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Why did he have so much attitude towards me


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21 hours ago, lavender899 said:

..since he himself said about 50 times he is serious etc..

 

This is every reason to run for the frickin hills. When someone feels they have to remind you or convince you like this...this is a big red flag. This is what they call blowing smoke up yer butt. Telling you what you want to hear. 

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6 hours ago, smackie9 said:

This is every reason to run for the frickin hills. When someone feels they have to remind you or convince you like this...this is a big red flag. This is what they call blowing smoke up yer butt. Telling you what you want to hear. 

Yeah but i was never clear what i wanted from the beginning. So he didnt  really know anyway wt i was thinking or what my intentions  were. If i even wanted that. But he said it because he thought i was wasting his time..or that' s  what he implied. So he said he doesn't have the time to be my texting buddy. Implying thats how i was treating him

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I have to say:  it's hard to believe that you've spent a few years of your life and a whole bunch of typing on a guy who you've never even met.   Unless I missed that part.  And, he sounds like a real winner.

Please don't waste yourself like this.  If you're going to use a dating app, just limit your interactions to planning a meeting.  Unless what you actually want  is a penpal type of deal.

 

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Not going to be a popular opinion but: With the amount of time he ignored your texts, calls, and other attempts to reach out; he probably got stalker vibes off of you OP.

When you wouldn't stop pestering him, he went off and lashed out hoping that would end further contact. Why he didn't block you earlier is a mystery, but I have seen this sort of vicious reaction from men and women who feel their space is being invaded. Why you stayed around for him escalating his commentary is a bit of a mystery too.

Rather than ego fluffing about how hateful he was, reflect on what lessons can be gleaned from the actions and words of both of you in this mess.

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1 hour ago, lavender899 said:

You'll all be pleased to know. I matched a new person today.. 

Not gonna hold my breath but we'll see. 

What's your purpose in communicating with this person? 

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Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Coily said:

Not going to be a popular opinion but: With the amount of time he ignored your texts, calls, and other attempts to reach out; he probably got stalker vibes off of you OP.

When you wouldn't stop pestering him, he went off and lashed out hoping that would end further contact. Why he didn't block you earlier is a mystery, but I have seen this sort of vicious reaction from men and women who feel their space is being invaded. Why you stayed around for him escalating his commentary is a bit of a mystery too.

Rather than ego fluffing about how hateful he was, reflect on what lessons can be gleaned from the actions and words of both of you in this mess.

Hows that. I spoke to him a couple of times in the last few months. I've had stalkers myself and they would call me every day to every week without any indication of interest from my end. He would stay on the line for hours on end of his own accord.

Previous to that he asked me to meet him at least 5 or 6 times. Probably more. 

Initially he pursued me. Then implied he that I wasnt serious about a relationship or more. He did that more than once.

As you can see, different scenario.

Also there's no way time and time again he would tell me personal things about himself and in depth. He talked about his family, his work, his friends, his exes, his health issues etc etc

 

 

Edited by lavender899
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9 hours ago, lavender899 said:

ill decide as i find out more

Your time to spend of course!  I asked only because you have this idea that most men on these apps are "turds" as you put it plus you don't want anything serious so I was asking as far as why it is even worth your time to talk to a stranger given your attitude and mindset?

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1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Your time to spend of course!  I asked only because you have this idea that most men on these apps are "turds" as you put it plus you don't want anything serious so I was asking as far as why it is even worth your time to talk to a stranger given your attitude and mindset?

A lot are to be honest. I stand by that. This one seems to be making effort in terms of the way he's messaging so i just replied accordingly. 

If someone puts in the work then its fine. But it isn't going to be a situation where I do more than them. 

Its a needle in a haystack finding good people but maybe there might be one who knows 

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12 hours ago, lavender899 said:

ill decide as i find out more

I think this is the smart way to do it.  Anything else seems contrived ie "I'm looking for a serious relationship" and then you try to find someone to fit?  That seems backwards to me.  It makes more sense to take each person as they come and ask "does this person fit into my life?  How?"

And if you are finding that these are not your highest quality men on dating apps, that doesn't mean you have an attitude, it means that's your experience (and the experience of many, many others out there).  It IS a s#! show.  Articles have been written about why women despise dating apps so much and how dehumanizing they are, do you think that's all BS and the reality is women really are having trouble choosing between all these intelligent, good-looking, successful gentlemen on these apps?  lol.  It's like going to Carp Lake and then saying "hmmm, I'm only finding carp."  That's not an attitude, it's a fact.

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12 hours ago, lavender899 said:

Hows that. I spoke to him a couple of times in the last few months. I've had stalkers myself and they would call me every day to every week without any indication of interest from my end. He would stay on the line for hours on end of his own accord.

Previous to that he asked me to meet him at least 5 or 6 times. Probably more. 

Initially he pursued me. Then implied he that I wasnt serious about a relationship or more. He did that more than once.

As you can see, different scenario.

Also there's no way time and time again he would tell me personal things about himself and in depth. He talked about his family, his work, his friends, his exes, his health issues etc etc

 

 

You aren't him, what his threshold and yours, are  vastly different. Trying to give you some non-ego puffing perspective.

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Posted (edited)

Consider your time more valuable than this.  You've have spent an exorbitant amount of energy trying to analyze this abusive man's behavior when your time would have been better spent on yourself.

