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Pregnant and worried about how this will go and what people are going to say...


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5 hours ago, Isabella7898 said:

Judgmental or not that’s my opinion… trying to trap a man with a pregnancy is an awful thing to do,  and I do feel she’s doing that. 

I was commenting on the registry comment.  You're entitled to your opinion.  I didn't read at all that she was trying to trap him.  

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5 hours ago, Isabella7898 said:

Judgmental or not that’s my opinion… trying to trap a man with a pregnancy is an awful thing to do,  and I do feel she’s doing that. 

If that does happen to be her aim, she probably could not have picked a less appropriate target.   I think this will be his 6th child and he evidently only really has any relationship with one of the other kids - and zero of their mothers.

He sounds pretty untrappable.  

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Perhaps "trapped" was the wrong word. 

She wanted a baby with a financially solvent man; whether they end up together or he's sees the child is irrelevant.

She's set financially for at least the next 18 years and if you don't think there are women who intentionally do this, I would suggest that you think again. 

Personally I have NO idea what OP's motivation is but do think the registry thing is odd at 9 weeks as well.

Combined with no birth control and non-stop sex on their vacation?

And then after they return, oopsie I'm pregnant?

But who knows, the only person who knows her motivation is her. 

 

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Well, she didn't get pregnant by herself. If the man didn't want any more children he could have gotten a vasectomy. 

I was accused of deliberately getting pregnant during one relationship. I had begged and begged the man to get a vasectomy as I had health issues whenever I became pregnant. He insisted he wasn't going to let anyone near his "nuts" with a scalpel. When I became pregnant he raged at me, demanded I get an abortion and then abandoned me when I refused. He too was wealthy but he wanted nothing to do with me or the child and actually was happy when I was hospitalized and nearly died because if I died the baby wouldn't have been born. And no, I didn't become pregnant in an attempt to "trap" him. 

It seems the OP's baby's father is happy or at least accepting of the pregnancy.

As for the baby registry, it's not something I would do this early on but to each their own. 

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2 hours ago, boltnrun said:

As for the baby registry, it's not something I would do this early on but to each their own. 

I didn't but also I told no one except immediate family till i was past 14 weeks - until the pregnancy was viable, heart beat, all going ok. 

We did the registry maybe when I was in my 7th month? But back then I knew of people like me who did it really for their own purposes -like a way of organizing what was needed and which of the two stores were best for each item. 

I told no one about the registries unless they asked specifically.  I didn't have or want a shower, or any other party.  We had a baby naming and invited about 30 people after the birth.  We asked for no gifts and did not mention the registry.  Many who attended bought gifts and family and close friends sent gifts and hand me downs.  Many of them were people I'd bought baby gifts and other milestone gifts for over the years.  And we didn't have an engagement party or a big wedding or a bridal shower so the opportunitiies for gifts were quite limited which was fine with us!

Some people asked us if we had a registry or perhaps looked it up on the internet? I simply didn't see setting up a registry as asking for gifts.  Also I feel like there was some discount you got for doing the registry and  then if you purchased from the registry.  Vague memory though. 

 

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She hasn’t been to the doctor yet; and I know it takes a bit to get into a first appointment… 

she doesn’t even know if the pregnancy is viable, or for all she knows she could be having twins. 

I have never in my life heard of anyone doing a registry as soon as the test was positive. 

So yes, something is odd about  this.  I do feel it was intentional.  Not necessarily to trap him, but cmon… you knew the man for 6 mos and has unprotected sex, have signed up registries already, supposedly the whole family already knows…. Ya red flag. 

I’ve seen this happen too many times to call it normal.  This was intention, I can tell by her responses. First pregnancy ever and with a man who has multiple kids… wants to marry him to make things right bc he got turned down by his ex having his baby (which is ex…. 

red flag again… 

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I’m not trying to be all negative upon her and her situation… I just see a lot of disappointment and heartache in her future and possibly raising this child alone if this was her intent.  
I’ve unfortunately seen this happen way too many times and it never ends well.  
she needs to really look at the next 9 months and year or so at how her life is about to change.  
what if he ends up leaving like he did the others?

Does she want this baby even if it means having it all alone? She needs to think about that… 

I’m not encouraging abortion or adoption but for her to really come to reality of a life and baby with a 50 year old man.  

You know once people move in together it all changes, is she ready for that?

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Again I say, whatever happened in the past or whatever the intentions were, it's a little late to be worrying about that. At this point the baby is coming (as they seem intent on having the child) and all that really matters is providing a safe and loving enviroment when he/she gets here.

Rita, have you seen a doctor? I'm guessing you have, but want to make sure since you seem to now have a lot of people here concerned about your pregnancy. There will be a lot of issues that come up and things may not always go well. But I think you've got a good attitude. You don't have to plan everything all at once. Even if you did, life would throw some curveball and change those plans anyway. So focus on what you need to first, taking it day by day. And the most important thing is your health and the health of the baby during the pregnancy.

As for marriage, don't worry about that yet. If you both want it and are ready down the line, you'll know when it's right. Just keep doing what you are doing, working on things together. 

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9 hours ago, boltnrun said:

I was accused of deliberately getting pregnant during one relationship... When I became pregnant he raged at me, demanded I get an abortion and then abandoned me when I refused. He too was wealthy but he wanted nothing to do with me or the child and actually was happy when I was hospitalized and nearly died because if I died the baby wouldn't have been born. And no, I didn't become pregnant in an attempt to "trap" him. 

