Bf MIA visiting family

[throwawayuwu27]

5yrs. Everytime he visited family he would text me. In a 24hr day there is downtime at some point. He told me that he will be seeing them for a week. But, it doesn't make sense how this time would be any different than all the others. Except the fact that we're in the middle of a pandemic. All I texted was that I passed my math course and all the rest of my classes I can graduate college now-no response its been 2 days. Something that has been extremely stressful for me and I'm glad I'm done with college. I had been struggling with math and he tutored me for one of the last lessons. Is he really going to ignore me for a week, when all the other times he would message me? It just feels weird like somethings off and that this isn't like him. When I'm off on holiday, even if I was busy...I would always get back to him in the same day. Might be in the morning, might be at night whenever I was free. Anyways I didn't text anything else and don't plan to, nor will I jump at his messages if he texts me at this time. Also dude 100% has his phone and is on his phone because he does mobile gaming. Is it so horrible to take 2mins out of a day just to respond to something. Am I being crazy for thinking something is off here? 

[Wiseman2]

57 minutes ago, throwawayuwu27 said:

-no response its been 2 days. 

Sorry this is happening. Are you home with family?

Focus on your friends, family, studies, grades, interests, hobbies and keeping busy with the season 🎅

All you can do is wait for a reply, calm down and relax. He may explain why it's taken him 48 hrs or so to respond.

Try not to text-tether anyone. There's often a lot of pushback from that.

 

[1a1a]

For a 5 year relationship I feel like it should be ok for you to follow up with a phone call. I like you am quick to assume I’m being ignored and tie myself in knots. At the end of my last serious relationship and many dating non starters since that has in fact turned out to be the case. In which case there isn’t much one can do to bring back love that has faded or never kindled in the first place. Most recently with someone who is stuck in another country due to the closed borders but still invested in us, he went quiet and I freaked out and tried a phone call after the 3rd day with no word, which he didn’t pick up. He did get in touch the next day though and a conversation along the lines of ‘how long is reasonable to go silent before the other has cause to worry?’ was had, and the contact details of family exchanged in case of the worst.

Having to grit your teeth and wait for him to reengage when you’ve been together 5 years sounds awful to me. A partner who’s going to lose interest in me because I worried when they didn’t talk with the frequency I’d come to expect of them probably wouldn’t be a good partner for me. (Please note this is distinct from a partner saying they’re going to go offline for a set period. It’s different if you have warning).  I’d call, say the silence is out of character and you’re worried. If you can’t get through to him can you contact the family? Assuming best faith he’s not ignoring you and something has happened, no wonder you worry. Don’t spent the rest of this holiday thinking he’s ignoring you (I mean, it he is, this relationship is over). I’m sorry you’ve found yourself in this position. All additional advice about putting thoughts of him aside for now and doing you things is also solid.
 

(And when you’re back in contact, a conversation where you feel out each other’s expectations for maintaining the connection while apart would be a very good conversation to have). 

[SherrySher]

People make time for what they feel is important. That includes family, friends and even a boyfriend. If you're priority, it doesn't matter how crazy of a day they are having, they will take 2 mins to reply to you.

Yes, even during a crisis, they will take the time to tell you what's going on.... if you're priority to them.

Unfortunately, the opposite is true too, if you're not hearing back, he's not making you priority and isn't interested in making the effort.

It's up to you on how you go forward with it.

[Jibralta]

30 minutes ago, SherrySher said:

People make time for what they feel is important. That includes family, friends and even a boyfriend. If you're priority, it doesn't matter how crazy of a day they are having, they will take 2 mins to reply to you.

Yup.

[Andrina]

After an entire 5 years together, if a guy didn't want to hear my voice at least once a day while we're apart, I'd have to admit he's just not into me--no longer cares.

I've been married nine years. My husband works an early shift and I work a later one. Even though we're not apart on vacation and will see each other in the evening, he calls me every morning just to chat for a few minutes and wishes me a good day.

