How to get back in touch considering I'm blocked everywhere.

[MissCanuck]

And anonymously dropping off a dossier would confirm or deny this. It does reek of affair.

 

Dropping off a dossier of...what?

 

You have nothing but your imagination to go on. It's sad, as it's quite clear you're not really getting the help you need.

[Grimlockkk]

Dropping off a dossier of...what?

 

You have nothing but your imagination to go on. It's sad, as it's quite clear you're not really getting the help you need.

 

Well, I can screenshot things. It just seems like he's hiding something. If there's problems in that relationship seeing him following a female, secretively, would definitely set off alarm bells. Why is he not following her on his main account? His wife follows him on that account.

 

That would be enough to set off alarm bells for me, and surreptitiously access the phone in the middle of the night to check. At the very least I'd ask to see his old work account for a failed startup.

[jimthzz]

Um, no, that is not the conclusion of the FDA, that the drug is a cure. even your own website link states that approval was given for a "clinical trial" on 50 individuals who have PTSD. There is nothing about off-diagnosis use of the drug for what you propose to do.

 

The MAPS organization is a research tool for those who want to use psychedelics as medicine.

 

I do not see that the FDA would legalize any psychedelic drug a a therapy.

 

You're wrong all of the psychedelics are going to be legal soon. Couples therapists want to use it in practice, because it can let you empathize with even Hitler. Mdma assisted couples therapy would probably take you to articles.

 

Again this was out of my control, as it was known by clinicians to be effective therapy for various psychological disorders in 1985. We could have used that medication to we breakthrough each others defenses, and learn how to improve our relationship if it was not for Nancy Regan using tarot cards to decide drug policy. She murdered a very good friend of mine, and all of our veterans that shoot up each other.

 

Actually, there is very little we have control of in our lives. More like red socks or green.

 

Link: https://www.google.com/amp/s/bigthink.com/sex-relationships/decades-ago-mdma-was-used-in-marriage-counseling.amp.html

 

What I'm referring to is much closer to meditating, while taking mushrooms.

 

Point me to where specifically in the web link you provided to me and I commented upon where it says couples therapy will all be legal soon. Pivoting to other rat holes to explore is a pointless exercise.

 

You need some serious help far beyond the capacity or function of this forum. Please pursue psychological help and DEFINITELY never contact that woman. She is no a part of your life.

[MissCanuck]

Well, I can screenshot things. It just seems like he's hiding something. If there's problems in that relationship seeing him following a female, secretively, would definitely set off alarm bells. Why is he not following her on his main account? His wife follows him on that account

 

No, it doesn't. You have no clue who this person truly is or what his marriage is like.

 

And further? It's absolutely none of your business. You need to stay out of complete strangers' lives. It's inappropriate and invasive.

 

You're evidently really struggling to distinguish reality from the stories you're spinning in your mind. Do any of your close friends or family know about this?

[maew]

No, it doesn't. You have no clue who this person truly is or what his marriage is like.

 

And further? It's absolutely none of your business. You need to stay out of complete strangers' lives. It's inappropriate and invasive.

 

You're evidently really struggling to distinguish reality from the stories you're spinning in your mind. Do any of your close friends or family know about this?

 

Paranoid delusions, narcissistic tendencies, disconnected from reality.... what's really going on with you OP? The behavior you are exhibiting reminds me of a crystal meth addict. Or someone with that is struggling with a serious mental illness.

 

My hope is that you are trolling us just a little bit and that this is just a little piece of the overall much healthier picture of your life.

[Grimlockkk]

No, it doesn't. You have no clue who this person truly is or what his marriage is like.

 

And further? It's absolutely none of your business. You need to stay out of complete strangers' lives. It's inappropriate and invasive.

 

You're evidently really struggling to distinguish reality from the stories you're spinning in your mind. Do any of your close friends or family know about this?

 

And I looked up the responses to a stranger tipping you off about an affair, and the responses are varied some prefer it others do not. I ultimately did not send the message as I don't have enough info to confirm to satisfaction. Still if I'm a gambling man that guys cheating. He's doing what I would do if I wanted to hide cheating. Even, when we stopped dating she did make a comment indicating she's open to cheating on partners.

 

He's got an untrustworthy male face. I judge people based off of facial features, like everyone for whether they can b trusted initially, and learning a bit about this guy I definitely don't trust him.

[MissCanuck]

OP, is your family aware of your current emotional state?

[MissCanuck]

And I looked up the responses to a stranger tipping you off about an affair, and the responses are varied some prefer it others do not. I ultimately did not send the message as I don't have enough info to confirm to satisfaction. Still if I'm a gambling man that guys cheating. He's doing what I would do if I wanted to hide cheating. Even, when we stopped dating she did make a comment indicating she's open to cheating on partners.

