I’m a 32 year old woman, single, never had a serious relationship.

[Mary Anne Johnson]

Hi!

I’m 32 years old, I have never been in a serious relationship, and I am currently single. In addition to that, I am also unemployed.
 

I have been working on a personal blog for the past few years and have just gotten an AA in journalism a few months ago. I have graduated with straight As. I have applied to numerous jobs, but have only had one interview so far. 

All throughout my 20s, I was preoccupied with trying to build a career, taking classes at a community college, having part-time jobs so I could have some money, and seeing my friends. I have lived with my mother throughout my entire 20s - she moved away when I turned 29 (she still lives in the same city, just a different neighbourhood) but she still pays my rent.

I got my BFA from a design school from which I graduated with a 2.16 GPA at the age of 24 - I got held back one semester, and finished up my senior year as a part time student, took me two years. I was having a hard time building a career as a fashion designer. I never got a job offer that was above an internship. In my mid-20s, I still had the drive and the interest to keep working towards my then goal of working in the fashion industry. But towards my late 20s I fully focused on another passion of mine - rock music history - and started a blog. Like I said before, I now have an AA in journalism. 
 

Unfortunately, all throughout my 20s - specifically my mid-to-late 20s - I have been unfortunate to only have been interested in people who were in one way or another unavailable to me. At 25 I developed a huge crush on one of my then-girlfriends (I have never been with a woman, but I have felt attracted to other women on a few occasions), but she turned out to be toxic. The worst part is, we have only hung out for a couple of months before we had a falling out, but I spent the next two years being obsessed with her and wishing that we could reconcile. Thankfully, I have long ago gotten over my obsession and don’t think about her anymore.

When I was 27, I developed a crush on my music teacher whom I was taking adult voice lessons with. Naturally, because he was a staff member and I was his student, I didn’t want to risk getting both of us in trouble (he didn’t teach privately, he worked at a music center). I was so preoccupied with my feelings for him and my fantasies that I never even considered looking for someone else to date. After teaching me for a year and a half, he moved to another state. Nothing ever happened between us.

At 29, I finally got my first legitimate job at a bathroom appliance showroom, and focused the next year on working and “me time”. After about a year and a half of working at the showroom, I got laid off because of staff cutbacks (this was in the fall of 2022, I heard a lot of people got laid off then).

So, a year ago, just a few months before turning 31, I went back to school for a journalism degree. I have plans to take my blog to a new level, but before I do that I need to start working and saving up money - if I want to start a website and rent out a studio to shoot my interviews, I need money for all that. 
 

I have been trying online dating for the past three years. Three years ago when I first started doing it (after the teacher I had a crush on moved away) I met a couple of guys whom I’ve been on and off with for the next two years. A year ago I decided to delve into online dating again, but for some reason it has been going terribly for the past year! I can’t even get anyone to meet up with me - I have only been on one date, and after that the guy said he isn’t ready for anything serious. He was 27, btw. 
 

And it’s not like I’m shy or socially awkward! On the contrary, I’m pretty, interesting, and fun. I can honesty say - and no, I’m not being cocky - that I have a great personality and that I am an interesting conversationalist. I’m an aspiring podcaster with a journalism degree - it’s my job to talk to people, for god’s sake. All my close friends- and I have a number of them - have always been telling me that I have a great personality.

I have no money, no legitimate job (I currently work part-time as a receptionist and still take classes, even though I got my AA), and no partner. All I have to my name is an AA that I received with honors, an interesting hobby, and a number of good friends who have been too busy with their own lives to see me. Only one of my good friends has a family, though. The rest are too preoccupied with their careers. 
 

When I was in my mid-20s, I have never thought that I would end up like this. Everyone - my teachers, friends, my bosses at the part-time jobs I had - told me I had potential. And I truly believed back then that if I continued working hard, that I would be ok. Even a year ago when I was still getting my degree my life truly felt like it had a purpose, even if technically I was also single back then.

When I was younger, even just a year ago, I have always enjoyed working towards building a career for myself, seeing my friends, and enjoying lots of “me time”. My life was busy and I had time to relax.

