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Extremely long distance relationship


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Posted (edited)

So, this never happened to me before. 

Here's the story, it's not a long one. It all began yesterday, I added a gorgeous girl on Instagram, and after she accepted it, I realised she lived extremely far away(opposite sides of a huge country), and thought "Oh, nevermind then". However a few minutes after that, she started a conversation and it all flowed wonderfully, wonderfully as I've never seen before. In less than an hour we were talking about visiting each other, moving closer and all that. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. 

So now, not even 24h later we are still non stop talking and I'm not saying I'm not happy, but I'm deeply confused. Firstly, she's not a hustler trying to steal my data and money, I made sure of that right away. The thing is I'm single, almost graduating college(so is her, but slightly after me), have very little money at the moment. What do I do? I'm young, so I don't know if I'm ready for this commitment, maybe I'm overreacting but I'm afraid she might be really "the one", but it's all so recent and by the time I get some money it'll probably be later this year. 

Should I just keep this rolling and see where it goes? Should I keep myself open to local girls considering the huge endeavour this whole ordeal would took to work? What if my feelings keep growing? 

 

I'm feeling like a teenager again, damn. 

Edited by Mastrydom
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1 hour ago, Mastrydom said:

yesterday, I added a gorgeous girl on Instagram, and after she accepted it, I realised she lived extremely far away(opposite sides of a huge country),

I'm single, almost graduating college

Date locally. You're wasting your time on a pretty photo.

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2 hours ago, Mastrydom said:

It all began yesterday

So inside of 24 hours you're talking about uprooting your life, and committing, and calling her "the one"?  Have you had problems in the past with making poor choices by being impulsive?

Clearly this person has done this before and knows how to manipulate the online conversation.  Keep an eye on that money you hope to have later this year and don't send any to her with the intention of her coming to visit you.  You are NOT in a relationship despite your use of that word in the title of this thread.  Relationships don't happen instantly with people far away that you don't know. 

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Soon enough she will be confiding in you about her mother's surgery that she can't pay for, how her power is about to be cut off, how her car needs hundreds of dollars worth of repairs and how she's about to be evicted because she's behind on her rent.

Someone I know personally used to text her ex boyfriend that she hadn't eaten in three days. He sent her a few hundred dollars and she used it to buy her boyfriend an X-Box.

Yes, this person (who is possibly using a stock photo, Google the photo) is setting you up to scam you. If you're American, lots of foreigners assume all Americans are wealthy.

If you're in college there must be hundreds of young single ladies at your school. Date some of them instead of attaching yourself to an unknown online person.

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I agree with the others.  She is a stranger.  She could be a he or a group of people or middle aged or 13.  You have no idea.  Please stop messaging with her because you're having these feelings and far more vulnerable to being scammed.  And this stuff has been happening for decades and to really smart people.  A friend of ours was a law student and "met" a law student (or perhaps he was already a lawyer?) on a chat message board in the early 90s.  They actually lived close enough to each other so they met, had a whirlwind courtship and married within a year.  He duped her and everyone (my husband -who I hadn't met yet- met him back then and had his reservations about him but nothing intense).  He was leading a double life.  She discovered it via phone bills I think and they divorced.  So he didn't "catfish" her but same idea -she was vulnerable, she fell for him basically the night they messaged all night and they were "off to the races."  He broke her heart.  

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4 hours ago, Mastrydom said:

In less than an hour we were talking about visiting each other, moving closer and all that.

This, quite frankly, is nuts. You don't know this person. 

4 hours ago, Mastrydom said:

I couldn't believe it was happening to me. 

And when it seems too good to be true, it almost always is. Scammers don't always target people who have a lot of money. They target people who are easily charmed and manipulated. The naive, the vulnerable, the lonely. Those who want so badly to believe in the fairytale that they'd do just about anything keep it alive. 

You're in college, OP. Put those critical thinking skills to use here. Does this really sound like a viable situation? 

 

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Posted (edited)

Thank you all for the replies, I had a packed day, so not so much time for thinking, you guys helped a lot though. 

Just for clarification purposes, I know she's not a hoax or a catfish because we've facetimed, so at least that's out of the box. I'm still not sure about the "Is she crazy" or "Am I going to get murdered" part of the deal though, although I saw her family by video and she's really fun and smart. 

Anyway, kidding aside, I was worried about the wasting my time part, should I just cut bonds right away? She was talking about visiting me in a few months, so maybe keep this as a side thing? I don't know,it's just a weird situation

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Just now, Mastrydom said:

Thank you all for the replies, I had a packed day, so not so much time for thinking, you guys helped a lot though. 

Just for clarification purposes, I know she's not a hoax or a catfish because we've facetimed, so at least that's out of the box. I'm still not sure about the "Is she crazy" or "Am I going to get murdered" part of the deal though, although I saw her family by video and she's really fun and smart. 

Anyway, kidding aside, I was worried about the wasting my time part, should I just cut bonds right away? We're 

No, you don't know even though you facetimed.  You don't know if that is her family.  Yes you are wasting your time and risking various sorts of harm -needlessly risking I should add.  

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Wake up dear boy.  You've been given a lot of good advice here and you need to pay attention.  Cone down from Cloud Nine and do some realistic thinking.  You dont know her.  You know what she's told you and that's it.  Find someone at college to date not some random chick from Instagram.  Block and delete her.

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6 hours ago, Mastrydom said:

 I was worried about the wasting my time part, should I just cut bonds right away? She was talking about visiting me in a few months, so maybe keep this as a side thing? I don't know,it's just a weird situation

You're not in a LDR. You're tickled by contact from a hot IG entity. 

Date real girls at college. You can masturbate to this IG entity, but that's about it.

Perhaps you are a virgin and afraid of real girls?  Perhaps you're shy or socially awkward?

This is sort of an imaginary GF, but sooner or later you'll need the confidence to ask real girls on real dates.

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Not that you have chemistry, because that can only be determined in person. But I'm just saying this because no matter where you are, in your local town, visiting a country ten hours away, you will always find someone you will be attracted to and have chemistry with.

The trouble with online is that it makes it seem like such a small world, where you can do FaceTime and it almost seems like the person is right there in your living room.

The cons of LDRs? They are extremely expensive. It takes far longer to really KNOW who a person is, and for those skeletons to come out of the closet, if there are any. You don't enjoy regular dates like you would with someone local. And if the relationship actually worked out, one person would have to totally uproot their lives, moving away from family and friends. 

Why do this when you absolutely do not have to? That's craziness. When I was single and did online dating, I limited dating to people who lived within no more than 25 miles from me. And that was wise, because on average, in 9 out of 10 first meets, we never ended up going on a 2nd date. Either one or both of us didn't have chemistry, or didn't like the other's personality, etc.

If I'd done things your way, I would've gone broke and it would've taken me 20 years to find my lifetime partner instead of 2 and a half years.

I'd advise telling her you will stick to local dating, and don't let her argue. Block. You don't owe her anything. Take it from people who have lived twice as long as you--we can save you from learning a hard lesson, a lot of headaches, and money.

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