Crush on co-worker, advice on how to proceed?

[Big-Fennel3632]

We hired some new part-time employees at my workplace about a month ago, and I have taken a liking to one of them. Let me give you some context and if anyone could offer me advice I would appreciate it. I don't know at what pace I should go with this, like asking for numbers etc.

The first couple weeks after hiring these new employees I was just helping them out when I could, showing them the ropes and helping them understand the job. I know it can be quite nerve wracking going into a new workplace, so I tried my best to make them all feel comfortable and keep them right. They all seem quite comfortable around me now and chat to me which is good because it's always nice to meet new people.

The last week or two I have been talking more to one of them and have quickly started to develop a little crush. She is Female (21) and I am Male (25). She seemed quite shy and quiet at first but our conversations flow really well, I have learned a decent amount about her, where she is from, what she is studying, previous jobs, etc and now recently she has been asking about me and trying to get to know more about me.

She mentioned a few days ago that she lives in the student accommodation in the centre of town, which happens to be 5 mins from my apartment, so I offered to drive her home after work so she didnt have to wait for the buses and sit in traffic. She accepted and thanked me.

She only works 2 shifts per week as she is studying for her degree, so I only see her 1-2x per week, not alot of time to talk more to her as I only see her at work.

Any advice on how to proceed?

- Should I offer to drive her home again?
- Is it to early to ask for her number?
- Should I keep talking to her try and figure out her hobbies etc?
- Am I coming off as weird, and approaching her to early?
- Am I overthinking all this haha?

Thanks for reading, have a great day!

[smackie9]

Ask her out for a quick coffee after work...something light/casual. 

[Coily]

Should I offer to drive her home again? Maybe
- Is it to early to ask for her number? Until you develop more rapport wait.
- Should I keep talking to her try and figure out her hobbies etc? Absolutely
- Am I coming off as weird, and approaching her to early? All in the eye of the beholder
- Am I overthinking all this haha? YES!

I would suggest you keep talking to her, do a smackie said and go for coffee. See if she's single etc. And just go where things naturally take you.

[Cherylyn]

If I were her,  I wouldn't want anyone to be overly enthusiastic nor over zealous.  The rides home are nice as long as you do it out of kindness without any ulterior motives in mind.  Chauffeur her as a friend without expectations in return because if you anticipate a relationship,  you could set yourself up for disappointment so don't feel it's a waste to drive her back to her dorm or student center in town.  Take it slow! 

Ask her if she'd like to meet for coffee,  snack or lunch.  You could ask for her phone number at your own risk.  If she declines,  be kind anyway.

Yes,  ask her about her hobbies. 

No,  you're not coming off as weird.  However,  act natural. 

If you prefer to err on the side of caution,  it probably won't be a good idea to date colleagues given that should the relationship go awry,  it will be very awkward to continue a professional rapport.  Keep this in mind! 

It's ok to overthink.  Most people do.  Hope it all works out for you! 🙂

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Big-Fennel3632 said:

We hired some new part-time employees at my workplace about a month ago, Is it to early to ask for her number?- Am I coming off as weird, and approaching her to early?

If fine to make her feel welcome, show her the ropes and offer a ride. However remember she just started and is trying to fit in, plus you're in a training/supervisory position. 

Tread carefully because of that. Try to get to know her a bit better. Please don't ask for her number or make it seem like you're pouncing on fresh newcomers. Take your time, play it by ear. Since it's a workplace err on the side of caution.

[Kwothe28]

Generally, dating coworkers is a bad idea. As, if things go awry, you still need to see her constantly. But if you want to try, then try. You dont know much about her so try to do that first. For example, if she has a boyfriend. Since you are coworkers I dont think its that presumptious to ask for phone number as you maybe need to contact her for work purposes as well. But as far as dating goes, maybe try to talk a bit and find out something about her first.

[SooSad33]

I agree with the above....  YOU are taking a huge risk as this is a co worker 😕 .

Sooo many times we see people posting about how awkward their work place has become because now they have to work with 'an ex'.  

