FWB or something else

[nhraracer90]

Hello all! So I’ve never had a FWB thing before so don’t know how all that works. I got divorced couple years ago (September will be 2 years since she moved out). I’ve been talking to this girl for several months and we just met about a month ago and again this past weekend for the 2nd vtime. Both were for a few days at a time. My question is snuggling/cuddling, holding hands while watching tv, falling asleep on me while watching tv, kissing goodnight and randomly throughout the day (not making out just kiss on lips), when she left for work kiss on the lips, texting everyday, face timing a few times a week, dinner, saying “I’m happy you’re here” when I visited, sex obviously, saying “I miss you”, hugging me from behind, saying “I like it when you’re around”, saying “I like you”, telling me I’m an amazing person, saying she’s not used to someone who’s “lovey dovey” and apologizing for not being more affectionate towards me. That sounds more than a FWB situation right? FWB would be a “come over, hit and quit” then leave right? 

[Wiseman2]

50 minutes ago, nhraracer90 said:

That sounds more than a FWB situation right? FWB would be a “come over, hit and quit” then leave right? 

It seems to be going great so don't bother trying to assign trendy labels. Just enjoy things unfolding.

[nhraracer90]

21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems to be going great so don't bother trying to assign trendy labels. Just enjoy things unfolding.

Yeah it does seem so 

[Rose Mosse]

2 hours ago, nhraracer90 said:

Hello all! So I’ve never had a FWB thing before so don’t know how all that works. I got divorced couple years ago (September will be 2 years since she moved out). I’ve been talking to this girl for several months and we just met about a month ago and again this past weekend for the 2nd vtime. Both were for a few days at a time. My question is snuggling/cuddling, holding hands while watching tv, falling asleep on me while watching tv, kissing goodnight and randomly throughout the day (not making out just kiss on lips), when she left for work kiss on the lips, texting everyday, face timing a few times a week, dinner, saying “I’m happy you’re here” when I visited, sex obviously, saying “I miss you”, hugging me from behind, saying “I like it when you’re around”, saying “I like you”, telling me I’m an amazing person, saying she’s not used to someone who’s “lovey dovey” and apologizing for not being more affectionate towards me. That sounds more than a FWB situation right? FWB would be a “come over, hit and quit” then leave right? 

Is it long distance? Why didn't you or her go home after the date? 

It sounds more like lovebombing and over the top. It may be why you feel overwhelmed or as if it's shallow or an "fwb" situation. Pay attention to your instincts if she's coming on too hot and if you want it to develop into something more meaningful do other things aside from cuddling and having sex or spending too much time at each others' homes. Imo, romances like this burn out fast and don't last. 

[SooSad33]

Talking for several months and just started seeing each other a cpl months ago...

IMO, this does not sound like a typical 'fwb', no.

Years ago I had one - which only lasted about 4 mos. and it was basically a meet up for an evening, shared cost of take out/drinks.  Between our meet ups, was not a lot of 'chatting' nor expectations.  Was basically arranging our times.

IF all you want is a fwb, is best to not get into this constant communication/texting.  That is not necessary.  Also, is most often the woman who becomes 'emotionally invested' first - so, again, be careful- If you do not want a full fledged relationship happening.  - Make sure communication & understanding is clear in this.

 

 

 

[nhraracer90]

2 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Is it long distance? Why didn't you or her go home after the date? 

It sounds more like lovebombing and over the top. It may be why you feel overwhelmed or as if it's shallow or an "fwb" situation. Pay attention to your instincts if she's coming on too hot and if you want it to develop into something more meaningful do other things aside from cuddling and having sex or spending too much time at each others' homes. Imo, romances like this burn out fast and don't last. 

Long distance currently yes. So it’s not like we see each other all the time. I don’t really feel overwhelmed to be honest. We never discussed this to be a FWB situation. She’s called us “friends” but IMO “friends” don’t do what we are currently doing. 

[nhraracer90]

1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

Talking for several months and just started seeing each other a cpl months ago...

IMO, this does not sound like a typical 'fwb', no.

Years ago I had one - which only lasted about 4 mos. and it was basically a meet up for an evening, shared cost of take out/drinks.  Between our meet ups, was not a lot of 'chatting' nor expectations.  Was basically arranging our times.

IF all you want is a fwb, is best to not get into this constant communication/texting.  That is not necessary.  Also, is most often the woman who becomes 'emotionally invested' first - so, again, be careful- If you do not want a full fledged relationship happening.  - Make sure communication & understanding is clear in this.

 

 

 

Okay just making sure I wasn’t thinking too much I guess. To me a FWB would be exactly as you described. I’m okay with a relationship. There’s just some distance between us at the moment so we don’t see each other a lot.  

