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Feeling anxious and unsure whether I should give up on him?


Guest Anonymous
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Guest Anonymous

Had been talking to a guy for a few months on Instagram and we slowly built up the courage to meet. He had messaged me first quite a few times before I had responded. I then realised it was a few months and I hadn't responded so I messaged him. We spoke for probably a whole month before the meeting. He has offered breakfast/study dates before too. We ended up going out for dinner. Had very good chats, seems like a really lovely guy and nothing sexual. The odd compliment, but in good taste. Some cute messages to each other, like him sending me photos of what he does for work and him telling me that he often thinks about me. He told me he was a bit nervous before picking me up. He picked me up from my house and before he got to mine, he texted me saying would I like him to meet my parents or just pick me up. He paid for dinner and it went really well in terms of chats, felt like a really caring and respectful guy, talked about family and all those nice things. One thing is that he takes great interest in my life and wants to make things easier for me (or so it feels at times), for example wanting to help me out with studying etc. 

He dropped me home and did not indicate anything about going back to his which was good. He asked if I would like to do this again and I said yes. When we got back to my house to drop me home, my mother was just coming home and he waited and said hello to her. He then said she was lovely. I could tell he wanted to kiss as he sort of just kept looking at me, I said something and then we kissed. He messaged me a few hours later thanking me, kept in on and off-contact for the week, he told me he was tired but good. He asked about my plans for the weekend and I did the same, he is very busy and works in the medical field. He hasn't mentioned anything about catching up again. He asked about a job interview over the weekend and I didn't respond till about 5 days later. 

In one of our messages, I sort of implied that I wasn’t sure when I would be seeing him next and he sent a sweet message saying he hopes to get to know me better and see where things go. That he was busy but should have more time once exams are finished and that he does want to see me again. I told him I supported him and that I don’t expect him to keep in contact. 

Then almost 4 days later, I sent a message saying that it appears this is all too difficult and that I’m sure he can find other willing participants but it’s not going to be me. Exam is in 2 weeks and I would have loved to have hung out with you after. I realise I have been hot and cold. In about 2 weeks I’ll have a lot more time but I’m going to ask you to wait” and then asked me if I want to study with him (this was September I believe) we wanted to study this weekend. I said after his exams is fine and he said that’s very gracious of me. I didn’t respond. I left it and gave him the space to Then about 2/3 weeks later; he asked how I am, I didn’t respond and he sent a follow up message. Anyway I don’t have much to complain about and things feel good but we’ve been extremely busy with exams and he told me he has to resit; he initiates a lot and has initiated predominately. He'll message, we'll talk for a bit and then maybe I won't respond if it doesn't require a response and then he'll send a follow up message asking about something. He asked about studying together and some other question. I responded saying after my exams which were end of last week. He didn’t respond till about 2 weeks later asking how my exam study was going. Unsure if he did this because I had done this to him when he had exams. We chatted about a week ago now about something, few laughs but nothing concrete. He hasn’t asked to see me since exams. Growing frustrated because yes I could ask him to catch up but I already indicated after my exams and they finished not this Friday but the Friday before. Find it strange too how he’ll leave the conversation for a week or so but if he messages me and I don’t respond, he would send another message. We laughed about something and that was last on the 10th, I was the last one to respond and haven’t heard anything since.

Advice? Do I just give this guy up or?

**TL;DR** concerned that I don’t want our momentum to be lost due to that we’ve both had stressful exams. I haven’t seen him since late August despite him offering to study with me a few times. He’s in the medical industry so obviously busy. 

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Guest Anonymous
47 minutes ago, Guest Anonymous said:

I haven’t seen him since late August despite him offering to study with me a few times. He’s in the medical industry so obviously busy. 

 Is he in another relationship?

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Guest Anonymous

You already asked about the doctor guy. No, nobody is that busy that they cant ask about the proper date given that he has done it before. At best he just wastes your time, otherwise he would actually be calling you out on the date to get to know you better, not just message you here and there. 

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11 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

he is very busy and works in the medical field.

Well, when you are not in love with someone, and he's a mere prospect for dating, why begin dating someone who is this busy? Never think someone like this will ever be less busy, and will magically turn into a person who has a satisfactory amount of time to date you. 

This is a time in your life you will be meeting the largest pool of single men you will ever meet in your life. And many do meet their lifetime companions in college.

You're already frustrated with the situation, so why continue when you had one good date, but otherwise, everything else has fallen flat?

In the future, don't let a stranger know where you live. Believe me--after doing several years of online dating in the past, I'm so happy I met all the guys for a meet up in public. Several were downright crazy. Don't let the fact that you communicated a few months before meeting cloud the reality that you don't really know him.

And why the heck did the both of you need courage to meet up, like you were both plunged into a lion's den? Why is dating so scary to you? Ever hear the saying, "It's just lunch."?

You've wasted a lot of time on him before seeing the reality that he's not good dating material. In the future, if a guy doesn't ask you out within 2 weeks, move on. It means he's either taken and not saying so, has other secrets to hide, or just isn't that into you.

When a guy has excuses during a time he should be excited about seeing you, talking to you, and makes regular plans to show this, then it's time to stay single so you can hold out for someone who actually has time for you.

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I wouldn't wind myself in knots over text messages. If I liked a guy and wanted another date, I'd ask him if he'd like to join me on Date, Time for whatever I wanted to do with him.

If the answer is no, I'd hang back to learn whether he proposes another time. If not, he wouldn't hear from me again, and if so, I'd see him on our second date.

Boom, done.

Stop the madness. 🙂

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