When we find ourselves excessively 'other' focused, it's typically a calling to look within.  Wouldn't your time be better spent asking yourself why you kept trying to contact someone who clearly didn't want your attention?  Why is it about you that kept exposing yourself to the constant rejection from someone who would not take your call, only to insist you needed an answer as to why?

What is it about you that stayed with the final call long enough to let him insult you repeatedly while you sat there and defended yourself?  My head reeled back at one point when you imagined he might have self esteem issues and problems with availability.  The dude was plain evil, don't romanticize this.  And you set yourself self up as a convenient and willing victim for him.  But why?

I get it was confusing that he started off one way and ended in another.  It's confusing.  But leave it at that.  There are a lot of kookie people online.  Get used to it.  Learn to spot them early rather than later and remove yourself from exposure immediately.  Don't sit around trying to analyze them.  Certainty not to this extent.

Invest that valuable energy in yourself.  That's the only thing you have control over.

Edited by reinventmyself
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1 hour ago, waffle said:

I think this is the smart way to do it.  Anything else seems contrived ie "I'm looking for a serious relationship" and then you try to find someone to fit?  That seems backwards to me.  It makes more sense to take each person as they come and ask "does this person fit into my life?  How?"

And if you are finding that these are not your highest quality men on dating apps, that doesn't mean you have an attitude, it means that's your experience (and the experience of many, many others out there).  It IS a s#! show.  Articles have been written about why women despise dating apps so much and how dehumanizing they are, do you think that's all BS and the reality is women really are having trouble choosing between all these intelligent, good-looking, successful gentlemen on these apps?  lol.  It's like going to Carp Lake and then saying "hmmm, I'm only finding carp."  That's not an attitude, it's a fact.

Thank you for understanding. 

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1 hour ago, Coily said:

You aren't him, what his threshold and yours, are  vastly different. Trying to give you some non-ego puffing perspective.

But it doesn't make sense. Its like me asking a guy to go out with me more than once. Then if i flake. Thinking hes a stalker for  following up with me. Two calls. Like any decent human being would do. Wt the heck. 

That's what you call narcissism

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Posted (edited)
16 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

Consider your time more valuable than this.  You've have spent an exorbitant amount of energy trying to analyze this abusive man's behavior when your time would have been better spent on yourself.

When we find ourselves 'other' focused, it's typically a calling to look within.  Wouldn't your time be better spent asking yourself why you kept trying to contact someone who clearly didn't want your attention?  Why is it about you that kept exposing yourself to the constant rejection from someone who would not take your call, only to insist you needed an answer as to why?

What is it about you that stayed with the final call long enough to let him insult you repeatedly while you sat there and defended yourself?

I get it was confusing that he started off one way and ended in another.  It's confusing.  But leave it at that.  There are a lot of kookie people online.  Get used to it.  Learn to spot them early rather than later and remove yourself from exposure immediately.  Don't sit around trying to analyze them.

Invest that valuable energy on yourself.  That's the only thing you have control over.

On the phone, i wanted to know what his deal was.

This is a guy whos repeatedly been intensely interested, then stopped, repeatedly. 

I knew a guy who did that in the past. Im pretty sure he had npd. And i dont just want to run away if someone behaves like that, i want to confront them. 

You can't let people get away with acting like that. 

Edited by lavender899
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4 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

But it doesn't make sense. Its like me asking a guy to go out with me more than once. Then if i flake. Thinking hes a stalker for  following up with me. Two calls. Like any decent human being would do. Wt the heck. 

That's what you call narcissism

No, it's not narcissism.  It's someone who has a mean streak and not interested in someone who's investing too much unrequited attention on him.  You didn't take the hint when he rejected your numerous attempts.  Now he got his message through to you in a not so pleasant way.

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Posted (edited)
2 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

No, it's not narcissism.  It's someone who has a mean streak and not interested in someone who's investing too much unrequited attention on him.  You didn't take the hint when he rejected your numerous attempts.  Now he got his message through to you in a not so pleasant way.

Thats one way of looking  at it. But its not an accurate  depiction of the whole situation. I didnt put in details of our whole "history", its too lengthy to type out. If i did, you'd  see its inaccurate 

Edited by lavender899
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Posted (edited)
4 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

This is a guy whos repeatedly been intensely interested, then stopped, repeatedly. 

 

and as you are learning, this flip happens all the time.  It's the number one down side of meeting people on line.  Learn to expect it, be kind to yourself and move on.

Edited by reinventmyself
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Just now, reinventmyself said:

and as you are learning, this flip happens all the time.  It's the number one down side of meeting people on line.  Learn to expect it and move on.

No it doesn't. Not for the length of time this went on. 

Usually people quit speaking to each other within a few days to a few weeks when uninterested. It doesnt take this long

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, lavender899 said:

No it doesn't. Not for the length of time this went on. 

Usually people quit speaking to each other within a few days to a few weeks when uninterested. It doesnt take this long

it's pretty text book that when you see someone in real time, whether in person or a video call, you discover for a variety of different reasons there isn't going to be a viable connection.  It's all fun and fantasy when you are engaging in anonymous emails etc, but things shifted after the video call, correct? 

Not to mention the periods of time you two were not in contact.  He alluded to the possibility of someone else in his life.  What else to do you need to possibly know?

It's your time.  Invest it in how you seem fit.

Edited by reinventmyself
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