Why did he have so much attitude towards me

[lavender899]

Met on an app not long before the pandemic began. During that time period he was making lots of effort and he stated he's genuinely looking for something serious/a relationship. But I was busy with work and life etc, so didn't put in as much effort. Basically he seemed more intentional and I wasnt. But then not long after I realised I needed to actually try to get to know the guy more as otherwise whats the point of being on an app and I was interested enough to do so. For some reason it just never worked out after that 😐. We never managed to be on the same page. And obviously the pandemic and  multiple lockdowns hit and caused problems with regards to being able to actually meet the guy properly.

 

We kept disconnecting then reconnecting...and usually it would be me initiating. So only at the very beginning he initiated contact. He kept coming out with the same lines i.e he doesnt want to be a pen pal or texting friend because he doesn't have  the time  and kept asking me what I wanted.

Our most recent interactions :

Last year around September had a video call for the first time, previous to then we'd only seen photos of one another. It went well imo. Spoke for about two hours via video. He was teasing me and flirting. Seemed interested in my life and vice versa. Then asked me when am i going to take him out for a coffee ( i.e asking me out), I responded saying a weekend would be good. There wasnt an actual date set like this saturday/ sunday coming up. I just assumed any weekend would be fine. He said ok I'll come to you, make sure it's not too far down. ( he lives about n hour and a half drive away). Then he said he'll probably come in the evening once he's  completed tasks in the day, and asked me how long I can stay out, so from the sounds of it he didn't mind spending a couple of hours or more in my company. After that two hour chat, it just went downhill. Two weekends went by he didn't  say anything, neither did I. I was not feeling well the following week so i thought best just wait and other things came up. But I was looking up good places for us to go meanwhile an have coffee. So two and a half weeks after I called to arrange  a proper time to meet and he completely ignored my calls and messages. I messaged on WhatsApp saying we should meet, he ignored. I called about four times, the last two calls it seemed like he purposely rejected them. I just thought at that point we'd been speaking for ages, and after not meeting for so long due to all the lockdowns, why not just actually get it done finally. I then texted apologising for the fact  we didnt meet straight after our videochat. I just assumed maybe he was annoyed or something. But i explained i wasnt well and a couple other reasons and just said it would be nice to meet finally. Again i just got blanked. Obviously after  that  I gave up. I tried my best.

Following  that, I called after Christmas in Jan.  A few months went by and I thought let me see if he gives me some kind of explanation for why he acted that way. See if he picks the phone at least and what hes been doing.  I was honestly just curious as he's the one whos brought up meetings himself multiples times, even before the videochat, and when the opportunity presented itself, why did he flake.

It wss pointless in the end as he didnt mention one thing about it, acted totally normal. I was dumb enough to not directly ask him either 🤦‍♀️.  We spoke normally for two hours, both acted as if everything was good, he asked me what id been upto and that  was that. He ended the convo said he had to go and do something for his sister so i assumed he would ring back as he said to give him two minutes. About half n hour later i whatsapped and said you must be busy tc. He didnt call back nor did he open the message i.e left it unread!!!!  Two months went by and still it was unread. Strange.

 

So two months later I call the guy again,  don't ask why  I bothered. But i wanted to know why he didn't open my whatsapp message. Found it weird. Also thought may bring up us meeting myself as the weather was getting better. But this time would be me rather than him. Of course I didnt get to bring up any of that. Typical. First half an hour he seemed normal with me, told me he ended up with the covid virus so was cooped up at home. Then went onto telling me what was going on in his life  Work wise etc. Couple times he asked how comes you called, more than once I'd say. I then said to see how you are a check in, he was like thanks I appreciate it. I thought id be curious and ask if hes still on the app, he said no don't have time too busy, I said well most people i know delete the app if they don't use it or don't have time ( i only asked because i asked another time and he said the exact same thing 😂). I've forgotten the exact order in what happened next but either he asked me first when am i going to "settle down" or I asked him.      But i think it may have been he asked me first  when am i going to "settle down”. All  i said was when i find someone suitable. He said that makes sense. Then I must have asked him and he said  "i have something sorted" or "something in the pipeline". I was a little taken aback. I didn't show it though. I said tell me about it, he said no i haven’t told my friends yet and i don’t want to ruin it. I said pretend im your friend and he kept repeatedly saying no.

