Am I being unreasonable?

[Luna Lover 28]

I’m 23 and I’m running my first ever half marathon at the end of the month. It’s a big deal for me as I never thought I could run such a long distance, and I’m proud of the training I’ve achieved. I’ve been with my boyfriend 3 years, and he knows I’d love him to come watch and cheer me on. However, my race clashes with the final game of the premier league, and he’s agreed to watch the game in London with his friends (he planned this before he knew about my race). I finish running around 12:30 and he’s agreed to watch the whole thing. But it’s the part afterwards that means the most - I want to celebrate with the people I love and get a celebratory drink But he is insisting that he needs to ‘dash’ as soon as I cross the finish line because he needs to get across London to get a good space at the pub and have pre drinks. Bear in mind that the football doesn’t start until 4pm. My feelings are hurt, because I don’t want to cross that finish line of my first ever race, only to see him checking his watch to see how soon he can get away to go and drink with his mates. This race means so much to me, but he’s insisting he has to leave ASAP to ‘get to the pub on time’. He says he might not be let in if he’s too late but I don’t know how much I believe this. Anyway - am I right to be upset by this? He did book the pub before he was aware of my race, but surely he can sacrifice one hour of pres with his mates to go for a drink with his girlfriend who’s just run 13 miles? He’ll still be about to watch the whole game, even if he leaves at 2 … what do you guys think?

 

Bottom line - Is it really bratty of me that I don’t really want him there at all if he’s just gonna be clock-watching to see how long he’s got before he can go and sit in the pub with his mates? It’s not like the football starts at 2pm, he’s got ages, but he still wants to get away ASAP …

[redswim30]

28 minutes ago, Luna Lover 28 said:

 

 

Bottom line - Is it really bratty of me that I don’t really want him there at all if he’s just gonna be clock-watching to see how long he’s got before he can go and sit in the pub with his mates? It’s not like the football starts at 2pm, he’s got ages, but he still wants to get away ASAP …

YES- it IS bratty of you.  Something that means something to both of you is happening on the same day.   He worked out a compromise with you.  And Luna, if you're ever going to be in an adult relationship, you must understand that COMPROMISE is the name of the game on MUCH bigger and more important issues than this. 

You want the whole enchilada or none, which isn't fair to him.  Especially since his thing WAS brought up before yours, and he still offered to come to your watch your race to make you happy. He probably does have to be there by a certain time to get decent seats, etc.  Especially if it's a FINAL game- do you KNOW how packed stuff (restaurants/bars/etc) can GET for stuff like this?  I think that's honest.

Why can't you get a celebratory drink without him? Or do a private celebration with him the NEXT day?  I understand you WANT him there, but he already made plans prior to this race.  He's compromising for you and you're upset that he's not sacrificing more of his plans for what you want, even though his stuff came up FIRST.  That's being pretty selfish, IMO.  Like thinking YOUR thing should be more important to him than HIS thing.  

IMVHO, THANK HIM for being so willing to compromise with you.  He COULD have said, "No, it's the day of my pre-planned game that was planned before I knew about your race and the logistics are just too difficult"- which still would have been a FAIR (and accurate) thing for him to say.  Instead he made a compromise to make you happy.  Do NOT throw a compromise in his face.  

Go have fun with your friends and let him have fun with his.  Plan something special for just the two of you or ANOTHER celebration with everyone- why NOT have two? Particularly since this IS such a big deal for you- Congrats, by the way!   

There's no faster way to sabotage a relationship than by acting like your things (family, friends, events, etc) are more important than their things- which are equally important to them. You have to understand this game is as important to him as your race is to you- and there's nothing wrong with that.  You shouldn't belittle that. Would you want him to say to you "You're just running, what's the big deal?  I can see you run anytime in the future, this championship game is only happening once." You have to respect each other and what matters to the other person, even if it seems silly to you. Compromise is needed in any kind of real adult relationship.   Please don't take his willingness to compromise for granted.  A lot of guys wouldn't have come to your run at ALL. 

[Coily]

Well take into account that he is willing to be there.

I get where you are coming from wanting to spend some celebratory time with your loved ones, but on the other hand he has been planning this and getting reservations to a rather important social event. I think the important factor to consider is his travel time, from some rough number it could take him 2 hours by underground not counting for delays. If he left at 2 he could be running late, especially with everyone else rushing off to watch football.

