My Boyfriend sent intimate video of us to his friends, he doesnt understand why Im upset

[StillBelivees81]

He will come to my work because he has ties here . Its not his employer, but he handles the donations for my non profit that come from his place of employment. He is my work contact for donations.

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, StillBelivees81 said:

I just know that he will be showing up at my work like he always does like nothing ever happened. Im not sure what my reaction will be

 

He doesn't operate on the same moral compass as you. Unfortunately you saw a creepy side of him.

If he shows up at work, tell him you're going call FedEx and to ship him and his micropenis to Timbuktu

[LaHermes]

Well, OP, You will have to change that arrangement, and now.  Otherwise the situation will spin out of control.  He has all the hallmarks of a stalker as well as being a sleazer. 

[StillBelivees81]

Thanks for all the advice and taking the time to respond. I feel better having gotten it all out 

 

[HeartGoesOn]

10 minutes ago, StillBelivees81 said:

I know he will reach out to me in a few days like nothing ever happened, he ALWAYS does this ...  no communication skills whatsoever.  I gave him an opportunity last night to say SOMETHING,  I wanted to at least do that, even though I didnt owe him that opportunity .

What more do you need to hear?  Not only has he made it clear what he's all about, he chose to turn the tables on you in order to convince you he did nothing wrong.  If he had an ounce of respect for you, he wouldn't think of doing this.

In short, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him  It's time to raise your value, and send this slime back to his sandbox.  Hopefully you'll make the right choices.

[Rose Mosse]

15 minutes ago, StillBelivees81 said:

Thanks for all the advice and taking the time to respond. I feel better having gotten it all out 

 

Limit any in-person contact with him. Leave the donations with someone else if they need to be handed to him or be received for the non-profit, at the front desk for ie. If he approaches you again be clear that whatever you had going between the both of you is finished. He's a total creep. Please use all your good senses and abilities to stay away from him as much as possible in any capacity. 

[boltnrun]

40 minutes ago, StillBelivees81 said:

He will come to my work because he has ties here . Its not his employer, but he handles the donations for my non profit that come from his place of employment. He is my work contact for donations.

Then keep any and all necessary contact strictly professional. Do not even ask "How are you?" and do not respond other than "Fine, thanks" if he asks you. No chit chat, no small talk. Get it done and then get him out of there by saying "That's all, thank you. Goodbye".

[DarkCh0c0]

23 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Then keep any and all necessary contact strictly professional. Do not even ask "How are you?" and do not respond other than "Fine, thanks" if he asks you. No chit chat, no small talk. Get it done and then get him out of there by saying "That's all, thank you. Goodbye".

Great advice.

If he insists on whatever, tell him you'll call the security if he doesn't leave. It's your company, and you have the right to do so to protect yourself and the business.

[DancingFool]

Please do not have any contact with him ever again. Ask a coworker to deal with him when/if he shows up.

He might have seemed like a great guy, but you know now that he is actually a predator.

Make no mistake that he knows what he did and he also thinks so little of you that he believes he can pretend, lie, manipulate, and deny wrongdoing and you'll just roll over and believe him. He committed a crime and he knows this and he thinks you are weak enough that he can get away with it unscathed. Sorry to be harsh, OP, but this is what he thinks of you. It's not that he doesn't understand what he did, it's that he thinks he can manipulate you into accepting it. I can't emphasize this enough - he knows what he is doing. He is the quintessential wolf in sheep's clothing.

Also, please understand that you are not alone. Women spend so much time worrying about stranger danger. In reality, most women get sexually assaulted by men they know and trust. I know you slept with him willingly and trusted him, but what he did with your trust....amounts to assault and it is hands down a crime. In your shoes, I would fight back and report him and what he did. You are probably not the first and won't be the last. Remember that he is 51 years old. He is not a child and he knows what he is doing very well. He just doesn't believe that consequences apply to him.

 

[LaHermes]

8 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

In reality, most women get sexually assaulted by men they know and trust. I know you slept with him willingly and trusted him, but what he did with your trust....amounts to assault and it is hands down a crime

Agree with your entire post DF.

[Seraphim]

10 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

Please do not have any contact with him ever again. Ask a coworker to deal with him when/if he shows up.

He might have seemed like a great guy, but you know now that he is actually a predator.

Make no mistake that he knows what he did and he also thinks so little of you that he believes he can pretend, lie, manipulate, and deny wrongdoing and you'll just roll over and believe him. He committed a crime and he knows this and he thinks you are weak enough that he can get away with it unscathed. Sorry to be harsh, OP, but this is what he thinks of you. It's not that he doesn't understand what he did, it's that he thinks he can manipulate you into accepting it. I can't emphasize this enough - he knows what he is doing. He is the quintessential wolf in sheep's clothing.

Also, please understand that you are not alone. Women spend so much time worrying about stranger danger. In reality, most women get sexually assaulted by men they know and trust. I know you slept with him willingly and trusted him, but what he did with your trust....amounts to assault and it is hands down a crime. In your shoes, I would fight back and report him and what he did. You are probably not the first and won't be the last. Remember that he is 51 years old. He is not a child and he knows what he is doing very well. He just doesn't believe that consequences apply to him.

 

I wish I could rep this a thousand times. Yes!! Women are more often sexually abused by people they know and trust. What he committed was a sexual crime and he KNOWS IT. Do not be fooled . 

[lostandhurt]

Good luck

You are not going to teach him how to be considerate or understanding if he doesn't have those qualities already at 51.

  Tell him to delete the video off his phone while you watch him do it and make sure it gets deleted off the cloud as well. 