Also, as mentioned, you don't know that much abt her, right?  She may be involved already.  And should you make her feel too awkward, she will turn down your help in 'a ride home'. 

Be careful here. Being kind is one thing, going too far is another.

[boltnrun]

Can you take breaks at the same time as her so you can have conversations and find out more about each other?

[Big-Fennel3632]

@smackie9@Coily I think I will speak to her a bit more then ask her out for coffee, thank you. 🙏

@Cherylyn I also gave the other new employees rides home last weekend, so I guess I am just the work place taxi 🤣 It was also good because gave me more time to chat to her and get to know a bit. Thank you 🙏

@Wiseman2 Yes, good point I should be cautious and I am not actually a supervisor or anything, I just remember what it was like coming to the job new and want to help them out 😃. This is a side job for me to make some extra cash on the side. Thank you 🙏

@Kwothe28@SooSad33 The other day she mentioned to me that she is only here on a temporary contract and even if offered an extension, doesn't know if she will take it due to wanting to focus on finishing her studies, so there is a good chance she wont be by co-worker soon. 😅 Thank you. 🙏

@boltnrun Yes we can, I will invite her to sit with me. Thank you 🙏

[Lambert]

Don't date co-workers. Ever hear the saying 'don't poop where you eat?

You risk your job, your reputation and at the very least can make a very awkward workplace.

Let this go to simmer on its own... if you guys like each other, you will find it comes together in its own way, naturally.  Then you can discuss what dating would be like in relation to work. 

[Cherylyn]

I agree,  you'll spend more time at work than anywhere else so beware.  Should interactions or interpersonal contact end on a sour note,  you'll have to see this same colleague every week and do you want that? 😒 It will be uncomfortable and stressful.  There is no escaping a person you've had a row with.  Think about it.  Best to err on the side of caution and pump the brakes. 

[Big-Fennel3632]

Well we have been chatting more and I learned that she is single and is going on a date tonight with a friend.

Like you guys said I will be cautious with this and since she seems to be dating, maybe best I hold back and dont try anything.

Not going to wait around for her hoping something happens, if it does great and if not, its not the end of the world. There are plenty of great woman out there. I shall continue to work on myself like I have for the past year physically and mentally.

Thanks for your time and advice everyone. 🙏🏼 

[Andrina]

If she was into you, she wouldn't have mentioned the date she had planned with someone else. So instead of holding back for now, I'd consider this as final.

Have you heard of Meetup.com groups? There might be some in your area geared to singles in your age group. I'd give that a go. Good luck.

[Big-Fennel3632]

@Andrina You are probably right.

I have never heard of that site, to be honest I find it quite hard to meet new people because I am either working or out with friends and I am not interested in meeting woman in clubs. Dating apps like tinder seem to be a nightmare.

So meetup sites might be a good start, thanks. 🙏🏼

[Big-Fennel3632]

Hi again,

Circumstances may be about to change so I would appreciate some more of your input.

I heard from another co-worker of mine that she was looking into being transfered to one of our other stores closer to the centre of town, because the one we work at now is out the way alittle bit and thats why I originally offered to start driving her home.

This means she will no longer be my co-worker and I will most likely lose all contact with her as I only see her at work.

If this is the case and she is transfering to another store, is it now more appropriate to just go for it? Tell her I think she's cute and ask for her number because Id like to take her out sometime.

Any advice is appreciated, thanks again. 🙏🏼

@smackie9 @Coily @Kwothe28 @Cherylyn @Wiseman2 @SooSad33 @boltnrun @Lambert @DaterSA @Andrina @imjustdavid

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, Big-Fennel3632 said:

I heard from another coworker. If this is the case and she is transfering to another store, 

Are you still giving her rides home from work? Do you have conversations? Why not simply ask her if she would like to have coffee or stop for a drink?

Do you have her social media? Why not ask for that? But please don't blurt out "you're cute, what's your number?" Many women find men who just collect numbers a bit creepy. 

Unfortunately it seems like you're listening to a lot of hearsay or trying to over interpret her career moves for some reason. Such as fear of missing out? Why is it so important whether she works in your location or not?  