Now, I feel like I have nothing. I’m about to turn 32 in a few months, and I’m wondering if I’m ever going to actually be able to build a career for myself. I also feel like I won’t ever find a partner. Maybe all I’m ever capable of when it comes to relationships is fantasising about guys who are unavailable to me in real life…

It’s 1:30 in the morning, and I’m tired. I’m gonna go to bed…

I just wanted to have a place to pour my heart out. I feel lonely and right now I don’t have anyone to talk to…

[Batya33]

I'm sorry you feel sad and are struggling. I got most of my really good jobs and career and professional opportunities by networking including within the company I was working for- or by being proactive/getting out of my comfort zone.

I met one of my mentors -of 10 years- when I was 31 years old  -we were invited to lunch with him to meet him as he'd just come to our company - he described what he did and I had very little experience in his area but it sounded fascinating.

I approached him after lunch -he was 25 years older than me -and told him I'd love an assignment in his area - he gave me a project that required weekend work and I did it -and he saw as a first impression my persistence/work ethic - and  that was that for the next 10 years - he taught me everything about his area- threw me into the fire many times- until I left the company -although he continued to be a mentor). 

I went to networking events all the time to develop business, went to them as a stay at home mom in my late 40s to return to the work force, etc.  Like you I had the credentials, the degrees -and to me in your field -like mine -it's really really important to network -the who you know not what you know piece which is why I've described what I've done for 35 years of my life at least.

I'm sorry you got laid off -do you stay in touch with your former coworkers and boss to see if they can assist you -or you can assist them?

Do you think your expectations of your career are realistic? I do know of people who make some $ from blogging and often they also write a book. Podcasts are expensive to launch -two of my friends started them and already had plenty of $ and one had a more than full time job -one already did a gofundme to continue - and the other just launched but has medical conditions and her husband is wealthy and provides. 

Those sorts of ventures are really interesting but often don't put food on the table.  Journalism is great and from my outside understanding the degree can be helpful but again it's really who you know and what you've done with it that matters in that field -I think?

Are you depressed? Do you have mental health issues? Obviously that can be an obstacle.  

I had to fight for all I wanted in my career and to find the right person to marry and then to have a baby -nothing at all came easy.  I took the long way around as far as a partner. But I will tell you - if you are unemployed and financially struggling many men in your age group will be wary of  getting involved for fear they're taking on needing to be a sole provider if they cannot/don't want to and for fear of you wanting to have a child "before it's too late" when  financially you'd be totally dependent on the other person.  Just consider that as a downside to looking for a partner right now.

I hope you feel better.

 

 

[Coily]

You have a lot of moving parts going on with your life right now.

I'll start with the podcasting/blogging/journalism; it's a flooded market in a lot of ways. You have to take in what topics do you have expertise in, do you know anyone "inside" that field? Do you want to have it voice only? Or have yourself on screen? Are you ready for the trolls? Are you ready for the years of grinding making content before you get your break or give up?

I don't want to discourage you, but I want you to look at this realistically as a 3 year project before it even comes close to break even. Or even something viable as a side job. It's a lot of fun, especially when you get an audience who is engaged and encouraging. It just takes a while to develop your brand so to speak when you're independent.

Now to being single... It's hard and it sucks. I think you need to think of it this way what are you looking for long term? Companionship or family? Do you have a realistic view of who you can attract and be attracted to? Do you have an overly idealized partner or standards? What pool of potential dates do you have in mind vs who is available in your area?

At 32 with no kids, you should be a high sought after woman. So maybe the guys you are looking at aren't really the types who want a serious relationship? There could be a way you present yourself to others that is unattractive?  And no I don't think most men will fear or get turned off by being the primary bread winner or afraid of you getting baby rabies.

I think there is a lot of this to do with the circles you move in. What are you doing to get yourself out there and available? Have you joined meet-up groups, looked into singles events in your area? What are you doing to get beyond online dating and with single people in your area?

