Pregnant and worried about how this will go and what people are going to say...

[Starlight925]

Rita, if I understand the reason you posted to begin with, it's because you're worried about what people will think?

Reading through all of this, there seems to be a lot of moving pieces, and a lot of misunderstandings based on all those pieces.

Whether you have 1 baby or 10 with a man who has 1 baby or 10 is no one else's business.

The question I have for you is, why does it matter?

Are you prepared to care for this child?  If so, then what does it matter what anyone thinks?

[Lambert]

Hi @Rita_S1996

I say congratulations! Its not how you wanted it, but you want the baby. The dad likes kids. You had a lot of fun making her or him 😉

I think people can be quick to judge and all... but be a good mom, and that's what they'll remember.

It's shocking at first, but once the baby comes, it's a blessing. The good people around you will more than welcome the fun of a cute little baby❤️

[Jaunty]

16 hours ago, ShySoul said:

In the heat of the moment anything can happen. Sometimes passion overrides are better judgement and we get caught up in the moment, the pleasure, the thrill.

I disagree.   

Anybody here ever have sex and "accidentally" gone ahead and done it without protection because of being caught up in the moment?   I have.  Did not do it again over the ensuing days (or in my life) because it was an anxiety provoking experience.  

We are talking about people here who are close to 30 &  mid 50's. Not kids.  Even if intoxicated, "the heat of the moment" doesn't really cover choosing to forego protection over "tons" of sex encounters spanning several days.

There are plenty of places to buy condoms in Cancun. 

Anyway, a baby is coming.  The only reason it matters at this point is that it is disingenuous to present this as an "accident." 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Rita_S1996 said:

I guess we'll find out. I have no evidence to indicate that that will happen. His oldest daughter is very close to him, his 9 year old son is close to him, his two teens, not as much, but he still sees them. 

Oh how good of him to "see" his own children - that's not parenting to any meaningful extent.  Don't guess.  Don't wait.  Act in the best interests of your child in the way Bolt wrote above.

[Rita_S1996]

2 hours ago, Lambert said:

Hi @Rita_S1996

I say congratulations! Its not how you wanted it, but you want the baby. The dad likes kids. You had a lot of fun making her or him 😉

I think people can be quick to judge and all... but be a good mom, and that's what they'll remember.

It's shocking at first, but once the baby comes, it's a blessing. The good people around you will more than welcome the fun of a cute little baby❤️

I for sure had fun. lol. Thank you for not being hyper critical. 

[Rita_S1996]

3 hours ago, Starlight925 said:

Rita, if I understand the reason you posted to begin with, it's because you're worried about what people will think?

Reading through all of this, there seems to be a lot of moving pieces, and a lot of misunderstandings based on all those pieces.

Whether you have 1 baby or 10 with a man who has 1 baby or 10 is no one else's business.

The question I have for you is, why does it matter?

Are you prepared to care for this child?  If so, then what does it matter what anyone thinks?

I think I got flustered because of the age difference and we both work at the same company. The more I think about it, you're right its no one else's business. People like to talk, but at the end of the day they don't care what you do.

[Lambert]

13 minutes ago, Rita_S1996 said:

I for sure had fun. lol. Thank you for not being hyper critical. 

You're welcome. 

Don't give people the power to judge you.  They have no right. What's the old saying every Saint has a past? IDK. Lol.

Wishing you and baby health! 

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Rita_S1996 said:

I think I got flustered because of the age difference and we both work at the same company. The more I think about it, you're right its no one else's business. People like to talk, but at the end of the day they don't care what you do.

And if they do who cares? I was 8 months pregnant at my wedding and wore blue cause we were having a boy.  I didn't care what anyone thought of us trying to conceive before the wedding.  

[rainbowsandroses]

10 minutes ago, Rita_S1996 said:

Thank you for not being hyper critical. 

I can only speak for myself, but my intention was not to be hyper-critical or even critical.  Nor do I think it was anyone else's intention.

For me, I was simply asking why you never looked into or went on birth control prior to your trip knowing you would be having lots of sex.

