How much time a couple should spend together?

[USDC]

Hi Everyone,

How often should a couple (3-6 months dating) see each other or talk ?  I see my boyfriend once a week (typically on Saturday) and talk over the phone 2-3 times a week. We text each other every day.  Is that normal?

Thanks !

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, USDC said:

  I see my boyfriend once a week (typically on Saturday) and talk over the phone 2-3 times a week. We text each other every day. 

Are you both happy with the arrangement? Are you both busy working or with children?. Who would like to see more of each other? Is this the same man?

 

[USDC]

We both work full-time and live 1-hr away from each other. I am happy, and just wonder what other couples are doing.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, USDC said:

We both work full-time and live 1-hr away from each other. I am happy, and just wonder what other couples are doing.

When I was in this situation in my 20s - lived an hour away - it was the late 80s/early 90s - we basically saw each other once or twice a week, we talked once or twice a week especially closer to the 6 month mark.  Only landlines and at t imes an office phone, no internet.  We weren't actually exclusive until 6 months in. With another boyfriend who lived closer - like a 15 minute drive -me early 20s, him more mid 20s - we saw each other once or twice a week but I think we got serious sooner and probably spoke by phone several times a week.  In both cases we worked full time and/or I was in grad school full time and worked part time and same for him.

[Bene20]

43 minutes ago, USDC said:

Hi Everyone,

How often should a couple (3-6 months dating) see each other or talk ?  I see my boyfriend once a week (typically on Saturday) and talk over the phone 2-3 times a week. We text each other every day.  Is that normal?

Thanks !

I think that's good for a couple in the beginning stages of a relationship. The key thing is that it works for the two of you.

[ShySoul]

There are no rules and every couple is different. Whatever the two of you can arrange is fine, as long as you are both happy with it. The important thing is to be together when you can (in person, phone, whatever), and enjoy the time you have.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, ShySoul said:

There are no rules and every couple is different. Whatever the two of you can arrange is fine, as long as you are both happy with it. The important thing is to be together when you can (in person, phone, whatever), and enjoy the time you have.

I read it as she was curious what other people do.  She wasn't looking to see if there are rules.  She can do with the information what she wishes.  

[Wiseman2]

On 2/24/2024 at 11:03 AM, USDC said:

 He wants to see me more often and is trying to sell his condo and move closer to me. In the mean time, he wants to come to my place after work and wait for me to finish work. That's a bit too much for me 

It doesn't matter how much time a couple "should" spend together.

You feel suffocated and crowded because he wants to hang out at your place too much.

Trust your instincts and keep your boundaries and pace yourself to avoid his too much too soon pace. 

[ShySoul]

58 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I read it as she was curious what other people do.  She wasn't looking to see if there are rules.  She can do with the information what she wishes.  

"Rules" was just another way of saying there is no set amount of time to spend together. What other couples do is what they do and should have no bearing on what she does. Schedules, distance, responsibilities... factors will differ for everyone. My conclusion was the same as yours, whatever works for them.

Personally, I say spend as much time together as possible - in person, calls, chats, whatever you can arrange. I've talked to someone I was interested in every night, hours at a time. If you both enjoy it and have fun, why stop?

[yogacat]

Yes agree with what's been said.

You're asking the question because you feel it's too much for your liking. He was talking about your future wedding two months into dating. Not that marriage after a short time together hasn't worked out and been a good thing but it's not typical. You're completely in your right to feel that it's all too fast. Dating in its very early stages is supposed to be fun, light. 

That said, I think 3-6 month dating seeing each other 1x a week and talking are the normal bill. The texting every day wouldn't appeal to me but 2-3x talking a week seems fine to most.

 

[Batya33]

35 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

"Rules" was just another way of saying there is no set amount of time to spend together. What other couples do is what they do and should have no bearing on what she does. Schedules, distance, responsibilities... factors will differ for everyone. My conclusion was the same as yours, whatever works for them.

Personally, I say spend as much time together as possible - in person, calls, chats, whatever you can arrange. I've talked to someone I was interested in every night, hours at a time. If you both enjoy it and have fun, why stop?