 

That's good. It would have made you look positively unhinged.

[Grimlockkk]

Paranoid delusions, narcissistic tendencies, disconnected from reality.... what's really going on with you OP? The behavior you are exhibiting reminds me of a crystal meth addict. Or someone with that is struggling with a serious mental illness.

 

My hope is that you are trolling us just a little bit and that this is just a little piece of the overall much healthier picture of your life.

 

I have a high IQ so I have obsessions, and a need to understand things accurately. Since I have social issues where a lot of people won't let me into their social circles. I learned how to observe the groups I feel like joining.

 

If anything this is more like a Bill Dauterive.

 

It's not worth dating essentially for the break up. What I went through lasted as long as most marriages, and I don't want hallucinations from end of relationship depression.

 

When I sublimate her memory I did pull a 3.8. I just know things can work out. Usually, anxious partners know how to fix relationship problems, because rather than avoiding the issue they grapple with it. An avoidant is just a different anxious response.

[Grimlockkk]

That's good. It would have made you look positively unhinged.

 

Not necessarily, I can still make a drop account. I'm willing to bet he is cheating. I almost want to drop it off just so I can post her Facebook status changed to divorce. All I'm saying is a memo is enough if she has her suspicions. It also reflects more on my exes preference she did mention all of her friends in college were married, which meant she was the non-primary in multiple relationships. (this was were my mind went first) So, that's a possibility too. Ultimately, I think the conclusion she came to was dating married guys is safer, as the primary partner can just end her if she wanted. When she was dating someone else she was always angry at her boyfriend. It would make sense.

 

The best way I could sum up our communication problems comes down to her giving me the silent treatment, and expecting me to end the relationship she wanted out of. No, I was panicking for months trying to get this thing back on track.

[MissCanuck]

I am going to bow out here.

 

The sort of help you need is beyond the scope of this forum.

[ninjabib]

If you are blocked everywhere then that means she doesn't want you to contact her. End of.

 

 

Leave her alone before you get arrested

[Grimlockkk]

Paranoid delusions, narcissistic tendencies, disconnected from reality.... what's really going on with you OP? The behavior you are exhibiting reminds me of a crystal meth addict. Or someone with that is struggling with a serious mental illness.

 

My hope is that you are trolling us just a little bit and that this is just a little piece of the overall much healthier picture of your life.

 

I do have narcissistic tendencies. You know that's a good trait for being a high earner. I don't think I exactly qualify as a narcissist, as I need actual achievements to be satisfied.

 

All I'm saying is it felt like you were attacking me for merely wanting to get the block removed. The intensity of the fights we had would break anyone up. She's also more on the artistic side. I'm sure she's mellowed out as she's aged. Look I expected her to drop me anyways. I held on as long as possible. There was nothing I could have done to save the friendship. The only thing that might have worked was showing her her reasoning for us not getting back together is highly illogical. What I'm saying is on paper I will be a better long-term match.

[Grimlockkk]

If you are blocked everywhere then that means she doesn't want you to contact her. End of.

 

 

Leave her alone before you get arrested

 

I do leave her alone. I think the blocking might have been since she could not get me to leave her alone through hurtful comments. I would ask her to tell me what I needed to change to make things work, and she would not answer.

 

All I'm saying is there has to be a way back from this. Other men have done far worse, like support Nazi Germany, and have a rather famous Jewish woman forgive him, and return to a friendship. I think this is a give it time, send out a feeler every couple of years.

[Grimlockkk]

If you are blocked everywhere then that means she doesn't want you to contact her. End of.

 

 

Leave her alone before you get arrested

 

I'm not doing anything illegal. I just look up public databases on occasion. If I started sending threatening messages, or showed up at her home that would be another issue. I basically have to hope she'll go to a high school reunion, and drop my Carnegie Mellon grad badge, (I have scholarship offers for there, so) and she should know that means 500k+ per year.

[ninjabib]

I think you need more professional help.

[boltnrun]

I'm not doing anything illegal. I just look up public databases on occasion. If I started sending threatening messages, or showed up at her home that would be another issue. I basically have to hope she'll go to a high school reunion, and drop my Carnegie Mellon grad badge, (I have scholarship offers for there, so) and she should know that means 500k+ per year.

 

So you want her to want you for your money?

[Wiseman2]

Go back to your doctor and back on the antipsychotics.

I don't want hallucinations

[Grimlockkk]

So you want her to want you for your money?

