Does he genuinely like me?

[xxxcjswxx]

Today I went out with a work colleague of mine after we finished our shift. We’ve only known each other two weeks and I can’t tell if he actually likes me or if he’s trying to use me for something sexual. We kissed for first time today but he didn’t seem happy when I told one my friends who was another work colleague, but I had a feeling it was because another girl in work likes him. However everyone in work knows we’re into each other, neither of us hide it, however again I don’t know if it’s genuine or whether he’s just acting a certain way to eventually receive sex. On our way home after hanging out we said goodbye at the train station but he didn’t give me a hug or kiss just simply said “text me when you’re home safe”. I thought that wasn’t a good sign. He’s aware I’m very insecure and quiet, i’m quite monotone and awkward or laugh at inappropriate times but it all stems from low self esteem. This is another reason I can’t understand how he’d like me in the first place because I’m so boring right now from depression. So my question is, am I ruining things by over thinking? Or does this guy sound genuine? I forgot to mention one of the very first things he said to me when we met was “do you sleep around? cause i do”.. few days after that he apologised and said he’s being cautious as he gotten out of a bad relationship earlier on this year but he’d like to get to know me.

[Batya33]

This doesn’t sound like a good beginning. You don’t trust his motives and he started off telling he DOES sleep around ? That’s what you wrote so why would you want to get to know someone you don’t want casual sex with who already told you he sleeps around? And told you he is starting our feeling hesitant because of his bad relationship? Sounds like a lot of work and for what benefit?

If your chemical depression is overtaking your ability to engage in friendly and positive interactions with other people I would wait to date until you either choose to interact in a positive way when you can and to keep up your half of the conversation or when you get the help you need so you can manage to do that. Otherwise it doesn’t sound like you’re in a place to be able to participate in getting to know another person or date them. 

[Kwothe28]

12 minutes ago, xxxcjswxx said:

one of the very first things he said to me when we met was “do you sleep around? cause i do”..

Yeah, I think its safe to say that guy only afters one thing. Sorry.

[xxxcjswxx]

he rang the following day and explained he’s awkward sometimes because of adhd but he also hasn’t actually been diagnosed by a dr

[Andrina]

36 minutes ago, xxxcjswxx said:

one of the very first things he said to me when we met was “do you sleep around? cause i do”.. few days after that he apologised and said he’s being cautious as he gotten out of a bad relationship earlier on this year but he’d like to get to know me.

When people come with warning labels, pay attention, just as you would when a rattlesnake rattles its warning.

Male attention is fun and intriguing, but in your case, I'd put a hold on dating until you gain self-worth. People with low self-esteem tend to attract predators. It might also make you prone to ignoring red flags, and putting up with people who aren't worthy of you.

Trust your instincts. You have them, which is why you're here posting.

Read articles/books on practices to employ to build your self-love. If that doesn't work, seek therapy. You'll thank yourself when you'll see better results in your dating life.

And don't hand out the fodder for gossip about yourself at work like its trivial candy. As for the "Does he just want me for sex?" In the future, a good way of vetting is to keep the dates outside of your homes for a few months so you don't give in to strong chemistry and do the deed too soon. A guy who's looking for longterm will be patient, and will be wanting to get to know everything about you before intimacy happens.

Take care.

[Cherylyn]

Pump the brakes.  Cool it with this guy.  Maintain a safe, cool, professional distance. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, xxxcjswxx said:

everyone in work knows we’re into each other, neither of us hide it, however again I don’t know if it’s genuine or whether he’s just acting a certain way to eventually receive sex.

Try not to mix business with dating. It's ok to have a work crush but steer clear of being the subject of workplace gossip and messy workplace romances. Particularly if you feel he's just looking for hookups. Get a good profile and pics on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men that way.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, xxxcjswxx said:

he rang the following day and explained he’s awkward sometimes because of adhd but he also hasn’t actually been diagnosed by a dr

Being awkward doesn't mean he doesn't sleep around, just like he said. 

He was letting you know he likes casual sex. It sounds like he was sussing out whether you would be up for that. If you are hoping to date someone, this is  not your guy. 

[waffle]

4 hours ago, xxxcjswxx said:

I forgot to mention one of the very first things he said to me when we met was “do you sleep around? cause i do”.. 

That's one of the first things he said to you, ever? 😮  That would be my sign to run fast in the opposite direction.  It may not be true; he may just be trying to give the impression that he's in demand--that lots of women want him.  Regardless of if it's true or not, that's a classless thing to say to someone you just met. 

Does he sound genuine?  lol no.  He sounds disgusting.

[waffle]

Is he a teen?  How old is he?  I can't imagine an adult actually saying this.

[Tinydance]

Well he said he sleeps around and he seemed to had made a point of it? I mean, OK, even if he sleeps around but why mention it straight away and ask if you also do it? I would say yes he was testing the waters if you'd be up for sleeping with him.

I mean you can see him more but if you're worried about his intentions then I think you need to draw very firm boundaries. If you don't want just sex then don't go to his place and don't have sex with him. If he tries,  say no. Be very firm in this and don't just give in. If he actually does like you for real then he should be OK to wait to have sex with you and just enjoy your company.

It's difficult to say if he genuinely liked you in the sense that he has feelings for you. You've only known him for two weeks and went out only once. He doesn't know you much yet so he probably doesn't like you yet in the sense that he's not in love or anything. And that's normal. The bigger question is does he actually want to date you or does he just want sex?

[smackie9]

It’s simple, you date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. He’s not and your gut instinct is telling you this. So why question it? Because you feel desired and that’s clouding your judgement. If he’s the office wolf he purposely picked you because of your insecurity which make you vulnerable. Easy prey. TBH you should avoid dating coworkers. When the outcome is bad for you, you still have to see them at work everyday. Since you are emotionally sensitive it’s no place to find a relationship. 

[jul-els]

The two of you don’t have a good personal connection and you’re coworkers. He isn’t a suitable dating partner for you. Tell him you want to keep your relationship professional going forward and leave it at that. 

[Tim867]

On 10/27/2022 at 7:59 PM, xxxcjswxx said:

he rang the following day and explained he’s awkward sometimes because of adhd but he also hasn’t actually been diagnosed by a dr

It doesn’t seem like u care what he wants..

[spinstermanquee]

xxx,

Fishing off the company pier never ends well, it seems.  Best to conduct that type of business outside and far away from your job.  Would be absolutely awful to get an unearned rep as the "office pump" because some hot shot got under your skirt and bragged about it at the water cooler.  Or even worse, if you didn't let him and he still gave that impression.  RUN!

[Jaunty]

This guy is not a happening prospect for you which has been covered extensively already.   

That said, try not to analyze how a guy feels about you or what his motives might be when you don't know them AT ALL.  The whole point of "dating" is to get to know a perso and then DECIDE whether YOU want to explore further.

There are always risks and some people have a very bad "people picker."  If that's you, you will be learning how to do better if you pay attention to what is actually going on rather than analyzing people when you have little to no information to go on.

So in this guy's case, who knows what he is actually thinking?  But you got plenty of information about how he interacts with YOU in your limited time with him.  

Is this something that you want to pursue?  If so why?  Even if he does "genuinely like you" (which would be limited anyway since you barely know each other)

Dating is about getting to know a person.