Please keep in mind, there are many anonymous young women (and men) reading these threads (even if they are not active members or participants), and I don't think it sends a good message to the young women reading that it's okay to have unprotected sex and to "act in the heat of the moment."

Pregnancy/having a baby is a huge deal and should be taken seriously.

That said, again what's done is done, and I do wish you both the best of luck. 

 

[Tinydance]

6 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

This person has 4 baby mamas, and you make the 5th one.  Unless you live in a impoverished country, a six figure salary doesn't stretch far.  In fact, he's just a straight up horn-dog who likes to blur the lines using the workplace as his place to hunt ladies to impregnate.

Congrats on your kid, but I wouldn't expect much from this guy, other than the typical can't keep his pants on deal.

But two of his children are in their 30's and one is 18. They are legal adults so he has no obligation to financially support them. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Tinydance said:

But two of his children are in their 30's and one is 18. They are legal adults so he has no obligation to financially support them. 

No but parenting doesn't end so it could mean less time -plus potential friction with the new baby. They are his family.

[Tinydance]

14 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I can only speak for myself, but my intention was not to be hyper-critical or even critical.  Nor do I think it was anyone else's intention.

For me, I was simply asking why you never looked into or went on birth control prior to your trip knowing you would be having lots of sex.

Please keep in mind, there are many anonymous young women (and men) reading these threads (even if they are not active members or participants), and I don't think it sends a good message to the young women reading that it's okay to have unprotected sex and to "act in the heat of the moment."

Pregnancy/having a baby is a huge deal and should be taken seriously.

That said, again what's done is done, and I do wish you both the best of luck. 

 

Everyone here keeps saying: "Why weren't you on birth control" but is there a point to keep saying this? She knows about birth control, she just wasn't on it. Also not all women can be on the pill due to health reasons or side effects. One of my friends kept getting blood clots on it. 

[Jaunty]

Just now, Tinydance said:

Everyone here keeps saying: "Why weren't you on birth control" but is there a point to keep saying this? 

Not me, I keep saying "why didn't anybody go buy condoms?"   The answer, evidently, is that Jerry only likes a certain special type of condom.   

So now, moving on, the next big concern is "what are people going to say?"  

 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Everyone here keeps saying: "Why weren't you on birth control" but is there a point to keep saying this? She knows about birth control, she just wasn't on it. Also not all women can be on the pill due to health reasons or side effects. One of my friends kept getting blood clots on it. 

I agree and if you don't want to make a baby for sure you often need two forms -the pill often is one. Not all women can take it.  I couldn't until I found the right one then I could and did. And also used condoms when I was sure I didn't want to get pregnant -when we were sure.  So to me personally abstaining is a perfectly appropriate alternative to risking accidental pregnancies.  That also doesn't work for everyone but it won't cause a blood clot!

Certainly a condom with spermicide would have provided quite a lot of protection.

[Tinydance]

6 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

This person has 4 baby mamas, and you make the 5th one.  Unless you live in a impoverished country, a six figure salary doesn't stretch far.  In fact, he's just a straight up horn-dog who likes to blur the lines using the workplace as his place to hunt ladies to impregnate.

Congrats on your kid, but I wouldn't expect much from this guy, other than the typical can't keep his pants on deal.

She said two of the women he had two kids with were his wife and one serious partner. He's considered promiscuous because he had kids with his WIFE? Sorry what?

[rainbowsandroses]

16 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Everyone here keeps saying: "Why weren't you on birth control" but is there a point to keep saying this?

Yes because as I said in my previous, there are young women reading this thread who read she consciously chose to not go on birth control knowing she and her boyfriend were having lots of sex and going to have lots of sex on their vacation, and think it's OKAY.

Young people can be very impressionable.

It would be helpful to know why she didn't, such as does she have a medical condition that precludes her from being on birth control? I know of women who cannot take the pill and have had bad reactions to other types of birth control.  

And as such, rely on condoms or "pulling out" or even abstinence when they are ovulating.

Since she has not responded, I will stop asking, she has admitted it was a mistake which I applaud her for.

