Terms of endearment in the workplace!!

[Snowed23]

23 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It's wrong to approach it as you are as you described -wrong as in rude to the person.  You're correcting in a rude way. My point was use your negative energy and getting all riled up and transfer it to making the changes you would like to see.  You have a lot of anger about what you see as unfair -use that energy to work on making changes in a productive, positive way.  

So, in your opinion, how should I have approached it?  And just overlooking it is not what I'm wanting you to answer.  

[Snowed23]

23 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Yes -your confrontational rude behavior likely is brushed aside by the recipient -but can quickly become a major thing as far as your ability to work well with others - which your bosses may take notice of that you are deficient in those areas. Only takes a couple of people reporting you for being rude....

Ok, so as I stated earlier, how would you approach it?  Someone is calling you something other than your name.  What would you do or how would you address it?  Doing nothing is not an option.  What would you do?  

[Seraphim]

Hi, my is ….. , I really prefer that. There is no need to say they are being unprofessional,that is an on purpose insult, which is why she said let it go. 

[Snowed23]

19 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Hi, my is ….. , I really prefer that. There is no need to say they are being unprofessional,that is an on purpose insult, which is why she said let it go. 

I never said it was unprofessional, I said it was not workplace appropriate.  Was that rude?

 

And she could just have as easily replied with a simple "ok" than to give her response, "sorry will not with you anymore."  But I guess a woman has to have the last word to put a man in his place.

[Snowed23]

Batya33, waiting on your reply as to how I should have handled this.

[Seraphim]

Well, saying it isn’t work place appropriate is the same thing as unprofessional. And it was meant to put the person in their place so it  was meant with rudeness in mind. 

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

Batya33, waiting on your reply as to how I should have handled this.

She works also. Maybe she is working . 

[Batya33]

36 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

So, in your opinion, how should I have approached it?  And just overlooking it is not what I'm wanting you to answer.  

Lol thanks for the instructions.  make a joke of it. Lighthearted with a sandwich approach. Outer bread “thanks again for the information - it’s really helpful.  Sandwich filling:  You know when you call me “angel pie” it reminds me of when my mom used to call me that - right before she told me to do another chore!- so I’m happy to be called “Superstar Barbie” but (your name) works even better!”  Outer bread: thanks so much again -hope your day is going well!

[Snowed23]

3 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Well, saying it isn’t work place appropriate is the same thing as unprofessional. And it was meant to put the person in their place so it  was meant with rudeness in mind. 

So when I said, "My name is  . . . and thanks (for the update)' which is basically what you said I should do. She had to come back with her response as far as being an older woman and that's just how she talks.  Talking is one thing, but typing is something totally different.  Ypou're looking at my name on your screen to type me a message but you chose to say "morning dear".  A simple "ok" from her when I gave her my name would have / should have solved everything.  But she chose to give her reply as to who she is and how she does things.  I assure you she wouldn't address the CEO, CFO, or the COO with dear if she was sending them a message.  So respect only is given to those above you.

[Batya33]

10 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

Batya33, waiting on your reply as to how I should have handled this.

Wow. So the way you just addressed me says it all. Plus your previous instruction. I’m thinking maybe people tend to refer to you that way if they’ve gotten wind that perhaps you’re a bit abrasive to deal with so they figure - wrongly - that this will soften you up a bit ?

[Snowed23]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Lol thanks for the instructions.  make a joke of it. Lighthearted with a sandwich approach. Outer bread “thanks again for the information - it’s really helpful.  Sandwich filling:  You know when you call me “angel pie” it reminds me of when my mom used to call me that - right before she told me to do another chore!- so I’m happy to be called “Superstar Barbie” but (your name) works even better!”  Outer bread: thanks so much again -hope your day is going well!

That's a lot of unnecessary words just to tell someone to call you by your name.  In my opinion.  Let me think of something really clever as to not offend them but they, in so many words, offended me by calling me dear.

[Seraphim]

4 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

So when I said, "My name is  . . . and thanks (for the update)' which is basically what you said I should do. She had to come back with her response as far as being an older woman and that's just how she talks.  Talking is one thing, but typing is something totally different.  Ypou're looking at my name on your screen to type me a message but you chose to say "morning dear".  A simple "ok" from her when I gave her my name would have / should have solved everything.  But she chose to give her reply as to who she is and how she does things.  I assure you she wouldn't address the CEO, CFO, or the COO with dear if she was sending them a message.  So respect only is given to those above you.

Um no, what I SAID was , hi my name is … I prefer that. Which is positive and implies no blame . 

[Seraphim]

Or you can prefer to be fractious and cop an attitude and make it known that you are difficult to work with. 