[Kwothe28]

38 minutes ago, nhraracer90 said:

She’s called us “friends” but IMO “friends” don’t do what we are currently doing. 

Oof

Sometimes its not that simple. For example, you are more like "proto-boyfriend". Means that you do everything boyfriend does. But without her ever commiting there enough for you to be a real thing. Hence why the "friend" label. No girl who means serious about you would use that. 

You probably mean serious about the girl and want some relationship. But I am sorry, dont think you will get that there. She is fine with your current arrangement. Meaning hearing from you and you coming to her pretending to be boyfriend. But at the end, she labeled you "friend". That is bad on so many levels when you expect to be more.

Have you talked about what she wants? Does she even wants a relationship?

[Batya33]

FWB is a euphemism for a sexual arrangement.  You weren't good friends first who then decided to also have sex.  You just met her a month ago -the typing and talking to her when you two were strangers for all practical purposes is irrelevant to getting to know someone. How long is your divorce final -you said when your ex wife moved out but are you actually divorced? That might be why you're content to do this couply/insta-relationship kind of thing.  

If you're comfortable having intercourse and all this intensity simply ask her what her intentions are. Tell her you are not seeing anyone else, you don't want to pursue anyone else for dating and ask if she feels the same.  What conversations have you had about birth control, STDs, and potential failures of birth control? Sounds like a lot of sex and kissy huggy stuff and whispering sweet nothings and very little substance and clear communication.

[nhraracer90]

40 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Oof

Sometimes its not that simple. For example, you are more like "proto-boyfriend". Means that you do everything boyfriend does. But without her ever commiting there enough for you to be a real thing. Hence why the "friend" label. No girl who means serious about you would use that. 

You probably mean serious about the girl and want some relationship. But I am sorry, dont think you will get that there. She is fine with your current arrangement. Meaning hearing from you and you coming to her pretending to be boyfriend. But at the end, she labeled you "friend". That is bad on so many levels when you expect to be more.

Have you talked about what she wants? Does she even wants a relationship?

Yeah we have briefly talked about it. Again we’ve only actually met twice. I believe it’s the distance thing that she’s hesitant about but she has said she would potentially move. I don’t want to come right out of the gate after meeting twice  and put relationship pressure on it. 

[nhraracer90]

35 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

FWB is a euphemism for a sexual arrangement.  You weren't good friends first who then decided to also have sex.  You just met her a month ago -the typing and talking to her when you two were strangers for all practical purposes is irrelevant to getting to know someone. How long is your divorce final -you said when your ex wife moved out but are you actually divorced? That might be why you're content to do this couply/insta-relationship kind of thing.  

If you're comfortable having intercourse and all this intensity simply ask her what her intentions are. Tell her you are not seeing anyone else, you don't want to pursue anyone else for dating and ask if she feels the same.  What conversations have you had about birth control, STDs, and potential failures of birth control? Sounds like a lot of sex and kissy huggy stuff and whispering sweet nothings and very little substance and clear communication.

My ex moved out September 2 years ago and we were divorced 2 months later. So yes I have been divorced for some time now and nothing lingering. I’ve been on dates before and talked to other women and none of this has happened. What’s been going on just feels more like relationship ish to me than just 2 ppl hooking up 

[Rose Mosse]

4 hours ago, nhraracer90 said:

Long distance currently yes. So it’s not like we see each other all the time. I don’t really feel overwhelmed to be honest. We never discussed this to be a FWB situation. She’s called us “friends” but IMO “friends” don’t do what we are currently doing. 

So talk about it with her. Don’t play guessing games.

Ask her what she thinks about dating exclusively and see where this blossoms but at least then you’re on the same page and have a chance to build upon something mutually/together with the same understanding. 

As it’s long distance be mindful of travel times and enjoy the affections but realize also if it’s not feasible in the long run. Her behaviour shows she’s into you. How long it lasts or stays sweet is something else. Most people don’t keep up that lovely dovey drippy or syrupy sweetness for long. It’s still the honeymoon stage so a good time to observe one another while dating exclusively.

[SooSad33]

4 hours ago, nhraracer90 said:

Yeah we have briefly talked about it. Again we’ve only actually met twice. I believe it’s the distance thing that she’s hesitant about but she has said she would potentially move. I don’t want to come right out of the gate after meeting twice  and put relationship pressure on it. 

Whoaaa.... and why would she mention this?

I hope not in terms of you two 'dating' or w/e you're doing here.

In no way should anyone be talking of moving over this.

Tread carefully for a while, watch that she doesn't jump right in with both feet so to speak with only meeting up 2 times.

How well do you know her?  do you know her past?  Or her last relationship ending etc? ( Just hoping you're not a rebound).

Some people have been known to love bomb you or just throw everything in too fast then fade.. or see it all like 'heaven' - which is not reality, more like fantasy 😕 .

