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Grimlockkk

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  1. Thank you. Yeah, it's something you build towards. Yeah, very few people get their ideal. I'm just not willing to settle. I do have a person I could have a very long committed relationship with. I just have to give up on working together professionally, most likely. Odd thing is she's a pagan, and has been polyamorous, but I trust her to not cheat. We've just always stayed in touch. Plus I can pull her out of poverty, which is how heterosexual relationships generally work. Women marry up or across for the most part economically.
  2. 1. I want a marriage that also includes us working together professionally. I'd like to find that person. It's just extremely rare. It would have been ideal to find them in my college days, but I was involved with a person that wasn't clear about our status. 2. I think asking right away is a no go as that's loyalty you build over time. I just find people that maintain loyalty after death you never have to worry about them cheating, or some other form of betrayal. Personally, I feel less pain when a loved one passes than a betrayal brings. If my ex had passed in high school I would have devoted my life to honoring her memory. I've always had extreme views on loyalty, and it's why samurai culture interests me.
  3. Well, they are being used for couples therapy and ptsd. It forces barriers down, and requires you to empathize with other humanbeings. The only reason research was stopped was over Nancy Regan being informed by tarot cards to ban it, and her influencing Regan. You take the drug, and then meditate. It's very different from the club scene. Here's a link to the scientific basis for the therapy. https://theconversation.com/mdma-assisted-couples-therapy-how-a-psychedelic-is-enhancing-intimacy-and-healing-ptsd-127609
  4. The cultural variation I'm referring to exists pretty much exclusively in Japan. Japan also has the highest suicide rate in the world, as their culture historically viewed it as the right act in certain situations. You have to remember there were samurai that were irritated over their retainer banning their own suicide after he passed, and those practices are why the US almost lost the Pacific theater. It's probably not as common as it was 400 years ago, as back then there were bans on marrying between castes, and certain professions were not allowed to marry. You probably see it more in traditional families that still have arranged marriages. As marriage is not for love, but improving your families social standing, traditionally. Yes, I would be fine with it going both ways. If I developed feelings for someone else I would suppress them, and I would not be lonely. I'd be in love with the dead, which no living person can compete with. Wanting to have another romantic partner is something I would have no interest in. Besides, I have dreams for that, and her memory strengthen me. Plus if we had planned a burial plot getting involved with another would be awkward.
  5. Depends on how you interpret "parting" I'd argue partners have not departed till both pass. It might be a Catholic interpretation of the vows. I just know my grand parents are getting buried next to each other. I think both surviving partners view it as cheating. Both of them declared their dating lives being over, and became very angry over my mother suggesting they can find someone new. They believe they'll be reunited in heaven. I understand there is nothing practical about this, and it's more of a romantic (the 19th century literary genre, not the modern day take) ideal.
  6. Again, it's something socially discouraged in Japan. I've always liked the level of loyalty they showed to kin. It makes for an extremely devoted relationship. Plus, I find something comforting about a partner being so wracked with grief they no longer want to exist. Whenever, I meet those elderly men you just know they're extremely devoted. Personally, if my partner passed I'd preserve the body and wait for medical science to figure out how to revive the dead. (researchers brought lower level function back in pigs brains. It's definitely possible)
  7. Again it's common Japanese practice. Not in the US, but in Japan you can file for posthumous divorce, and it's a recent phenomenon with very few actually applying for it, and legal clerks not even being aware the procedure was possible. I don't want a legal document declaring this either as it's more of a personal oath to each other. I will have a prenup, as I decided that was a wise decision to contemplate the relationship ending while in it, and avoiding an acrimonious divorce, and probably divorce period by drafting a document laying out how ending the relationship gets handled.
  8. I care most about achieving greatness in my life time. I felt that way when I was three years old, and still feel the same way in my thirties. That woman just had all of the check boxes for a long term partner including technical skills. (meeting someone else close to her took me 18 years) My end goal in dating is setting up a mutually shared artistic legacy as I have no interest in childrearing. She definitely had issues, most likely BPD, and people with that generally reject committed partners for subconscious reasons. Plus we clearly almost got back together at one point. I just backed down in the argument over us just breaking up again. I wanted to point out the logical fallacies in her thinking, (we could just add the problem) and she was clearly some what interested in me till I asked for commitment. We broke up because her mother passed when three, and she has a rather poor father figure that let his friend hit on her. If anything, since she's talented, I want to save her from the fate of her father at the very least, which is having no friends and no partner. (I don't believe he dated since his wife passed away in her thirties) I just wish she'd go to therapy as she clearly has a mental issues based on unclear behavior. She'd be jumping up kissing my forehead, during a college visit, and be pissed at me for contacting her once I got back. Communication fell apart from merely me enjoying her company. I was a bigger threat than guys wanting casual sex as I was deeply committed to her, and she avoids getting close to others from really traumatic tragic events in the past. I'm not saying I don't have issues too. It's just sad that she's essentially broken, and as the anxious partner in the relationship I'm consciously aware of all of the relationship problems we had, while she actively avoids them, and blamed me for occasionally making her feel bad as a result of my anxious chatter making her aware of lacking close friends and other issues. Again I'm fine with not dating her. The close friendship was more important anyways.
  9. Because I gain happiness from giving the same level of loyalty. I expect my partner to put me above the rest of society, and I do the same for them. Mafia men stayed silent on Jimmy Hoffa even after everyone else passed. I just want that loyalty you have between males in my romantic relationships as well.
  10. I'd do it for them. I view any other treatment of a partner as a slight towards their honor. It might be more of a conservative world view. There are traditional Indian cultures where the wife gets burned on the funeral pyre. I would not want her to be coerced into it, but would not be opposed to her volunteering. I would not want it for her either. I don't care if they have a companion or friends. I just don't see dating as respecting my memory. I'd be fine with them hiring an escort. My grandfather doesn't flirt with the ladies in the home, and my grandma went a good 25 years. After their partners passed they were too distraught to think of ever dating again. Besides, I'm more likely to live longer as I have a very long lived family. My grandpa will most likely reach 100, and his father did the same. Plus I have all of the longevity genes. I'm just taking it a little farther than those two, and believe a modified code of Bushido makes sense for relationships. You see this coming up in Japanese media all the time with lovers attached through reincarnation cycles. A bond for eternity is the ideal.
  11. It's the Japanese ideal. They value loyalty to kin over all else. It started when the only option was mutually agreed upon suicide between couples that were not allowed to marry. Remember, they're big folk tale involves 47 samurai breaking the law, killing the Daimyo who killed their retainer and then all 47 immediately committing suicide after getting revenge. A lot of Westerners see that movie the same way. The Japanese see it as an ideal to strive for.
  12. Give himself to his career. I think Jiro is a model everyone should strive to follow. Greatness is the goal.
  13. Oh, it's been about nine years since I have been in a relationship. I usually bounce after the first date, as dating takes me away from work. I don't believe having a sexual partner is necessary for happiness.
  14. I think most poly people are actually having casual sex, and are in denial. That just seems like how it plays out in reality.
  15. Yeah, it's still important. I won't directly ask it. I still want it, and I just know cultures have existed that do this in some form. I think it's fine for a female to date others if she wants children and her partner passes early. I have noticed a lot of people that remarry get really angry over people thinking like this. By frivolous, I just mean younger people are more open to polyamory and such. They cheapen the bond by being casual with romance. My favorite movie is Hanna--Bi, a Japanese romantic movie about a cop that breaks the law to give his terminal wife one last trip. They commit a love suicide at the end, which is extremely popular in Japan when lovers can't be together for social reasons. (low status woman and high status male)
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