 

No, what I'm trying to express is I subscribe to Nietzschean ideology. Basically, it's ok to give little harms, and I interpret that historically to mean the greater your goal and further you climb the more likely you are to be forgiven by even people you've harmed. What I'm saying is I'm going to therapy to incorporate my shadow, my tendency to manipulate people, out of compassion to achieve good ends for both partners. (treating each other as both a means and an end to achieve our goals)

 

This exists completely independent of society, but it's people like this that build the future, and overtime drive the masses to extinction. (we just need an aristocracy to run our societies)

 

What I'm asking is really how to come across as charming; so, I might get the relationship back to a place where we can act in an authentic heady manner, but inauthentic social acceptance.

 

I know I'm contradicting myself, but at the end of the day the truth is a lie. Is it?

 

The present is "Pre-sent"... I'm using English differently from how most are used to based off of early childhood experience, and I can detect people who've had.

 

What you find out if you pay attention to history being too clever can harm you in terms of isolation, but it also makes people time remembers, if they stick to their guns and complete their project. Having a need to be remembered by history makes me willing to do little harms that won't damage things long term. Too this day I think the right thing to do is harm anyone that ever laid a hand on her.

 

I know her dad did because she was talking about her father, like

 

You do know psychopaths climb to the top of human societies the easiest. If they're geniuses they just care about finishing their project no matter the cost. (Some costs are too much, you decide the limit. I would suggest you learn where PTSD starts and work on not doing that.)

 

The most succinct way I can describe our break up is she felt disgusted for being accepted for who she is. The more research put into BPD. The more tragic some of the smartest women's lives are, and there has to be a way to stop this. Holy, that woman preferred books over interacting with people. That made her highly agreeable to me, as we're kindred spirit, which we both realized in our own way we saw ourselves as cursed. The curse is we have a hard time getting along because of bull pulled on us.

[Grimlockkk]

Go back to your doctor and back on the antipsychotics.

 

No, I get those from life shattering events. Friends I care about keeping around makes my mind generate friends from my past to criticize me, and tell me "why" I failed to achieve any personal goal. Mostly, need to find the right combo of psychotropes.

 

My ideal female is basically Sylvia Plath. She's inspirational and tragic she could not solve her demons, but possessed the keys to save everyone else. Those people that say, "we did not expect so and so to pass were not actually listening to so and so pass. They're guilty for the suicide, and have to learn not to do that. It's don't take your true friends for granted or they die.

 

A guy I knew is dead now because no one intervened, and slapped the beer out of his hand. They knew what was going to happen, and woke up to find him dead the next day.

 

If she commits suicide again, (again in almost certain she has BPD, because she continues loving guys that ditch her before she gets out of the infatuation stage) at talk I'll see that as a failure on my part.

 

Again, I knew multiple guys were quickly making them rare before they got a chance to actually make her angry. I'll tease, but quickly back off, as it's easy to cross from what appears to be flirting based on cute behavior to making someone extremely angry. I mostly just told her how I felt in the moment, and finding beauty in nagging made her so angry. It felt like we were an old couple at times, even though we were young. People you know this well you get a good feel based on whether things will work out on the first date. It was once I had a third entity, above us based on a guiding principle; which was promoting our own greatness. We fought her ex friend and once we defeated her things fell apart. We just needed to keep a shared project, outside of the relationship to keep things smooth. We actually worked on school projects and fought. Funny because when I don't fully trust someone I do their work, and she's just like me. It's just funny we broke up as I had more in common with her than the guys she left me for. I'd say I was odd socially, and that could put tremendous strain on the relationship as so was she.

[Wiseman2]

Get back to the doctor for antipsychotics that work for you.

Mostly, need to find the right combo of psychotropes.

[Grimlockkk]

This forum has always very aggressive, and reacts poorly to my writing style. Some of this is since I do not usually take into account many aren't not highly analytical in their thinking. I find machines preferable to most people. She is similar and finding women like that can be difficult. Going to try to express myself succinctly to make things clear.

 

To sum up what happened if you have one falling out with a friend it might be them. If they have 10 falling outs with friends it is probably them.

 

What I'm trying to do is say something that will get her in therapy. So, maybe 3 to 20 years from now we speak again. I want to get back together, and find usually friendship is the route. I'm better equipped now at responding to emotional issues. But, if we started dating or even talking I'd be in couples therapy right away.

 

Now, it's not just about drawing her back to me. I also find myself dating virtually the same woman over and over again. So, again need to get them in couples therapy. The only issue is the archetype is prone to devaluing their partners, and it's very hard to get them to see why they need to change slightly to make the relationship last.

