Kwothe28 Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 "I got other plans" is enough. There is no need for further explenation. In fact I can almost guarantee that he pulled out "exclusivity talk" because he felt threatened by the competition. Avoid that kind of stuff. In this case, it got weird because of his insecurities, in some other men maybe wouldnt like that you multi- date so they will get cold etc. The same way you wouldnt like him to tell you how he has other dates besides you. Its maybe implied in some cases that you both are multi-dating as you arent in a relationship yet. But it doesnt need to be said. 3 Link to comment
Lambert Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 4 hours ago, AGrPerson said: My question is: How do I handle situations like this? Would it have been better to avoid telling him that I had planned a date for today? Blow this guy off. His reaction is very odd. Next time have more tact and just say you have plans. 1 1 Link to comment
smackie9 Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 When a guy starts in on you about seeing other when you just met, and comes up with stories about troubling girls he's dated, etc, in one breath says he's interested in you, but then turns and says he's taking it casual...he's being controlling and manipulative. This guy has no confidence and is insecure. He wants to be calling all the shots. For the love of god, just punt this guy to the curb. 1 Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted February 17 Author Share Posted February 17 He's asked me if I'll continue going out with him or the other guy... He wants me to choose... Something like that... Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 10 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: He's asked me if I'll continue going out with him or the other guy... He wants me to choose... Something like that... And what did you tell him? This "people pleasing", codependent thing you have going on is going to cause you a lot of issues. 2 Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted February 17 Author Share Posted February 17 15 minutes ago, boltnrun said: And what did you tell him? This "people pleasing", codependent thing you have going on is going to cause you a lot of issues. I'm going to tell him to stop seeing each other. He said that he's going to forget what happened today if I stop going out with the other person. He's given me some time to think about it. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 1 minute ago, AGrPerson said: I'm going to tell him to stop seeing each other. He said that he's going to forget what happened today if I stop going out with the other person. He's given me some time to think about it. I recommend you tell him asap. That you feel you two are not a match and you wish him well. Then delete him from any devices or platforms. If he becomes insistent, feel free to block him. Remember, he's a stranger. 96 hours ago you'd never even seen him. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 Please get it out of your head that he is interested in you as a person. He is a stranger. He is interested either in an insta relationsip with a warm female body - you'll do - and/or he loves being in a power situation and he likes that you're even interacting with him right now - you're acting like a passive easy target. He is not a safe person to interact with. 2 Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted February 17 Author Share Posted February 17 I feel like he's the same guy as before. He's too on antidepressants for anxiety disorder, he says big things too, wants to go fast and is super pressuring. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 2 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: I feel like he's the same guy as before. He's too on antidepressants for anxiety disorder, he says big things too, wants to go fast and is super pressuring. You can say "no". 1 Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted February 17 Author Share Posted February 17 He said one hour ago that he's giving me some time to think about it and now he's sent me a message telling me to call him in order to discuss... I don't think there's anything there to discuss... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 44 minutes ago, boltnrun said: You can say "no". ^ I second this. A simple NO is all that it takes. Just be done already and don't waste anymore headspace, time or energy on him. 2 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 10 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: .. I don't think there's anything there to discuss... Trust your instincts. There's nothing to "discuss" and you shouldn't be answering to this weirdo. Delete and block. Cut your losses sooner rather than later with huge red flags like this. 3 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 50 minutes ago, AGrPerson said: He said one hour ago that he's giving me some time to think about it and now he's sent me a message telling me to call him in order to discuss... I don't think there's anything there to discuss... And do you plan to tell him this? Please don't regress into people pleasing behavior again. That's how you ended up "devastated" last time. 1 Link to comment
AGrPerson Posted February 17 Author Share Posted February 17 13 minutes ago, boltnrun said: And do you plan to tell him this? Please don't regress into people pleasing behavior again. That's how you ended up "devastated" last time. I told him that I got in a difficult position with his question, he apologised and we agreed to stop seeing each other. 2 Link to comment
rainbowsandroses Posted February 17 Share Posted February 17 1 hour ago, AGrPerson said: I feel like he's the same guy as before. I feel like he is too. Are you sure he's not? Not accusing just asking. It's all just too weird. Anyway, good luck. 1 Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 7 hours ago, AGrPerson said: I told him that I got in a difficult position with his question, he apologised and we agreed to stop seeing each other. Have you blocked him? I fear you will respond to him if he messages you again. 2 Link to comment
kim42 Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 I had a similar experience a few years ago. I went on one date with this guy (we met on a dating app) and then he asked me out on a second date. I couldn't go the evening he had suggested because I already had plans with my girlfriends. He got very upset because of this and sent me several messages that he didn't want me to go a bar because he knew there would be many men. I don't remember what I replied to him but I ended up blocking him the next morning because he kept asking me what 'happened' in that bar and if I talked to any guys. I found it invasive and disrespectful, especially after one date. Your guy sounds quite insecure so I wouldn't probably see him again. For the future, you can simply say you have plans, you don't need to give details to someone after one date. 2 1 Link to comment
poorlittlefish Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 I also had a semi-similar experience. I went on a first date with someone and he asked if he could see me the following day. I told him I couldn't, he asked if I was going on a date with someone else and I said yes. He just replied to say he hoped I didn't like the other guy and was good-humoured about it. The next morning his dating profile was no longer available and I assumed he'd blocked me. Turns out he was so keen on me that he'd deleted it in the hope I'd choose him. I did, and we had 5 (turbulent!) years together. The OP's date could have responded like mine did, but he chose to respond in a controlling and frankly disturbing way. I'm annoyed for you, OP! How dare he "give you time" or think there's anything to "discuss"? If he's like that after having met you once, I suspect he'll be a whole lot worse if you take it any further with him. 2 Link to comment
smackie9 Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 On 2/17/2024 at 1:50 PM, AGrPerson said: I'm going to tell him to stop seeing each other. He said that he's going to forget what happened today if I stop going out with the other person. He's given me some time to think about it. What? he's got some nerve saying that to you. Like I said this guy is manipulative....just ew. Jerk written all over it. Common now you are going to let this guy push you around like that? He's making you out to be the one that did something wrong...screw him. Like seriously there is nothing to think about here. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 Just now, rainbowsandroses said: Guys, just to know, for me this thread has been amazing! And I hope anyone reading, including non-members, find value from it and from Gabby's story. I sure did! Which is why I created the thread. My guy will be here in a few, we're heading out for the evening, but please continue with your thoughts (or questions), and I will check back later tonight or tomorrow. 😀 I think you posted in the wrong place. Link to comment
rainbowsandroses Posted February 18 Share Posted February 18 17 minutes ago, Batya33 said: I think you posted in the wrong place. Wow you're fast! I just hid that post and will post it in my thread, where it belongs. Link to comment
yogacat Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 On 2/17/2024 at 3:55 PM, AGrPerson said: I told him that I got in a difficult position with his question, he apologised and we agreed to stop seeing each other. I'm very glad that you asserted yourself. Good for you! X Link to comment
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