I have a different take and appreciate yours! I agree no set amount of time.  Don't think that was what the OP was asking though.  Maybe I misread.

[Batya33]

37 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Yes agree with what's been said.

You're asking the question because you feel it's too much for your liking. He was talking about your future wedding two months into dating. Not that marriage after a short time together hasn't worked out and been a good thing but it's not typical. You're completely in your right to feel that it's all too fast. Dating in its very early stages is supposed to be fun, light. 

That said, I think 3-6 month dating seeing each other 1x a week and talking are the normal bill. The texting every day wouldn't appeal to me but 2-3x talking a week seems fine to most.

 

Yes for sure if that is why totally agree with you.

[Cherylyn]

That sounds about right.  My husband and I dined out,  socialized with our friend group,  went to the theater and the like about once a week,  had phone chats several times a week and texting every several days is not unreasonable.  Do whatever works for both of you.  What other couples do shouldn't make a difference because they're not you nor him.  😉  Do whatever floats your boat.

[Kwothe28]

10 hours ago, USDC said:

How often should a couple (3-6 months dating) see each other or talk ?  I see my boyfriend once a week (typically on Saturday) and talk over the phone 2-3 times a week. We text each other every day.  Is that normal?

 

Depending on the number of work commitments or other things that makes both of you busy, pretty normal. People have more time when they are still in school so they see each other more. But after you are more serious and work duties catch up, there is less time to see somebody. You do hear often so its not like you dont have contacts in a menatime.

There is also a distance issue. 1 hour is not much but that still means 2 hours trip when you see each other. So that makes things more complicated. Are you doing something to shorten that distance? Maybe talking about living closer or even together?

[DarkCh0c0]

It differs from couple to couple. Some people are okay with that pace, and some like to have more frequent time together.

I'd go with what you are comfortable with. Your feelings about this are very key. If you don't feel well with more visits, it's not well and pull the brakes to the relationship. If you feel happy, then proceed. If you feel somewhere in the middle, can you find a compromise?

[Mason Parsons]

Every couple is different, so there's no one-size-fits-all answer. Seeing each other once a week and chatting a few times in between sounds pretty balanced for your stage. If you both feel good about it, then it's all good! Just make sure you're both on the same page about what feels right for your relationship. As long as you're happy and feeling connected, you're doing just fine!

[TeeDee]

"normal" is such a loaded word.  The correct / proper amount of time for any two people to spend together is what works for them.  

[smackie9]

I'm gonna take a guess and say one of you has requested to see the other more often and it has been met with some resistance. 

[rainbowsandroses]

On 3/31/2024 at 12:54 PM, USDC said:

I see my boyfriend once a week (typically on Saturday) and talk over the phone 2-3 times a week. We text each other every day.  Is that normal?

I dunno, I read this^ as you were kind of asking if there was some sort of rule about it.  

NOT a criticism, it's something I used to wonder myself!

Anyway, no there is no rule stating a couple must spend every day together or every week, hell I know couples who are very much love who can spend weeks apart and it works for THEM.

Re dating, I would suggest deleting the word "normal" from your dating repertoire, normal is whatever two people want it to be.  Whatever works for THEM, individually and as a couple.

I also suggest you delete the word "should" as well.  There are no "shoulds" either such as when a man is interested, he "should" act in a particular way (like immediately ask you out on a 'proper date' for example) and if he's not interested, he won't!

There ae so many different variables and nuances when it comes to dating, there is no "one size fits all," no one "right" way a man (or woman) behaves when interested and another way when they're not.

It's never that black and white.

This is one of the most important things I have learned through all my dating experiences.  No rules, no shoulds, every person and situation is different from the other.

Get to know yourself what you like and dislike, become self-aware and use your intuition based on what you observe in that particular situation and use your best judgment in determining whether a particular man is the right man for you.

 

[catfeeder]

No need to build a case to defend against your privacy being invaded when someone is pushing too hard. You can simply say "No, that doesn't work for me."

If someone tries to work you past what makes you happy and comfortable, that should indicate to you that you're being manipulated--and what should that tell you?