 

So, the direct question is how to make a partner with an avoidant attachment style realize their aloofness is why relationships keep failing from their side? How to get them in therapy and seriously engage, rather than cutting and running?

 

I'm pretty sure she had BPD was all I meant. Got a log of "I hate you" responses to "I feel close to you." I look at this relationship as a band that fell apart, and it's going to take 30 years to get back together.

 

I'm just trying to speed up the return to speaking terms. I was also interested in her professional, and it's hard to find someone you'd also like to work professionally with. Personally, she reinforced good habits of mine just by being there. I just know she's probably still having similar interpersonal issues as BPD stays pretty intense.

 

The major problem we had was this, we'd disagree on whether a movie was good. I'd change my position to closer to hers to continue the conversation and add more nuance. She'd respond by yelling at me for being inauthentic and always agreeing with her. We're similar people so we naturally agree, but I think she expects her family style, which was highly dismissive and abusive. Something like 70% of families in the US are technically committing child abuse. I'm still saying we are not talking because of our childhood, and with the lifespan increasing I'd like to nudge her towards there, and believe if I pop up, send the right words, the odds of her attending a high school reunion in the next 30 years will increase. We can start rebuilding things there. She just holds grudges, I don't.

[jimthzz]

This forum has always very aggressive, and reacts poorly to my writing style. Some of this is since I do not usually take into account many aren't not highly analytical in their thinking. I find machines preferable to most people. She is similar and finding women like that can be difficult. Going to try to express myself succinctly to make things clear.

 

>

 

 

If you want to be taken seriously by anyone in this forum then you would not write nonsense such as this. It is ironic that the statement is dismissive and non-analytical.

 

You are wasting your time ignoring really good commentary on your plight.

 

Please seek professional mental health counselling.

[boltnrun]

Serious questions...how can you think it's possible to "get" someone into therapy who you haven't communicated with in 10 years and who, last time you checked, has blocked you? What makes you think she wants to reconcile with you? What makes you think she wants to make it work with you when you haven't communicated with her in TEN YEARS?? What are you basing this on that is happening now, not 10 years ago? How has she shown you she even wants anything to do with you? And I mean now, not 10 years ago.

[bluecastle]

Reluctantly, I wade back into these waters...

 

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that all of your posts in this thread were not about a ghost from high school who has burned with a nuclear-grade fire in your imagination, but about a woman you were married to for the past decade—one who, six months ago, told you that it was over, that there was nothing to fix, and had blocked you across all platforms.

 

Well, my advice, and likely that of others, would be the same: that over is over, that peace of mind and sincere personal/emotional growth is going to come from accepting that, not bending space and time to manipulate her back to being the person you want her to be, as that is the opposite of peace of mind and growth.

 

This, of course, is not that, since it's a woman you don't know, at all, have not exchanged a single word with in a decade, and last knew as a teenager, hands down the most emotionally turbulent period of a human a life. Which, yes, makes this all exponentially more disturbing and makes me hope you'll get some help.

 

As for this business of attachment styles, and how to make one work with the other? I think you're missing the point, frankly. The whole idea behind understanding attachment styles—which are just guideposts, not permanent diagnoses—is to help us understand ourselves, and how to conduct the business of being ourselves in the world. So someone (like you) who is hellbent on finding comfort in labeling himself "anxious"—well, that someone would do well in (a) treating his anxiety and (b) "attaching" to those who are "secure," since other options, from a fellow "anxious" to an "avoidant," is just going to spin you for a loop.

 

Metaphor: I surf, am a pretty decent surfer, and am generally someone who requires a lot to get flustered out there in the world, to be made "anxious." Still, there are some waves and certain beaches that are just too much for me: too big, too scary. I can't handle them, my palms sweat just thinking about them, and so I avoid them. Other surfers? They are comfortable out there, having a blast, not even using words like "big" and "scary" to describe that water. It's just fun for them, even relaxing—a good match for who they are.

 

Trying to get someone you deem as "avoidant" into therapy for your personal benefit—well, that would be like me trying to get those waves to change shape. Recipe for insanity, right there, since those waves are connected to forces much bigger than me: sun, moon, the spin of the earth. Other human beings are just as mysterious, untamable: a solar system onto themselves. In some we will be comfortable, in others we will struggle to breathe. It is on us to recognize our own limitations rather than finding false strength in cataloging those of others.

 

Words I suspect will shatter as fast as you read them. Fine. Your life, your choices. But I'll leave them here in hopes that something seeps in, if not now than later, as you go about the business of finding your way out of this quicksand.