Online Dating Advice

[bluecastle]

He wasn't pleased (I could tell because he tried to change my mind in a nice but persistent way) and later he sent me an article by a psychologist about negative people. Not sure how to take that!

 

What?!

 

Not to pile it on, but: this man just did you a gigantic favor in showing you, clearly, who he is right now in the world and how he goes about the business of romance. An engine driven by ego and insecurity. Note cute. Were he to read that article he sent you, with a critical eye, I suspect he could better come to understand his own negativity. Alas, he just flung it around at others (you) to lessen the weight on his spirit.

 

If this is what you're getting as a prelude to a first date, I wouldn't even want to imagine what dating him would look, and feel, like. By which I mean: I would be done, hard stop.

 

What I was slightly concerned about, from his need to establish a routine of daily phone calls, is that he's someone who prefers going through the motions of getting into a relationship, at light speed, rather than going through the motions of connecting and getting to know a person, at human, healthy speed. This response kind of clarifies that. As someone who really doesn't like playing brake pedal to another's overzealous gas pedal, I'd be backing away.

 

But I'm me, you're you. See how the date goes, if you're still interested, but do be honest with yourself about whether this sort of dynamic appeals. This is the stuff that increases over time, not the stuff that fades away.

[Eliza50]

I know there are some red flags but, on the other hand, we've been talking for a month and, in general, I feel comfortable around him except for the phone issue. I asked him about the article, he said it was just something he found interesting, that it wasn't about me.

 

Anyway, I will meet him on Monday and see what he's about. I have nothing to lose but one hour if I find him unbearable in person.

[lostandhurt]

Overlooking red flags is a common mistake. Be careful.

 

Sending you that article is a big red flag.

 

Remember this one thing. Most people are on their very best behavior in the early stages of meeting someone new. This guy has crossed more than a few lines before you have even met.

 

Let us know how it goes and Do Not make excuses for him.

 

Lost

[Eliza50]

We met last night and I had a good time. He was rather shy, sweet and better-looking than his pictures. Our conversation was easy, no misunderstandings at all. He said I look better in person, too. When I got home, he called and asked when he can see me again. I suggested Friday or Saturday, he said what are you doing tomorrow (today). I told him I've made plans with friends (I haven't seen them in ages because of the quarantine) and then he suggested Wednesday. I'm going back to work, so, I wasn't sure about Wednesday and I said I'll call him and let him know if I'm free.

 

He did say something I found strange. He said my pics on the site don't do me justice and he wanted to take some new pictures of me (he's a professional photographer). I said I don't see the point. Obviously, my pictures aren't bad or he wouldn't have contacted me at all. At first, I thought he meant he wasn't interested and wanted to help me meet someone else (what would you think?) but no, he said it was just because HE didn't like my pics. I said well, you've seen me now, so, what does it matter?

 

In general, I do want to meet him again but I'm sceptical.

[Wiseman2]

Great the date went well. Try not to over analyze every word, action, gesture. Keep in mind people are nervous and may engage in some chatter that really doesn't mean anything.

 

You have to get to know someone through interactions not reading sign or tea leaves. Either decide if you want to continue and firm up a second date or say good bye.

[Batya33]

We met last night and I had a good time. He was rather shy, sweet and better-looking than his pictures. Our conversation was easy, no misunderstandings at all. He said I look better in person, too. When I got home, he called and asked when he can see me again. I suggested Friday or Saturday, he said what are you doing tomorrow (today). I told him I've made plans with friends (I haven't seen them in ages because of the quarantine) and then he suggested Wednesday. I'm going back to work, so, I wasn't sure about Wednesday and I said I'll call him and let him know if I'm free.

 

He did say something I found strange. He said my pics on the site don't do me justice and he wanted to take some new pictures of me (he's a professional photographer). I said I don't see the point. Obviously, my pictures aren't bad or he wouldn't have contacted me at all. At first, I thought he meant he wasn't interested and wanted to help me meet someone else (what would you think?) but no, he said it was just because HE didn't like my pics. I said well, you've seen me now, so, what does it matter?

 

In general, I do want to meet him again but I'm sceptical.

 

Please do not let him photograph you until you know him much better. It is strange for him to be so forward with a near stranger. Sounds like the plastic surgeon I met who told me how he would fix my nose if I were to do that (I actually like my nose well enough - I'd never have it "fixed" -others have commented in positive ways over the years too -strange!)

[Lambert]

I agree. A weird comment.... I wouldn't like that he said he didnt like my pics. like, seriously? you looked them enough to contact me.

 

Coukd this be "negging?" putting you down, to prompt you to seek his approval.

 

I might pass on this guy depending on how you feel in your gut

[SophiaG]

We met last night and I had a good time. He was rather shy, sweet and better-looking than his pictures. Our conversation was easy, no misunderstandings at all. He said I look better in person, too. When I got home, he called and asked when he can see me again. I suggested Friday or Saturday, he said what are you doing tomorrow (today). I told him I've made plans with friends (I haven't seen them in ages because of the quarantine) and then he suggested Wednesday. I'm going back to work, so, I wasn't sure about Wednesday and I said I'll call him and let him know if I'm free.

 

He did say something I found strange. He said my pics on the site don't do me justice and he wanted to take some new pictures of me (he's a professional photographer). I said I don't see the point. Obviously, my pictures aren't bad or he wouldn't have contacted me at all. At first, I thought he meant he wasn't interested and wanted to help me meet someone else (what would you think?) but no, he said it was just because HE didn't like my pics. I said well, you've seen me now, so, what does it matter?

 

In general, I do want to meet him again but I'm sceptical.

 

Glad you enjoyed the date! I would see this as a simple compliment and an offer of service, maybe a fun activity for a future date.

[SophiaG]

Please do not let him photograph you until you know him much better. It is strange for him to be so forward with a near stranger. Sounds like the plastic surgeon I met who told me how he would fix my nose if I were to do that (I actually like my nose well enough - I'd never have it "fixed" -others have commented in positive ways over the years too -strange!)

 

Ouch. That does sound weird! I felt the picture comment can be really innocuous though, if it sounds like more of a compliment than criticism. Maybe it's just me as I've always hoped my bf can take professional grade pictures for me

[Jibralta]

In general, I do want to meet him again but I'm sceptical.

 

Well, frankly, you should be at this stage.

 

The photo comment was odd, but you're not committed to a photo shoot just because he suggested it.

 

It could just be his weird way of trying to impress you.

 

Glad the date went well.

[lostandhurt]

The offer of taking pics of you to me is neither good or bad. If they guy was a mechanic and he noticed a minor problem with your car and offered to fix it for you wouldn't it be the same thing?

 

The one thing that stood out to me is his unwillingness to accept the day of the next date and wanting to see you the very next day. Friday isn't that far off so make him wait so you can think things through. He may be in a rush to tie you down but that doesn't mean you need to adhere to his timeline. Keep it slow and take time to let things happen instead of rushing through.

 

I am sure he is a afraid you are talking to other guys and doesn't want to be beaten out by them.

 

Be safe and enjoy yourself.

 

Lost

[Eliza50]

The offer of taking pics of you to me is neither good or bad. If they guy was a mechanic and he noticed a minor problem with your car and offered to fix it for you wouldn't it be the same thing?

 

The difference is that if someone offered to fix my car so I could go on a date with someone else, it would mean he's not interested because we're talking about pics on a dating site, not on my f/b, for example.

[Jibralta]

I think he's just trying to flex his photography muscles for you.

 

He wanted to see you the very next day, so he obviously has some interest in you.

 

Or maybe he's just a weird cuckold wackadoo....

 

(just kidding)