Pregnant and worried about how this will go and what people are going to say...

[Batya33]

If it helps, in addition to the advice I received from my OB and the ultrasound clinic doctors and staff - my favorite pregnancy books were The Pregnancy Bible and What to Expect When You Are Expecting.  I avoided internet research on symptoms -too scary/anxiety provoking.

[Seraphim]

Your first stop should be your doctor . I would stop worrying about what anyone thinks . When you become a mother EVERYONE has an opinion on how you are doing that. Just ignore it . If you keep caring you will be tied up in knots and anxiety ridden. 

[itsallgrand]

Have you made up your mind already then or are you still considering options? Honestly it doesn't sound like you've put much thought into this at all. I mean, just because you are pregnant doesn't mean "oh well, too late, looks like I'm having a child now". 

Of course your career will be impacted by this. He's 56, has a professional job and a 9 year old child he will have to split his resources and time with. He won't be able to not work. He won't be able to be there all the time when he's not working, he has other responsibilities. You can't expect the 9 year old to work around you either. 

Of course people will talk. And some won't be happy. And for those who are important in his life, you'll have to work with that and learn how to manage all that if he remains in your life.

Have you thought about what life might be like for you if the relationship goes sideways and you become a single parent? You've only known him 6 months. 

Consider all that and more when making your choice. Be proactive. This passive sort of attitude won't serve you nor the baby if you choose to continue the pregnancy to term.

Have you been to a doctor yet? 

[Rita_S1996]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I was in labor for about 24 hours and had a near-emergency C section.  You don't have to have a birthing coach - I didn't - you can but not essential -you will make those choices at the appropriate time.  I've heard passing a kidney stone is worse. It is an ordeal and in my case involved surgery.  I learned the best thing to do was realize and accept it's a time when a lot is out of your control so we do our best to stay healthy and have good medical care.

I am glad he's happy. Since he is not married to you please make sure you take care of all the financial practicalities however that works where you live as far as establishing him as the father in case he changes his mind about being so supportive. Keep paperwork too and paper trail of everything you need just in case.  

I haven't even thought that far as to marriage.

Yes, I will keep that all in mind.

Complications are what mainly scare me in regards to the birth. Labor pains do too, but not as much.

Jerry has been having them for years. He said this one his 49th. He said he's had lithotripsy procedures and laser procedures to break them up, but most of them he just passed. When he texted me and told me that he had passed it, I asked how it was and he said he yelled so loudly that his neighbors probably heard him. That sounds just cringeworthy! 

[Rita_S1996]

6 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

I guess you are against abortion?  

This guy has a 9-year-old child at the age of 56.  As he already was an older dad maybe he won't be as shocked as you think and given that you had lots of unprotected sex, he actually shouldn't be shocked at all.

I would prefer not to go that route. I do want kids, I just didn't plan on it so soon.

I don't think he was shocked. He's actually really happy about this.

[Rita_S1996]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's good you told him and he accepted it. Do you have plans to further the relationship? Such as living together, being a family, getting married? 

It's interesting he avoided that conversation and simply offered to be there for the birth. 

You need to see a physician for an evaluation of your physical health and pregnancy. Please get appropriate prenatal care and follow through.

It doesn't matter what "Jerry" thinks about kidney stones and birth coaches. If you two want to do Lamaze or whatever when the time comes, that's fine.  But please get appropriate prenatal care and advice. 

 I honestly want to keep it the way it is for right now. We'll see how things go between now and when the baby arrives. I live with a roommate friend and she's a pretty supportive person, despite her being against the age difference.

[Rita_S1996]

6 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I dunno, if I am 56 I would trully be shocked that I still have "swimmers" lol

That is good to hear. Age difference is a bit worrying andyes, you wont get too much of a social acceptance. But you are in a relationship and you will have a baby together so try to make it work.

Are there any plans to be a family together? Or is he just offering help without any plans to commit?

I read that men can produce swimmers well into their 60s and 70s.

Right now I want to keep things the way they are, living situation-wise. I want to see how things go between now and then.

[Rita_S1996]

5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I'm wondering about this, too. 

He might think he will be a better dad now that he was with his other children, but let's be real: he is nearing 60. It is unlikley he will have the same energy to keep up with a baby and toddler, even if he wanted to. He will be 70+ when that child is a teenager.