I have no idea what came over him after that but intermittently for the rest of the conversation which was another hour he was contemptuous, rude, demeaning, condescending and seemed like he was really angry. Well the anger was like on and off, who knows what was happening. I've never seen him be like that before continuously ( and we've spoken on the phone at least 13 times for hours), I said to him it seems like you hate me or something and he kept saying oh no I dont hate you. 🤔 but his choice of words, tone and attitude certainly suggested otherwise.

 

First we were talking about how he couldnt hear me that well, and there's  a delay, he said I dont know if youre slow or if its your phone/headset. He told me to go on a website so he could show me what headset he uses, he snapped and said why is it taking you so long hurry up. Then he used the phonetic alphabet instead of spelling out the word, i said just spell it out its easier and he said no even my younger 10 yr old brother could do this. After several attempts  finally i got wht he was trying to say, he kept insinuating i was stupid basically. It came across like he was attempting to belittle me there.I asked him to buy me the headset ( since he kept complaining about my equipment) he said guess what im not your father. I said he doesn't buy me anything  I buy what  i want for myself. He said did i ask to know. He asked me if I can drive and i said hes asked me this before so im not going to tell him again he aggressively repeated himself tell me if you do or not whether  I forget or not. So I said i have a license but dont drive he told me not to ever attempt to drive as ill probably cause accidents 😳. Im better off.

Then he asked about my work and wht else ive been upto. He started talking about him giving money to his local charity, one which is in his local area. I asked where it is again, he said hes not going to tell me that. Then he was like i never ask you where youre from or never asked your address. He said ask me why i don't ask you, I said why? He said because I don't care. He said he doesn't  care a few times after randomly.

It continued. He said he's only speaking to me now because hes trying to help me. . In other 
words he was implying there's no other reason he would speak to me other than because he wants 
to help as if im some charity case. Hes like why do you think i never called you, its 
because i had better options than you, I've rejected people better than you before. I honestly had no 
idea why he was saying all this stuff but it wasn't a great experience. I said well you seemed ok 
before, and he said well i changed my mind. He mentioned the time we were meant to meet and 
said he changed his mind and its like how you cancel on your friends sometimes. Then he started 
talking about how as I age and the more i age im going to be worthless and he would never consider 
me if I came to him i.e to his doorstep in a few years he would close the door on me. How now he 
wants someone five years younger than him ( im nearer his age).. and he wants to create a legacy 
and have about 6 children. He wants someone who can help him to expand and be better and 
elevate him. He said he wouldn't go for someone who is divorced but I should ( as if that's all that's available to me now ..divorcees). I told him i know people who got married at 40 and he said but what was the quality of the person they married? 
Then he asked me why would I want you what can you offer me. I think no matter what i said he 
would shut it down anyway. I was speechless at his behaviour So i couldn't really fight my corner 
that well. He just kept repeating he had better and there's better women. He said speaking to me is 
like a chore and im slow, and the convo doesn't flow. Others have more of a sense of humour and 
great personalities. So everything which never bothered him before was suddenly bothering him 
now. I mean if speaking to me was such a chore why could he speak to me for several hours before 
on the phone. He also told me to shut the f**** up when i tried to defend myself. And said he 
doesn't like to swear but i keep talking over him. Even though hes alright to talk over me all the time. 
Then hes like i give him such a headache he could never be with me or marry me as speaking to me for one 
minute gives him a headache. 
I forgot to mention he talked about how hypersexualised everything is now because of p**n. I think 
he was implying he doesn't see me as attractive enough to be with. I'm only assuming. Again he had 
no issues before, he saw my photos, saw me on video chat etc. I told him when I go out I get a lot of attention from men, and he said there's  a word for that, it's ***. 😐. Then he said I don't care if you get attention as youre not my wife or gf. 
Anyways i was seriously speechless by the end at the treatment id received. He said in between 
insulting and demeaning me that he does care about me and that's why hes trying to help me. I was 
seriously puzzled. Then the convo ended with him asking me for a favour to do with his work, i said 
ill get back to you. He was like tell me a yes or a no in an aggressive tone. So after everything he said 
he still had the balls to ask me for a favour before telling me he will block after the favour. 
That's it. I was just confused at why he was so horrible. What did i even do to him

