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Husband and got in a fight in the car.


Lisa Love
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I’ve complained about my spouse and family many times. But I can’t seem to break out of this toxic cycle. I got in an argument with my husband in the car today and he decided to drive up to my elderly parents home and let them know we’re fighting. My dad is 70 and when he received the phone call his blood pressure went up high. He was startled and didn’t know what was happening. I left my husband in front of my parents home and he wouldn’t go inside and was standing in front of the car not letting me drive away. He has threatened me many times with calling my parents when we argue but today he decided to drive up to their home in the middle of an argument. I lost it and started hitting him. I drove off and when I came back my dad was furious and blaming me for everything that happened. My psychotic brother decided to get involved and also started blaming me without even hearing me out on what is actually happening. On one hand I was heartbroken for my dad and his health and on the other hand I realized they want me to submit to my husband no matter what in fear that I will get divorced. I’m trying to recover after what happened but I’m at a lose of words. My husband couldn’t care less about almost giving my dad a heart attack and told me I hope I learned my lesson today. 

 

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11 minutes ago, Lisa Love said:

I’ve complained about my spouse and family many times. But I can’t seem to break out of this toxic cycle. I got in an argument with my husband in the car today and he decided to drive up to my elderly parents home and let them know we’re fighting. My dad is 70 and when he received the phone call his blood pressure went up high. He was startled and didn’t know what was happening. I left my husband in front of my parents home and he wouldn’t go inside and was standing in front of the car not letting me drive away. He has threatened me many times with calling my parents when we argue but today he decided to drive up to their home in the middle of an argument. I lost it and started hitting him. I drove off and when I came back my dad was furious and blaming me for everything that happened. My psychotic brother decided to get involved and also started blaming me without even hearing me out on what is actually happening. On one hand I was heartbroken for my dad and his health and on the other hand I realized they want me to submit to my husband no matter what in fear that I will get divorced. I’m trying to recover after what happened but I’m at a lose of words. My husband couldn’t care less about almost giving my dad a heart attack and told me I hope I learned my lesson today. 

 

You realize you could have gone to jail, yes? You committed assault. Please leave your husband this relationship is LONG LONG LONG past sailed. Walk away and get divorced. 

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2 hours ago, Lisa Love said:

I’ve complained about my spouse and family many times. But I can’t seem to break out of this toxic cycle.

Yes, you have complained about them many times so it begs the question why on earth you are still married to him in the first place?  Can't, really means don't want to.  If you really want to get out of this toxic cycle then you would find a way and not excuses.  You know what to do about the situation but you choose not to do anything about it.  That's on you.

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3 hours ago, Lisa Love said:

he decided to drive up to their home in the middle of an argument. I lost it and started hitting him.

No. 

NO. You are lucky you didn't wind up in handcuffs, Lisa. Being furious does not give you a pass to be violent. Ever. 

You complain but you don't leave. What sort of advice are you looking for, exactly? 

Edited by MissCanuck
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4 hours ago, Lisa Love said:

. I left my husband in front of my parents home and he wouldn’t go inside and was standing in front of the car not letting me drive away. 

You should have called the police.

It's unclear why no one in your family or your friends will help you or let you stay there while you get a restraining order against him and file for divorce.

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Lonely and scary sounds worse to you than toxic and abusive? 

What is so "scary"?

I'm divorced, had two kids to raise and only made $11,000 the first year I was on my own. And we made it.

If you would rather be in an abusive relationship and risk being arrested for assault, there isn't anything anyone can tell you.

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4 hours ago, Lisa Love said:

They’ve never been there for me and never will be. It’s a pretty lonely and scary road. That’s why I keep coming to these forum. I’m not sure what answer I’m looking for. 

Lisa, if your husband is threatening you with your parents as a way to control you AND your parents' biggest fear is that you might get divorced, then you might have been raised with the belief that a woman cannot survive without a man. That you need a man to live.

You don't. That's the simple cold fact of life. However, that false belief that you need a man is keeping you stuck in a horrible, toxic, abusive marriage where you are being driven so crazy that you are physically lashing out and risking ending up in jail. This has to stop.

Get help, get therapy, get support and leave. No, it's not as hard as you think. It only seems that way because that is what's been pounded into your brain since you were a child. You are now old enough to change and fix that and get out and get away from the toxic mess. I know it's not easy, but like I said - start by getting help and support from people who don't subscribe to the helpless submissive damsel in distress bs.

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1 hour ago, DancingFool said:

Lisa, if your husband is threatening you with your parents as a way to control you AND your parents' biggest fear is that you might get divorced, then you might have been raised with the belief that a woman cannot survive without a man. That you need a man to live.

You don't. That's the simple cold fact of life. However, that false belief that you need a man is keeping you stuck in a horrible, toxic, abusive marriage where you are being driven so crazy that you are physically lashing out and risking ending up in jail. This has to stop.

Get help, get therapy, get support and leave. No, it's not as hard as you think. It only seems that way because that is what's been pounded into your brain since you were a child. You are now old enough to change and fix that and get out and get away from the toxic mess. I know it's not easy, but like I said - start by getting help and support from people who don't subscribe to the helpless submissive damsel in 

Thank you. You helped me put it into words I couldn’t find. That’s exactly what’s happening. I know what needs to happen I just feel so alone and I don’t believe I can actually make it on my own. So this cycle keeps repeating itself. You’re right Ill start with a counselor. 

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If everyone around you seems to be the crazy ones then maybe you need to look in the mirror.

The whole hitting thing just completely destroys any credibility you may have had.

You need help. This thing won't work itself out on it's own, in fact it will probably escalate without intervention.

 

 

 

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