Jump to content

Why did he have so much attitude towards me


Recommended Posts

42 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

The last call we had where he was rude to me, that was nearly three hours long.

Do you not have anything better to do for three hours, OP?

Where do you find that sort of free time to fill with a phone call with a nutter?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

If it interests you study it - on your own time -through an authoritative course of study- but don't use strangers from online as your subjects to analyze because if you truly want to study the psychology of people anyone worth their profession will tell you that you don't have enough information to analyze someone you typed back and forth to - for one thing you never know if it's the same person typing to you, never know if that person is using alcohol or drugs when typing to you or if someone else is telling him what to type, etc.  Too many variables.  Also you are biased - like, a psychologist would be very reluctant to analyze a family member or someone they were attracted to becuase of the bias.  

I too like figuring out what makes people tick and I recognize when I shouldn't go there because I am too biased.  You certainly are/were.  You have no idea if he is: emotionally immature; on mood altering medications prescription or otherwise; has a disability; got triggered because of the texting back and forth.  No one should be abusive of course.  

Did he ask you why you were playing games with him and whether you were emotionally immature in the beginning?

Also since you say you don't meet people in real life but you're so interested in analyzing them how about doing volunteer work at a place where people with disabilities or psychological issues are assisted in some way.  You might meet eligible single guys who are also volunteering.  I met many people through all my years of different volunteer work.  

He didnt ask because hes too immature. Can't cope with emotions, or feelings. 

I think i can analyse people without the bias. I was open to him as he showed he liked me over the course of the time i knew him. But i wasnt in love.

Yeah youre right i should just work with people and see things that way. I did study it for four years after all

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

  I think i do because I've always been interested in the psychology of people. So i analyse situations.

Take some psychology courses at college. Accepting abusive behavior has nothing to do with an interest in psychology.

Read up on abusive behavior and all you need to know about this jerk will be answered.

Getting involved in an abusive cyber-situation is not studying psychology. It's wasting time because you're bored or lonely or suffer from poor self respect.

 Try not to spin it into some sort of academic curiously, because that won't address why you got involved in this situation.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Take some psychology courses at college. Accepting abusive behavior has nothing to do with an interest in psychology.

Read up on abusive behavior and all you need to know about this jerk will be answered.

Getting involved in an abusive cyber-situation is not studying psychology. It's wasting time because you're bored or lonely or suffer from poor self respect.

 Try not to spin it into some sort of academic curiously, because that won't address why you got involved in this situation.

As i said it was only at the end he went crazy. 

Rest of the time he wasnt psychotic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, lavender899 said:

As i said it was only at the end he went crazy. Rest of the time he wasnt psychotic

It doesn't matter. You never met and it was not a good situation. You have zero idea if he was "psychotic", you never even met! All you know is he treated you like garbage.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

It doesn't matter. You never met and it was not a good situation. You have zero idea if he was "psychotic", you never even met! All you know is he treated you like garbage.

You're  reading too much into the word. 

But that's how he came across 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

He didnt ask because hes too immature. Can't cope with emotions, or feelings. 

I think i can analyse people without the bias. I was open to him as he showed he liked me over the course of the time i knew him. But i wasnt in love.

Yeah youre right i should just work with people and see things that way. I did study it for four years after all

Bias means you were interested in the person other than as a professional treating a patient or as a psychology student assisting in a clinic.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

You're  reading too much into the word. 

But that's how he came across 

To you just like you came across as flaky to him.  Be careful out there with your intrusive questions and telling yourself you are allowed to confront strangers with your so called analysis.  This person was abusive in typing.  The next time if you trigger someone like this it could be much worse.  You'd still be a victim of abuse - of course -but you can change your behavior so you avoid playing with fire in the name of "but I'm just interested in analyzing people I don't know!"

Edited by Batya33
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

OP most people on dating apps are there to date and not be part of your psychology study.

You're curious as to why he said all these things... I'm curious as to why you sit through abuse with "curiosity" as a pretext/excuse. Do you not have enough self-worth and self-respect to sit through this? Do you enjoy this?

I don't think you're ready to date if this is how you approach dating.

Edited by DarkCh0c0
Typo
  • Like 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

To you just like you came across as flaky to him.  Be careful out there with your intrusive questions and telling yourself you are allowed to confront strangers with your so called analysis.  This person was abusive in typing.  The next time if you trigger someone like this it could be much worse.  You'd still be a victim of abuse - of course -but you can change your behavior so you avoid playing with fire in the name of "but I'm just interested in analyzing people I don't know!"

True. I never saw that extreme side of him before and it was unexpected. It was like some thing  i said triggered him halfway. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

OP most people on dating apps are there to date and not be part of your psychology study.

You're curious as to why he said all these things... I'm curious as to why you sit through abuse with "curiosity" as a pretext/excuse. Do you not have enough self-worth and self-respect to sit through this? Do you enjoy this?

I don't think you're ready to date if this is how you approach dating.

As i said the abuse was  only one time and since then i haven't spoken to him.  Before then i suspected he may have something going within him but obviously  i wasn't sure. 

He's not the first person I've come across like this online and most certainly wont be the last. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

27 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

Before then i suspected he may have something going within him but obviously  i wasn't sure.

Between that and the times he ignored you, I can't fathom why you wasted any further time on this guy. The couple of times that he ignored your messages and calls should have been your cue to stop contacting him. 