[Batya33]

6 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

During that time period he was making lots of effort and he stated he's genuinely looking for something serious/a relationship. But I was busy with work and life etc, so didn't put in as much effort. Basically he seemed more intentional and I wasnt.

Because first impressions matter. A lot. So your first impression was dismissive/no effort to meet in person.  With the "too busy" excuse. That tainted the rest of the interactions as he likely moved on after that and when you asked for a second chance he already had one foot out the door.  I never wasted my time with people who didn't want to meet in person ASAP and I too was looking for a serious relationship. One time I gave someone a second chance and did not regret it but it was very, very rare.  You didn't do anything horrible at all.  You simply did not behave consistently with someone interested in meeting in person to see if you should date in person -and to meet a serious minded person. 

My related suggestion is if you are messaging with someone who doesn't want to meet in person ASAP move on unless you want a chat/sexting buddy.

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

He also told me to shut the f**** up when i tried to defend myself. him

Have you met in person? Anyone who delays meeting or won't meet is a red flag.

There's no reason to tolerate verbal abuse.

Delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

[lavender899]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you met in person? Anyone who delays meeting or won't meet is a red flag.

There's no reason to tolerate verbal abuse.

Delete and block him and ALL his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

I think he thought I was the one delaying it. Because he talked about us meeting several times but due to the pandemic i couldn't meet him for a while. The time it came to us meeting most recently..end of last year, he came up with the plan of going for coffee how long we should be out and all of that. Then neither of us spoke about it again for a couple of weeks. When i reached out he had disappeared.

Yeah i will do that. Actually he ended up blocking  me first. After his abusive and crazy outbursts he said he will block me. Three weeks later he did. 

[lavender899]

1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Because first impressions matter. A lot. So your first impression was dismissive/no effort to meet in person.  With the "too busy" excuse. That tainted the rest of the interactions as he likely moved on after that and when you asked for a second chance he already had one foot out the door.  I never wasted my time with people who didn't want to meet in person ASAP and I too was looking for a serious relationship. One time I gave someone a second chance and did not regret it but it was very, very rare.  You didn't do anything horrible at all.  You simply did not behave consistently with someone interested in meeting in person to see if you should date in person -and to meet a serious minded person. 

My related suggestion is if you are messaging with someone who doesn't want to meet in person ASAP move on unless you want a chat/sexting buddy.

I agree i didnt do anything  terrible.

But i just dont understand why he got so triggered during our last conversation, saying he had better options and that's why he never called me. Like even if you do why say so. Not to mention all the other name calling. He called me a (***) when i said a lot of people stare at me when out. Told me to shut the f up and how i give him a headache. And he can't marry someone who gives him  headache. I dunno he just went on and on and on 

[Batya33]

37 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

I agree i didnt do anything  terrible.

But i just dont understand why he got so triggered during our last conversation, saying he had better options and that's why he never called me. Like even if you do why say so. Not to mention all the other name calling. He called me a (***) when i said a lot of people stare at me when out. Told me to shut the f up and how i give him a headache. And he can't marry someone who gives him  headache. I dunno he just went on and on and on 

Yes, that was obnoxious.  Often people hide behind a screen and say mean things. From now on stick to being in limited contact, meet in person ASAP after a phone call/safety screening and avoid this kind of dynamic/drawn out texting, sexting etc. He's a stranger for all practical purposes so he may have some kind of issue you triggered -who knows.

