Situationship gone wrong

[saynotoredflags]

I (late 20s) have been talking online with a guy (early 30s), almost everyday, for the past few months. We don't know each other personally, but we clicked instantly.

 

He's from my city but is currently working abroad. We've got a lot of things in common and we've been texting about anything, sending voice notes, photos, videos, morning texts, sharing memes, music etc. It was very casual, without any pressure, both of us could just text the other whenever. Not much in a day, but complex and daily. I started to really enjoy talking to him and soon after, we began flirting too. It always made me happy to get his texts. At some point, we even started doing, more as a joke, plans about where and when we can meet. Nothing serious, though. 

 

He remembered random things about me, complimented me and seemed so invested in the conversations, i could clearly feel he's making efforts too. 

 

Recently, he told me that he might return to our hometown for like a week and a few days later, he told me he "kind of" likes me. He said he threw in that "kind of" so not to seem desperate. He also asked me what i'd say to him if he told me he wants me (not even sure what he meant by that, he meant it sexually, i guess?). So i jokingly said that maybe he's just tired and horny. I like him as well, but i didn't want to rush things up, because we don't even know each other personally. I mean, what if the face to face chemistry would be different than the online one? That would be disappointing. Anyway, he said that he likes joking around, but he's got good intentions.

 

Afterwards, he said that he's pretty sure he's going to regret this conversation in the morning, but i told him there are no reasons for that. He soon went to sleep and the next morning, he told me, in his last text i got from him, that he's regretting that conversation and is embarrassed. I assured him there's absolutely nothing embarrassing about it, that he was actually sweet and that he should never feel embarrassed about anything when talking to me. And, well, he stopped texting ever since. He didn't even leave that text on seen. The next day, i sent him a clip that i thought it's funny and he didn't open that text either. He stopped liking my posts, but still watched a story i posted during the weekend. I watched his too, he seems to be traveling right now (not sure if it's for work or relaxation).

 

It's been a week since this happened and i know it's not much and maybe i'm overreacting, but it's definitely a changed dynamic since we used to text everyday and he used to send me updates about his day too.

 

So i'm writing this up because i'm confused. Did he feel rejected? I didn't reject him though. Was he just looking for someone to have sex with, in case he'd get back to our hometown soon? Or was he bored of me and this whole "i like you, now i'm embarrassed" thing was just an excuse for him to ghost me? Was he just playing around? He seemed too mature to be like that and i'm so disappointed. 

 

I'm thinking that if he truly liked me, he would've waited for us to meet in real life too, and decide from there if he really likes me, right? Right?

 

What should i do now? Move on, wait or check up on him and ask what happened?

 

I feel so lost, any advice is greatly appreciated. 

Thank you so much in advance!

 

TL;DR: Guy i've been texting almost daily for the past few months, and whom i felt a connection with, told me he likes me, but stopped texting me.

[Lambert]

Well OP, to answer your question.  I'd move on.

While I think it's a mistake to communicate for so long without meeting.  Long distance or not.

There's no benefit to you to start a thing on line long distance. Look locally for romantic partners.

Also, think about this... if a person just bails on you aka ghosts you for any reason... don't be so willing to just pick up where they left off, if they come back.  That was not nice of him and shows that he's not right for you.  you deserve better. 

Don't ever forget- until you know someone in real life, you don't know them. this guy could be married or whatever. 

Block him. Start again with local guys. 

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, saynotoredflags said:

I (late 20s) have been talking online with a guy (early 30s), almost everyday, for the past few months. He's from my city but is currently working abroad.

Sorry this is happening. However this could be a scammer, catfish, married guy, etc. Distance yourself and date local available real life men in person.

[Kwothe28]

23 minutes ago, saynotoredflags said:

So i'm writing this up because i'm confused. Did he feel rejected? I didn't reject him though. Was he just looking for someone to have sex with, in case he'd get back to our hometown soon?

I would say its the second. When you didnt respond to that, he backed off. 

Its OK, chances are that he already has somebody and was just looking somebody for casual sex. Dont waste your time on guys like that.

[DancingFool]

I'm sorry, OP, but it's not a situationship, it's a nothingship.

You chatted with some dude online without knowing anything about him and who he is. Sure it might have been fun and built up this illusion of connection and closeness, but in reality you have absolutely nothing with him. You were really just brief pen pals and now, for whatever reason he has moved on.

Note that you don't even know enough about him or his character to know why. Could be he is ultra insecure. Could be he is busy with his vacation. Could be he is busy because he is not actually single. Could be he was just buttering you up for an easy lay and when you didn't jump on that, he faded out. Could be......anything really..........

The point is that he is just some rando online that you don't actually know and you need to move on. Going forward, be careful about getting so invested in online rando's. 

[Rose Mosse]

He isn't consistent so leave it alone. You don't need to know his reasons why. He may be scaring himself in how often he thinks about you and isn't ready for that, knows you feel the same way and is freaked out and so on. The long distance situation is also not ideal.

This has amounted to not much other than a chat buddy or penpal situation. If he does want to meet with you or you both meet in the future, that's up to you to decide on whether you want to see him. 

In the meantime, date locally. This person isn't much of an option. I'd treat him as an acquaintance/pen pal and nothing more.

[DarkCh0c0]

27 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

I would say its the second. When you didnt respond to that, he backed off. 

I thought so too. He might have been building all this up so that he can get laid and then go back to where he came from. But, we can never know.

OP it's better to date local men who show interest in you and ask you out asap. Don't let the chatting become too long and comfortable.

[catfeeder]

Sounds as though this guy was lining up any number of 'pen pals' to try tapping for sex or a crash pad--or even a place for selling stuff whenever he was in town.

Don't position yourself for anonymous messaging over time. That's fantasy-building, and it's easy to manipulate, and it rarely turns out well. If you're not being set up for a financial scam, you could be groomed to be used for any number of things--you never know who you're actually dealing with.

Skip that. Use OLD for setting up quick meets over coffee on your way home from work. Neither can pressure the other for a real date on the spot, but either can invite the other afterward. If the answer is yes, the other responds, and if not, then no response is necessary.

The idea that you can 'get to know' someone over messages is false and potentially dangerous. Don't do it. Use the app to screen for potential, then go meet some frogs until you find simpatico with the right guy. Learn how to let bad matches pass early, and you will thank yourself.

Head high, we all learn from living.

[reinventmyself]

The sense I got is that he may very well have gotten embarrassed.  He put himself out there and you respectfully shared your boundary.  It's possible he's withdrawn in the hopes you'll chase him.

The problem with this is it's immature and manipulative.  A grown man should be able to handle a woman's limits and not recoil over it.

I'd leave him be.  My guess it you haven't heard the last of him.

[spinstermanquee]

On 4/18/2022 at 4:31 PM, DancingFool said:

ICould be he was just buttering you up for an easy lay and when you didn't jump on that, he faded out.

^^ this.  Thanks DancingFool, that is exactly what I thought when I read the OP story

[smackie9]

hey OP is there any updates? I say who knows what he was thinking. IMO he felt disappointed with your response. I think he really liked you but has no confidence in himself and gave up way too soon. 

If it were me I would have said "Well I kinda like you too, lets go out on a date. Would be nice to meet you since we have been chatting for a couple of months." 

Now if he just wanted sex in the end, so what. Just say no and move on. Meeting men and dating men is always a crap shoot. Even the most gentlemen like of guys can have an agenda. 

If you wish to meet him, then send him a text. Nothing too serious, keep it light and friendly and see if you get a response. What do you really have to lose?