Everybody hates me. What am I doing wrong?

[Orla]

I am a high-functioning autistic teen with panic disorder. If this wasn't enough to deal with already, I also have issues with other people not understanding or liking me. At school, people act nice in front of me, but then they call me an ugly b**** behind my back. My cousins are horrible and never include me. My sister never has time for me. I have no friends whatsoever, just sitting alone at break and lunch. Then my parents are another story altogether. They treat me like dirt and shout at me whenever I get upset. If I tell them that they are being rude, they dismiss this as low mood. I explained to my mum about how I felt and she told me to shush and stop complaining. I often get upset and cry in my room, yet nobody comes and asks me if I am okay. I just feel like a lonely outsider. On a lot of advice forums, people laugh at me and insult me. What am I doing wrong? Why does everyone hate me? 

[Batya33]

Have you talked to your school social worker or guidance counselor? I'm sorry you're upset.

[Orla]

Just now, Batya33 said:

Have you talked to your school social worker or guidance counselor? I'm sorry you're upset.

Thank you for your sympathy. I have tried to get help there, but they never reply to my emails. I will keep trying though, and thanks for your suggestion 🙂 

[boltnrun]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

Can you search online for support groups for others who are neuro-divergent? You might be able to make some friends that way. People who understand what you're going through might be the best people to become friends with. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Orla said:

Thank you for your sympathy. I have tried to get help there, but they never reply to my emails. I will keep trying though, and thanks for your suggestion 🙂 

Why not call or go in person?

[Jaunty]

I don't think people can tell if you're doing anything wrong, or if you are, what that might be, unless they know you and can see how you're interacting with other people.  So that's a hard one for an advice forum.  I strongly second the advice you've received, and also - I'm really sorry that you're having such a tough time.   Teenage years can be difficult even under easier circumstances than yours.  

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Why not call or go in person?

I'm guessing that would be too overwhelming.

[TeeDee]

You aren't doing anything wrong per se.  You are doing what psychologists call catastrophizing.  You see everything in extremes when you say things like they "never" include you or that "everyone" hates you.    It probably feels that way at times & your condition makes it even harder to understand.  

 

Do talk to your parents & those closest too you.  Tell them what you would like them to do when you are crying . . . come talk to you or hug you.  If you specify what will help, they will be more likely to give you what you need.  

[ShySoul]

I don't hate you. If anything I can relate to most of that and wish I could be there to give you a hug or just talk with you so you wouldn't feel so alone.

Most of my life I've felt like a lonely outsider, my teen years included. At school most people would be generally nice even though I wasn't ever close to them. But there were some who would make fun of me. I had a cousin in the same grade who was rude to me. Freshmen year I had no friends and would eat lunch alone. I luckily was able to find one person who thought like I did and had much in common with but I still felt like an outcast amongst the crowd. And my family was usually too wrapped up in their own issues. I spent countless nights crying myself to sleep. I've even been attacked and insulted for voicing my opinions and beliefs on forums. So I get what you are feeling.

I wish life was easier and that people didn't have to go through this. I have no idea why some people seem to struggle so much more. But I've come to see that what other people think of you isn't what counts. What matters is what you think of yourself. Every person is a beautiful, unique individual. Everyone is special and valuable. To make the world work it takes all kinds of kinds. It's important to remember that your kind is just as important as anyone else. So be the person you are and be proud of it. Do things you enjoy. As long as you are treating people with respect and being yourself, you aren't doing anything wrong. And even if it seems everyone is against you, remember there are good people out there. It might take some time (a lot longer then we would wish), but you'll find someone who you can relate with, who will value you for who you. When that happens, most of that lonliness will be flipped to joy.

[Andrina]

Are you really good at certain subjects? If so, why not tell someone in your school you're willing to tutor another student at a free period or after school? When you take that time to help someone, he/she will get to know that you're really nice and helpful.

Look around and see who else is sitting alone daily at lunch. How about you go ask to sit with him/her? You can learn to socialize by thinking about what people do that you appreciate. Do you appreciate people who ask how your day is going? If they want to learn about you, such as what types of music you like, what shows/movies/ books you're into? Then ask the same to others.

Are there any school clubs you'd be interested in joining, or have you wanted to try taking a band or orchestra class? That's a great way to make new friends with that shared interest. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Vix eyestyn]

I would advice, that everyone at some point feels the same way as you s, I struggled with that for a long time, trust me when I say it's all in your mind, perhaps I for sure is that people don't hate for no reason, they certainly wish to be like you, they just can't figure how, so learn to control you emotions and most importantly your mind, go on persue your passions and better your self one day you will realise that it was all in your mind, so go on and be yourself don't change for people, even them trust me  they feel the same way. 

[Cherylyn]

I can relate.  Often times,  I too feel like an outsider because I want to be treated with respect just like you.  The problem is,  this is a complicated world and your high standards and high requirements in people's characters don't match your expectations.  You have to learn to adapt which means you need to accept and sometimes tolerate people who are unkind,  inconsiderate,  rude,  lack empathy,  mean,  cruel with their words or actions / non-actions and they'll say or write whatever they want,  whenever they want.  Should you call them out on it,  they'll tell you that it's your problem,  not theirs aka (also known as) gaslighting. 

If you want to be accepted by them,  unfortunately,  in order to keep the peace,  they expect your deference.  It requires swallowing your pride and going along to get along.  I myself,  don't subscribe to this belief but it really depends on the situation.  At the workplace,  in order to earn a living,  you do what you have to do to survive harmoniously to the best of your ability. 

With friends,  if you can discard them,  discard them.  With family,  it's dicey if you don't have choices.  Pick your battles.  If you want to keep the peace,  do what you have to do but unfortunately,  many times,  you have to sell your soul in order to keep the peace. 

What I recommend is enforcing healthy boundaries with people who don't behave honorably.  If you can afford to eliminate them,  eliminate them from your life.  If you must retain them in your life,  don your best poker face and remain civil but not chummy.

There are people who are not worldly.  They do exist even though they're hard to find.  It's better to be lonely and selective than being included while allowing yourself to be habitually abused.  Surround yourself with moral people outside your sphere.  Alike people attract alike minds.  Rotten people attract rotten people.  Birds of a feather flock together.  Be very picky and choosy because it pays off to be with normal people.  Being with abnormal people will give you nothing but endless,  life long,  unnecessary stress.  They're not worth it. ☹️ 

[Bene20]

On 4/9/2024 at 9:38 PM, Orla said:

I am a high-functioning autistic teen with panic disorder. If this wasn't enough to deal with already, I also have issues with other people not understanding or liking me. At school, people act nice in front of me, but then they call me an ugly b**** behind my back. My cousins are horrible and never include me. My sister never has time for me. I have no friends whatsoever, just sitting alone at break and lunch. Then my parents are another story altogether. They treat me like dirt and shout at me whenever I get upset. If I tell them that they are being rude, they dismiss this as low mood. I explained to my mum about how I felt and she told me to shush and stop complaining. I often get upset and cry in my room, yet nobody comes and asks me if I am okay. I just feel like a lonely outsider. On a lot of advice forums, people laugh at me and insult me. What am I doing wrong? Why does everyone hate me? 

I feel the same... This world is cruel! Don't let these girls get too you bro!