[waffle]

This guy clearly is unstable and has issues.  My guess is that one or more of his "better options" has rejected him and he's ticked off about that and taking it out on you because you're a willing target for this.

Don't waste any more of your time on this guy. 

[lavender899]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes, that was obnoxious.  Often people hide behind a screen and say mean things. From now on stick to being in limited contact, meet in person ASAP after a phone call/safety screening and avoid this kind of dynamic/drawn out texting, sexting etc. He's a stranger for all practical purposes so he may have some kind of issue you triggered -who knows.

Yeah i only spoke to him this long because of the pandemic. It was drawn out. Only because of this.

But yes he really did turn into a psycho 

[Batya33]

25 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

Yeah i only spoke to him this long because of the pandemic. It was drawn out. Only because of this.

But yes he really did turn into a psycho 

Why chat with a stranger you don't plan on meeting ASAP -it wasn't because of the pandemic - you didn't have to chat with someone you knew you couldn't meet.  He acted very bizarrely.  

[lavender899]

43 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Why chat with a stranger you don't plan on meeting ASAP -it wasn't because of the pandemic - you didn't have to chat with someone you knew you couldn't meet.  He acted very bizarrely.  

Because I think it just so happened we had already ended up speaking lots at the beginning, before  the pandemic. 

To be fair it wasn't  really continuous in a way.

Yes very bizarre. 

The whole time he kept saying he's interested in settling down, and saying he doesnt want to be a texting buddy and pen pal. As soon as i made effort and was willing to meet he just went away. Weird to say the least.

[DarkCh0c0]

6 hours ago, lavender899 said:

He kept coming out with the same lines i.e he doesnt want to be a pen pal or texting friend because he doesn't have  the time  and kept asking me what I wanted

He was damn right.

But at the same time, he doesn't seem like such a catch. Why did you pursue him so many times? No means no. Quite selfish from your end here. You insisted with someone you never even met, and look what kind of ick abusive person he turned out to be.

Block him everywhere and don't act again so desperate. Have some self-worth and respect.

[lavender899]

36 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

He was damn right.

But at the same time, he doesn't seem like such a catch. Why did you pursue him so many times? No means no. Quite selfish from your end here. You insisted with someone you never even met, and look what kind of ick abusive person he turned out to be.

Block him everywhere and don't act again so desperate. Have some self-worth and respect.

Did you miss the fact that he asked me to meet him multiple times.?

And most recently asked to go for coffee? 

[Tinydance]

I think the number one rule with dating is, if that person isn't replying or seems disinterested, you need to just leave it. He was showing you that he's not interested by ignoring your messages and calls, but you kept calling. To be perfectly honest this would actually seem off putting.

HOWEVER, big however, nobody has the right to be an absolute jerk to anyone else for no good reason, belittle, insult and abuse them. It's very clear that this guy is a horrible person and actually potentially very emotionally unstable. If I wasn't interested in someone I'd just tell them. This guy was answering your calls and having a chat so if he wasn't interested them why answer and talk? I think he actually deliberately wanted to be awful to you and doing things like disappear for half an hour or abuse you. He was playing games and he enjoyed it. Only a messed up person would do that.

Big lesson though is if someone seems disinterested and ignores you, just leave it and don't bother.

I actually had some of the same experiences in lockdowns with online dating and video calling and things like that. I video called a guy twice and we had a good long conversation both times. He was messaging me afterwards so seemed to want to get to know me.

Though I did find it a bit off putting that he began talking about some very personal things too fast. E.g. He talked about his ex who had bad mental health problems and that one day her friend who was on drugs stabbed him in the ribs with a knife and he nearly died. And that he developed PTSD and had to get therapy. I don't mind people being open with me but he just randomly brought all this up in the first video call so I thought maybe it was a red flag.