Just enjoy the fact that he wants to be there, and is willing to do so.

 

[Siofra123]

29 minutes ago, Luna Lover 28 said:

I’m 23 and I’m running my first ever half marathon at the end of the month. It’s a big deal for me as I never thought I could run such a long distance, and I’m proud of the training I’ve achieved. I’ve been with my boyfriend 3 years, and he knows I’d love him to come watch and cheer me on. However, my race clashes with the final game of the premier league, and he’s agreed to watch the game in London with his friends (he planned this before he knew about my race). I finish running around 12:30 and he’s agreed to watch the whole thing. But it’s the part afterwards that means the most - I want to celebrate with the people I love and get a celebratory drink But he is insisting that he needs to ‘dash’ as soon as I cross the finish line because he needs to get across London to get a good space at the pub and have pre drinks. Bear in mind that the football doesn’t start until 4pm. My feelings are hurt, because I don’t want to cross that finish line of my first ever race, only to see him checking his watch to see how soon he can get away to go and drink with his mates. This race means so much to me, but he’s insisting he has to leave ASAP to ‘get to the pub on time’. He says he might not be let in if he’s too late but I don’t know how much I believe this. Anyway - am I right to be upset by this? He did book the pub before he was aware of my race, but surely he can sacrifice one hour of pres with his mates to go for a drink with his girlfriend who’s just run 13 miles? He’ll still be about to watch the whole game, even if he leaves at 2 … what do you guys think?

 

Bottom line - Is it really bratty of me that I don’t really want him there at all if he’s just gonna be clock-watching to see how long he’s got before he can go and sit in the pub with his mates? It’s not like the football starts at 2pm, he’s got ages, but he still wants to get away ASAP …

In all likelihood, he wants to be with you on the day as much as he wants to be with his friends. He has booked all of this before he knew about your race, and concentrate on this fact here. He probably was really looking forward to drinks with his friends, maybe he hadn’t seen them in a while, maybe he wants to spend time with them, maybe the soccer is a ritual for them. It’s just crappy timing that they both fall on the same day . Me personally, yes I’d be annoyed but glad that he was able to see me cross the line. Could you join him with his friends later on? Best of both worlds?

[Batya33]

I agree with the others -I'd face time with him right after and let him go early to his game then celebrate at next opportunity.  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Luna Lover 28 said:

he planned this before he knew about my race. He did book the pub before he was aware of my race, but surely he can sacrifice one hour 

Sorry this is happening, but it seems like he's trying to accommodate you and keep his prior commitments, which shows integrity. He shouldn't blow off his friends for last minute events. Try to compromise rather than force anything.

[MissCanuck]

I think you’re being unreasonable, yes. 

[Cherylyn]

Well,  he did make prior plans before knowing about your marathon.  I'd take a rain check if I were you.  An early congratulations, btw!  I I were you,  I'd cross the finish line,  eat well,  shower,  crash and take a glorious, long, very quiet nap.  After you're well rested and recovered,  celebrate some other time with your boyfriend.  Perhaps go out for a meal or do something special like that at a later date. 

[SooSad33]

Congrats to you!  🙂 

Yeah, it's a challenge for both to be on the same day.  But, he's agreed to come be there for you during this event! you got that much 😉 .  Good on him for that.

But, I guess you know the challenge also involved with him wanting to get over to the other side to get a decent reserved spot with his friends for the game.

I guess, all you can do is accept this.  Do what YOU must do after your race and then, as mentioned, can you meet up with them later?  or you just gonna hang out & chill with your friends after the race & go home?

[smackie9]

You want to celebrate? celebrate with other runners, or friends, family. Been with my husband for over 30 years, and we have celebrated separately, attended weddings/services/parties/events without each other due to other plans, him needing to work, or simply don't want to go. There's always a need for balance/compromise if you are in it for the long haul. 

Plus we all know what men are like when it comes to footie. They can be hit by a mac truck and still try to make it to watch a game. 

[Kwothe28]

Final game of Premier League when maybe the title is decided between Arsenal and Manchester City. Vs your half marathon where you just participate. And he would still be there when you cross finish line but would just have to leave later because he needs to go to game. Yes, you are being unreasonable. Very much.