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Someone please tell me what I should do


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Hey everyone, I have been talking to this girl for a while and we are best friends. I always cared for her so much as a friend but then I started developing feelings for her. Now I am in a situation where I have to tell her if I want to be just friends or take it further.

She talks to a bunch of guys, and she says that it’s fun and stuff. I don’t like it at all and I ask her to stop being such a hoe. It seems as if she barely has any self respect for herself because other guys toy her around and make nasty jokes and she thinks it’s funny. The reason I don’t like this is because I care for her and she doesn’t see that I’m the only one that actually cares.

Now I know this girl so well, we know everything about each other and we talk so much throughout the day. We had a streak of meeting 14 days in a row. Today she really pissed me off by talking about meeting up with another guy, I asked her why and she said just for fun. This really ticked me off and I been having deep thoughts on what I should do here. She says that she loves me, I’m her favorite person, I’m the only guy she doesn’t get bored with at all and stuff.

I been trying to make her better so she would stop being a hoe and she has gotten better, but it’s the small stupid stuff that hurts the most still. One thing she said to me which made me want to write this is “if you were my boyfriend or something i’d cut everyone off but ur just my friend” 

if I tell her how I actually feel I have a good feeling she would feel the same way too. But if I don’t tell her this, and say I just want to be friends, then we’re going to be having the same argument everyday. What do you guys think I should do?

she also said the following 

“I haven’t even done anything bad
you just speculate what i do 

and i’m not even as bad as others

there’s way worse girls than me“

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53 minutes ago, Hecubus10 said:

She talks to a bunch of guys, and she says that it’s fun and stuff. I don’t like it at all and I ask her to stop being such a hoe.

You said this?  Wow 😕 .. Not too nice a thing to say from her 'friend'.

54 minutes ago, Hecubus10 said:

Today she really pissed me off by talking about meeting up with another guy, I asked her why and she said just for fun. This really ticked me off and I been having deep thoughts on what I should do here.

You do nothing.  She is your friend, You cannot control her.

 

56 minutes ago, Hecubus10 said:

then we’re going to be having the same argument everyday

What argument?

 

 I have been talking to this girl for a while and we are best friends

- How long, a while?

 

You do realize IF you go further than basic friendship and it fails, is not easy to just go back to a friend again... can be very awkward. So, you will be risking this.

 

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You call her a "hoe?"   What kind of friend are you!   You are sounding jealous and mean because your precious ego has been hurt.  

Be a better friend.  

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1 hour ago, Hecubus10 said:

Now I am in a situation where I have to tell her if I want to be just friends or take it further.

She talks to a bunch of guys, and she says that it’s fun and stuff. I don’t like it at all and I ask her to stop being such a hoe.

Ew. Absolutely not. You sound jealous. If you're that harsh on her, then there might be a reason why she doesn't see that you care.

1 hour ago, Hecubus10 said:

Today she really pissed me off by talking about meeting up with another guy, I asked her why and she said just for fun.

So simply you're just jealous of her hanging out with other guys. Let her do what she wants.

1 hour ago, Hecubus10 said:

I been trying to make her better so she would stop being a hoe and she has gotten better,

So you're attempting to change her so she would be a better girlfriend for you (correct me if im wrong)? I mean it sounds good that she's getting better, but are you forcing her?

 

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I think we see one of these a week on here.

 You are afraid of making a move or telling her how you feel but what do you really fear?

If she says yes I feel the same way do you fear she will still fool around with a bunch of guys?

If she says no do you fear you won't have a female in your life you can pretend is your gf?

  Obviously you do not approve of her morals, her sense of humor, her friends and her attitude so tell us again why you want her for your gf?

You mentioned making her better.  Better for who?

Don't try and save her from herself and don't try and turn her into girl friend material you will approve of.  She is who she is.

  Lost

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Calling her a hoe and attempting to dictate her decisions is definitely not going to work in your favor.

You're her friend. You have no control over that. She does not owe you anything. 

Honestly the fact that you're already mad over her behavior is concerning. You sound like someone who is very controlling and should reflect on yourself a bit before pursuing a relationship with anyone.

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4 hours ago, Hecubus10 said:

I am in a situation where I have to tell her if I want to be just friends or take it further.

 I don’t like it at all and I ask her to stop being such a hoe. 

You don't seem like a friend and obviously you're not dating.

How old is she? Has she told friends and family and trusted adults what an abusive bully you are?

You need to get a grip and leave her alone. She is just not that into you. 

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7 hours ago, Hecubus10 said:

I don’t like it at all and I ask her to stop being such a hoe

Rude and unacceptable. If she has any self-respect, she won't date you. 

7 hours ago, Hecubus10 said:

The reason I don’t like this is because I care for her

No, the reason you don't like it is because you are very jealous and insecure. 