Then he just never messaged me for maybe a week or longer. Then just sent a message saying: "Hi, how are you? I've had a good week, I had my Birthday party at the pub with friends, etc." Like no mention of why he didn't talk for like two weeks? Anyway I just said Happy Birthday then never replied again lol

I also had another guy online. We were having good conversations online and decided to call on the phone. He called but my phone cut out straight away for some reason. Then he messages saying: "Your phone sucks! Actually I've realised I'm not over my ex and not ready to date." So I just blocked him. 

You gotta remember that there are some people with issues online and the faster you identify it and get away from them, the better.

[limichelle]

Hi, next time don’t stay on the phone putting up with someone putting you down. Next time hang up on them and block. 
 

If a guy is interested he’ll make sure there’s that coffee date. No matter how long he has to wait. 

[MissCanuck]

11 hours ago, lavender899 said:

I dunno he just went on and on and on 

And why did you not hang up right then and there?

Where is your self-respect? 

[DarkCh0c0]

7 hours ago, lavender899 said:

Did you miss the fact that he asked me to meet him multiple times.?

Only in the beginning.

14 hours ago, lavender899 said:

We kept disconnecting then reconnecting...and usually it would be me initiating. So only at the very beginning he initiated contact

You said it yourself.

He was interested at first, but his efforts weren't reciprocated. When you became interested, it was no longer the case for him. Nonetheless, you keep pursuing him and contacting him for months when it's clear it's no longer mutual. You put yourself on hold for a man you've never met... Who turned out to be very unstable.

Just block him everywhere and move on to better matches.

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

And why did you not hang up right then and there?

Agreed.

OP you deserve better. Don't accept anyone, let alone a stranger, mistreat you.

[lavender899]

4 hours ago, Tinydance said:

I think the number one rule with dating is, if that person isn't replying or seems disinterested, you need to just leave it. He was showing you that he's not interested by ignoring your messages and calls, but you kept calling. To be perfectly honest this would actually seem off putting.

HOWEVER, big however, nobody has the right to be an absolute jerk to anyone else for no good reason, belittle, insult and abuse them. It's very clear that this guy is a horrible person and actually potentially very emotionally unstable. If I wasn't interested in someone I'd just tell them. This guy was answering your calls and having a chat so if he wasn't interested them why answer and talk? I think he actually deliberately wanted to be awful to you and doing things like disappear for half an hour or abuse you. He was playing games and he enjoyed it. Only a messed up person would do that.

Big lesson though is if someone seems disinterested and ignores you, just leave it and don't bother.

I actually had some of the same experiences in lockdowns with online dating and video calling and things like that. I video called a guy twice and we had a good long conversation both times. He was messaging me afterwards so seemed to want to get to know me.

Though I did find it a bit off putting that he began talking about some very personal things too fast. E.g. He talked about his ex who had bad mental health problems and that one day her friend who was on drugs stabbed him in the ribs with a knife and he nearly died. And that he developed PTSD and had to get therapy. I don't mind people being open with me but he just randomly brought all this up in the first video call so I thought maybe it was a red flag.

Then he just never messaged me for maybe a week or longer. Then just sent a message saying: "Hi, how are you? I've had a good week, I had my Birthday party at the pub with friends, etc." Like no mention of why he didn't talk for like two weeks? Anyway I just said Happy Birthday then never replied again lol

I also had another guy online. We were having good conversations online and decided to call on the phone. He called but my phone cut out straight away for some reason. Then he messages saying: "Your phone sucks! Actually I've realised I'm not over my ex and not ready to date." So I just blocked him. 

You gotta remember that there are some people with issues online and the faster you identify it and get away from them, the better.

The time we were supposed to meet i only called twice on two separate occasions . I said four because i rung twice each time. But really only two times. This guy ever since we matched has been telling me he wants to settle down and doesn't want a penpal, he said he doesn't have time for a texting friend. He told me all these things time and time again, not to mention the fact he wants to see me in person several times. I never followed through on seeing him in person because we had so many lockdowns etc..but i think he didnt mind still meeting. So imagine a person leading someone on like that showing  theyre serious continuously. 

