Does absence make the heart grow fonder.....or??

[WebChick]

Ok we all agree NC is designed to heal ourselves..and to move on etc etc..

Of course in this whole process, somewhere in the recesses of our minds

we are wondering, HOPING, maybe even obsessing that this will make

our "ex'es" or object of affection come running with arms wide open

proclaiming their undying love. That never happens in the real world..does it? Have I been watching too many Lifetime Movie Channel shows??

Anyway...my question is..does absense truly make the heart grow fonder? Or do most people tend to forget what is not in front of them?

[iamonlyhuman]

You know what , in my case I don't think it does, my ex no matter how long he doesn't see me wont feel for me becasue of my absense, he has a current girlfriend now who he dated for 2months whilst being with me, he has no space in his life to miss someone who is no longer apart of their life. His heart is growing fonder with someone else, so I let it be.

[shes2smart]

It never made my heart grow fonder.

 

Then again, I've been the dumper more often than the dumpee...mainly because I don't believe in beating a dead horse. When I've known it's over for me, I've packed up my stuff and left.

[SilverManic]

I think the saying should be 'absense makes the heart grow fonder if the heart is fond'. I don't know the situation but people split up for a reason. They get back together for a reason too but if the relationship was working there wouldn't have been a split. Unless of course it's just time apart.

GL,

~S.

[RayKay]

Depends on the situation...if it is just time apart while one travels for example well sure of course. But in the case of a break up, the dumper has usually decided to make this decision for a bit and while they may miss you and miss aspects of the relationship it is often most likely they also know they did the right thing for themselves. They are also more aware of the reasons they left and more determined to move on knowing that it is over romantically for them. There was a reason they left, and a reason they wanted it to end and that reason for them is why they will stay away.

[WebChick]

Ok...so let me pose the question THIS way...

Say you were NOT dumped, and it was YOUR decision

to take a "break"...or get some space...or even to give THEM some

space? Is it usually more in your favor if YOU are the one to initiate

any time away?

[chai714]

Absense makes the heart grow fonder up to a certain point. When you get beyond that point, it's only natural that your feelings tend to fade and you begin to think about that person less frequently.

 

RayKay used a good example as in a business trip. That kind of absense builds tension/fondness so that when he/she returns from the business trip that tension is relieved and a sense of security returns to the person who was at home while their significant other was away. Appreciation also tends to be expressed while that person is gone on their business trip too, IF the two have a good relationship.

 

As for breakups though, the rules are a bit different, as stated in the first paragraph.

[blueangel]

We dont realize what we've got until it's gone. Without it, we cant definitely feel the absense. But time has a way of melting everything back into what's normal... or atleast what once was. It is when you actually FEEL that you need what is now absent in your life to live your life that you must double check yourself- especially when it's a person. In every relationship, we get something out of it. Determine what you were getting out of a relationship and bring yourself to find another source for it. A person will never fill your "needs" for life because all you need is YOU to be complete. So I wouldnt suggest finding another source in another person. Find it from within. And if you really feel like you are devoid of it (for example- love) than give to others what you wish to receive... and you will find you've had it all along.

 

Relationships are open oppertunities for expressing our love, our true self. So is it the person you are missing or self expression you got out of it? Be honest with yourself. Really honest

 

You know when you love someone when that someone's presense makes you love YOU. But remember this: love for yourself is the only love you need... and when the oppertunity (relationship) is gone, dont let it cause you to feel less about yourself. Instead, remember what you discovered... and never stop growing. Never stop loving. What goes around comes around. This is life.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Okay I was just wondering ... whats NC? I have never heard of that term before?

 

Miya

[shes2smart]

Okay I was just wondering ... whats NC? I have never heard of that term before?

 

Miya

 

No Contact

[h_b_k_02]

NC means no contact, as in (usually) the dumpee cutting off all contact with the dumper. It is a method used to heal. While tough at first, it gets easier. It is used so if we ever do come into contact with the ex, and we still want to be with them, we are more equipped to control our emotions and let them do the work in terms of a reconciliation.

 

In many cases as well (more than rare guys), it will eventually lead to them missing your presense, however this will usually take a few months of patience.

[heartbroken23]

Webchick....I think Chai is right...it gets to a point that longer the absense is, the more feelings start to fade away. Especially when it is a breakup...if people are together and say the BF or Husband goes away on business or say to iraq, then I believe the heart grows fonder because they are still together and have strong feelings. In a breakup, it is usually 1 sided as far as feelings are concerned.

 

(not to get off topic...but Mysterious Girl, the gunners are losers, United DOMINATED the match. When was the last time the gunners beat United in a competive fixture (besides Penos)...I think they won 2 times in the last 9 competitive matches.)

[h_b_k_02]

Whoa, I never got to post an answer to this absense stuff.

 

Well, it can, and it can't. Sometimes it can when they begin to miss you and realize that they made a mistake.

 

It can't in all other cases. However, as feelings fade due to absense, and then suddenly one day your ex happens to come accross you and you are happy, or maybe they see an old picture of the happiness you once shared, this, everyone, is when people may breakdown and realize that they had forgotten about your absense.

 

It really is all about timing just as much as absense, NC and all this other rubbish. Live every day to its fullest and let time and circumstance decide what happens.

[Hope75]

It never made my heart grow fonder.

 

Then again, I've been the dumper more often than the dumpee...mainly because I don't believe in beating a dead horse. When I've known it's over for me, I've packed up my stuff and left

 

Pretty much the same for me. I am most often the dumper rather then the dumpee, and when I made a choice that it was over, I walked away feeling as though I made the right choice. There was one instance when I still cared a great deal for a guy I broke it off with, but I had a valid reason to leave him and I knew that despite my feelings I would not be going back with him.

[misslonelyheart]

I'm afraid it is "out of sight, out of mind" as far as I'm concerned.

 

If NC is used by the dumpee to help get over the dumper, then the NC can only serve to help the dumper get over you as well! Considering that they decided they didn't want you in their life anymore, NC gives them that.

 

I advocate NC for helping the dumpee. Although I still have my off days, I believe NC has done wonders for me, I wouldn't have progressed as far as I have if I was still in touch with my ex

[iamonlyhuman]

not to get off topic...but Mysterious Girl, the gunners are losers, United DOMINATED the match. When was the last time the gunners beat United in a competive fixture (besides Penos)...I think they won 2 times in the last 9 competitive matches

 

Yes Man U were ROBBED big time! Arsenal didn't deserve it, I hate penalties!

[Zerohero]

Well what if the dumper want's to still be friends with the possibility of getting back together in the future?

[misslonelyheart]

Zerohero, that would depend on whether the dumper actually said that at the time and made it clear that the split is a "break" rather than a "break up" and the dumpee understands this and is ok with it (as much as you can be!)

 

But that is still incredibly unfair on the dumpee, expecting them to hang around on emotional tenterhooks, whilst the dumper takes all the time they need to find out whether the grass really is greener - bloody cheek in my opinion.

[h_b_k_02]

Well what if the dumper want's to still be friends with the possibility of getting back together in the future?

Ya, trust me, you don't want to hang around while they are dating someone else and you fall on the "depth chart". It could work of course if you found someone first and "accidentally" bumped into the ex while with him/her, but that is just using the other person and isn't right.

 

No, in this case this is about the only way NC will work to actually bring them back. If they want to stay friends because they "don't know what the future holds", please. Get away from that and show them you can move on. It shows them you don't need them and makes them feel that maybe they ain't all that after all.