But that is why I asked, I think her response would be helpful to all the young women reading who may be confused about it.

 

 

 

[Jaunty]

32 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

She said two of the women he had two kids with were his wife and one serious partner. He's considered promiscuous because he had kids with his WIFE? Sorry what?

I wouldn't call it promiscuous -but I would call it a pretty laissez-faire attitude towards procreation.  Sowing wild oats, if you will.  

[LootieTootie]

5 hours ago, Rita_S1996 said:

People like to talk, but at the end of the day they don't care what you do.

Yes. Nobody cares because everyone got their lives to worry about. But yea, water cooler topic for days, weeks and months. After the baby is out, "What a cutie!!" 

You're fine having his child, and he's happy to be a dad at his age. Good news around.

[ShySoul]

Half of these children are adults who should be taking care of themselves, so not really a factor in terms of financial support. Not sure why that keeps getting brought up or why it even matters. Also not sure why it matters why they had unprotected or didn't get a condom. Nor does it matter how many children he has. What matters is the two of them being loving parents to the children they will be having. And it sounds like they have a good start.

Rita, best wishes for all three of you.

[boltnrun]

One of my friends had an affair with a married coworker. She became pregnant and had the child. Pretty much everyone at work who knows who they are knows about it (it's difficult to hide a growing child). Interestingly, most of the talk was about what a POS the guy is since he basically abandoned my friend and never acknowledged the child or provided any sort of support, even when my friend was hospitalized for pregnancy complications or when the child was born very prematurely and was in the NICU for weeks. The child is about to start grade school and everyone at the workplace kind of forgot about who the child's father is. 

So maybe some initial gossip, but people will move onto other topics. 

[Rita_S1996]

10 hours ago, LootieTootie said:

Yes. Nobody cares because everyone got their lives to worry about. But yea, water cooler topic for days, weeks and months. After the baby is out, "What a cutie!!" 

You're fine having his child, and he's happy to be a dad at his age. Good news around.

I mean after we came back, his kidney stone seemed to be the topic of discussion. One of the guys he works directly with promised a party for when he has #50! 😅

You'd think he'd want to brag about the "good time" we had and maybe he did, but none of it ever got back to me. I would think most men would brag about that kind of stuff and exaggerate, especially younger men would I think. 

[Rita_S1996]

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

One of my friends had an affair with a married coworker. She became pregnant and had the child. Pretty much everyone at work who knows who they are knows about it (it's difficult to hide a growing child). Interestingly, most of the talk was about what a POS the guy is since he basically abandoned my friend and never acknowledged the child or provided any sort of support, even when my friend was hospitalized for pregnancy complications or when the child was born very prematurely and was in the NICU for weeks. The child is about to start grade school and everyone at the workplace kind of forgot about who the child's father is. 

So maybe some initial gossip, but people will move onto other topics. 

That's a very unfortunate situation. 

[Rita_S1996]

14 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I wouldn't call it promiscuous -but I would call it a pretty laissez-faire attitude towards procreation.  Sowing wild oats, if you will.  

Oh boy!

 

[Rita_S1996]

10 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Half of these children are adults who should be taking care of themselves, so not really a factor in terms of financial support. Not sure why that keeps getting brought up or why it even matters. Also not sure why it matters why they had unprotected or didn't get a condom. Nor does it matter how many children he has. What matters is the two of them being loving parents to the children they will be having. And it sounds like they have a good start.

Rita, best wishes for all three of you.

Thank you!

 

[rainbowsandroses]

10 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Also not sure why it matters why they had unprotected or didn't get a condom.

Because engaging in unprotected sex and the resulting pregnancies that often occur therefrom (just like the OP), especially among young women (teenagers) is serious serious business.

Social media and I include forums such as this send powerful messages to those reading which is in the hundreds if not thousands.

Reading how the OP intentionally had unprotected sex and her attitude "we were in the heat of the moment" as if that is some sort of justification sends an extremely bad message, imo.

If you don't think it matters, fine but some of us care about the state of what's happening in the world today and I think it's irresponsible to brush it off claiming it doesn't matter.