[Batya33]

I responded like you twice once in a work situation and once in public. I reported an on-site maintenance worker who teased me about walking too slowly up an internal stairwell (elevator was too slow ). Reported his heckling of me to HR. why didn’t I let it go ?? Because I was walking slowly because I was pregnant although not showing. I was exhausted. Worrried about my heavy briefcase. Didn’t need to be heckled and stared at. Figured make sure he doesn’t do this to someone else who is slowing down his sweeping work. 
HR agreed with me totally. No I didn’t address him directly. I was too worried. 
Second time also pregnancy. In my 8th month waddling along in a supermarket after work a young woman approached me. “Would it be too personal to ask what month you are in ?”  I was - exhausted. Waddling along. I said “yes. It is too personal “ and kept walking. 
However. Had it been at work I would have answered her.
Just like I agreed to shake a woman’s hand - a potential client - who had a gross cold and had wiped her nose with it - and she could see the huge baby bump. It was not the time to instruct her on manners and hygiene. I simply worried during the meeting and snuck tons of sanitizer. You do what you gotta do with the small stuff to keep the peace. This was in 2009 c

[Batya33]

14 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

That's a lot of unnecessary words just to tell someone to call you by your name.  In my opinion.  Let me think of something really clever as to not offend them but they, in so many words, offended me by calling me dear.

How very kind of you !  I’d rather be close (or polite) than right even if it requires more words or risking the wrath of the lady who doth protest too much. 
I’d lose the attitude of making sure they know you are offended. Is that too wordy in your humble opinion?

Today my son’s bus driver was 10-15 minutes late which actually is not ok given how this is set up and what it costs. Technically it’s not ok. Technically I could complain as she was late yesterday. I’m right and the school is interested in knowing how the bus is working out. 
she arrived with an explanation. But should have texted us or communicated the delay. Here’s how I reacted when she explained “ok sounds good! Thanks Miss (name) and have a good day!”  I told no one. Why ? Diplomacy. I’m right. It was really inconvenient cause I had to use the restroom very very badly.  But she works hard. She drives my son. She’s the reason he can go to this school. 
Same for you. Is it worth calling someone out so they know they offended you so you can be “right ?”  Sounds like a lot of blowing off misplaced anger and hostility to me and when push comes to shove I really doubt your pithy rude approach will be well received let alone with your fave terms of endearment 

As an aside -want perspective - watch Terms of Endearment   Bet you anything there are tons of terms of endearment thrown around in that movie which Deborah Winger dislikes - her character - but when she’s dying and her little boy is all big eyed and teary saying goodbye to his mama - I bet she’d have traded an inappropriate throw away “more sweet tea honey pie “ if it meant more time with her family  

Please do consider a bit more perspective on this issue   Count your blessings  

 

[Batya33]

Chiming in - Seraphim’s approach obviously works just as well. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Snowed23 said:

Her :  Let it go . . 

It seems like this customer gave you the best advice you'll ever receive.

[Snowed23]

27 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Um no, what I SAID was , hi my name is … I prefer that. Which is positive and implies no blame . 

How did my reply imply blame?  

[Seraphim]

8 minutes ago, Snowed23 said:

How did my reply imply blame?  

If you don’t understand the difference between the way I put it and the way you put it despite several people explaining it I am not sure explaining any more  directly will work. 

[Batya33]

You wrote you want to convey you felt offended. You likely want a sincere apology for this perceived offense. Seraphim’s approach doesn’t imply blame at all. It simply expresses a preference. 
Here’s an example. I knew a girl named Mia - pronounced Meeeeah. But by accident twice I called her Maya. Because I know people named Maya. A mistake. She was at our bus stop for 2 years  

The mom who I’m friends with said to me when I referred to Maya - oh by the way it’s Mia. It’s totally ok I get it but then she might not respond (not on principle but she was 7 and wouldn’t have thought I was referring to her ). I felt badly at the mistake. BUT the mom did not want me to feel badly. And that’s the difference with your motivation. Which isn’t very nice or thoughtful. Or professional. IMO. 

[boltnrun]

Did you post on here looking for opinions and advice? Or to be told you're right? Serious question.

[MissCanuck]

You lead a very privileged life if this is your big drama of the day. 

[itsallgrand]

4 hours ago, Snowed23 said:

On the contrary, it can be controlled.  If you don't let someone know how they are treating you or talking to you in inappropriate then they will continue to do it.  Those people get pulled over by the cops I promise you they will not call them sweetie or honey.  It'll be year sir or no sir.  Or yes ma'am or no ma'am.  Go to church and I'm sure they do not call their pastor by name.  It's reverend, pastor, priest, rabi, or bishop.  They go to the doctor and I assure they it'll be Dr, this or Dr. that.  Go to court and call the judge by his or her name instead of your honor and see what happens.  Yes, these people have titles but unless you direct someone on how to address you then they will think it's perfectly fine to address you however they want to.  

You have to pick your battles or you risk people tuning you out completely even when it's important imo.

 

[Seraphim]

Just now, itsallgrand said:

You have to pick your battles or you risk people tuning you out completely even when it's important imo.

 

Yep, when to be a squeaky wheel and when not to be . If it’s most of the time people roll their eyes and move on and don’t listen. 

[Snowed23]

30 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Did you post on here looking for opinions and advice? Or to be told you're right? Serious question.

Neither and both.  I don't think I was being rude by correcting someone on my name because it is my name.  On my job I prefer to be called by ny name especially when I give it to you.  And in this situation the co-worker knew my name because it was clearly on the Microsoft Teams chat but she chose to still call me dear which I think is inappropriate especially in an office setting and on a team chat.