Found out he was cheating 1 week after moving cross country to live with him

[Anna09]

How should i tell him that's i can't contribute to the bills and groceries until i get a job and we agreed on paying half and half and he did offer the first few days to pay for things until i get a job.  But i waved to be fair and told him let's just share the expenses . I thought he was serious and i duct want him to think I'm just talking advantage of him m i waved to give this a fair shot and now I'm just in the worst case scenario 1 week into this.  

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Anna09 said:

i waved to be fair and told him let's just share the expenses . I thought he was serious and i duct want him to think I'm just talking advantage of him.

Ok so how is it you have no credit, yet pay for food rent bills, debt and still send money home to family? None of this really adds up, does it? 

If you refuse to tell him you can not afford to pay rent/bills then you'll have to accept what is on his phone and hope things get better for you. 

[Anna09]

Us i did pay for food and rent and build and helped my family the entire time i was here in the states.  I loved with a roommate and the state where i lived it was one of the cheapest in the US.

Now I'm in a New city and i do want to tell him i can't help him pay bills until i get a Job . I'm asking how to tell him that . 

He still very nice at least for now and says to don't query about anything abs that he will support us until i get a job. .....

[Lambert]

I think telling him is pretty obvious as you don't have any money.  

How did you think you would pay him prior to finding out he is cheating?

[DarkCh0c0]

@Anna09you mentioned you left your friends. Why not contact any of them?

As for your question, be honest. Tell him you are out of cash and he'll have to cover your share until you get a job.

When I said stuff he might pull, I meant manipulation tactics like begging, pleading, threatening, guilt-tripping you, ect. This man has been lying to you about his involvement with other women, and I think this might be the tip of the iceberg. Who knows what else he's lied about...

[Anna09]

I already put my half of the tent for this month of april and my bills. And i thought i would be able to find some sort of work by may to pay my part of they month of may and i put half the rent for May on the side just not the rest of the bills and food.  And he also said multiple times to don't worry too much that he can cover what i need until i start working. I heroes him when we first met he didn't have a job or a place to stay and helped him a lot and he said he still remember my help for him.  

But now that i found out he is cheating.  It's just different. Before i thought is its as a team and I'd him as maybe a potential future partner but now i just don't know with all this my head is all over the place.  I can't focus or look for work . I he'll like I'm just chocked and disappointed. 

[boltnrun]

Are you using some kind of talk to text app? Many of your words are not making sense.

How are you supposed to pay half when you have no savings and no job?

Tell him you are focusing on getting a job and when you do, you can discuss contributing financially. He has to know you don't have a job.

And please, do not get pregnant. Use reliable birth control and insist he use condoms. And get tested for STDs since he's having sex with randoms.

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

he also said multiple times to don't worry too much that he can cover what i need until i start working.

Discuss this. If you sleep with and live with a man you should be able to have a simple discussion.

[Anna09]

Yes i m using birth control . And i need to get tested for STDs i thought of that as soon as i found this texts.

I used most of my savings four the move and to pay my half rent of April and get some of the stuff we need at the new place abs what i need. 

I thought i wilk be able to find a job fast enough to have my part of the rent for the next month. And he keeps telling me to don't worry about anything and that he will take care of things and help me like i helped him in the past.  And that he will have my neck and protect me m these was his words few hours before i found those texts.

I don't understand why he will put so much effort into it relation and tell all his friends and family  and cheat at the same time

 

[Wiseman2]

7 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

And he keeps telling me to don't worry about anything and that he will take care of things and help me like i helped him in the past. 

You keep stating this, so talk to him about it.

[boltnrun]

6 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

I don't understand why he will put so much effort into it relation and tell all his friends and family  and cheat at the same time

Because he's convinced no one will find out. Most liars think no one will ever know. I mean, do you think he wants to tell his mom he pays for sex? You're his cover story.

Job first. You can put in applications this weekend and could even be working by next weekend. Pay May rent so you'll have time to find a roommate situation.

And insist he use condoms if you plan to keep having sex with him despite knowing he cheats.

[Anna09]

Yes.  I been trying to pull my self together and focus to apply for jobs and get May's rent. 

