He broke up with me because of my ex

[SooSad33]

3 hours ago, chimmychu said:

I did apologize and told him that I understand his feelings towards me right now, the last thing he said to me before he hung up the phone today was to think about what I can do to regain his trust. to be honest i am not sure if I should just call him in a few days to talk about this or just send him an apology text and just let him be.

think about what you can do to regain his trust? 

Send him an apology msg?

WHY?

What exactly did YOU do wrong in any of this-- just because you spoke to your ex....?

Omg people, seriously grow up! 😕 

You were only involved with this dude 3 months.. you do NOT owe him anything!  If he can't accept that you do have rights to talk to whomever you choose, then he can go away!  Fps

And yes, I do agree with you considering some serious down time to focus on YOU now... is there a reason you need to be involved again so soon?

Be careful in all of this, you may end up messed up mentally & emotionallly with all going's on in the last 6 months! ( self care).

 

[chimmychu]

10 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

think about what you can do to regain his trust? 

Send him an apology msg?

WHY?

What exactly did YOU do wrong in any of this-- just because you spoke to your ex....?

Omg people, seriously grow up! 😕 

You were only involved with this dude 3 months.. you do NOT owe him anything!  If he can't accept that you do have rights to talk to whomever you choose, then he can go away!  Fps

And yes, I do agree with you considering some serious down time to focus on YOU now... is there a reason you need to be involved again so soon?

Be careful in all of this, you may end up messed up mentally & emotionallly with all going's on in the last 6 months! ( self care).

 

I have been transparent with him these past three months about my past, I provided him access to my location at all times. I messed up by not telling him this one thing and he flipped out. I was with him because i genuinely like him and we enjoy each other's company. When he's not angry he's not bad at all. 

[SooSad33]

11 minutes ago, chimmychu said:

I have been transparent with him these past three months about my past, I provided him access to my location at all times. I messed up by not telling him this one thing and he flipped out. I was with him because i genuinely like him and we enjoy each other's company. When he's not angry he's not bad at all. 

Okay and why?

Why do you need to always provide your whereabouts to him?

it is a form of CONTROL.

And then.. not telling him this 'one thing', he flipped out!?  

And for you to say .." When he is not angry'..?  😕 

Can you see the Red Flags? -- In 3 months, there's way too much negative about someone like this.. seriously!

Please see this.

You do NOT owe him or anyone else anything.. YOU are a grown adult, right?

Then a respectful, decent partner should treat you a lot better than this. 

 

Every bf I had, never did I have to constantly check in with them and I would only tell them things I felt they needed to know -- especially within our first year together.

[chimmychu]

5 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Okay and why?

Why do you need to always provide your whereabouts to him?

it is a form of CONTROL.

And then.. not telling him this 'one thing', he flipped out!?  

And for you to say .." When he is not angry'..?  😕 

Can you see the Red Flags? -- In 3 months, there's way too much negative about someone like this.. seriously!

Please see this.

You do NOT own him or anyone else anything.. YOU are a grown adult, right?

Then a respectful, decent partner should treat you a lot better than this. 

I see the flags. I hate that he is making me seem like i stabbed him in the back, but i will bow out. I apologized and that's all i can do. He never trusted me from the beginning 

[SooSad33]

9 minutes ago, chimmychu said:

I see the flags. I hate that he is making me seem like i stabbed him in the back, but i will bow out. I apologized and that's all i can do. He never trusted me from the beginning 

Exactly. No trust and trust needs to be there for any relationship to be successful.

So, for your own well being, do not stick around this guy at all. ( He's got no trust, he's trying to control you and he's got anger issue's).. Noo thank you!

You will be glad for this.  You don't need to be treated like that!  No one does.

Be around those who bring out the best in you, not the stress in you 😉 .  Move along, take care of YOU for a while.  Take some decent down time with family/friends etc.  Get out for some air and do stuff for you. No need to feel you need to rush into anything again too soon.

