Please help me understand, how a guy can flip a 180 and bailed out after his love confession.

[Sagit-12]

I (33F) was dating a guy (37M) for close to two months, we shared three dates in which date one and two shared great conversations, a lot of fun and the mutual attraction was strong. We shared (long) phone calls every night as well and by date three, he held my hand and confessed his love, I accepted and we had a sweet & memorable date three where a first kiss was also involved.

Strangely, his level of attraction started diminishing the day after his confession, texting content became abnormally empty and the phone call conversation kept getting shallower and shallower, I began to sense that something was off. Four days after his confession with a fourth date planned the next week, he asked to be called earlier than usual.

During the call, he was dead silent until I asked "what's going on", he said he was fine in a small voice, but I pressed on. He kept saying he was fine until he said he doesn't want to talk about it tonight. I asked if it's about work or about us, and he started sobbing and went full blown crying. He kept apologizing to me, he said he has all these emotions that's overwhelming, and that he went ahead of himself. This kept repeating until I told him that I have no time to waste on men who are confused and doesn't know what he wants, he then apologized for wasting my time. The apologizing cycle continued until I finally asked him if he is going ahead with the relationship or to say bye to it, again his response was the apologizing cycle. I got annoyed by that point for his lack of courage to make a decision, I said "Bye" while he sobbed and said bye and I hung up.

Sorry for the long post, I would truly appreciate if anyone is able to grace me with what the heck happened, I'm utterly shocked and baffled as it made no sense, and absolutely illogical how someone can pull a 180 so soon.

[Cherylyn]

Sounds like he's mentally unstable and didn't have the courage to tell you he doesn't want to get involved with you.  Perhaps his sobbing was his way to confuse you and become disgusted to the point where you're the one deciding to end dating him.  Who knows?  He's a hot mess.  Best to let it go and move on.

[1a1a]

Professing love by date 3 is a red flag. He hasn’t seen enough of you to really know you how could he possibly know if he loves you? 
 

That aside sounds like it’s not you, it’s him, not being in a good head space to form a meaningful relationship with someone else. 

[Kwothe28]

Messy people are just that. Messy. They have erratic behavior that varies by the day. One day you would be their favorite person ever. The next one depending on the mood you would be their least favorite person. So, him holding your hand and proffessing his love on one date and few days later retracting and apologizing, isnt really that confusing, its rather expected. Its confusing to you because you thought you met a stable individual, fell for his "love bombing" and ignored a red flags. While as you can see, he is just not what you envisioned at all.

[Jaunty]

Yeah, the "I love you" three dates in was a solid tell that he was not for real.  Who knows the reasons.  

You played a role in this too.  I don't want to kick you when you're down, but you need to take better care of yourself and should know better at your age than to believe a person can actually fall in love for real by 2 or three dates.  Give things a lot more time before fully investing in the future, Okay?

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, Sagit-12 said:

by date three, he held my hand and confessed his love

This was your first clue that this man is not all there. 

4 hours ago, Sagit-12 said:

he started sobbing and went full blown crying.

And this is your second clue that this man is not all there. 

I'm sorry, OP, but you have run into someone who is not very mentally stable. You can't take people seriously when they are professing to love you when they barely know you. Rational, mature and emotionally-stable adults don't behave that way. Next time, run away from men like this. Not towards them. 

[SooSad33]

4 hours ago, Sagit-12 said:

I asked if it's about work or about us, and he started sobbing and went full blown crying. He kept apologizing to me, he said he has all these emotions that's overwhelming, and that he went ahead of himself.

This was the problem and he admitted it.

He may like you but it's not 'love'.  Hardly ever do you hear someone say this with just 3 dates. Love develops over time ( the real, deep emotions), especially for guys.

Not sure if you know his history at all? eg. did he recently get out of a relationship?  If so, this could explain why he's acting out this way ( his thoughts are still on her).

Anyways, we live & we learn. Sadly, it went from something way too heavy to nil 😕 . Sorry.  But now you know, next time, don't believe it when someone says it this soon. And same for how quickly it evolved.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Sagit-12 said:

 two months, we shared three dates. he went ahead of himself.  he then apologized for wasting my time. 

Sorry this happened. How did you meet? Was this a distance situation? Was he in another relationship or on/off with someone?

It seems like you dodged a bullet. He didn't make much time to see you in person in those 2 mos and that is a red flag. 

In the future try to spend more time in person. While talking on the phone is fine, it doesn't replace dating.

[catfeeder]

Too much, too soon. We might be all jazzed and excited by someone on a 3rd date, but we can't KNOW them well enough to love them. That explains why YOU don't even know HIM well enough to understand his behavior, right?

A fast flame usually snuffs itself out. When someone doesn't know how to go slow, that's 'stranger danger'!

[Jibralta]

14 hours ago, Sagit-12 said:

I would truly appreciate if anyone is able to grace me with what the heck happened, I'm utterly shocked and baffled as it made no sense, and absolutely illogical how someone can pull a 180 so soon.

Sounds like he is going through something!

Word to the wise: if someone is claiming to love you after two conversations, question it!!

[Batya33]

He didn't do a 180 or flip because his "confession" of feelings likely had little to do with you.  You probably are a lovely human being with much to offer - but he wouldn't know that yet.  So he probably "gets ahead of himself" so then he can give himself an excuse to run away just as quickly.  Hot mess for sure.  You can do better and I wish you well -I did tons of dating in my 30s.  I feel you!