I'm sorry you went through that boltnrun. I don't understand how a person can act like that. Getting pregnant is generally a two person job, so two people should generally take on the responsibilty after. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work like that and its the woman that has to pick up the slack. Hope you got far away from this guy. 

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6 hours ago, Isabella7898 said:

I’ve seen this happen too many times to call it normal.  

Please don't let your jaded attitudes dictate your life this much. Not everyone has a sinister plan. The OP and her BF are happy. That shouldn't bother you this much. 

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20 minutes ago, ShySoul said:

I'm sorry you went through that boltnrun. I don't understand how a person can act like that. Getting pregnant is generally a two person job, so two people should generally take on the responsibilty after. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work like that and its the woman that has to pick up the slack. Hope you got far away from this guy. 

Thank you.

He is far in my past. 

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On 4/9/2024 at 10:00 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Please don't let your jaded attitudes dictate your life this much. Not everyone has a sinister plan. The OP and her BF are happy. That shouldn't bother you this much. 

She hasn’t mentioned once how happy she is over this, but sure has no issue mentioning that he makes six figures. Lol 

you’re a man so I wouldn’t expect you to know the first thing about how a woman thinks, her motives, her intentions etc, and certainly being pregnant….

saying I have a jaded past is ignorant since I don’t.  I’m a female I know how women think, sinister or not.  The red flags are present. 
 

I’m sure they could have bought condoms while on vacation. 
 

She asked or opinions on if this situation is weird, and yes I do think it is.  I can almost guarantee someone else will think the same thing.  Co workers, family members, this forum.  If nobody in her real life doesn’t then good for her.  But she asked and I told the truth of how it looks to me.  She should be aware that others could possibly think this same thing. 

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On 4/9/2024 at 7:01 AM, Isabella7898 said:

… trying to trap a man with a pregnancy is an awful thing to do,  and I do feel she’s doing that. 

This makes me cringe. What century is this? I'm a grandma's age, and my own grandmother wouldn't have even said such a thing, much less consider it 'helpful' to a 'support' forum.

We're not speaking of some innocent child who was somehow woman-handled for his sperm. He's a grown man and perfectly capable of managing his own sex life. Apparently, he did that just as skillfully as he's likely to support this baby. Give mama a break.

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12 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

This makes me cringe. What century is this? I'm a grandma's age, and my own grandmother wouldn't have even said such a thing, much less consider it 'helpful' to a 'support' forum.

We're not speaking of some innocent child who was somehow woman-handled for his sperm. He's a grown man and perfectly capable of managing his own sex life. Apparently, he did that just as skillfully as he's likely to support this baby. Give mama a break.

And as I said before, he's perfectly capable of purchasing condoms or getting a vasectomy if he's that concerned about being "trapped".  Or he could have just not had sex.  I think we all know how babies are made, so I doubt he's a clueless victim.  Particularly since he's already fathered multiple children.

The idea that the woman is solely responsible for pregnancy is ridiculous.  Now, if she had assured him she was infertile or had her tubes tied that would be a different story.  I've read nothing that indicates she deliberately deceived him into impregnating her.

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

And as I said before, he's perfectly capable of purchasing condoms or getting a vasectomy if he's that concerned about being "trapped".  Or he could have just not had sex.  I think we all know how babies are made, so I doubt he's a clueless victim.  Particularly since he's already fathered multiple children.

The idea that the woman is solely responsible for pregnancy is ridiculous.  Now, if she had assured him she was infertile or had her tubes tied that would be a different story.  I've read nothing that indicates she deliberately deceived him into impregnating her.

Same. Also it’s a biological fact that a man can’t experience growing a human like a woman can if they have a child through pregnancy instead of adoption but at least to me men who want to be parents do their utmost to support their partner during pregnancy in a variety of ways. I didn’t expect my husband to get how I felt but - he has migraines and I don’t so I can’t get exactly how he feels but I can take care of him and be supportive !
My husband watched me be exhausted the first trimester, listened to my emotional stress about the geriatric pregnancy, about the mutiple ultrasounds we needed etc and just did what he could to be there. Of course I didn’t expect him to get exactly how I was feeling. Which isn’t necessary to be a caring and supportive partner. 
I think the best input here is that which is focused on the best interests of the growing child or fetus however those responding care to describe this (to me) miracle. And I always felt that part of that means being supportive of the pregnant woman who is deciding to embark on this journey and adventure especially in not the perfect situation. 

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On 4/12/2024 at 4:51 PM, Batya33 said:

I think the best input here is that which is focused on the best interests of the growing child or fetus however those responding care to describe this (to me) miracle. And I always felt that part of that means being supportive of the pregnant woman who is deciding to embark on this journey and adventure especially in not the perfect situation. 

Thank you! 

Yes, it would be wonderful if pregnancy always happened to a married couple who were financially sound and lived an ideal life with no problems or worries. But that's not real life. Unplanned pregnancies happen. But regardless of what the circumstances leading to it is, the birth of a child is still a miracle in itself. So the best thing for the women is to be supportive. She already has enough worries and stress with what is going inside her and with the commitment she is making for the rest of her life to raising this child. She needs comfort and help, not accusations or speculation.

People are going to think whatever they think. The only people's opinions who matter though are mama, daddy, and baby. If they are happy, that's good enough for me.

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