 

[Alex39]

7 hours ago, chimmychu said:

I have been In a relationship with this guy for the past 3 months. Today he broke up with me  because I spoke to my ex. My ex broke up with me in February When i found out that i was pregnant with his child, basically once i told him I was pregnant he started mistreating me and told me to get an abortion. he was also telling people he had a vasectomy which made me look crazy to the public.   I did not want an abortion, but i ended up miss carrying. My ex never checked on me, during this time, till this day he just thinks i had an abortion. 
 

Since February I struggled processing why someone would treat me like i was nothing the moment I found out i was pregnant. I had conversation with my current boyfriend ( I guess now ex) at the beginning of the relationship about this because he knows my ex. Anyways fast forward last week my ex called and asked if we can speak i said we could. He came to my house and he apologized for everything he had done to me during that time. I accepted the apology and let him know that i am now with someone else. my ex then went and told a friend of his about this conversation and that person told my current boyfriend before i got a chance to do this. 

My boyfriend broke up with me today because he feels like I betrayed him, he feels like i want to be with my ex, when  all i wanted was to hash things out and just let go of that anger i held . What do i do now?

Because it's only been 3 months, I'd feel the same. Like you want to be with your ex. Honestly, I'd let this relationship drop, all of them. Be alone for a while, reflect on what happened, reflect on what you deserve, and care for you #1. 

[catfeeder]

Sounds like the first ex set this up to harm you and the new guy.

[JoyfulCompany]

3 hours ago, chimmychu said:

I provided him access to my location at all times

No, no, no. Unless you're concerned with your safety, why would you do that? Did he ask for it?
 

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, chimmychu said:

I provided him access to my location at all times.

Wait, why were you doing this? 

OP, it sounds like you need to be single for a while. You haven't healed from your past relationship and getting into a new one right away was not wise - especially with someone who apparently wants to monitor you. It sounds like your pain led you choose a man who was not good for you, either. 

I would not try to make it right with your most recent ex. I suspect it was not the healthiest relationship and you need to look out for yourself, now. 

[lostandhurt]

I am curious why you couldn't just talked to him on the phone, why in person at your house?

If you felt so much hate for him why agree to a sit down alone at your house?

In the end you were looking for closure from the wrong person.  He cannot provide it to you as it needs to come from within.

  I would bet good money this ex figured the dust had settled after what he thought was an abortion and he wanted to test the waters to see if he could slide back in now that there is no longer a pregnancy. 

 The recent ex made a choice to break up with you over you meeting your old ex which was totally his prerogative just like it was yours to meet your old flame. Was he justified?  It only matters to him in the long run doesn't it.

 In the future if you want to have ex's over for private chats don't date guys that are not cool with ex's still being in contact. 

After all the opinions are expressed on who is right and who is wrong in this the fact remains that the relationship is over.  My best advice is to wait more than 2 months before getting into a relationship so you can totally heal from the first one, the second one was only 3 months so you couldn't have been all that invested so it should be easier to heal from.  Once you are in a really good place then you will be in a better mindset and your picker will be fine tuned to weed out the guys you need to avoid.

Lost

 

[Spawn]

both are not relationship material and you are not in a good space to be in a relationship. Let them go, the miscarriage and all the abuse will surely have messed up with your health and mind. Take a break from both, block them and start fresh, it what helped me during my lowest phase, the only thing that stays with you is you and your truth. Take care.

[Rose Mosse]

I think you're mixing around with a lousy crowd. I'm so sorry for the pain that the abortion caused and the fall out of the hormones and everything else involved. If you are feeling suicidal (you'd mentioned something about this on the first page), please see your doctor. There are also suicide hotlines in your area/city that are most likely available with a simple search online. 

Both men aren't good choices and that they know one another speaks volumes. They're cut from the same cloth. Until you start focusing more on you and taking care of yourself you'll keep feeling drawn to these low class riff raff and constantly needing approval and validation after the damage being around them causes. Stop that cycle yourself and stop seeking for closure and validation from these people. 