Since it sounds like you are going to continue dating him you need to set clear boundaries right away because he obviously has none. 

  I am pretty sure you can do better than this guy but since he pulled the vulture move on you he is the only guy post divorce you have experienced.  The vulture circles the wounded waiting for their chance to get what they want.  He is your "friend" through the divorce so he can be your "friend" in the bedroom later.  Take a step back and clear your vision, I would guess you do not over react as much as you think.

  Lost

[StillBelivees81]

 

 

I had to get my feelings off my chest , so I text him yesterday.. I just feel so used..like a piece of trash .. I want to tell everyone what he did. everyone thinks he is such a great person. ... everybody's buddy ... if they only knew .. anyhow this is what I text him ... I guess I feel like I need an apology at least .. I know I'll never get it though... His mother is one of my good friends.. When she finds out we arent together , she will want to know what he did..  I might just tell her!!

anyhow this is what I text him and then I blocked him. Made me feel a little better .. sigh 

 

 

 

I've gone back and forth over this .. I can't imagine what you were thinking. Maybe a momentary lapse in judgement .. or even more likely , a striking lack of common sense. I was vulnerable and trusted you and you violated that trust and MY privacy. You are not 15 , you should know better. I am outraged , offended, angry ,furious .. take your pick . This is not a minor issue. The lack of respect , and level of betrayal here is off the charts. You have crossed boundaries that I cant even believe you would go near. The fact that you really dont get how inappropriate this is , is even more disturbing to me ..  I believe it's the latter. This was such a tremendous breach of trust and violation of MY privacy. *MY* PRIVACY. I dont give a f*** who you show your d*** to , but you had NO right to show anyone pictures or videos of me that I trusted would remain private. thankfully , you have given me a most valuable insight Into the person that you actually are. What kind of man claims to care about a woman, then casually shares her most intimate moments with other people without her consent. It was a serious f*** boy move to say the least. I have never felt so violated by someone in my entire life. I am not your f****** play thing to show off to your friends. They didn't believe you?! Why the f*** are you sharing details of our personal intimacies with other people in the first place?! That is utterly disgusting

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, StillBelivees81 said:

His mother is one of my good friends.

Good you ended it. However the profanity and anger, while understandable, won't  change him or prevent revenge pron.

Delete and block him and All his people from All your social media and messaging apps. His mother knows who he is and tattling on him to his mommy won't help. 

[LaHermes]

I agree with Wiseman.  So glad you ended it with him.  I wouldn't bother telling his mother.  In any event this unsavoury matter is not really her business.

I trust you have put arrangements in place not to see him when (if) he turns up at your place of work.  

[Lambert]

This guy is garbage! He totally used and objectified you to impress his buddies... GROSS

whatever you thought he was friend wise, caring, gentleman, etc has been completely debunked by his own actions....

What man wants his woman looked at by other men? a pig that's what man. 

He has no respect for you.    

I would block, delete and NEVER EVER talk to him or give him one more moment of my time.

I would tell his mother or anyone else, he humiliated me in a very personal and private manner.  Specifically to the mom, I'd add, knowing he is your son and the respect I have for you, I really don't want to get into any more.  Please respect my decision and let's not discuss him. 

Never allow anyone to record you.  Sadly, this you learned the hard way. 

What a pig! 

 

[StillBelivees81]

41 minutes ago, LaHermes said:

I agree with Wiseman.  So glad you ended it with him.  I wouldn't bother telling his mother.  In any event this unsavoury matter is not really her business.

I trust you have put arrangements in place not to see him when (if) he turns up at your place of work.  

Yes , I have done the only thing I could do , I told my assistant ( and trusted friend) what he did and tht she will have to deal with him from now on. She is happy to do that for me. 

[Seraphim]

I can totally understand your anger. I would ask you please to not use the R word as it has been used to abuse the disabled for decades . I have a son who is disabled and people have abused him like that. It is the same as using the bad word for black people or negative words used  for LGBTQ + people. 
 

Other than that, great . 

[DarkCh0c0]

3 hours ago, StillBelivees81 said:

anyhow this is what I text him and then I blocked him. Made me feel a little better .. sigh 

Great job! Give yourself a pat on the back and be proud. This is the least he deserves.

Please take care of you.

[boltnrun]

I hope you're not looking for an "apology" so you can forgive him and take him back, telling yourself he made a "mistake".

You're right, he was bragging about the sex acts you performed to his friends and then shared the video so he could strut around feeling like a sex god. Barf. 

Have you reported him to the authorities for transmitting porn without legal consent?

I'm glad your assistant will be dealing with him. He doesn't deserve your time or attention.

[LaHermes]

21 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Have you reported him to the authorities for transmitting porn without legal consent?

Good question Bolt.

 

[melancholy123]

You need to kick his sorry ass to the curb, today.  What an awful person.

[boltnrun]

1 hour ago, melancholy123 said:

You need to kick his sorry ass to the curb, today.  What an awful person.

She said she broke up with him.

[Bothered2021]

***?! I don’t understand why he would want his friends to see him or you naked. First he violated your privacy and ultimately shows you can’t trust him. Gross. But why would he want his friends to see him have sex and why would they want to see it? Yeah people love porn. Totally normal. Porn starring your friends, kinda weird….

[boltnrun]

On 8/24/2021 at 11:05 AM, StillBelivees81 said:

they didnt believe me when I said you "insert explicative here", So he wanted to show them.

@Bothered2021  This is why, it's in her OP.  He wanted to brag about how he was getting a certain kind of sex.

What a piece of garbage.