into therapy. it's been arguments about what I can wear when I go, my apparent new way of thinking since going, the way I treat people in my life after going, why I shouldn't have my therapists number, my "nasty" attitude when I get back, why me not wanting to eat dinner when I get back is outrageous. just silly spats, to mild arguments. but our disagreements weren't getting to the point of one of us genuinely being pissed off or super upset. 
 no. no. no. no. no. I mean, I don't think that I would be thinking about marriage if she didn't bring it up. scratch that. I definitely wouldn't be thinking about marriage if she didn't bring it up. but I don't believe that there's an imperfect time for us to get married because I truly want to spend the rest of my life with her. so marriage is something that we're on the same page about.
 I know that it's supposed to be a private thing, but she thinks of it as, if it's confidential and private on my terms, why can't I just tell her the details?  I must be hiding something if I don't want to tell her. I don't ever want her to feel shut out so it's just been hard to tell her that I don't want to tell her everything that happens in therapy.
that's definitely something that ill try to do more of in the future. I need at least a few hours to myself rather either one of us likes it or not.

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How old is she? Why are you practically living with her? What besides your therapist are the arguments and bickering about? 

It seems like you are not on the same page as far as relationship goals and values. Is she pressuring you to get married? Please stop staying at her place this much. 

This isn't a therapist issue. This is a relationship issue. Your therapist can't fix this.

Your therapy sessions are obviously supposed to be personal and confidential, so please stop sharing the details or giving her third hand hearsay about what the therapist supposedly says.

This is creating an us vs you situation which isn't helping. If you are tired, withdrawn and just want to process and relax after therapy, go home and don't get into debates about the merits of therapy and therapists in general. 

 

 

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How old is she? Why are you practically living with her? What besides your therapist are the arguments and bickering about? 

It seems like you are not on the same page as far as relationship goals and values. Is she pressuring you to get married? Please stop staying at her place this much. 

This isn't a therapist issue. This is a relationship issue. Your therapist can't fix this.

Your therapy sessions are obviously supposed to be personal and confidential, so please stop sharing the details or giving her third hand hearsay about what the therapist supposedly says.

This is creating an us vs you situation which isn't helping. If you are tired, withdrawn and just want to process and relax after therapy, go home and don't get into debates about the merits of therapy and therapists in general. 

 

there's no real reason for me to be staying with her this often (most of the time). my living situation has always been a little undesirable to go home to, and rocky at times, so staying with her has just been a nice escape. 
everything that ties into therapy. it's been arguments about what I can wear when I go, my apparent new way of thinking since going, the way I treat people in my life after going, why I shouldn't have my therapists number, my "nasty" attitude when I get back, why me not wanting to eat dinner when I get back is outrageous. just silly spats, to mild arguments. but our disagreements weren't getting to the point of one of us genuinely being pissed off or super upset. 
 no. no. no. no. no. I mean, I don't think that I would be thinking about marriage if she didn't bring it up. scratch that. I definitely wouldn't be thinking about marriage if she didn't bring it up. but I don't believe that there's an imperfect time for us to get married because I truly want to spend the rest of my life with her. so marriage is something that we're on the same page about.
 I know that it's supposed to be a private thing, but she thinks of it as, if it's confidential and private on my terms, why can't I just tell her the details?  I must be hiding something if I don't want to tell her. I don't ever want her to feel shut out so it's just been hard to tell her that I don't want to tell her everything that happens in therapy.
that's definitely something that ill try to do more of in the future. I need at least a few hours to myself rather either one of us likes it or not.

[AliasMcnutFace]

7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Jesus. 

Your girlfriend is the one who needs a therapist as she's got some serious issues with insecurity, controlling behaviour, and emotional blackmail. 

I can - reconsider this relationship. You are seeing some significant red flags here in this woman. Yes, it's that serious. 

Do you normally have difficulty speaking up for yourself, and has your girlfriend always been this threatened by other people in your life? 

oh well.. im sure that it'd be a different story if she wrote a post asking for advice from her position.
what makes you think that I have trouble speaking up for myself? you're not completely wrong tho.
yeah she usually is a little territorial over me when a new person has entered my life and we become close. im not exactly sure that she's threatened by my therapist tho. she has her reasons for not liking my therapist most asinine, some valid.