Its either he was interested but couldnt trust me or was insecure or something, as I didnt keep in contact lots And from the beginning I set a negative tone after blowing him off. Which I did. Or he has some type of weird attachment issue or he's simply a narc. 

Exactly if he wasn't interested like he claimed in the end, why pick up the phone for two hours, sometimes  three hours. He did that on practically every occasion. Doesn't make sense.  And if he wasn't, why tell me his whole life story. He'd tell me about his parents, about his siblings, go into detail about work ask me about what I've been upto, giveme advice sometimes.

During the last videochat, he asked me when we're going to meet up, then flirted loads, and asked when am i going to invite him round for movie nights, started making little jokes/teasing when a guy usually is interested in a girl. His interest when we saw each other on video was a 10/10. Oh yeah so he asked me to pick a place, he said dont pick something too far. I think he left it upto me to find a place. So maybe he expected me to tell him sooner rather than later, instead  two and a half weeks went by. Then he ignored me. I assumed it was because he was annoyed at me, in the sense he waited on me to get back to him a lot quicker than I did. As i did let however many weeks go by. Thats why i apologised. I think he was annoyed because he cut my calls halfway as i was ringing. Hes never done that before. He'll usually pick up or let it ring.

The last call we had where he was rude to me, that was nearly three hours long. Him supposedly not being interested but speaking tome for that long. I've never done that myself with anyone i had zero interest in. At most it would be a 5 minute call. Oh yeah did u see the part where he called me a sl u tt because  i told him i get attention from a lot of guys when i go out. As just before then he was trying to imply he's had "better options", so I was trying to show a lot of guys are interested in me. It happens a lot, sometimes randomly men have asked me for my number, never met them in my life. 

[DarkCh0c0]

I don't understand why you didn't just cut the guy out when he wasn't meeting for coffee. Instead, you kept talking to him when his actions were not in line with his words.

Next time, if someone is not reciprocating and acting consistently, unmatch them asap and move on. You don't need to understand "why" he is behaving the way he does. He's a waste of your time.... 

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, lavender899 said:

Because I think it just so happened we had already ended up speaking lots at the beginning, before  the pandemic. 

To be fair it wasn't  really continuous in a way.

Yes very bizarre. 

The whole time he kept saying he's interested in settling down, and saying he doesnt want to be a texting buddy and pen pal. As soon as i made effort and was willing to meet he just went away. Weird to say the least.

It didn't just so happen -you chose to keep chatting with a stranger you first didn't want to meet then couldn't meet. You could have chosen to let him know you two should get back in contact when you could actually make a plan to meet in person.  You didn't.  Your choice.  Not "because of" the pandemic. Certainly he shouldn't have acted in an abusive way.  And certainly you shouldn't have acted in a dismissive way in the beginning when you realized he wanted to meet and you didn't (which isn't abusive at all but it is wasting someone's time).

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

It happens a lot, sometimes randomly men have asked me for my number, never met them in my life. 

Do you work? Go to school? Live with parents? You need to expand your social life. You are spending way too much time chitchatting with random weirdos.

Get involved in work/school, take classes and courses, volunteer, get a side job or a job in general, get involved in sports, fitness and health, join some groups and clubs. Step away from behind the screen.

 If you are ready get a good profile and recent good pics on quality dating apps and start meeting men In Person in a timely fashion.

[lavender899]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you work? Go to school? Live with parents? You need to expand your social life. You are spending way too much time chitchatting with random weirdos.

Get involved in work/school, take classes and courses, volunteer, get a side job or a job in general, get involved in sports, fitness and health, join some groups and clubs. Step away from behind the screen.

 If you are ready get a good profile and recent good pics on quality dating apps and start meeting men In Person in a timely 

17 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

I don't understand why you didn't just cut the guy out when he wasn't meeting for coffee. Instead, you kept talking to him when his actions were not in line with his words.