I suggest finding ways to cope with the grief and seeing a grief counsellor or asking your clinic for recommendations of local, well-respected therapists in your area. Neither of these men are support. They're weighing you down and no loss to you whatsoever.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, chimmychu said:

 he said to me before he hung up the phone today was to think about what I can do to regain his trust.  My current ex is an alfa male 

 You don't need to jump through his hoops for a problem he created in his mind. He's not an "alpha male", he's an insecure controlling Bozo. 

Take some time off from dating so you're not jumping from one abusive relationship to the next like this.

[Tinydance]

I don't think you had to give access to your location to your recent ex! Did he ask to have your location or did you offer? If he asked, to be honest your recent ex sounds overly jealous and controlling. I think he over reacted about you meeting your ex. I can understand why he may have felt uncomfortable about it but in my opinion his reaction was too strong.

He knew about your pregnancy and miscarriage and the way your baby's father treated you. I think people need to understand that when you become pregnant and hope the baby's father will support you but he's mean to you instead, it can cause trauma. Obviously you felt very alone and abandoned by your ex. And it would have been very hard to go through a miscarriage. I'm very sorry you had to go through that.

I'm guessing you saw your ex because he said he wanted to apologise and you needed closure. Obviously there was a lot of trauma and hurt associated with this ex and maybe you needed to talk to him so you could move on. 

Your more recent ex could have talked to you more and asked more questions, rather than just straight away break up with you. There are different situations why people may still need to see their ex as a one off. If you saw your ex simply just to hang out with him for no reason, that would be different. But seeing as your recent boyfriend knew the whole backstory and why you met your ex, he could have tried to be more understanding. If he didn't like it, he could have let you know and said: "Look I know why you saw your ex but I would prefer you never contacted him again". Instead he flat out just broke up with you without any communication. After dating for three months I think he should have allowed you to explain yourself.

I agree with the other posters that both these guys sound bad and you can do better. You need a nice guy who takes care of you, trusts you and knows how to communicate.

[chimmychu]

7 hours ago, JoyfulCompany said:

No, no, no. Unless you're concerned with your safety, why would you do that? Did he ask for it?
 

I gave it to him because he kept asking for it. I never felt unsafe, he kept asking because he just never trusted me to begin with. I am now realizing that from the beginning I was constantly explaining myself 

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, chimmychu said:

 I am now realizing that from the beginning I was constantly explaining myself 

Exactly. He make you feel like you were on trail for something, which is classic of controlling/abusive relationships. Delete and block him.

[Tinydance]

16 minutes ago, chimmychu said:

I gave it to him because he kept asking for it. I never felt unsafe, he kept asking because he just never trusted me to begin with. I am now realizing that from the beginning I was constantly explaining myself 

Huge red flag that he kept asking for it! It's a violation of privacy to keep pushing someone to share their location with you. I think your recent ex just wanted to control you and know what you're doing at any given moment. That's why he cracked it when you met your other ex, because he wanted to police everything you do. I think you really dodged a bullet with both of those guys. Next time if you see something off about a guy, like the location thing, you should probably think twice about actually dating them.

[JoyfulCompany]

So in hindsight the misunderstanding has been a blessing in disguise. The trash took itself out.

chimmychu, don't contact this man and don't let him contact you. And really take some time off.

48 minutes ago, chimmychu said:

I am now realizing that from the beginning I was constantly explaining myself 

Never a good sign. Puts you in a position to question yourself constantly and to feel like you're in the wrong. Makes you an easy target for control and manipulation.

If those two exes aren't the only ones who mistreated you, I would again suggest therapy. You shouldn't be okay with someone asking you for your location at all times. Not in 3 months, not in 3 years. You're not a criminal on house arrest.

[chimmychu]

Well I am going to write because this might be a way to vent. I ended up speaking to him Tuesday and the conversation on that day was just as bad as the one we had the day prior. During our conversation I cried and some what begged him to not make such an impulsive decision, but nothing changed. After we ended the call i decided to delete his contact information. I figured that i had apologized enough and that was enough. I have not heard a thing from him since that day and I mentally prepared myself for that, but today i am just a bit sad. i know the relationship was short, but i guess it's a bit difficult to just pretend like a person did not exist in my life even if it was brief

[Wonderstruck]

1 hour ago, chimmychu said:

i know the relationship was short, but i guess it's a bit difficult to just pretend like a person did not exist in my life even if it was brief.

