Terms of endearment in the workplace!!

[rainbowsandroses]

4 hours ago, Snowed23 said:

But was I confrontational?  I just said "my name is  . . . not dear."  We are co-workers...

@Snowed23 sweetie (lol, just teasing sorry couldn't resist 😀), I do think your response was rude and rather snarky. 

If I were that co-worker, my first thought would have been "holy cow, what's up your butt"? 

If it really bothers you or unnerves you to the point it detracts from doing your job, there are other ways of approaching the situation.

Like waiting for an opportune moment when your annoyance has subsided and asking her politely if going forward she would please address you by your first name.  Versus responding in a snarky way as you did reflecting your annoyance.

You're bound to alienate your co-workers and clients by reacting that way, I promise you.  People generally don't take well to be "corrected" in such an overtly aggressive manner which is how it comes across. 

Learn and practice the art of subtlety, for others and yourself.  You'll feel better for it too I think.

As far as you feeling it's condescending, that's on you as @Coily pointed out.  Personally, I don't think it's condescending and I doubt they intended it to be.

That said, I can appreciate your annoyance by it, but pick your battles.

Life's just too short to get yourself riled up over it, imo.

 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

It’s totally fine to want to be called by your name. And not a pet name. No one is disputing that. It’s your level of anger and offense and how you reacted in the workplace that’s the issue. People have suggested approaches that accomplish the goal of stating a preference. But is that your goal or is your real goal to express how deeply offended you were and exact an apology from the person ?
 

Because if it’s the latter and particularly if you express it as you said you did - you’re unlikely to be a person people want to work with. Even if you’re talented and intelligent and hard working. Not just the person who used the pet name.

Word travels fast.  Your choice. Pick your battles. Play nicely in the sandbox whenever possible even if you’re in a position of authority. Actually especially then. Check yourself as to what your true motives are here.  And if you are angry in general about injustices in the workplace that is why I suggested volunteering for a cause that’s appropriate. To try to make the changes you believe should be made. 

 

[Andrina]

With a friendly tone, you could say: I'd like to ask a favor. Long story short, I have a pet peeve about nicknames. I prefer being called XYZ. Thanks for understanding.

A softer way of saying what will give you the same results--a person abiding by your wishes yet leaving them feeling not as bad about the situation than they did with your original approach.

[boltnrun]

People constantly mispronounce my name. I politely say "actually my name is 'x'".  And they apologize and most of them get it right from then on.

One coworker shortened my name to a really silly sounding diminutive that I absolutely cannot stand being called. I replied to his email (in which he addressed me by that nickname) saying "can you please refer to me by my given name? That is my preference." He said "well, someone else called you that so I thought that's what you want to be called." Um, no, no one at work has EVER called me that. I just said "I prefer my given name." And that was it, problem solved.

Snark at work is seldom well received no matter how 'right' you think you might be. 

[Capricorn3]

Massive, massive mountain out of a molehill. So much unnecessary drama over nothing. Seriously.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Snowed23 said:

 she chose to still call me dear which I think is inappropriate especially in an office setting and on a team chat.

She already apologized. Get over yourself. 

[Seraphim]

44 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

People constantly mispronounce my name. I politely say "actually my name is 'x'".  And they apologize and most of them get it right from then on.

One coworker shortened my name to a really silly sounding diminutive that I absolutely cannot stand being called. I replied to his email (in which he addressed me by that nickname) saying "can you please refer to me by my given name? That is my preference." He said "well, someone else called you that so I thought that's what you want to be called." Um, no, no one at work has EVER called me that. I just said "I prefer my given name." And that was it, problem solved.

Snark at work is seldom well received no matter how 'right' you think you might be. 

People misspell my name all the time, some of them are even family members. As annoying as it is I roll my eyes and move on. I don’t even mention it . I just roll my eyes inwardly  and internally  say you’ve only known me 57 years and you can’t get my name right ? I don’t say anything though. The important people know how to spell my name . 

[Batya33]

Just now, Seraphim said:

People misspell my name all the time, some of them are even family members. As annoying as it is I roll my eyes and move on. I don’t even mention it . I just roll my eyes inwardly  and internally  say you’ve only known me 57 years and you can’t get my name right ? I don’t say anything though. The important people know how to spell my name . 

Same. I only correct if it would create an issue in a form or paperwork. Several years ago a friend sent me and my husband a holiday card. Except she used my ex boyfriend’s first name - handwritten. Same first letter. Entirely different name. My husband is familiar with my ex. Luckily I saw the card first. I do think I told him because he saw the envelope. I did raise it with her. She didn’t really think it was a big deal. What ?? Misspelling. Ok. No worries. It happens.

 

But not taking care to write his name properly- a very common name ?? Using instead my long ago ex boyfriend’s name ?? She’d met my husband several times and even dated one of his closest friends a number of times. She’d met my ex too I believe. But - to me that’s a real issue and - had it been a coworker or boss I’d have said nothing. As long as he addressed my husband with the proper first name. To me when it comes to work you do have to let a lot more stuff go. 

[boltnrun]

Funny story, years ago I briefly was a cashier at a major retailer. My supervisor was standing about four registers away shouting "Cindy. Cindy. CINDY!!!!!" I did have a coworker named Cindy so I thought that was who my supervisor was calling. She then marched over to me and said (annoyed) "Cindy! I've been calling you, didn't you hear me??!!" And I said "I'm <M>." 

Hilarious. She was SO mad until she realized she'd been calling me by the wrong name. And it wasn't even close.

[LotusBlack]

OP, to be clear, your correcting the lady of your preferred name to be addressed by wasn’t the problem. She apologised and said she’d not do so in the future. Her extra information wasn’t, I believe, intended to be condescending but providing you an explanation as to why she used the endearment and that she’d not meant offence. Your follow-up reply about it not being work-place appropriate was what was rude and unnecessary when she’d already apologised and confirmed not to do it again. 

You spoke in this thread about not wanting to waste words on pleasantries, but you wasted words on calling someone out unnecessarily. So…🤷🏻‍♀️

I suggest you work on developing your workplace manner to be more positive, otherwise you’re going to constantly find yourself in uncomfortable situations like this. Perhaps, for your own happiness, maybe consider working on feeling less rigid about certain things because, in the grand scheme of things, at the end of your life do you want to look back on the energy you wasted worrying about things that weren’t intended to slight, or do you want to just be happy?

[Kwothe28]

7 hours ago, Seraphim said:

People misspell my name all the time, some of them are even family members. As annoying as it is I roll my eyes and move on. I don’t even mention it . I just roll my eyes inwardly  and internally  say you’ve only known me 57 years and you can’t get my name right ? I don’t say anything though. The important people know how to spell my name . 

Its Victoria, right?

PS I know its not Victoria, just find it funny in a thread context. 😂

[Seraphim]

3 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Its Victoria, right?

PS I know its not Victoria, just find it funny in a thread context. 😂

Correct , it isn’t Victoria. 😅 My name is 10 letters long .