Next time, if someone is not reciprocating and acting consistently, unmatch them asap and move on. You don't need to understand "why" he is behaving the way he does. He's a waste of your time.... 

 

I think i do because I've always been interested in the psychology of people. So i analyse situations.

2bh part of me wanted to ask why he does that. Whether he was just playing games

But i think he's far too emotionally immature as was seen in the last conversation to know whats going on with himself.

 

[lavender899]

19 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

It didn't just so happen -you chose to keep chatting with a stranger you first didn't want to meet then couldn't meet. You could have chosen to let him know you two should get back in contact when you could actually make a plan to meet in person.  You didn't.  Your choice.  Not "because of" the pandemic. Certainly he shouldn't have acted in an abusive way.  And certainly you shouldn't have acted in a dismissive way in the beginning when you realized he wanted to meet and you didn't (which isn't abusive at all but it is wasting someone's time).

  

 

I think i do because I've always been interested in the psychology of people. So i analyse situations.

2bh part of me wanted to ask why he does that. Whether he was just playing games

But i think he's far too emotionally immature as was seen in the last conversation to know whats going on with himself.

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

I think i do because I've always been interested in the psychology of people. So i analyse situations.

2bh part of me wanted to ask why he does that. Whether he was just playing games

But i think he's far too emotionally immature as was seen in the last conversation to know whats going on with himself.

 

If it interests you study it - on your own time -through an authoritative course of study- but don't use strangers from online as your subjects to analyze because if you truly want to study the psychology of people anyone worth their profession will tell you that you don't have enough information to analyze someone you typed back and forth to - for one thing you never know if it's the same person typing to you, never know if that person is using alcohol or drugs when typing to you or if someone else is telling him what to type, etc.  Too many variables.  Also you are biased - like, a psychologist would be very reluctant to analyze a family member or someone they were attracted to becuase of the bias.  

I too like figuring out what makes people tick and I recognize when I shouldn't go there because I am too biased.  You certainly are/were.  You have no idea if he is: emotionally immature; on mood altering medications prescription or otherwise; has a disability; got triggered because of the texting back and forth.  No one should be abusive of course.  

Did he ask you why you were playing games with him and whether you were emotionally immature in the beginning?

Also since you say you don't meet people in real life but you're so interested in analyzing them how about doing volunteer work at a place where people with disabilities or psychological issues are assisted in some way.  You might meet eligible single guys who are also volunteering.  I met many people through all my years of different volunteer work.  

[lavender899]

I asked him does he have an attachment issue. He dismissed it. As what most emotionally stunted people would do.

His words were changing every two seconds. In between abusing me he also said he cares about me.

He was having a meltdown without even realising it himself or how he was coming across. 

When i asked him whether he hates me he said he doesn't. But to me it was clear there was some kind of resentment there. 

 

[Batya33]

Just now, lavender899 said:

I asked him does he have an attachment issue. He dismissed it. As what most emotionally stunted people would do.

His words were changing every two seconds. In between abusing me he also said he cares about me.

He was having a meltdown without even realising it himself or how he was coming across. 

When i asked him whether he hates me he said he doesn't. But to me it was clear there was some kind of resentment there. 

 

I don't think it's your place to ask a stranger about his mental health or potential mental disabilities.  Your place is to stop texting with someone who is not treating you appropriately/with respect.  You have no idea if this stranger hates you -how could he -for all practical purposes you are strangers.  It can't be clear to you whether he "resents" you - because you are not his health care provider and he is a stranger.  No clarity without appropriate factual information which you never had. 

The facts are only what you did -your actions were to chat with him in the beginning when he wanted to meet but you did not, your actions were to keep chatting with him and choosing to continue even when he started to and continued to act inappropriately.  You know no other facts -everything else is just guessing about a stranger and playing armchair psychologist with a stranger.