Can it work? It is possible. But I wouldn't count on him being able to offer the same energy and attention to parenting that someone much younger (you) could. Not at this stage of his life. 

I want to keep the living situation the way it is for now and see how things go.

Possibly, but everyone is different. It today's world 56 isn't really old anymore, so they say. The only health issues I know he deals with is high blood pressure in which he takes meds for and his issues with kidney stones which he has been dealing with off and on for awhile. I know he takes a med for that, but I'm not sure what it is. He's pretty careful in how he eats and what he drinks due to it.

[Rita_S1996]

13 minutes ago, Rita_S1996 said:

I would prefer not to go that route. I do want kids, I just didn't plan on it so soon.

I don't think he was shocked. He's actually really happy about this.

Here's where some of you might take my head off...

Yes, he's 56 and has a 9 year old son. He also has a 33 year old son (he lives 4 hours away and they're not close), a 31 year old daughter (married, 2 kids, lives one state over) she's super close with Jerry and we comment on each other's posts on FB/social media, so we get along well. He has two other daughters from his second marriage, they're 18 and 17 and then his 9 year old son from an ex-girlfriend. He also had a baby in 2021 with an intern that worked where we do, but she gave the baby up for adoption. He said he didn't want her to, but ultimately he felt it was her decision to be made and supported what she wanted to do. When he told me about that, I could tell that it really bothered him. Maybe this is his second chance at that since I want to keep the baby?

[Seraphim]

I am a 57 year old woman, I can guarantee I don’t have the energy I had when I became a mother at 30. My husband says the same . We are not “old” but you definitely feel the energy reduction. My husband is in the military and definitely fit and will be 55 this summer and he definitely feels his energy has reduced.

I had a very hard pregnancy with HG and a severe hemorrhage at his birth due to a condition with my uterus. The majority of people do fine though. My son is 26 now . 

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Rita_S1996 said:

. I live with a roommate friend and she's a pretty supportive person, 

Hopefully you have supportive friends and family because it seems like you're on your own. Do you work? Who is going to provide childcare and support for the child? It seems like "Jerry"  has a lot of kids everywhere and doesn't want you living in his house. Kidney stones are not babies. Please get accurate information. 

[itsallgrand]

And what do you think about all that?

I can tell you, with all those kids, he's not going to have the time nor money to splash around so a lot is going to fall on you. Gonna be hard. Poor kids .

[Batya33]

It sounds like he’s irresponsible with birth control unless he’s claiming the intern lied to him about being on bc but since she’s only 21 and he supervised her he doesn’t sound like a person with mature solid values as far as making babies. I would be very meticulous and probably look to consult an attorney to make sure about paternity. Happy doesn’t mean access to $$ for child support. You will need child support. As far as living situation you do you and keep in mind many will not want to share living space with a newborn. We lived in my 550 square foot apartment with our newborn for 3 months. Including all the baby stuff.  It was totally fine  

but that was. Because we were married and over the moon in love with our son and splitting the getting up at night etc work. It’s extremely different if the other person is not a parent or baby nurse or family member /caregiver. 
also he gets a say in his baby’s living arrangements if he is giving child support. Anyway I think he does. My opinion is get all your ducks in a row ASAP and like itsallgrand wrote take this much more seriously especially since he has a tendency to make babies. For all you know there will be another baby on the way even before you give birth. 

[Rita_S1996]

Just now, itsallgrand said:

And what do you think about all that?

I can tell you, with all those kids, he's not going to have the time nor money to splash around so a lot is going to fall on you. Gonna be hard. Poor kids .

Well, three of the kids are 18+, one is 17, one is 9. You must not have read everything. He pays child support for mainly one of them. He's the manager of an engineering department and has a master's degree in mechanical engineering. He makes six figures. Gotta get the facts out there.

[Rita_S1996]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Hopefully you have supportive friends and family because it seems like you're on your own. Do you work? Who is going to provide childcare and support for the child? It seems like "Jerry"  has a lot of kids everywhere and doesn't want you living in his house. Kidney stones are not babies. Please get accurate information. 

Please read the postings before making a conclusion. I'm a chemist. I don't want to live with him right now, as I've stated in multiple postings that I want to keep things the way they are for right now.