No, you are capable of finding someone. You just need to think of how to be approachable, or willing be to approach. What you have been trying and looking for isn't working you need to be willing to shake that up. You can do all of that while building a career.

I really hope in a few months time you find some break in this routine of yours.

 

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Mary Anne Johnson said:

I have no money, no legitimate job (I currently work part-time as a receptionist and still take classes, even though I got my AA)

Highly irrelevant when it comes to men. You will "catch more flies" if you invested in looks then in a journalistic degree that will only get you debt in lots of cases. Dont get me wrong, I like people with degrees. But in dating department that really doesnt help you much. Invest into gym, some new clothes, photoshop etc. That would get you more success in dating then college education ever will. Heck, it would probably help you in your job. Every journalist today is also "Instagram influencer" or whatever. 

Also, you have friends but I dont really see you wrote anything you do for social activities. Where do you plan to meet somebody? By interviewing them? You would need to change that part too if you want to meet somebody. You have to create an opportunity to meet somebody. Which you only did by

a) being at school and having a crush on a teacher

b) going on dating apps

Second one is fine but as you can see, it doesnt really yield any results. You need to work on that part more. Because you cant expect that opportunity to meet somebody just fell into your lap. Sure, it happens to some people. But some need to do heavy work on that department. You seem to be that.

[yogacat]

At your age I was working a high-power career, making good money, and purchased my first home. I was dating but had just come out of a long-term relationship. A few years later -- something completely different,

So you see, life changes.

How can you do things differently so that you don't let your thoughts about your career weigh you down? It takes time and hard work to build a successful career. If you feel that you can't commit to a relationship right now because of school or career goals, then focus on those things for now. 

See, some people can do both great accomplishments and maintain a great social life. However, some of us have to stagger those events or we achieve neither. This means being focused on one thing at a time. That may be school and career now and social life later. That is not such a bad thing. You seem to be doing great in school and I believe that will lead you to better opportunities in your career. 

But I do think you need to take a step back and evaluate your approach to dating. If you are only interested in unavailable people, stop that right now. 

If what you want is monogamous, committed relationship, look for people who are available, single, not just wanting a sexual relationship and those you have things in common with. 

You're not going to get many dates if your approach is: successful guy (even if sexually promiscuous) << unavailable person who’s a great conversationalist >> I’ll stop at this point; you’ve gotten my drift, I hope <<

Stay focused, work hard, and keep applying for jobs. Take any opportunity that comes your way, even if it's not your dream job. It can still lead to bigger and better things. 

You want someone who will add to your life, not complete it.

[Jaunty]

It sounds like you are all over the place.   

Your AA degree in journalism is a good personal accomplishment but it does not translate in any sense to a job.  The blog you are working on - which, again, is a great thing to do, if you are truly passionate about what you're writing about - still doesn't really mean anything employment-wise until you gain a significant audience. As someone said already, it's a flooded market and your blog might not get that audience.  So keep going - but more as a personal project for your own enjoyment rather than a "career" at this point.

Unfortunately your design degree is not serving you in your work life either.

Both the design and the writing require that you be talented in those things - they are "arts" - in order to make a living.  And, unfortunately, a lot of talented people still are not able to find their niche to make a living in any of the arts.

It seems like you need to just date for enjoyment at this time - if you and another person are hitting it off, keep going, but it might not be a great time for "goal oriented" dating for you.

It seems more important that you try to figure out how to support your life in a realistic way.  Also, to spend quality time in your social life with your many friends.  If you're so lonely that you "have no one to talk to" it seems like you are neglecting your social life. That will help you more than a romantic partner at this time.  

[Batya33]

I wanted to clarify - many men are fine being the primary breadwinner.  Even prefer it. Many people are not fine getting seriously involved with a person who is chronically unemployed/pursuing careers/businesses  that will cost a lot to invest in and are very risky/and or are financially unstable/not financially independent.  You're not just asking a man to be the primary provider but to be ok with your financial instability/unemployment and investing lots of time and likely money in risky pursuits.  I'd get that straightened out before trying to date in any serious way.  