He still talks about the future and just yesterday taking about us getting a new car together and i just stopped him right there and told him we can't share a car . ..

It s hard to pretend like nothing happen and i just don't want him to touch me or he affectionate with me. 

 

 

[boltnrun]

18 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

It s hard to pretend like nothing happen and i just don't want him to touch me or he affectionate with me. 

How do you plan to avoid sex? 

I presume you two share a bed. Doesn't he cuddle you while you're sleeping?

Are you able to play along and continue being intimate with him until you can get a job and save up to rent a room?

[Anna09]

I gel like her knows i found something in that phone he lend because her just asked me if i used the phone.  And now things could just get worst. Im not sure what to do if he asked if i acted like that because of something in the phone.

Those Texts i found they were from months ago.  When in was still living in my state and were where dating at distance but our relation was official by then.   that phone he lend me was his older phone that her no longer uses abs he probably forgot about the texts. So I'm not sure what's in his current phone.

[Batya33]

For now find a shelter. Start to apply for public assistance.  Then get a job and once you have some $ return to your home city where you know people.  Do not tell him where you are or where you are going. 

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, Anna09 said:

I gel like her knows i found something in that phone he lend because her just asked me if i used the phone.  And now things could just get worst. Im not sure what to do if he asked if i acted like that because of something in the phone.

Those Texts i found they were from months ago.  When in was still living in my state and were where dating at distance but our relation was official by then.   that phone he lend me was his older phone that her no longer uses abs he probably forgot about the texts. So I'm not sure what's in his current phone.

Are you using talk to text?  Reread this comment, most of it doesn't make sense.

My advice remains the same.

[Anna09]

Yes I'm sorry.  I'm using talk to text.

[Anna09]

What I'm trying to say is that he just asked me if i used they phone he gave me yesterday and i think he did figure it out and he probably knows that I'm acting distant and avoiding him because i found something in that phone. The way he asked tells me that

[boltnrun]

4 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

What I'm trying to say is that he just asked me if i used they phone he gave me yesterday and i think he did figure it out and he probably knows that I'm acting distant and avoiding him because i found something in that phone. The way he asked tells me that

OK, well I don't see how you could have kept up a pretense for over a month.

Are you going to discuss this with him or keep concealing what you know?

And for the record, I don't think you've done anything wrong.

Also, the talk to text isn't working very well 🙂  But your most recent post makes a lot more sense.

[wealthydior]

You are in a difficult situation. Try to get a job quick so that you can earn some money and rent a room. And please be careful on your next relationship.

[Anna09]

58 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

OK, well I don't see how you could have kept up a pretense for over a month.

Are you going to discuss this with him or keep concealing what you know?

And for the record, I don't think you've done anything wrong.

Also, the talk to text isn't working very well 🙂  But your most recent post makes a lot more sense.

Yes i have to pretend.  I just did right now and it's just the worst  it feels awful.   i have to act all affectionate and caring.  I use to love been that way with him i did it from my heart.  But now it feels just weird.  As i feel like I'm doing that with a stranger not someone i suppose to share a future with.  And i feel as if he knows i know he is just weird too.

[MissCanuck]

10 hours ago, Anna09 said:

he will take care of things and help me like i helped him in the past

What is this referring to? How did you help him? 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Anna09 said:

 i feel like I'm doing that with a stranger not someone i suppose to share a future with.  

Unfortunately he always was and still is a stranger. For whatever reason, you decided to drop everything, leave everything behind and move cross country to someone you barely know.

It seems like it's all hitting you now like a tsunami that you are in this situation that didn't turn out as you Imagined.

[Anna09]

8 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

What is this referring to? How did you help him

When first i met him. He just start working.  It was his first week at work and didn't have munch money or family in the states either.  I helped him by buying  food multiple times and lend him money for his rent

[Batya33]

14 minutes ago, Anna09 said:

When first i met him. He just start working.  It was his first week at work and didn't have munch money or family in the states either.  I helped him by buying  food multiple times and lend him money for his rent

Why would you financially support a stranger unless it was an established charity?  Do you think this is a normal part of dating and getting to know someone ?  Are you desperate for a “boyfriend”?