[AliasMcnutFace]

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

You are just now noticing how bad your girlfriend is? Good, that means therapy is working. The aim of therapy is for you to get healthy mental fortitude. Which in turn would mean that you would see how unhealthy some of the stuff, including your choice of girlfriend, is for you. Your girlfriend was afraid of that because, well, she knows she is unhealthy individual. And that when you found out that, you will leave. And looks like its a good time to do just that.

bad? I wasn't trying to say that I think that she's bad. she has her flawed traits and unhealthy coping mechanisms that therapy has maybe made me a little bit aware of due to all the drama that came along with it 

but I wasn't trying to paint my girlfriend as this bad, unhealthy individual

or imply that she is

[Seraphim]

Anyone who stands in the way of your health or mental health isn’t someone to be with. 

[Kwothe28]

13 minutes ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

but I wasn't trying to paint my girlfriend as this bad, unhealthy individual

or imply that she is

Your therapy is fresh so you maybe cant still see it fully yourself. But somebody who pesters you about your mental health and makes it about her, calls your therapist a B word because of that, goes through your phone, isnt really a healthy individual. And not somebody who you should spend the rest of your life with. The decision about who we will spend the rest of our life is one of the most important decisions in life. You spending it with somebody who will go through your phone and throw a temper tantrums about you going to therapy and wanting to better yourself, is abysmal idea. That would only lead you to bad things.

For example, do you even understand how abysmal is for her to go through your phone? You tried to set up a boundary because of the therapy and you finally gaining confidence to do it and that is good. But do you understand how passive you were being to even allow something like that? I once read something very good. And that is that unhealthy people stay with passive people because they are the only ones who could stand them. Anybody else would boot her to the streets the moment she would think to look at their phone. But you, who were unhealthy yourself, allowed that probably in fears of losing her if you dont. Once you get more healthy mindset you will see that yourself. But for now you are just showing the cracks of it. Which is good. That means that you are healing.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

There's no real reason for me to be staying with her this often (most of the time). my living situation has always been a little undesirable to go home to, and rocky at times, so staying with her has just been a nice escape. 

 I truly want to spend the rest of my life with her. so marriage is something that we're on the same page about.
 I know that it's supposed to be a private thing, but she thinks of it as, if it's confidential and private on my terms, why can't I just tell her the details?  I must be hiding something if I don't want to tell her. I don't ever want her to feel shut out so it's just been hard to tell her that I don't want to tell her everything that happens in therapy.. that's definitely something that ill try to do more of in the future. I need at least a few hours to myself rather either one of us likes it or not.

 What are the issues with your place? Do you live with friends family an ex?

It's great that you understand hanging out at her place as an escape it contributing to the problem. Definitely focus on improving your own home environment so you can retreat to somewhere where you can process, reflect and get some peace. 

As far as marriage it may be an overall general long term goal, but this situation doesn't seem to be stable enough for that. 

Your GF seems a bit too controlling so reclaiming your own turf is a practical first step rather being a guest in her place and just tuning her out. This seems to contribute to the overall issue of being shut out.

While your sessions are private, she seems to want to be able to have conversations with you and perhaps thinks she's not privvy to any of your thoughts and feelings but your therapist is. Unfortunately you're creating a sort of competition for your attention, energy and feelings.

But you can change that by not hanging out as an escape. Please try to explain that you're just processing things and try to communicate better rather than showing up after therapy and just withdrawing.

[boltnrun]

Your girlfriend hates your therapist because she fears losing control over you. She is used to dictating where you go, what you do, who you see, where you sleep and even how you dress. She wants to continue to have complete control over you. She doesn't want you thinking for yourself.

How she's acting now is how she'll be for the rest of your life if you marry her. How does that make you feel?

[TeeDee]

Ask your GF if she loves you?  If she says yes, then tell her that she needs to support your mental health but pestering you, making demands & not giving you time / space to recharge has the opposite effect.  

Since you & your GF do not live together but you spend a lot of time there, from now on, after your therapy sessions go home.  

Perhaps a goal in your life could be to move to an independent living situation even if that is with roommates.  I think you would do well with a place of your own so you can retreat & self soothe.  