 

7 hours ago, Hecubus10 said:

I been trying to make her better

Are you serious? You are in no position to tell her how to be better, when you have so much work to do on yourself. 

Leave this girl alone, and work on your attitude. You have a long way to go. 

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You say you love this girl and then call her a "hoe" (which is a gardening implement, btw). You are exhibiting controlling behaviors which can be a precursor to becoming abusive (not necessarily hitting).

I presume you're young, so please get a grip on this behavior before it becomes a real problem.

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OP, you date people for who they are. Not so you can change them.

You don't have the same type of humor as her, etc. Why do you want her as a girlfriend who you aren't satisfied with? 

Besides, trying to help her get "better" and stop being a "hoe" shows that you're the problem here. You're trying to change someone who isn't yourself. This would turn into psychological abuse later on in the future. For now, make YOURSELF better instead of making her better. 

Coming from a girl myself, you seem jealous and controlling.

I presume you're young as well. You have a long way to fix your attitude. 

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Woahhh, we literally joke around like that. I have known her for 3 years and she just laughs when I say that. It’s nothing deep Lol. And all I’m asking here is for her to stop talking to other guys, is that too hard to do? And for the record I’ve never called her a h** straight up to her face, I would never do that.

 And what I said about trying to make her “better “ I’m not trying to be controlling at all, she’s the one who told me, “ever since I’ve been talking to you everyday I haven’t met any other guys”

 

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19 minutes ago, Hecubus10 said:

And all I’m asking here is for her to stop talking to other guys, is that too hard to do?

She's not your girlfriend atm. You can't just do that either, it makes you seem jealous.

 

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23 minutes ago, Hecubus10 said:

And what I said about trying to make her “better “ I’m not trying to be controlling at all, she’s the one who told me, “ever since I’ve been talking to you everyday I haven’t met any other guys”

You said you were "trying to make her better." 

Also she said that, what do you even fear if you say yes? The idea of her talking to other guys when she gets bored?

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Just now, hoshi said:

You said you were "trying to make her better." 

Also she said that, what do you even fear if you say yes? The idea of her talking to other guys when she gets bored?

Yes and her talking to other guys is not even a problem to me, it’s that she knows their intention and still chooses to talk to some of them. 

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20 minutes ago, Hecubus10 said:

Yeah you guys are right, she’s not my girlfriend. Should I ask how she feels about me?

 

Why don't you tell her you really like her a lot and you'd like to date her? See how she responds.

Don't ask her how she feels about you. That sounds egotistical. 

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So you like her quite a lot. Derogatory names and corralling her like a sheep into a pen by controlling her actions is not going to get onto her good side or create trust between the both of you. The name "hoe" also implies that she has loose morals so that you are not only failing to create trust, you're also breaking it down further with willful ignorance and verbal abuse. 

It's a lot more than a three letter word. Be careful how you use those types of words around women, men or others around you. Ignore what your peers are doing if that's the norm. 

Be a gentleman, ask her out if you are interested. If she is not able to date or doesn't want to date you (no surprise) you will have to try harder to evolve your character. Right now no woman in her right mind would want to date someone who calls her those things. I hope things work out for you eventually. 

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46 minutes ago, Hecubus10 said:

Yeah you guys are right, she’s not my girlfriend.

 

Did you just notice that-

You have no right to be calling her a hoe behind her back or whatever. It's worse that you even thought of her like that.

 

45 minutes ago, Hecubus10 said:

Yes and her talking to other guys is not even a problem to me, it’s that she knows their intention and still chooses to talk to some of them. 

Let her be. You have absolutely NO control over her. It's just how she feels. If you are unsatisfied then don't date her. Simple.  

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4 hours ago, Hecubus10 said:

And all I’m asking here is for her to stop talking to other guys, is that too hard to do?

It's not that it's hard to to. 

Is that you have no right to ask her to do so. She is not your girlfriend and free to chat with as many guys as she wants. 

Learn to stay in your lane. 

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4 hours ago, Hecubus10 said:

her talking to other guys is not even a problem to me

Oh, please. 

Yes, it is a problem for you. Stop lying to yourself here, man. You're jealous. We see right through you, and I promise she does too. 

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This may sound harsh, but you seem like a classic "friendzone" case. You can tell her but I dont really think she feels that way. I mean, dunno, maybe she does. But its clear she just wants to have fun. And that you are just her emotional support while she has fun with others. Girls that want you wont talk to you about other guys. Also, maybe you dont see now but you dont need that. How will you keep her if you start something? Is she still gona go around doing who knows what? What I am saying is, even if you do something that is not something you should aspire to. So I think you should back off. If you just want to hang around sure, but you have feelings for that girl. At best hanging around with her will keep you from moving on. At worst it will lead you to possibbly months of pain. So my advice is just to back off completely.

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