What is your take on yourself, and why you attached yourself to the idea of him? Don't worry about whatever issues he may or may not have. Focus instead on yours, so you have a healthier approach to men and dating. The way you went about this suggests you could use more practice and more experience with men. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

31 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

He's not the first person I've come across like this online and most certainly wont be the last. 

It SHOULD be the last time it happens. Learn to draw boundaries and unmatch yourself immediately when you notice lack of efforts to meet or any red flags. Don't just accept abuse from strangers online.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, lavender899 said:

He's not the first person I've come across like this online and most certainly wont be the last. 

This is why it's critically important to filter and screen better for red flags and deal breakers, such as: won't meet, texts too much, long distance, rude, weird, etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

OP most people on dating apps are there to date and not be part of your psychology study.

Agree. It's important not to backpedal on this disaster and reframe him as a specimen.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This is why it's critically important to filter and screen better for red flags and deal breakers, such as: won't meet, texts too much, long distance, rude, weird, etc.

9/10 people have been like that. Judging by what I've  read from other people's  experiences. There are more crazy men than women online

Edited by lavender899
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

9/10 people have been like that. There are more crazy men than women online

You need to screen better for red flags and cut your losses if you are encountering 90% weirdos. "Crazy" is allowing yourself to be abused by someone you never met.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to screen better for red flags and cut your losses if you are encountering 90% weirdos. "Crazy" is allowing yourself to be abused by someone you never met.

This one showed his true colours at the end.

Most i unmatch within a day 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You way over invested in this guy. After a failed attempt to meet up for a coffee you shouldn't have been chasing after him when he repeatedly unanswered your messages. Should have just dumped the chump/block/deleted right then. Crazy or not, clearly he wasn't really interested in you. Why he in kept in touch? Who knows. It certainly wasn't a reason to keep chasing after him that's for sure. Set your standards a little higher.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, lavender899 said:

9/10 people have been like that. Judging by what I've  read from other people's  experiences. There are more crazy men than women online

It's the f word. Filter filter filter. Do it in person also when you meet people for the first time or are around new company. Be a bit more discerning about your company. 

I'm sorry you're hurt. It's time to let go and learn from this.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, lavender899 said:

9/10 people have been like that. Judging by what I've  read from other people's  experiences. There are more crazy men than women online

Unfortunately this is true.  The number of men* online who aren't wrapped too tight is excessively high.

*could be women too, but women were never in my target demographic so I personally wouldn't know.  

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

25 minutes ago, waffle said:

Unfortunately this is true.  The number of men* online who aren't wrapped too tight is excessively high.

*could be women too, but women were never in my target demographic so I personally wouldn't know.  

In other words he's likely to find someone decent enough to marry . And I'll just find another guy like him again with a bunch  of loose screws. Typical. This ain't  the first time its happened to me so i know all about it

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

In other words he's likely to find someone decent enough to marry . And I'll just find another guy like him again with a bunch  of loose screws. Typical. This ain't  the first time its happened to me so i know all about it

Please don't date if you have that attitude.  It's not fair to the people you're going to meet.  Several of my friends met their spouses and long term partners through online sites. I met many lovely men through online sites (I met over 100 men in person). My husband and I were on online sites although we did not meet that way.  You didn't find a guy with a bunch of loose screws.  You chose to chat over a long period of time with a stranger. He acted in an abusive way and you acted in a flaky way.  You have no idea what his deal is because he is a stranger.  Nothing happened to you as far as dating -you were not dating him. You were chatting over a prolonged period of time with a male stranger.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Please don't date if you have that attitude.  It's not fair to the people you're going to meet.  Several of my friends met their spouses and long term partners through online sites. I met many lovely men through online sites (I met over 100 men in person). My husband and I were on online sites although we did not meet that way.  You didn't find a guy with a bunch of loose screws.  You chose to chat over a long period of time with a stranger. He acted in an abusive way and you acted in a flaky way.  You have no idea what his deal is because he is a stranger.  Nothing happened to you as far as dating -you were not dating him. You were chatting over a prolonged period of time with a male stranger.

Well being aggressive and abusive to someone he apparently didn't like doesn't make sense then, unless there is something amiss. 

Your friends are lucky. What I hear about online dating and my own experience it is a rarity.

I dont have an attitude, im just being honest. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
29 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

Well being aggressive and abusive to someone he apparently didn't like doesn't make sense then, unless there is something amiss. 

Your friends are lucky. What I hear about online dating and my own experience it is a rarity.

I dont have an attitude, im just being honest. 

Yes. You’re being honest about your bad experiences. My friends weren’t lucky in that sense. Neither was I. I simply was careful about screening and not wasting my time chatting to strangers as I wanted to date in real life. I used online sites as one of many  ways to meet people.  
chatting to a stranger at length like you did is not a dating experience or an experience related to dating. It’s an experience you created because you chose to keep in contact with a stranger with little chance of meting in person.  So now you have experience at what it’s like to have a pen pal through an online dating site. Nothing to do with dating or experiences with trying to date men. 
Time to get proactive and get out there to meet people whether thorough volunteer  work or the gym or dance classes, book clubs , events at a church or place of worship, etc. first be totally honest with yourself about whether you want a potentially serious relationship.  
If not then don’t bother being proactive. It’s not worth it for causal dating.  I did want those things despite no guarantees.  So I did the work. For many years. It paid off. One of the reasons was because I didn’t let myself get jaded or bitter about men and I kept up close friendships with men and women. Some who set me up on dates and I set them up as well. 

Edited by Batya33
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share


×
×
  • Create New...