[itsallgrand]

6 minutes ago, Rita_S1996 said:

Well, three of the kids are 18+, one is 17, one is 9. You must not have read everything. He pays child support for mainly one of them. He's the manager of an engineering department and has a master's degree in mechanical engineering. He makes six figures. Gotta get the facts out there.

I read it. 

Good luck. 

[Batya33]

11 minutes ago, Rita_S1996 said:

Well, three of the kids are 18+, one is 17, one is 9. You must not have read everything. He pays child support for mainly one of them. He's the manager of an engineering department and has a master's degree in mechanical engineering. He makes six figures. Gotta get the facts out there.

Six figures is not a lot given all his family responsibilities and your pregnancy. You also have no idea what he pays in child support and what savings he has. If any. You’ll figure out who will take care of your child if you choose to go back to work after maternity leave. I’d look into exactly what you’re entitled to at your work place so you can start making financial arrangements. 

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, Rita_S1996 said:

. He makes six figures. 

Besides obligatory child support is he going to help you in other ways? 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Besides obligatory child support is he going to help you in other ways? 

Yes and other than offering to be a “birthing coach “

[rainbowsandroses]

18 hours ago, Rita_S1996 said:

My friend says its his fault because he forgot the condom....

I don't believe in assigning fault or blame and glad to hear you're not jumping on that bandwagon,

However IF you wanted to 'go there,' one could argue it's your fault for not being on any type of birth control which imo should have been the FIRST thing you did when you began being sexually active with this man before your vacation.

Not  a judgment but may I ask why you didn't?

In any event, what's done is done, and yes people probably will talk at the office - a single woman pregnant typically generates spirited conversation (i.e office gossip) so best be prepared for that and a few questions.

As for your boyfriend, tell him ASAP.  And let chips fall where they may. 

I wish you good luck and a happy and healthy pregnancy and baby, and truly hope everything works out the way you hope. ❤️ 

[Seraphim]

My brother makes over six figures as well and pays his ex wife 60,000 a year for his two younger daughters who are over the age of 18. He has to pay until they each reach the age of 22. It is still hard to pay even with his own business and he works 16 hours a day 6 days a week. 

[Kwothe28]

46 minutes ago, Rita_S1996 said:

He has two other daughters from his second marriage, they're 18 and 17 and then his 9 year old son from an ex-girlfriend. He also had a baby in 2021 with an intern that worked where we do, but she gave the baby up for adoption.

I am sorry, but dont expect some family commitment from someone who is like that. 6 figures or not, that guy is Elon Musk of making babies but not having relationship commitment lol

[TeeDee]

Clearly this guy likes kids.  You haven't mentioned what kind of father he is.  Does he interact with the 9 year old?  How that relationship is conducted is how your baby daddy will interact with your child. 

Whether you keep this baby or live with the father is entirely up to you.  At a minimum given the age difference & the costs of college you need to get life insurance on dear old dad ASAP.  

As for how his older kids will react -- I'll bet badly.  Kids don't usually like it when a parent it dating somebody younger than them.   Do they have a relationship with the 9 year old? 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Rita_S1996 said:

Here's where some of you might take my head off...

Why would we take your head off?

It's your life and your choice to be with this man. It's up to you to manage whatever consequences arise from his life choices, and decide how involved you want to get. 

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, TeeDee said:

Clearly this guy likes kids.  You haven't mentioned what kind of father he is.  Does he interact with the 9 year old?  How that relationship is conducted is how your baby daddy will interact with your child. 

Whether you keep this baby or live with the father is entirely up to you.  At a minimum given the age difference & the costs of college you need to get life insurance on dear old dad ASAP.  

As for how his older kids will react -- I'll bet badly.  Kids don't usually like it when a parent it dating somebody younger than them.   Do they have a relationship with the 9 year old? 

Who knows if he likes kids or likes unprotected sex? Or a bit of both? She can't make him get life insurance so I wouldn't go down that path - she'll be fortunate if he pays child support and accepts paternity.  

As far as how all his children will react it varies by the individual child and depends how he tells them, if he tells them, etc.  Also she doesn't want to be seriously involved in his life so they may bond with the child better if they don't spend as much time with the mother.