Sounds like you started your relationship in your late teens since you're finishing college. Don't think just because you've invested 5 years that he's "the one." Some people grow together and some grow apart. Some need to sow wild oats and feel they've been too serious, too young. Sometimes one person matures and the other wants to keep being a party animal. You should've been learning what you want in a relationship and what are dealbreakers. Have you seen any other red flags during the years? Have you felt like a priority until now, or not? Has he spoken of a future with you? Keep us updated.

[DancingFool]

What is off is that after 5 years you can't pick up the phone and actually talk to your bf.

[Hollyj]

Why don't you call?

He should have responded.   If you are a priority, then this should not be happening.  I'm sorry.

I would reevaluate your relationship.  I am thinking things have been off for some time.

[smackie9]

Could it be there is something off but for awhile? Have you noticed anything else?

[throwawayuwu27]

57 minutes ago, DancingFool said:

What is off is that after 5 years you can't pick up the phone and actually talk to your bf.

I mean I could. But he said he's visiting family so calling seems like its too much. 

[throwawayuwu27]

36 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Could it be there is something off but for awhile? Have you noticed anything else?

Not that I know of. 

[throwawayuwu27]

54 minutes ago, Hollyj said:

Why don't you call?

He should have responded.   If you are a priority, then this should not be happening.  I'm sorry.

I would reevaluate your relationship.  I am thinking things have been off for some time.

Everything seemed to be fine other than this. 

[DancingFool]

2 minutes ago, throwawayuwu27 said:

I mean I could. But he said he's visiting family so calling seems like its too much. 

Nope, it's called communication and it's normal and healthy to do.

It's easy to sit there and pout and tar and feather your bf as some horrible person who is refusing to respond to your text. There is also a possibility that he never got your text and that he is thinking that you need space because maybe you didn't pass or whatever.

Bottom line is when you want to talk to someone - TALK. No bs, no excuses and don't patronize him. If it's not convenient, he can let your call go to vm and call you back later. 

I'm afraid to call because....is such a bs excuse and reason why so many relationships end up having all kinds of issues. I don't want to talk, I just want my SO to read my mind. Works out "great". 

[throwawayuwu27]

8 hours ago, throwawayuwu27 said:

5yrs. Everytime he visited family he would text me. In a 24hr day there is downtime at some point. He told me that he will be seeing them for a week. But, it doesn't make sense how this time would be any different than all the others. Except the fact that we're in the middle of a pandemic. All I texted was that I passed my math course and all the rest of my classes I can graduate college now-no response its been 2 days. Something that has been extremely stressful for me and I'm glad I'm done with college. I had been struggling with math and he tutored me for one of the last lessons. Is he really going to ignore me for a week, when all the other times he would message me? It just feels weird like somethings off and that this isn't like him. When I'm off on holiday, even if I was busy...I would always get back to him in the same day. Might be in the morning, might be at night whenever I was free. Anyways I didn't text anything else and don't plan to, nor will I jump at his messages if he texts me at this time. Also dude 100% has his phone and is on his phone because he does mobile gaming. Is it so horrible to take 2mins out of a day just to respond to something. Am I being crazy for thinking something is off here? 

Ok, I think I'm overreacting. I could survive a week without talking to him lol. Who knows maybe he saw the text then forgot about it. I'll just leave him alone to spend time with his family. I only sent one message and I know for a fact things will go back to normal when he's back home. Kinda stupid of me to ask for advice on the internet because I can't explain my whole situation. Thank you for the answers and for trying to help. I really appreciate it.

[Rose Mosse]

I'd leave it for now. There's nothing you can do but hurt yourself and get stressed out over someone else's actions (which you cannot control). 

What you can do in the meantime is stay calm and observe yourself and him in the relationship. If your dynamic seems to be growing apart or he's not putting in as much effort, like previously mentioned, reevaluate whether this is as fulfilling as you want it to be. 

Take it easy. Things will fall into place soon. 

[greendots]

If your boyfriend is usually prompt to reply to your texts, then I'd leave it for now as Rose suggested and give him the space he's looking for. Whatever the reason for taking long to respond, hassling someone about this sort of stuff generally doesn't work.