Do not let your GF bully you into further  damaging your mental health

[catfeeder]

I don’t think it’s the therapy that’s exhausting you, it’s the GF. She doesn’t want you to recognize through therapy how detrimental she is to your health.

[AliasMcnutFace]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

 What are the issues with your place? Do you live with friends family an ex?

It's great that you understand hanging out at her place as an escape it contributing to the problem. Definitely focus on improving your own home environment so you can retreat to somewhere where you can process, reflect and get some peace. 

As far as marriage it may be an overall general long term goal, but this situation doesn't seem to be stable enough for that. 

Your GF seems a bit too controlling so reclaiming your own turf is a practical first step rather being a guest in her place and just tuning her out. This seems to contribute to the overall issue of being shut out.

While your sessions are private, she seems to want to be able to have conversations with you and perhaps thinks she's not privvy to any of your thoughts and feelings but your therapist is. Unfortunately you're creating a sort of competition for your attention, energy and feelings.

But you can change that by not hanging out as an escape. Please try to explain that you're just processing things and try to communicate better rather than showing up after therapy and just withdrawing.

thank you. im gonna try to talk about all this with her later

hopefully it goes well

[AliasMcnutFace]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

Your girlfriend hates your therapist because she fears losing control over you. She is used to dictating where you go, what you do, who you see, where you sleep and even how you dress. She wants to continue to have complete control over you. She doesn't want you thinking for yourself.

How she's acting now is how she'll be for the rest of your life if you marry her. How does that make you feel?

she doesn't decide those things for me all the time.

if you would've asked me that question before I started therapy and then now, my answer would be the same. everything I wrote was all the bad, and none of the good. and I don't think that she realizes how much I actually need therapy. I think that she sees it as me picking up a new hobby, rather than it being something that im doing to feel better mentally/emotionally. there's been very few times that she's seen me at what I consider to be...not mentally the best. and she sees the diagnosable flaws of me as cute quirks. maybe it's the inexperienced, kid side of me that isn't seeing everything for what it truly is but I think that this can be worked out.  

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

she doesn't decide those things for me all the time.

She shouldn't decide those things for you ANY of the time. Does she think you're incapable of making decisions for yourself?

5 minutes ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

everything I wrote was all the bad,

The "bad" is very bad.

Healthy relationships don't include any of what you wrote.

What do you plan to say to her during your talk?

[AliasMcnutFace]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

She shouldn't decide those things for you ANY of the time. Does she think you're incapable of making decisions for yourself?

The "bad" is very bad.

Healthy relationships don't include any of what you wrote.

What do you plan to say to her during your talk?

of course not. she can be a little bossy at times

and sometimes it's better to just go with what she wants to avoid any arguments. it's probably not the best way to respond to the situation but I hate it when she's mad at me

it's not like she's screaming at me, accusing me of cheating, and hitting me 24/7. it might not be the best example of a healthy relationship but I don't think that this is very bad. we're young and just trying to figure things out as we go

for one, that talking about her in therapy isn't something that we can compromise on. it would hinder my progress and I want to be honest with my therapist. I was thinking that maybe she could tell me some specific things about her/our relationship that she doesn't want me to talk about in therapy though.

im gonna tell her that id like to keep my therapist, but if she truly doesn't like her, I can change therapists. I know that I was talking about how much I like my therapist... but I don't think that keeping her is worth the stress. I feel like there's always gonna be snide remarks from my girlfriend if I decide to keep her.

as far as her wanting to know every detail about what happened in therapy, I really don't know. I could give her the rundown to what we talked about to make her feel more included and comfortable, but I don't want her to keep asking for more and more details because of it. I did decide that it would be best to emotionally recharge at my house for a few hours after my sessions. I think that overall she could use some more reassurance and apologies for this whole situation.

[MissCanuck]

You badly, badly need a backbone. You are so deep in the fog here you don't see how awful your girlfriend's behaviour is. 

47 minutes ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

I think that overall she could use some more reassurance and apologies for this whole situation.

You can't be serious. 

6 hours ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

but I wasn't trying to paint my girlfriend as this bad, unhealthy individual

You don't need to. The facts speak for themselves. 

6 hours ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

what makes you think that I have trouble speaking up for myself?

All of your posts in this thread indicate as much. You pander to her and enable her behaviour. 