Actually, short relationships are often the MOST difficult to get over, because they usually end during the honeymoon phase, when you are still head-over-heels in love or infatuated with the person, and not after years and years of tedium, misery, fighting and eventually emotionally checking out, which is the way that A LOT of long-term relationships end.

Also, the shocking abruptness of them ending so quickly after they begin usually leaves you full of "What ifs?" and pining after "What could have been", whereas with a long-term relationship, you had the chance to see exactly how it played out, which can give you a stronger sense of confidence and acceptance that this person was NOT the one for you.

Please don't let anyone make you feel like it's weird or abnormal to feel heartbroken after a short-term relationship break-up. One of the break-ups in my life that I felt the MOST devastated over was a relationship that lasted for less than a month, and it was BECAUSE it burned so brightly and ended so abruptly that I was so devastated. It took me a LONG time to get over it, so please allow yourself to take as much time as you need to grieve the end of this relationship, no matter how short it was.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, chimmychu said:

 nothing changed. After we ended the call i decided to delete his contact information. 

Block him. He was looking for a reason to end it and humiliate you. Never chase after men like this.

You dodged a bullet and that's a good thing. It means you're moving away from abusive and controlling relationships.

[MissCanuck]

On 7/19/2022 at 2:36 PM, chimmychu said:

he kept asking because he just never trusted me to begin with. I am now realizing that from the beginning I was constantly explaining myself

Huge red flag. There is no reason he needed to know your location all the time. 

6 hours ago, chimmychu said:

I have not heard a thing from him since that day

That is great news for you, because this guy was bad news. You would be best to stay single for a while and work on your self-esteem. You didn't choose well with either of these guys and you're not heeding red flags when you first see them. But when you feel better about yourself and realize you can do better, you will make better choices about the men you allow in your life. 

And if the next guy wants to know your location at all times? Run.

 

[Rose Mosse]

8 hours ago, chimmychu said:

Well I am going to write because this might be a way to vent. I ended up speaking to him Tuesday and the conversation on that day was just as bad as the one we had the day prior. During our conversation I cried and some what begged him to not make such an impulsive decision, but nothing changed. After we ended the call i decided to delete his contact information. I figured that i had apologized enough and that was enough. I have not heard a thing from him since that day and I mentally prepared myself for that, but today i am just a bit sad. i know the relationship was short, but i guess it's a bit difficult to just pretend like a person did not exist in my life even if it was brief

Move on and don't look back. There's nothing left here and also nothing to apologize for. You'll have to change the way you view yourself and others so that you don't keep picking these types of partners.

[Tinydance]

9 hours ago, chimmychu said:

Well I am going to write because this might be a way to vent. I ended up speaking to him Tuesday and the conversation on that day was just as bad as the one we had the day prior. During our conversation I cried and some what begged him to not make such an impulsive decision, but nothing changed. After we ended the call i decided to delete his contact information. I figured that i had apologized enough and that was enough. I have not heard a thing from him since that day and I mentally prepared myself for that, but today i am just a bit sad. i know the relationship was short, but i guess it's a bit difficult to just pretend like a person did not exist in my life even if it was brief

Good riddance to bad rubbish! HUGS

[chimmychu]

Just wanted to do an update. last week it was my birthday and he reached out to say happy birthday, i just said thank you and the conversation ended there. This was the only interaction we had since we broke up in July. Today I was on social media and a mutual friend posted a picture of my ex and a woman congratulating them on their engagement. my knees felt weak and my chest started to hurt. Since July I had been blaming myself for how things ended only to find out today that the real reason I was dumped was because he was in a relationship with someone else he was planning to marry. A part of me wanted to message him, but i realized that there's no point in doing that. I feel so silly and stupid, but it will be well.