Are you afraid of her or talking to her? Why are you asking coworkers about her possible maybe plans?  

 

[Big-Fennel3632]

51 minutes ago, imjustdavid said:

I guess this is a sign for you to go for her. It's better to try than regret it, right? Just try asking her for a cup of coffee. I am rooting for you! 

Thanks 🙏🏼

[Big-Fennel3632]

33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you still giving her rides home from work? Do you have conversations? Why not simply ask her if she would like to have coffee or stop for a drink?

Do you have her social media? Why not ask for that? But please don't blurt out "you're cute, what's your number?" Many women find men who just collect numbers a bit creepy. 

Unfortunately it seems like you're listening to a lot of hearsay or trying to over interpret her career moves for some reason. Such as fear of missing out? Why is it so important whether she works in your location or not?  

Are you afraid of her or talking to her? Why are you asking coworkers about her possible maybe plans?  

 

I have only given her a ride home once since I originally posted this due to us having different work schedules.

I havent asked her for coffee because I only met her about 4 weeks ago, have worked together a handful of shifts and thought it might be to early.

She doesnt use social media, I never asked my co-worker about what she was doing, that co-worker happens to be my best friend, he knows I like her and overheard about her moving.

Its important I guess because I dont have a way to contact her or build on anything, as we only talk at work.

Thanks for your reply. 🙏🏼

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Big-Fennel3632 said:

I havent asked her for coffee because I only met her about 4 weeks ago, .that co-worker happens to be my best friend, he knows I like her and overheard about her moving.

Unfortunately you can't really rely on hearsay and what difference does it make anyway if it she transfers? If you feel it's too soon to ask her for a cup of coffee all you can do is build up the courage. 

[boltnrun]

I liked a guy at work. I was transferring to another location so I shot my shot and asked him. He said he thought I was terrific and he liked me but he was dating someone. Sure, it was disappointing but it was better to know than to wonder "what if".

[SooSad33]

On 9/20/2023 at 2:46 AM, Big-Fennel3632 said:

This means she will no longer be my co-worker and I will most likely lose all contact with her as I only see her at work.

Lose contact?  So you two are not friends on FB or anything yet? 

If you have her #, you won't lose contact with her.  Yup, if you really want this, you do need to speak up.

Ask her if she's like to meet sometime soon for drinks or a coffee.  if she says Yes, it's a good beginning.

[Tiddytok5]

On 9/6/2023 at 10:08 AM, Big-Fennel3632 said:

We hired some new part-time employees at my workplace about a month ago, and I have taken a liking to one of them. Let me give you some context and if anyone could offer me advice I would appreciate it. I don't know at what pace I should go with this, like asking for numbers etc.

The first couple weeks after hiring these new employees I was just helping them out when I could, showing them the ropes and helping them understand the job. I know it can be quite nerve wracking going into a new workplace, so I tried my best to make them all feel comfortable and keep them right. They all seem quite comfortable around me now and chat to me which is good because it's always nice to meet new people.

The last week or two I have been talking more to one of them and have quickly started to develop a little crush. She is Female (21) and I am Male (25). She seemed quite shy and quiet at first but our conversations flow really well, I have learned a decent amount about her, where she is from, what she is studying, previous jobs, etc and now recently she has been asking about me and trying to get to know more about me.

She mentioned a few days ago that she lives in the student accommodation in the centre of town, which happens to be 5 mins from my apartment, so I offered to drive her home after work so she didnt have to wait for the buses and sit in traffic. She accepted and thanked me.

She only works 2 shifts per week as she is studying for her degree, so I only see her 1-2x per week, not alot of time to talk more to her as I only see her at work.

Any advice on how to proceed?

- Should I offer to drive her home again?
- Is it to early to ask for her number?
- Should I keep talking to her try and figure out her hobbies etc?
- Am I coming off as weird, and approaching her to early?
- Am I overthinking all this haha?

Thanks for reading, have a great day!

Find someone else who doesn't work with you. 

 

These things can become quite messy and perhaps lead to the termination of one or both of you.