Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hello Everyone

 

I recently helped my husband with an issue with his instagram, which was linked to his facebook account. A while later, when I wanted to go into my own facebook I saw I was still logged into his and there was a message from a childhood friend he had recently reconnected with. The message was a call log of a video call that happened a few days before, past 3 am, and it was 21 minutes long.

Naturally I wondered why they would be having this video call at that time. I didn't even know what this lady looked like yet and only saw her face for the first time from her profile picture that was attached to the message.

I looked at this message a long time and then decided to ask my husband what the situation behind it was. Now, I didn't expect anything dodgy, so didn't even think to take a screen grab of it, but almost as soon as I sent him this message via whatsapp, the facebook message I was looking at disappeared. He denied having the video call and said he doesn't phone people at that hour. He is currently stuck working overseas because of the Corona lockdown. The lady lives in the same country as us, a short drive away. He also quickly changed his facebook password, in case it was hacked. I don't know what hacker would have a video call with the hacked person's friend, but okay.

When I saw the message disappeared I was naturally concerned and we had an argument about it, to the extent where asked this lady to message me. I received a message from her assuring me that my husband has always just been like a big brother to her and that she loves her husband and kids very much. Both of them assumed that I was accusing them of an affair. The lady implied it and my husband out right said it. I think that is a natural assumption considering the circumstance. She said her facebook account was hacked recently and she has two accounts. I told her the about the profile pic that was attached the the message and she then confirmed that this was the original hacked one apparently.

She also said that she is too tired from her treatments to stay up so late. She has cancer. And according to my husband, it is not very optimistic.

This is what makes me feel so bad. This lady is sick, and could quite possibly die and I am concerned about this video call that mysteriously vanished.

My husband says that sometimes technology glitches but this, to me, is way to specific to be an error in programming.

Am I overreacting?

 

Edit: Addition, Both of them said they use whatsap for messages and not facebook messenger. This lady was extremely friendly to me over the messages and said she really wanted to meet me before. She mentioned my wedding anniversary date, and a few things my husband has done recently so they definitely talk. Both of them said they didn't know anything about the video call and denied it as if it was just some facebook mistake.

Edited by anonymous56
Link to post
Share on other sites

They doth protest too much.

 

I think the simplest explanation is usually the truth: they had a video call at an odd hour.

 

It might have been nothing more than that, but I don't believe their stories about hackers and "glitches."

Link to post
Share on other sites

you know the message disappeared because he deleted it.

 

He changed his password... did he give it to you?

 

There's a big trust issue going in here. You might say trust me with password, I won't use it. He might say, why do you have to look at my account? You don't trust me. That old game.

 

But I'm saying to you OP, it sounds like your being sold a bill of goods here and its set up to make you the bad guy. They're old friends, its a computer glitch, oh and she's dying.

 

They're hiding something. She's married, so she is just as likely to lie.

 

You may have to wait till your husband gets back to see how you really feel but I would not just forget this. It'shurtful and I'm sorry. But something stinks here.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
What can I possibly do now? It has come down to their word against mine, since the message was deleted and dismissed at a mistake.
And that's the worst part, you are in a situation that puts YOUR HUSBAND opposite you.

 

Try to think what does your gut tell you? The most important thing you can do, is stay true to yourself.

 

It would be easy to let this go and play dumb. but if he is cheating and you find out in 5 years. he was lying all along. that self betrayal will be worse. because you knew it.

 

Do you believe it was a hack? Do you think he's hiding something?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Not to sound like a jerk, but are you 100% sure she has cancer?

 

Either way, they sure came up with some quick answers, and yes, it does sound sketchy.

 

Yes, I am pretty sure she has cancer. He seemed honest a few months ago when they reconnected and told me how she found out about a recent spread, and was making plans for after she passed away. It was pretty sad to hear about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
And that's the worst part, you are in a situation that puts YOUR HUSBAND opposite you.

 

Try to think what does your gut tell you? The most important thing you can do, is stay true to yourself.

 

It would be easy to let this go and play dumb. but if he is cheating and you find out in 5 years. he was lying all along. that self betrayal will be worse. because you knew it.

 

Do you believe it was a hack? Do you think he's hiding something?

 

No, I personally think it is ridiculous to think that a hacker would have a 21 minute phone call with a hacked person's friend. And I also believe that a facebook call log to someone he just so happened to be talking to recently, is not a glitch. The thought of it is just dumb to me.

 

He has a history of trying to lie himself out of trouble, and getting angry when I try to confront him about it (like in this case) so this is what makes me almost sure that he is lying. However, my position isn't strong, since I have no actual proof that they did something dodgy.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Is it possible the video call was with someone else rather than the woman you suspected and confronted? It's sad your situation is one of distrust, confrontation and lies, playing this detective game.

He has a history of trying to lie himself out of trouble, and getting angry when I try to confront him about it (like in this case) so this is what makes me almost sure that he is lying.

Link to post
Share on other sites
No, I personally think it is ridiculous to think that a hacker would have a 21 minute phone call with a hacked person's friend. And I also believe that a facebook call log to someone he just so happened to be talking to recently, is not a glitch. The thought of it is just dumb to me.

 

He has a history of trying to lie himself out of trouble, and getting angry when I try to confront him about it (like in this case) so this is what makes me almost sure that he is lying. However, my position isn't strong, since I have no actual proof that they did something dodgy.