6 hours ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

it's been arguments about what I can wear when I go

This is ridiculous. And you seriously think your girlfriend is not threatened by your therapist? 

Dude, this is not what love looks like. 

 

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

 . we're young and just trying to figure things out as we go

It seems like you could ease a lot of things up for yourself by improving your home situation and making that a better place to retreat to. This would be a great topic for your therapist. 

Your GF seems immature and threatened, but camping at her place in a bad withdrawn mood after therapy isn't making this any smoother.

 Perhaps she's not a psychotic witch who wants to sever you from healthcare, but there is definitely control and relationship issues. Maybe she hates your moods and shutting her off more than she hates your therapist. That's something you can do something about.

The best thing you can do is date nights. Go home after therapy and reflect. But when you're taking up space at her place interact, eat together and talk.  

[boltnrun]

So basically if you do things her way there's harmony and if you dare to do something without getting her advance approval you hear about it from her. 

1 hour ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

im gonna tell her that id like to keep my therapist, but if she truly doesn't like her, I can change therapists. I know that I was talking about how much I like my therapist... but I don't think that keeping her is worth the stress.

So you're willing to sacrifice your own health in order to appease her.

I understand you're young, so let us old folks give you a bit of insight...when you keep giving in so your girlfriend doesn't get angry with you two things will happen: she will keep pushing until you no longer make ANY decisions yourself, and you will completely lose yourself, so much so that if the relationship ever ended you'll feel like your life has no meaning because you won't know who you are without her. And that's unhealthy.  You'll end up in a "Yes, Dear" marriage. Which is fine if you don't care about having your own voice but I can tell you it'll get really tiresome really fast. 

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

I think that overall she could use some more reassurance and apologies for this whole situation.

Yeah, and good luck with that.

I think you're just having fun tinkering with strangers on the Internet.

 

[AliasMcnutFace]

2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

So basically if you do things her way there's harmony and if you dare to do something without getting her advance approval you hear about it from her. 

So you're willing to sacrifice your own health in order to appease her.

I understand you're young, so let us old folks give you a bit of insight...when you keep giving in so your girlfriend doesn't get angry with you two things will happen: she will keep pushing until you no longer make ANY decisions yourself, and you will completely lose yourself, so much so that if the relationship ever ended you'll feel like your life has no meaning because you won't know who you are without her. And that's unhealthy.  You'll end up in a "Yes, Dear" marriage. Which is fine if you don't care about having your own voice but I can tell you it'll get really tiresome really fast. 

sometimes.. but she usually isn't that pushy about me doing something unless it really matters to her.

no. if she said that she wanted me to stop going to therapy all together, id tell her that I can't. I can/will come across another therapist that we both like and feel comfortable with though.
I understand what you're saying. no, I don't want our relationship to become that.  ill try to be more assertive with what I want in the future. but I genuinely don't have it in me right now to deal with any of the consequences of keeping my therapist.

thank you for your input

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, AliasMcnutFace said:

ill try to be more assertive with what I want in the future. but I genuinely don't have it in me right now to deal with any of the consequences of keeping my therapist.

If you can only try and not do it- that's a concerning path.  I'd tell your therapist all of this and see what the therapist says.

[AliasMcnutFace]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You badly, badly need a backbone. You are so deep in the fog here you don't see how awful your girlfriend's behaviour is. 

You can't be serious. 

You don't need to. The facts speak for themselves. 

All of your posts in this thread indicate as much. You pander to her and enable her behaviour. 

This is ridiculous. And you seriously think your girlfriend is not threatened by your therapist? 

Dude, this is not what love looks like. 

 

well...we didn't talk for 4 days because I never texted or called her. I also implied that I would choose my therapist over her. I feel horrible. I think that any girl would be expecting an apology.
it's not that I don't agree with what everyone is saying in this thread, I just think that a lot of it doesn't apply to our relationship. how would you feel if you casually came on a website asking for advice about your supportive, loving, sensitive girlfriend who you rarely argue with that almost no one dislikes, and everyone started calling her a bad, toxic person. I just can't see her as that. I honestly thought that everyone would be mad at me for "choosing my therapist" over my girlfriend. so what everyone is saying is coming out of nowhere to me.