Why do people think I am a lesbian?

[sarafollows]

Ok so, heres the thing. I support the community and all. But I am not part of it. I do have a brother who is gay and my sister says she is bisexual.  Now, they are both constantly harassing me and telling me that I "should embrace the lesbian that i am"  now, we all are in our twenties, I am 24 and have been a straight woman all of these years of my life. I have had times when i've been attracted to a few gay men but I have no desire for women at all. But my siblings keep telling me that I am Lesbian. I have had old gal friends that we were close and even one tried to hit on me but I rejected it. I don't know if I give off lesbian vibes?  I don't typically wear makeup often, I don't dress up much, my hair is a bob cut and I have never dated anyone.  I usually get rejected by the men i like and also i do not trust online dating nor want to conform to the society hookup culture. Not for me.  So i stay single. Anyways, what do i have to do to prove that I am a straight woman? Or at least get them to leave me alone? This is getting very annoying.  Thanks. 

[NighttimeNightmare]

We can’t see what you look like or what sort of vibe you give off, so I don’t know. 
 

what I do know, though, is that (a) people are historically obsessed with the sexuality of others, and (b) people have trouble understanding that sexuality and binary gendered expressions are not the same thing.  In other words, a man can be feminine and not be gay, and a woman can be masculine and not be a lesbian. 
 

it could be that you aren’t adhering to binary gender roles, in one way or another, and your siblings are projecting their life journey onto you. 

[Kwothe28]

I googled "bob cut" since I didnt know the term. With that hair people will think you are either lesbian or a 40 year old Karen lol

Anyway, people would think what people would think. Dont think your sexuality requires proof in any way. You know you are not a lesbian and that is about it. You can try to change peoples perception, maybe dress more "womanly", maybe let your hair more, stuff like that. But in the end, you should do that stuff because you like to look that way and not because you want to prove something to people. Again, I dont think your sexuality and what you are attraced to, requires proof. Some people would like you the way you are, some will hate you, some will assume wrong stuff etc. Its all part of life. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, sarafollows said:

, they are both constantly harassing me and telling me that I "should embrace the lesbian that i am"  

Unfortunately you have a history of a very strained relationship with your siblings. It seems like they're bullying you. Just ignore them. 

[lostandhurt]

I can see how you would want them to leave you alone and let you be who you are.  I think your best defense to this is offense.  Turn it back on them.

  "I have always supported and loved you no matter your choices in life including your sexual preference so why can't you love and support me with mine?"  "I have told you numerous times I am straight so what is it about you that cannot accept me as I am?"

This makes this all about them and not you which hopefully will give them a moment to pause and think what they are doing.

  As far as how you look that is your choice and if you feel good with it then own it as it is your life.  We all make assumptions (even you) by how people look.  If you saw a woman with short hair, no makeup wearing a flannel what would you think? 

 Do you want to date and be in a relationship with a man?

Lost

 

[Coily]

They sound insufferable. If I were in your position I would be tempted to hand them fliers from the hokiest "conversion therapy" ads, any time they bully you.

Joking aside, you need to ask them point blank why that can't accept who you are. You have you likes and dislikes, why is it so important to them that you conform to their lifestyle. In short, become a bit hostile to their bullying.

[Batya33]

I would say the next time they give this annoying unsolicited input "I don't like when you discuss this with me.  I feel uncomfortable and disrespected.  I am happy with who I am in every way and I'l let you know if I want your input on my personal life, k?"

[catfeeder]

You don't need to prove anything to your sibs or anyone else. I'd research an ingenious way to sue them for sexual harassment. If it's legally possible, I'd use that information preemptively. I'd record myself as I inform them that I'll be recording their harassment going forward, and I'll be using cloud storage immediately to protect the recordings.

From there, I'd say nothing more--I'd just record them.

[mylolita]

Hi Sara!

 

I am so sorry about your siblings! The coming out and the embracing of alternative sexuality started out okay, but now is fast resembling a cult! 
 

It’s actually none of their business, at all! I’d explain how you feel if you already haven’t - meaning, you’re straight, just as certain as they are gay, and you don’t want it discussed anymore because it’s none of their business. If they continue, I would personally distance myself, and see them only when you have too, for family occasions and the like. It depends how much this really bothers you. You might find with them out of your life for the majority, you feel happier and at peace?

 

I don’t want to turn this onto me, but I have had similar experiences to this! The difference being I would be classed as a feminine kinda gal, glamorous and I wear make up every day including lipstick religiously! I would also class myself as bi-sexual but, having been married to my husband for 15 years and with three kids, I don’t really know how accurate that is, and I don’t think about it technically and I don’t advertise it or mention it in real life conversation. I would if I was specifically asked but, I wouldn’t be the one to bring it up. 
 

I suppose my experience is that, sometimes, someone who is gay or bi-sexual get a “vibe” off you, or me, and they take their chance. It’s half correct with myself but when it comes to you, they are obviously wrong and misjudging. 
 

I don’t think you should have to change anything about yourself physically to fit into other peoples perceptions. Bob hair cuts can be very cool and quirky if executed in a fresh way. Going make-up less; there is nothing wrong with that at all and that in itself can be very youthful and attractive. It all comes down to your self confidence and how you carry yourself. If people are presuming wrong things about your sexuality, maybe take it as compliment from the opposite sex and say thank you, but no thank you! 
 

I have a friend I met two years ago when I first moved here. We get on so well. We have deep and personal conversations - it’s more than trivial gossipy chit chat you get steered towards with other women. But one night, she is round and is very emotional with me, she confesses she has kissed girls before and then tells me how much I mean to her, etc. My husband was there at the time and when she left at 3am he said, “She fancies the pants off you.” This is a woman who has been married to a man for 20 years and has a 4 year old daughter. I don’t know whether she does or not, but my stomach dropped because I thought, there goes another female friendship I got so excited for, and all she wanted was maybe an experiment, or she was close to me because of something more? And I feel almost used and betrayed and sexualised.

 

It makes it hard for me to have straight forward, close female friendships. Is this the same for you? 
 

I understand how frustrating and lonely this can be. I say, keep moving forward, only change if you want to - and just tell your siblings to butt out! You’re not forcing your “straight lifestyle” on them! 
 

I personally think you do right staying away from dating apps. I would carry on trying to meet in real life. Corny as it sounds, join groups and activities with others that you are passionate about - go out for drinks with single friends, all better ways in my opinion than sifting through online profiles!

 

x

[Wiseman2]

On 1/3/2024 at 2:44 AM, sarafollows said:

, I am 24 .This is getting very annoying.  Thanks. 

Please install a lock with a key on your door and use it when you're out so they stop stealing your stuff and when you want to get away from them. Please don't discuss your sexuality, appearance or dating life with them.

Please do not record them or escalate this situation and play into their bullying. Walk away instead of further taking the bait and playing into their stupid games.  

Please start looking for other accommodations as soon as you can afford to move out. They're being idiots, you can't change that since you live together in your parents house and they're your siblings. 

[mylolita]

I also feel like I need to come to the defence of the bob haircut here!!! 
 

Which is beautiful and very feminine when executed with a bit of oomph! The most famous owner of one in modern times being Taylor Swift! 
 

X