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Boyfriend doesnt trust me. Will he leave?


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I have been with my partner for nearly 7 months. Everthing was great in the beginning. He has children with his ex who he split from a couple of weeks before we got together so she was still in the picture but everything was going well.

 

 

Then someone, i have no idea who, started posting false 'evidence'of me apparently cheating with her partner. The partner then took up posting things about me claiming to everyone, including my boyfriend that we had been sleeping together. Even arranged to meet my boyfriend to prove it all but my boyfriend never went. This caused alot of arguments between us. During this time he also started arguing with his ex as she had started seeing some one new and he stopped all contact with her.

 

 

Things were good again for a while and he said he didnt believe any of the rumours of me cheating but i know he doeant trust me anymore. He checks my phone and we argue over me speaking to other guys even though its just general everyday talk. He saw a message i sent to his mate about it all saying i felt closer to him at the moment than my boyfriend and he woke me up arguing and telling me not to talk to him. He gives sly looks if we're in a group together and are talking to eachother. We argue alot over his not trusting me.

 

He has also stopped doing little things he used to do, like at the beginning he would cook for me and take me out and just general date night type things but now he doesnt do anything. Hes moody all the time. He lives with family but i moved into his room. When we were arguing about his mate i moved back home for a few weeks but i am back living at his now.

 

 

His ex messaged him out of the blue a few weeks ago after a few months of no contact and they arranged to meet. They have text a few times inbetween before meeting and met for a few hours at the weekend. He went to her place. I dropped him off and picked him up but he wanted me to do it round the corner from hers saying it would just cause problems if she saw me. They have arranged to meet again and he wouldve already gone back to hers the next day had he not have been called into work.

 

I know they have children together and i trust him but i also know she still wants him back.

 

 

Im worried that now shes back in the picture and we are arguing about him trusting me that he is going to start leaning more towards her as he can see what he gave up to be with me. He has already told me she is living a better life than us and a better life than they had before breaking up.

Edited by Rosiebabe97
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You are very foolish if you continue on with this guy. I find it concerning that you live in a room with him at his parents home instead of maintaining your own independence. You need to be able to keep your independence with a d-bag like you are with that is clearly cheating on you with his ex while you are naive enough to drive him to do it.

 

I'm sorry to be so blunt but the ignorance of your own best interests here is too shocking not to react to.

 

You're afraid he's going to "start leaning more towards her?" sista, he never stopped leaning towards her.

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He'd only just split up from his ex when you two got it together. He has had no time to process the breakup and get over his ex, and there is going to be a lot of baggage around - as you are finding out. You are a rebound, and the romance from the early part of the relationship has worn off.

 

This is way too much silly drama for such a new relationship.

 

Unless you enjoy this kind of thing, cut and run. They are going to be very much in each other's lives purely because of childcare issues, let alone her wanting him back, you feeling closer to his mate than you do to him, and all the backwards and forwards about who's living where.

 

There is nothing in your post that makes me think this is going to end well.

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He'd only just split up from his ex when you two got it together. He has had no time to process the breakup and get over his ex, and there is going to be a lot of baggage around - as you are finding out. You are a rebound, and the romance from the early part of the relationship has worn off.

 

Im not a rebound. He left her to be with me saying he no longer loved her and hadnt for some time

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But yet, here he is asking you to take him to see his alleged ex.

 

Why do you have to take him, does he not have his own transportation?

 

No he doesnt have his own transport. This is the first contact they have had in about 3 months following their arguments. He told me she had blocked him on social media and blocked his phone number so the first conyact they had was a couple of weeks ago when she messaged him out of nowhere. He went to see her to see his children

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Everything was great in the beginning.

 

Sorry about all this.

 

I'd take a moment, right now, to remember that 7 months is still the beginning. What you're describing, in other words, sounds like a "beginning" defined by a lot of drama and complications.

 

He was only split form his ex for "a couple of weeks" when you got together? Tell me that, under any circumstances, and my response will be that you are getting into something with a high risk for imploding. Add in shared kids and you're basically outsourcing your emotional security to a malfunctioning nuclear weapon. He's a guy in emotional free fall, living at home—living, basically, on a life raft. And now you're discovering what hitching your own life to another's life raft looks like: a sinking ship.

 

This guy clearly has a mountain of unfinished business to take care of with his ex. He stops talking to her because she's seeing someone? That should tell you something, namely that he is far, far from disconnected from her emotionally. He hides you from her? Ditto. These are two people who should be in each other's lives forever—for the sake of their children—but until that's all worked out I'd say they are two people who will just bring pain to anyone who attaches onto them romantically.

 

Some random person accusing you of cheating? That's going to scratch the record of any relationship. But a solid one? It's just a scratch. Look at yours with clear eyes and I think you'll realize it's not nearly as solid as you think, so that extra bit of drama is, well, just more noise in a room that was already too noisy.

