Does getting back with an ex after time apart feel new and ecxiting again?

[MrsWise]

I haven't gotten back with an ex so I was wondering for those who have reconciled with an ex after some time apart ie more 6 months, did everything feel new and exciting again given the reason of the break up was resolved?

share your stories

[lostandhurt]

If the reason for the breakup was resolved why break up?  Why wait 6 months to resolve it?

Most of the time people forget the bad parts and only reminisce about the good. They could be lonely, horny or truly think time has healed the problem but it usually shows back up pretty quickly once the super fast honeymoon phase ends.

 I did try to reconcile with an ex who promised she had changed and was no longer the way she was. I believe she wanted to change and worked hard not to let the demon out but eventually her demons found their way to the surface. She is a wonderfully caring, beautiful and sexy woman but she needed more help than just really wanting to change...

 I think it is a good idea to give it another go as long as whatever caused the breakup was fully discussed and resolved.  Hey why not because you will know pretty fast one way or another if it will work out.

Lost

[shouldhavelearned]

Possibly, not likely

[SooSad33]

Depends.  If you broke up due to things causing problems and those problems were resolved, it may work out.  But, many times a couple will get back together because they 'miss them'.  Doesn't make it right, though.

So, if, after 6 mos, someone does this and problems are still there, things will not be okay. eg. trust. If one person pulled away or ended things, the other person may fear they'll do it again :(.

IF things do feel 'great' when you get back together, it may just be short lived.  Because of the temporary excitement of being with them again... but as I said, if the problems are still there, it'll go back to the way it was before the BU.

Be careful and think on all of this.

[MissCanuck]

I have personally never reconciled with an ex, but I know plenty people who have. 

Except for two cases, it didn't work out in the end. 

[Batya33]

12 hours ago, MrsWise said:

I haven't gotten back with an ex so I was wondering for those who have reconciled with an ex after some time apart ie more 6 months, did everything feel new and exciting again given the reason of the break up was resolved?

share your stories

Yes to both!! But not with other exes -then the new and exciting was REALLY temporary.  With my now husband it was new because we'd been apart for almost 8 years -early to late 30s -so much growth and change on both our parts -as my friend said -ok if you have sex add to your list of how many partners, I mean in all that time you have totally new cells lol - it was exciting specifically because we knew exactly why we were reconciling -to see if this time we'd marry, start a family.  It was initially exciting because for a month before he asked to get back together I was on pins and needles hiding my feelings as we spent three platonic evenings together with not much contact between, I knew he was very likely returning to his far away city at the end of the summer and - what if he left with no talk about this really really obvious spark and magic between us?

I did not marry him because of shiny new and exciting. And the only reason the "reasons" for the cancelled wedding was resolved was because we both had changed and grown in ways that were complementary to each other.  New and exciting doesn't last in that sense - it is exciting moving forward but not because "hey guess what!! we're back together!!".  

Had things ended badly, had it been because of betrayal of some kind or abuse (no, not even an eensy weensy bit!) and had we tried to reconcile when I wanted to -a month later - we would not be married now.  

[Tiddytok5]

There's billions perhaps trillions of people living on this planet...any ex who tries to reconcile,  especially after a substantial amount of time, is only trying to come back for their own selfish reasons, loneliness,  desperation, comfortability, feeling like they can't do better/ too lazy to try, low self esteem, because you may be gullible, and a doormat and they can't find anyone desperate and loyal enough to put up with them and their antics, because the one they really want to be with doesn't want them so they settle for you, etc...

 

It's seldom really a good thing when someone rather come back to an unhealthy relationship than just find someone perhaps more suitable and compatible. 

 

 

These are some of the reasons why a lot of people stay too

 

[catfeeder]

The excitement was just a combo plate of curiosity and getting a 'win'.

It was short lived.

For a while my ex was able to keep a lid on the very aspects of his personality that contributed to our breakup the first time, but then those starting seeping out sideways.

And this wasn't just devastating for me because I'd believed he'd changed, but rather, I watched myself revert into the exact same wimpy personality of my OWN that I had come to believe in all confidence that I had grown to overcome.

So the whole exercise was a lose/lose. It's not that people "can't" change, it's that we typically "won't".

[boltnrun]

Me too, @catfeeder

Mine swore he hadn't appreciated what he had before but he did now! Once he was confident he "had" me he didn't even bother hiding the exact same behaviors I'd left him over the first time. And I turned into a wimpy self-esteem-less hanger-on who would not just leave him again already. HE ended up dumping ME. That toxic experience lived with me for years. And I'm still angry with myself about it. 

[Cherylyn]

Depends.  If resuming the relationship means dismissing past transgressions as if it never occurred,  there will always be an undercurrent of resentment brewing which is unhealthy.  Getting back together doesn't absolve previous offenses. 

To share my story,  yes,  I've tried to continue a relationship as if life was wonderful following deceit,  betrayal,  nastiness,  dirtiness,  trickery and all of those shady mind games.  I knew if I had broached past transgressions,  gaslighting would be the typical response.  I'm always right regarding my experience with many malignant narcissistic types.  You'll never win with the likes of them so my answer?  I rejected them which was easy,  declined everything which became even easier and it was the greatest gift I ever gave myself.  It feels so liberating and the sense of freedom is absolutely priceless.  I can finally breathe now.  I feel safe,  much happier,  protected from harm and secure.   I've taken back my power and I'm in control of my life.  Perpetrators are at a loss because I shut them down.  Establishing boundaries was a godsend. 🙏 🤗

Are there mature,  calm discussions to express remorse and apologies?  Is there any admittance regarding mistakes made?  Are there any humble and sincere actions taking place?  No one can move forward towards healing the relationship unless uncomfortable,  hard conversations take place with zero distractions. 

In my experience,  no matter who it is,  simply carrying on with said person and marching forward doesn't work because it will always feel awkward without addressing the elephant in the room.  Relationships tend to wither away and fail whenever there's no accountability nor responsibility for one's actions whatever it may be.  All the wishful,  hopeful thinking in the world cannot fix the cancer in the relationship.  The only way a broken relationship can be repaired is if there's concerted effort to make amends.  There are no ands,  ifs or buts about this. 

[boltnrun]

With my ex, we had those conversations. But he lied. He just wanted me back because the first time we were together I got fed up and left him and immediately got into a relationship with someone else. His ego could not stand that. So he pretended to be in love and sincere about wanting a second chance so he could prove to me how much I meant to him. Five years had passed and I thought that was enough time for him to really know what he wanted. But he deceived me in order to restore his hurt ego.

It was a terrible experience, but it proved to me once again that when someone shows you their terrible side, pay attention. And don't give them a second chance.