I agree with Jaunty.

[boltnrun]

If you keep changing what you want to do career-wise, yes, you will likely struggle.

Also, social media or media in general is a really tough industry to get into. You will have to stand out from the tens of thousands of others who are also trying to achieve fame and income from a media presence. It's super competitive. Also, as you know it's not your typical 8-5 job where you can just set it aside until the next morning. You have to HUSTLE, oftentimes all day every day for 10-12 hours a day or more, trying to attract viewers, get sponsors and seek collaborations with more established media personalities. It leaves little time for a social life. 

Sometimes people have to find a job to pay the bills until they can achieve a guaranteed, reliable income from what is truly their passion. Having a steady paycheck could take some of the pressure off. 

[itsallgrand]

I'm curious why your mom keeps enabling you to be cloistered away from the realities of life? Is she super emotionally dependent on you? 

Do you know why you yourself are emotionally unavailable for a relationship? 

I'm not wanting to analyze but damn, something is going on there. You are currently living as a "princess". Your life is being subsidized by someone else so you can pursue your wants.  It has given you an extremely narrow view of what is actually possible for you. You are hyper fixated on passion projects. 

Some men may not care when they see this coming, but again, it really narrows down your options! They may not care if you have a career making big bucks, but a lot of them do go for someone who can carry her own. And the ones who are comfortable taking on a dependent fully usually have strings attached. I'm not sure if that's what you are going for in a man?

What ARE you looking for in a partner?  

 

[Mary Anne Johnson]

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Also, you have friends but I dont really see you wrote anything you do for social activities. Where do you plan to meet somebody? By interviewing them? You would need to change that part too if you want to meet somebody. You have to create an opportunity to meet somebody. Which you only did by

a) being at school and having a crush on a teacher

b) going on dating apps

I have got so many responses, it’s going to take me a while to get through them all and answer accordingly.

but here’s what I have to say regarding the above quote: I actually love going out to clubs to listen to live music. I have been doing that since my mid-20s, and it’s still just as amazing as it was back then. And when I first started going out, I met most of the friends I have right now through those outings. 
 

I also mentioned that despite the fact that I do have friends, they are all too busy with their lives (mostly careers, only one of them has a family, really) to hang out too often. I would love to see them more often than I do now, but they always tell me they’re busy. 
 

I have seriously considered the idea of meeting someone through going to events that have to do with the things I enjoy. But lately I don’t have too much money to go out.

[Mary Anne Johnson]

Regarding my journalism degree - I am planning to get a day job in the industry. I have gotten straight As while getting my AA, and one of my professors said that I have a promising future in the industry, if I choose to get into it. Also, I enjoyed my journalism courses tremendously - I clearly have a passion for this. And I think it’s kind of bogus for me to go and look for a day job in a totally different field - like coming back into kitchen and bathroom appliance sales again, like some people here recommended - after I just spent a year getting an AA in journalism and graduated with honors.

Music journalism is my passion, and I am gonna be aiming towards eventually finding work in that niche. But in the meantime, I am completely open to any other areas in this field. First of all, I need money, second of all I need stuff to put on my resume. 
 

I want to thank the person who gave me advice to do more networking - I do have a lot of friends who are in bands, I will inquire their help on that topic. And get out there and develop more connections in general. 
 

And I have been getting a pretty stable audience in terms of my blog. Now I just need money to take it to the next level, i.e. rent out a professional studio space, hire a video editor to edit my recorded interviews, hair and makeup, etc. And I need money for all of that - hence my goal to get a day job as a journalist, i.e. intern, writer, editor.

After I received my AA back in January, I have had a few meetings with counslers at  my college who advised me on what I need to do when I apply to jobs. And I have been following their advice. I hope that I will find a position soon - at least then my cup will be half-full

[Batya33]

I’d stop pursuing ventures that require $$ investment. You don’t have that and also as others said those businesses are highly competitive and saturated. How about revisit that in 5 years.  See if you can put a bit aside each month for that goal. Invest it wisely and safely. See where you are in a couple of years. It’s not realistic to think you’re going to raise capital to try out one of these risky ventures. You don’t have angel investors  or a trust fund. That’s the reality. 
I think what your professors said is lovely. How many interviews did they offer to get for you. How many phone calls did they make on your behalf ? How many names did they give you for people to contact for potential jobs or interviews or internships?