 

If you're not ready to throw in the towel on this, I would tell him that you're not comfortable being kept as a secret. If he is truly over his ex and truly into making things work with you, respecting that should not be an issue, at all. If it's an issue? That's him telling you that he is not interested in the kind of relationship you want.

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No he doesnt have his own transport. This is the first contact they have had in about 3 months following their arguments. He told me she had blocked him on social media and blocked his phone number so the first conyact they had was a couple of weeks ago when she messaged him out of nowhere. He went to see her to see his children

 

So why tell you to hide?

 

Has he seen an attorney or paralegal about setting up child support and custody agreements?

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So why tell you to hide?

 

Has he seen an attorney or paralegal about setting up child support and custody agreements?

 

Because she didnt take it well when she found out we were together and he thinks it will just cause more arguments. He says she stopped him seeing his children due to the arguments. And because of me.

 

No he hasnt spoken to anybody. He doesnt pay any child support and before they stopped contact he was seeing the children regularly, taking them out and about with her. He said she had conditions to him seeing them, like she had to be present as she no longer trusted him

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Im not a rebound. He left her to be with me saying he no longer loved her and hadnt for some time

 

Wait wait wait.....so you are the other woman in someone else's relationship and now you are surprised that this is all blowing up in your face? Guess you are about to learn some harsh life lessons about that.....

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Wait wait wait.....so you are the other woman in someone else's relationship and now you are surprised that this is all blowing up in your face? Guess you are about to learn some harsh life lessons about that.....

 

We never cheated on her

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Because she didnt take it well when she found out we were together and he thinks it will just cause more arguments. He says she stopped him seeing his children due to the arguments. And because of me.

 

No he hasnt spoken to anybody. He doesnt pay any child support and before they stopped contact he was seeing the children regularly, taking them out and about with her. He said she had conditions to him seeing them, like she had to be present as she no longer trusted him

 

A child support and custody agreement filed IN COURT would prevent all of that.

 

Is he employed?

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A child support and custody agreement filed IN COURT would prevent all of that.

 

Is he employed?

 

He wont do that. I pushed him before and he said no. Yes he is employed. We both are at the same place, thats how we met. He was working there long before i started. I have tried explaining to him that it might be a good idea if he looked for work elsewhere as we end up taking our arguments into work

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Im not a rebound. He left her to be with me saying he no longer loved her and hadnt for some time

That is him cheating. Obviously he was still with her if he left her to be with you. He's a dirt bag and I'm shocked that you would want to continue being with him. I'm even more concerned about your own self worth if you are desperate enough to drive him to her and hide yourself so she doesn't see you.

 

He's cheating on you now to be with her... so yes, the chances are very high that 'Yes' is the answer to:

Will he leave?
Its his pattern afterall.
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He wont do that. I pushed him before and he said no. Yes he is employed. We both are at the same place, thats how we met. He was working there long before i started. I have tried explaining to him that it might be a good idea if he looked for work elsewhere as we end up taking our arguments into work

 

Why doesn't he want to support his children? Why doesn't he want to have a legal agreement set for seeing them?

 

You both are risking termination if you're having relationship fights at work.

 

What about this guy and situation is so very attractive and appealing? He sounds like a hot mess.

 

I predict he will end up going back to her because he'll "have no choice".

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It seems you're really struggling to see this clearly.

 

People with kids breakup, get divorced, and eventually get into new relationships all the time. It doesn't have to look like this, and when it does? Well, it's generally the result of a lot shady choices being made by people who aren't emotionally stable.

 

They are fighting, using their kids as pawns in their fights. You are a pawn in their fights. They are a pawn in your fights. Take a moment to just look at all that, for real, as it is the reality of your life. This is the ship you have all built by making shady choices, and right now it is sinking.

 

What about all this interests you? Do you want romance to be about helping someone sort out his romantic problems with someone else? Do you want to be with a man whose relationship with his maybe-ex is so tempestuous that he is being "blocked" from seeing his children? Do you want to be with a man who hides you from other women in order to not upset them? Those are real questions to think about, answer, and use those answers as road signs for which direction to steer toward right now.

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I dont believe anything has happened between them at all since they broke up

 

Yes, but you are naive and are unwilling to look at this in reality. If nothing else, he is more concerned with keeping her needs and wants met than he is keeping your needs and wants met. He is not showing you that he values you and he's not man enough to take her to court for mandated child support and visitation so you can't win here.

 

Start thinking of your own best interests rather than winning this battle with her, for him.

 

i don't even know you and I know that you can do better than the likes of him.

 

He's in no position to be a good partner to either of you actually.

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He does keep my needs and wants met and shows me he values me.

 

If that were true you wouldn't be worried about losing him. You yourself said he is acting differently because HE thinks YOU are cheating.

 

What about him and this situation do you find attractive and appealing?

 

When you imagined your perfect relationship did it include your boyfriend hiding you and spending time with his ex? Did it include fights at work?

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