ThatwasThen Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 I do trust him. Its him that doesnt trust me. Even though i have given him no reason not to You "do" trust him? There's your first mistake. Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 You "do" trust him? There's your first mistake. What do you mean? Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 I do trust him. Its him that doesnt trust me. Even though i have given him no reason not to He doesn't trust you, yet you claim that he values you, and keeps your wants and needs met? Don't your needs include trust from him, especially if you've given him no reason not to? I'm going back to my original question: if trust isn't an essential requirement in a relationship, then what is? You claim you trust him, yet you're clearly worried about him leaving. In relationships where there is trust, this thought doesn't even arise. Honest! Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 You don't seem to want to answer this: "What about him and this situation do you find attractive and appealing? When you imagined your perfect relationship did it include your boyfriend hiding you and spending time with his ex? Did it include fights at work? " Is it because the only reason is because he gives you attention and you don't feel like you can get attention anywhere else? What is so great about this guy? And something better than "But I LOVE him!!!", I hope. Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 I forgot to add that a part of their arguing that lead to them stopping contact was because she was trying to tell him he shouldnt trust me due to these cheating rumours. Showing him messages from people that had spoken to the guy i has supposedly been sleeping with and the things he was saying about me. There was even a fake social media account with my name and photo that was talking to this guy so she was telling him that he was an idiot for believing me and that he had given up someone that he never had any trust issues with for someone that was cheating on him. And that that was why she didnt trust his judgement to let him have the children and that she wouldnt have me near them Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 You don't seem to want to answer this: "What about him and this situation do you find attractive and appealing? When you imagined your perfect relationship did it include your boyfriend hiding you and spending time with his ex? Did it include fights at work? " Is it because the only reason is because he gives you attention and you don't feel like you can get attention anywhere else? What is so great about this guy? And something better than "But I LOVE him!!!", I hope. No that is not how i imagined it to be. But then im sure no one expects it to be that way Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 "His ex messaged him out of the blue a few weeks ago after a few months of no contact and they arranged to meet. They have text a few times inbetween before meeting and met for a few hours at the weekend. He went to her place. I dropped him off and picked him up but he wanted me to do it round the corner from hers saying it would just cause problems if she saw me. They have arranged to meet again and he wouldve already gone back to hers the next day had he not have been called into work. I know they have children together and i trust him but i also know she still wants him back. Im worried that now shes back in the picture and we are arguing about him trusting me that he is going to start leaning more towards her as he can see what he gave up to be with me." Nope, you don't trust him. And for good reason. He flipped from her to you and potentially back to her again. What again is so fantastic about this guy? He used to cook for you? That's all it takes? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 No that is not how i imagined it to be. But then im sure no one expects it to be that way For good reason, it's an unhealthy relationship. He gets everything while you get stress and worry and anxiety. Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 He doesn't trust you, yet you claim that he values you, and keeps your wants and needs met? Don't your needs include trust from him, especially if you've given him no reason not to? I'm going back to my original question: if trust isn't an essential requirement in a relationship, then what is? You claim you trust him, yet you're clearly worried about him leaving. In relationships where there is trust, this thought doesn't even arise. Honest! Its more her that i dont trust as i know she still wants him back and will do anything to get him. She jas told him she holds no regard for my feelings and that nothing i say means anything to her. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 No that is not how i imagined it to be. But then im sure no one expects it to be that way The difference between yourself and someone with a healthy self-regard is that the latter, having seen how it was turning out, would run like the wind. Nobody on here can tell you whether he'll leave or not. However, you've been given a great deal of advice on how to take care of yourself by not being party to someone else's dysfunctional shenanigans! Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 Its more her that i dont trust as i know she still wants him back and will do anything to get him. She jas told him she holds no regard for my feelings and that nothing i say means anything to her Nothing you say means anything to him either. If it did, he'd not even ask you to drive him to be with her never mind instruct you to hide so she doesn't see you. Girl, you are deep in the river of denial. He does keep my needs and wants met and shows me he values me. If that were actually true, you have very shallow standards. However: It's not true... If your needs and wants were being met, you wouldn't have to start a thread. You'd be happy and content and secure as two nested love birds... his action would keep you that way and not anxiety ridden and in fear of him going back to her. Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 Her and the children have recently moved from her parents into a 3 bed house and he has said how nice it was and about the work she is doing on it. She has satelite tv and wifi and an upto date games console, mulitple tvs. Everything. And we just have a room in a family members 2 bed flat with no internet or tv, just a dvd player to watch films. She is living a happy and confortable life and we struggle to make ends meet. I feel she will use this to her advantage. Also his family do not like me or my family and have told him they would rather he was back with her, that they dont agree with what he has done. They are still very much involved in her life and have very little to do with us Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 He hides you, doesn't provide for his children, (child support) has no means of transportation and gets to "play" the both of you. What a deal! Keep in mind that history has a tendency to repeat itself, and remaining in denial changes nothing. