SOS!

[NellyLu]

My ex bf is an extremely confusing soul. We had been in a rship for about a year. I am a communicator (believe in resolving issues by speaking about it when we have cooled down). He on the other hand, prefers to go silent. Asking him to talk about what might be bothering him it’s like me trying to move the moon! 
 

When I do probe more, he will shut me out, say I’m overreacting. And wen it gets abit heated he will “block and delete” me. Then, he would come back a few days later or weeks. Unblocking me and behaving normally but being passive aggressive still. He never legs tings go. He will keep bringing up things I had said. 

So I have told him that there would be no point in us continuing if you can’t forgive me and the same ting keeps happening repeatedly. When I say this, he will be like “so I can block and delete you?” Finally, I could not take it. I told him and quote “you can do anything you want. You can block and delete …. I DONT CARE. Bring your mind games and manipulations elsewhere.” He also knows that I am talking to someone else. 
 

Now I am blocked yet again. However I and feeling very very lousy. I keep asking myself why I should be feeling such? I know the answers but it’s so tough to accept it. He has really mind ***ed me. Is he just a manipulator that I had cared for with all my heart? 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, NellyLu said:

When I do probe more, he will shut me out, say I’m overreacting. And wen it gets abit heated he will “block and delete” me. Now I am blocked yet again. 

Sorry this is happening. How often do you see each other in person? Why can't you save important discussions for when you're in person? How old is he? 

You made the right decision ending it. Please delete and block him permanently rather than putting up with this.  Disappearing for days and weeks at a time is not a healthy relationship. 

On another note, being a "communicator",  isn't always a virtue because being confrontational and persisting on talking is not the best choice for everyone. Know when to back off before people resort to blocking you. Especially when things get "heated". 

 

[lostandhurt]

You need to let this go and please never argue or work out problems through texts or any electronic media, in person only!

 You feel like you do probably because you feel like there are unresolved issues you want or feel need to be resolved.  Letting go of all that will set you free so accept that you cannot talk it out with him and let him alone to be who he is.

 The first words of your thread are "My Ex BF"

This is all you need to know.

Lost

[Batya33]

How often do you see each other in person?  This seems really unhealthy 

[Cherylyn]

No more SOS.  He should become your ex-boyfriend.  He's passive aggressive,  immature,  engages in gaslighting and very manipulative.  It's either his way or the highway.  If I were you,  I'd choose the highway.  You're being played.  Also,  don't take _________ from anyone.  Let's make this very clear.  🫢 

[NellyLu]

He is 40 years old. We work in the same environment. I’ve told him many times to maintain professionalism at work. But there seems to be a lack in maturity. However, he always manages to make me the bad person. Makes me question myself about my reactions, my requests. He always makes it look like I’m overreacting. So self doubt sets in. I just am letting it out because i feel I need some sort of clarity on whether what he says about me is true. I do end up losing the plot Soemtimes and the things that come out of my mouth can be extremely piercing. He has told me that. But this only happens when he blocks me for no apparent reason or deletes me off again over small issues. He deleted me once bcoz I fed my sisters bf a spoonful of cake since it was my birthday celebration. 🙄 

[catfeeder]

11 hours ago, NellyLu said:

...He... prefers to go silent. Asking him to talk about what might be bothering him it’s like me trying to move the moon! ...When I do probe more, he will shut me out, say I’m overreacting.

Okay, yeah....and no. The only reason I'd ever try to finesse someone who shuts me down would be if I were trapped on an island or a boat and was solely dependent on him to get me back to land safely.

Beyond that, pfffft! He can keep it.

Respect yourself, and don't settle for anyone who won't do the same.

 

[boltnrun]

16 hours ago, NellyLu said:

I do end up losing the plot Soemtimes and the things that come out of my mouth can be extremely piercing.

You do have control over what you choose to say. Things don't just come out of your mouth.

That being said, this relationship was very unhealthy. I'm glad you chose to end it.

[smackie9]

You should read this: He is all of them...it's a doomed relationship. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

[tattoobunnie]

On 10/23/2023 at 10:51 AM, NellyLu said:

there would be no point in us continuing if you can’t forgive me

He doesn't want to forgive you.  It's time to move on.

[SherrySher]

On 10/23/2023 at 8:51 AM, NellyLu said:

My ex bf is an extremely confusing soul. We had been in a rship for about a year. I am a communicator (believe in resolving issues by speaking about it when we have cooled down). He on the other hand, prefers to go silent. Asking him to talk about what might be bothering him it’s like me trying to move the moon! 
 

When I do probe more, he will shut me out, say I’m overreacting. And wen it gets abit heated he will “block and delete” me. Then, he would come back a few days later or weeks. Unblocking me and behaving normally but being passive aggressive still. He never legs tings go. He will keep bringing up things I had said. 

So I have told him that there would be no point in us continuing if you can’t forgive me and the same ting keeps happening repeatedly. When I say this, he will be like “so I can block and delete you?” Finally, I could not take it. I told him and quote “you can do anything you want. You can block and delete …. I DONT CARE. Bring your mind games and manipulations elsewhere.” He also knows that I am talking to someone else. 
 

Now I am blocked yet again. However I and feeling very very lousy. I keep asking myself why I should be feeling such? I know the answers but it’s so tough to accept it. He has really mind ***ed me. Is he just a manipulator that I had cared for with all my heart? 

Your ex boyfriend has no respect for you at all.

Blocking and muting is a way to show you that he does not care what you have to say, what your opinion is or what your feelings are.

He doesn't care that much, that if you try to express yourself at all, he will shut you up by blocking.

Why would you want to know a person this abusive, never mind date anyone like that?

YOU should block and delete him and NEVER unblock.

Get this jerk out of your life once and for all and never look back.