And as mentioned above, the 'honeymoon phase'..usually lasts a few months , as it's all so new & great in the beginning...

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, nhraracer90 said:

 we’ve only actually met twice. 

That's too soon for any type of label. Friends, FWB, exclusive, dating or whatever. How far apart are you? How did you meet and why did you consider a distance situation knowing the pitfalls of them?

[MissCanuck]

I would dial back the intensity a bit here, OP. 

You two have met only two times. At this point, you're still virtually strangers who are hopped up on hormones and warm fuzzies right now. Nothing wrong with that, but don't confuse it for true intimacy. That can only be revealed over a period of time, and the same goes for assessing real compatibility. 

She's calling you a friend because, in spite of the physical affection, she barely knows you. You're a guy she's been talking to and has met just a couple times. You can have fun with it. However, the risk is thinking that you two are closer than you actually are. Be careful not to get ahead of yourselves and blinded by the lusty parts. 

[nhraracer90]

9 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

So talk about it with her. Don’t play guessing games.

Ask her what she thinks about dating exclusively and see where this blossoms but at least then you’re on the same page and have a chance to build upon something mutually/together with the same understanding. 

As it’s long distance be mindful of travel times and enjoy the affections but realize also if it’s not feasible in the long run. Her behaviour shows she’s into you. How long it lasts or stays sweet is something else. Most people don’t keep up that lovely dovey drippy or syrupy sweetness for long. It’s still the honeymoon stage so a good time to observe one another while dating exclusively.

Thank you! 

[nhraracer90]

8 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

Whoaaa.... and why would she mention this?

I hope not in terms of you two 'dating' or w/e you're doing here.

In no way should anyone be talking of moving over this.

Tread carefully for a while, watch that she doesn't jump right in with both feet so to speak with only meeting up 2 times.

How well do you know her?  do you know her past?  Or her last relationship ending etc? ( Just hoping you're not a rebound).

Some people have been known to love bomb you or just throw everything in too fast then fade.. or see it all like 'heaven' - which is not reality, more like fantasy 😕 .

And as mentioned above, the 'honeymoon phase'..usually lasts a few months , as it's all so new & great in the beginning...

The moving thing was mentioned due to the distance and future of a relationship so to speak. Would be pointless to date if can’t close the gap eventually. It wasn’t like we met and then she said “I’ll move to you” type of thing if that makes sense? No I don’t think I’m a rebound. Her last relationship was awhile ago 

[nhraracer90]

5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I would dial back the intensity a bit here, OP. 

You two have met only two times. At this point, you're still virtually strangers who are hopped up on hormones and warm fuzzies right now. Nothing wrong with that, but don't confuse it for true intimacy. That can only be revealed over a period of time, and the same goes for assessing real compatibility. 

She's calling you a friend because, in spite of the physical affection, she barely knows you. You're a guy she's been talking to and has met just a couple times. You can have fun with it. However, the risk is thinking that you two are closer than you actually are. Be careful not to get ahead of yourselves and blinded by the lusty parts. 

Thank you! 

[smackie9]

Look at it this way...texting shouldn't be counted as time spend dating. So if you only spend time on two dates, then it's only been two dates...treat it as such. 

[Andrina]

Hard to truly get to know someone if you're only going to see each other every 2 months, and then the dates end up being way too long--not the normal pace of dating. 

My suggestion if she moves your way, is that she gets her own place and you two can date locally. Because even regularly seeing someone locally, it would take a good year before knowing someone well enough that you could confidently make the major decision of cohabiting.  

The downside of her moving close if it was sooner than a year of knowing you, is the pressure it would put on you. Wouldn't you think, "OMG, she's moved all this way for me, so this better work out." 

Communication is key about what you want and making sure the person you're dating is on the same page. By the 3rd or 4th date, you should be discussing dating/life goals to see if they match. Assumptions will wind up either in wasted time and/or broken hearts.

 

[catfeeder]

One of the first things to suss out when you first meet is what you're each looking for from dating to see if those match. 

Otherwise you end up in a 'situationship' that neither of you know how to define yet you're both squirmy on talking about. 

So talk about why you started dating, and at the very least see if you can agree on being exclusive with sex so you can take some of that risk away. 

Sounds like you're both doing great with chemistry, so enjoy!

[nhraracer90]

11 minutes ago, catfeeder said:

One of the first things to suss out when you first meet is what you're each looking for from dating to see if those match. 

Otherwise you end up in a 'situationship' that neither of you know how to define yet you're both squirmy on talking about. 

So talk about why you started dating, and at the very least see if you can agree on being exclusive with sex so you can take some of that risk away. 

Sounds like you're both doing great with chemistry, so enjoy!

Thank you!