 

Why are some people liars like that? A few months ago I stopped seeing someone over dumb lies. It actually insulted my intelligence and I couldn't take it anymore. It's silly stuff, but now you're in a serious conundrum.

 

So I guess the real question is do you think he's lying about / hiding an affair?

 

Maybe take the time he is away to really think about how this has made you feel and what you need to happen. It could be the opportunity to talk about the lies to 'get out of trouble' it's time to grow up and own stuff. If he can't handle a little thing (what's an example of him getting in trouble?) truthfully, how can you believe him on big things?

 

Deleting the file may have been a knee jerk reaction. No offense but is he not that smart? Does he play like he is not that smart? People know what they do... But a thing like deleting could be a panic and once done, can't be undone. He sounds like a kid. And you probably need to have that discussion, that you're not stupid and he's story is, as you say, a ridiculous thing that he is expecting you to believe.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I just thought of something, why don't you do some Google research on Facebook hacks. I know when I used to be on Facebook and a friend got hacked, they would send links to friends in messenger.... It's worth it to see if this is a thing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Is it possible the video call was with someone else rather than the woman you suspected and confronted? It's sad your situation is one of distrust, confrontation and lies, playing this detective game.

 

Hey Wiseman. I doubt he would have called her profile to speak to someone else. I double checked the name and clicked on the profile to see it was her. He only had two messages in his inbox, the other was about a marketplace item so I didn't confuse the two.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I just thought of something, why don't you do some Google research on Facebook hacks. I know when I used to be on Facebook and a friend got hacked, they would send links to friends in messenger.... It's worth it to see if this is a thing.

 

Thank you Lambert.

I googled it. The most hacks seem to be around information stealing and getting money.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Why are some people liars like that? A few months ago I stopped seeing someone over dumb lies. It actually insulted my intelligence and I couldn't take it anymore. It's silly stuff, but now you're in a serious conundrum.

 

So I guess the real question is do you think he's lying about / hiding an affair?

 

Maybe take the time he is away to really think about how this has made you feel and what you need to happen. It could be the opportunity to talk about the lies to 'get out of trouble' it's time to grow up and own stuff. If he can't handle a little thing (what's an example of him getting in trouble?) truthfully, how can you believe him on big things?

 

Deleting the file may have been a knee jerk reaction. No offense but is he not that smart? Does he play like he is not that smart? People know what they do... But a thing like deleting could be a panic and once done, can't be undone. He sounds like a kid. And you probably need to have that discussion, that you're not stupid and he's story is, as you say, a ridiculous thing that he is expecting you to believe.

 

Yeah he has dyslexia and plays up sometimes that he doesn't know what he is doing when he has to defend himself. In fact, he tried to say that he wouldn't even know how to delete a message that quickly.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yeah he has dyslexia and plays up sometimes that he doesn't know what he is doing when he has to defend himself. In fact, he tried to say that he wouldn't even know how to delete a message that quickly.

 

Ugh... Good luck. Stay true to yourself and don't quiet your own objections to please him.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He has a history of trying to lie himself out of trouble, and getting angry when I try to confront him about it (like in this case)

 

What else has he lied about?

 

And his dyslexia "plays up"...say what? As an educator who works with many dyslexic adults, I fail to see how his dyslexia factors into this.

Link to post
Share on other sites
What else has he lied about?

 

And his dyslexia "plays up"...say what? As an educator who works with many dyslexic adults, I fail to see how his dyslexia factors into this.

 

I meant he plays up that he isn't clued up with technology. Not that he says his dyslexia plays up. Sorry for the misunderstanding. He told me that he hasn't been on facebook messenger so long he had to confirm his identity when he tried to check what I was talking about. Not sure what to think of that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
And what else has he lied about before?

 

I have caught him on many occasions lying to people how we met, and the details of his past for some reason. When confronted he says I am calling him a liar and denies it.

 

We recently had an argument about him flipping out on one of our new friends. He said he didn't flip out and nobody thought so. Then later said: 'He (the person) told me later that he understood why I flipped out.' When I said, 'but you said no one even mentioned that you flipped out and kept on saying afterwards how good your game was (we were playing a game)', he got upset. We were playing this game online and I had already left the call at that time.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If he lies about random and seemingly inconsequential things, such as how you met...I would assume he is most definitely lying about something that could actually land him in hot water- such as speaking to this woman.

 

It sounds like he's got an established pattern of dishonesty and turning things around on you. This latest episode is no exception.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, I don't know how a video call could be considered hacking, since the two people who are speaking can see each other.

 

Even if they were childhood friends and are not flirting, they seem to be overly involved in each others lives, since they are speaking regularly and know a lot about each others business.

 

Secrets always have a way of coming out. Things don't add up in my mind. If I had terminal cancer, my focus would be on my health, and paying as much attention to my husband, kids, and other loved ones before my passing instead of some guy I used to know who hasn't been of any significance in my adult life. If they'd been that close, why didn't she attend the wedding and why are you now just finding out about her?

 

And if it'd been me who was a Facebook friend of a childhood friend and I'd gotten a message from some guy's wife over a glitch and I wasn't at fault, I'd say: You know what? This is too much drama, and I'm just going to excuse myself from the situation and unfriend. I have enough stress in life and don't have time for this nonsense.

 

Instead, she's appeasing, coddling, and it's really strange how she knows your anniversary date.

 

It's up to you if you think this marriage is worth saving. If so, I'd readdress relationship boundaries now or upon his return, and possibly enter into couples counseling.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...