[Jaunty]

What kind of "day job" in journalism are you looking for?   Not sure what an AA in that field can offer, job-wise.  

 I was a music reporter (and a DJ) for a public radio station - and it was a volunteer position.  I booked and conducted interviews with very well known artists who were doing shows in our city, got a lot of free swag and music and backstage passes - but not a single dollar in all those great years.  

I didn't have a degree in broadcasting or anything but that would not have made any difference.  

[boltnrun]

My friend has a master's degree in communications. She was a television news anchor (yes, on TV!). The dirty little secret is, those jobs do not pay well at all. I think she was making $14 an hour. As an anchor! She quit and got a job writing reports for a government agency. She's making a TON more money now.

You act as though getting a job to pay the bills is beneath you. That's fine as long as someone else is financing you. But you say you have no money to go out, so...not sure how this is supposed to work out.

Decide your priorities, then take action to work toward your goal. If making it as a blogger is your goal, be prepared to be low on money for a while. 

[smackie9]

You out of work? You do whatever job you can get and put 100% in. As for career, I suggest you pick a trade. They are desperate for electricians, carpenters, millwright, welder, mechanic, etc. Journeymen can make more than doctors and are in demand...you can literally work anywhere especially if you join a union. You don't make money in the arts unless you are really good. I was a graphics designer. Low paying entry level jobs didn't cut it/ high competition. I ended up doing something else that paid the bills. 

Networking in the jobs you do, is where you meet people which can lead to friendships/romantic relationships. I get it, the economic climate is a stormy one for most people. You need to push through it with all your might. 

[Jaunty]

39 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

. You don't make money in the arts unless you are really good. I was a graphics designer. Low paying entry level jobs didn't cut it/ high competition.

AI is heavily impacting commercial visual art and writing as well.  I can easily imagine many avenues of graphic, advertising art and copy, fact reporting, going completely out of the human realm in the near future.

[Dancer Candy]

I'm about the same age as you, and while I have been in multiple serious relationships, a lot of them have been with men who have actively hurt me.

I don't say this to say that you can't feel the way you do, because of my own past suffering.  I don't mean this to be a "my life sucks more than yours!" sort of post.  Only saying to tell you that relationships are really really hard, and even if you get one, it might not turn out the way you hoped.

Anyways, if I can keep trying, you can too!

Also - it's fantastic that you have embraced writing so much!  That was the only thing I was ever any good at at school, but I never had the courage to pursue it at all.  You're inspiring!

[catfeeder]

Consider signing up with temp agencies, and accept assignments that will expose you to different work environments and cultures. When you find places you like, you’ll be positioned to apply-from-within for opportunities that are not offered to the public.

Sending resumes is not enough to get yourself onto the agency rosters. Make appointments for interviews, at least 3 per week, preferably in the morning so you can treat yourself to some kind of reward afterward. Start with the firms closest to you, then work yourself through an outward radius.

All agencies do not have the same accounts, so the variety is important, especially for exposure to the marketing areas in different industries, where writing copy and releases and learning both internal and external operations will add to your value in in journalism.

The best reporting on the world requires embedding yourself within it rather than hiding from it. You have the technical skills down—get out there and learn how to use them in lots of ways. Join the working public to understand it and service it. You’ll make new friends, and you’ll feel more connected with your audience.

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, Jaunty said:

AI is heavily impacting commercial visual art and writing as well.  I can easily imagine many avenues of graphic, advertising art and copy, fact reporting, going completely out of the human realm in the near future.

Since the birth of the internet the graphics art industry started it's slow death because of world wide access to free clipart, art software that's already included with windows, copy/paste images off the net, etc. You don't really need to be an actual artist. As the old adage "Starving Artist" still rings true.