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 Her and the children have recently moved from her parents into a 3 bed house and he has said how nice it was and about the work she is doing on it. She has satelite tv and wifi and an upto date games console, mulitple tvs. Everything. And we just have a room in a family members 2 bed flat with no internet or tv, just a dvd player to watch films. She is living a happy and confortable life and we struggle to make ends meet. I feel she will use this to her advantage. Also his family do not like me or my family and have told him they would rather he was back with her, that they dont agree with what he has done. They are still very much involved in her life and have very little to do with us Yes, he will likely go back with her because she can give him everything he doesn't have to work for... he's a user and a p-poor man to plan on living the rest of your life with. Why don't you do yourself a favor and leave now before he leaves you. At least you'll be taking back your personal power from him. The man doesn't even drive and expect you to drive him. Despicable! Is the car your's as well? Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 Is the car your's as well? Yes the car is mine. I have had it since before we got together. His ex has even actually tried saying its the only reason he is with me Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 Yes the car is mine. I have had it since before we got together. His ex has even actually tried saying its the only reason he is with me I agree with his ex. What a loser who is currently using two women who are naive enough to enable him to be the clown that he is. Rosie: Love yourself enough to let her have him. Get out now while you've still got a half decent self worth. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 I stand by my prediction. He is extolling all of the "things" his so called ex has because those are things he wants but isn't willing to provide for himself. Are you happy living where you are living? What about him is so terrific? I see you haven't attempted to answer that question. Is it because you don't have a good answer? Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 I stand by my prediction. He is extolling all of the "things" his so called ex has because those are things he wants but isn't willing to provide for himself. Are you happy living where you are living? What about him is so terrific? I see you haven't attempted to answer that question. Is it because you don't have a good answer? At the moment no i dont have a good answer. A few months ago i would have said it was because of how he treated me better than anyone ever had but now i dont know how to answer. I want a place of our own but it is just not feesible right now Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 At the moment no i dont have a good answer. A few months ago i would have said it was because of how he treated me better than anyone ever had but now i dont know how to answer. I want a place of our own but it is just not feesible right now I see two choices. Stay and have things be the way they are (because nothing is going to change, in fact given how he's spending more time with his ex the only change would be him moving in with her) or leave and realize this guy will never offer you a secure, loving relationship that has trust and respect. Which choice sounds better to you? And please, please use reliable birth control. He's already proven he doesn't care about financially supporting the children he already has. Don't think that having a baby will "keep" him. Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 I see two choices. Stay and have things be the way they are (because nothing is going to change, in fact given how he's spending more time with his ex the only change would be him moving in with her) or leave and realize this guy will never offer you a secure, loving relationship that has trust and respect. Which choice sounds better to you? And please, please use reliable birth control. He's already proven he doesn't care about financially supporting the children he already has. Don't think that having a baby will "keep" him. He has only spent a couple of hours with her and the children so far. And i have the implant as i do not want children just yet Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 He has only spent a couple of hours with her and the children so far. And i have the implant as i do not want children just yet So you choose Option 1. I hope you have some kind of backup plan regarding housing. Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 I agree with his ex. What a loser who is currently using two women who are naive enough to enable him to be the clown that he is. Rosie: Love yourself enough to let her have him. Get out now while you've still got a half decent self worth. I dont believe thats the only reason hes with me. We used to be and still are sometimes, really happy Link to comment
Rosiebabe97 Posted March 18, 2020 Author Share Posted March 18, 2020 So you choose Option 1. I hope you have some kind of backup plan regarding housing. I havent made a choice. Im just saying that hes only spent a couple of hours with them so far so its not that hes spending lots of time with her now that they are back in contact Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 I dont believe thats the only reason hes with me. We used to be and still are sometimes, really happy Then be happy in the bed you've made for yourself. Right now you're not willing to see anything and you're just here to get validation that you're a good and loving couple. Sorry I couldn't tell you that. I'll just say that if you're going to ignore all the red flags that he's waving and stick around then please learn to accept that what you see is what you get and if you can't be content with that, then don't settle. Get away from him before you find yourself pregnant and tied to him like she is while he shares himself between the two of you. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 You're choosing to ignore all of the bad things that are right in front of you. And you can't even give a good reason why you're staying with him or why you think he's so wonderful. Do you have somewhere else you can live if he reconciles or moves back in with her "for the kids"? Link to comment
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