DonCania Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 I want to preface with the fact that I'm now in a stable relationship with a wonderful woman. The story below was a phase of my life that I truly regret and I'm now having an intense guilt trip because I feel like I'm hiding my past from my significant other. I don't think I should tell her, as it's not relevant to who I am today. I'm never going back to who I was. I'm trying to forget the past and rebuild my life, which has been going well, but the shame keeps attacking me. Here's my regretful past: Starting at 19 (I'm 28 now), I stole dozens of panties from dryers from my college dorms for masturbation uses. I kept using and bringing them with me for a few years. There was even a time when I ejaculated in one of them, wiped it off, and placed it back in the dryer (I know, I'm utterly disgusted with myself :( I was also a revenge porn viewer addict, got into cybersex sessions, and even catfished as a bisexual woman on online dating sites to get nudes from women got so lonely the other year that I bought one of those expensive sex dolls and dressing it with the panties, as well as other stolen items. Since then, I've thrown away everything: the stolen panties/clothes, the expensive sex doll, and have been porn-free for months. I realize everyone has a past, some more ridiculous or darker than others. I'm in a much better place now, and I hope one of these days in the near future, I can get over my transgression, and move on with my life. What kind of advice do you have? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Don't inflict this on your gf or current relationship. If it still haunts you unpack and sort it out privately and confidentially in therapy. Particularly if you still fantasize about it or worry you may return to it. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 You need to do some honest inventory and admit to yourself if these things are still present in you or could be. You mentioned being porn free for months. You said you did these things 9 years ago, but how long have you abstained exactly? Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Yeah... I think your first concern should be to determine if you are ready for a relationship, and if these urges truly are gone. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Let me guess, since you met this woman you have tossed every out and obtained from porn, all for the relationship right? What happens when hit a rough patch or two? You will most likely go back to doing it. Whatever you were escaping from, needs to be sorted out with a therapist. Just like an alcoholic, you just can't expect not to fall off the wagon if the issues as to why are not addressed. Is that where you find yourself? Are you in doubt that you can hold back from falling into old habits? TBH the time you could ever divulge this info if you decide to, is to know the reason for it first, and what you have done to correct it. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 I think a therapist could help you unburden yourself successfully, so please consider it. Link to comment
Rising100 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Why did u do all this? Just wondering Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 I think you should be disclosing this to your partner and if it is weighing so heavily on you and you are unable to talk about it, you may not be ready for a fullblown relationship. It sounds like this is too heavy for you to bear and keeping it from her is bothering you. You should speak about it with someone but I think your current partner should know. I'm not keen on any type of misinformation or hidden information in relationships no matter how private. If you're serious about her, don't hide your past. Link to comment
DonCania Posted October 8, 2019 Author Share Posted October 8, 2019 No urges or signs of it any of it coming back. I've abstained for well over a year. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Did you recently convert to or find religion? Is this woman part of that? What prompted you to have this conversation? I've been dating this woman for 5 months total, exclusive for one month. We haven't had sex, and don't plan on it until we marry each other. she asked "how far do you go physically in dating?" I said, "I'm waiting for marriage on everything," Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 deleted. . . . . . . . Link to comment
Camber 2019 Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 So... you started another thread about your "dark past" that only mentioned being with an escort in Germany? What else are you not telling us? Why 2 separate threads on the same subject? Is this the same girl as from your other thread? Link to comment
Viceroy Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 I definitely wouldn’t tell your current partner any of this stuff . If it’s truly bothering you , I would start looking for some kind of therapy where at least you could discuss it Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 Be honest and tell the truth. Deception is worse. Link to comment
trojan Posted October 8, 2019 Share Posted October 8, 2019 wow, I find the answers here really harsh. College years are weird and experimental. I feel sorry for people that didnt go off the rails a little in their college years. Some people have been known to inhale! If I were you Ide just keep all of that to yourself and move on to the very real thing you have now with your new partner. You dont need therapy. Just keep all of it to yourself and move on with your life. It wasnt that big a deal really;It was just weird stuff you were doing in college. Enjoy your new life Link to comment
Realitynut Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 I'm going to be 65 and once in a while i remember a few REALLY embarrassing things i did in my 20's....(the one i'm thinking about now...i was super drunk) that i would NEVER tell ANYONE! EVER. My sister knows cuz she was driving...I was too drunk. But to be honest, she probably doesn't even remember me doing it. But sheesh..no way would I be bringing up every disgusting thing I did when I was young....to the men in my life as an adult. Same...as I wouldn't want to know what HE did as a kid....that he's ashamed of! That's what privacy is about.... I'm editing to say....KID...anything in your 20's....lol Link to comment
Quentino Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Can u explain why are doing this? Link to comment
TheG Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 I agree this was quite unnecessary Link to comment
TheG Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 Dont tell her it is possible that she may develop the wrong impression of you if she doesnt understand... i say possible cause it may also be the true impression of you. Only you would know Link to comment
trojan Posted October 9, 2019 Share Posted October 9, 2019 How come everybody keeps asking this poor guy why he did it? He did it because it was there. I was in college for 10 years. I saw people do stuff like this on a daily basis. He didnt hurt anybody that I can see, and there isnt anything that unusual about it these days. The world is sort of tilted on its axis, everything is not black and white. People do bizarre stuff just to amuse themselves. All the time! I wouldnt tell your partner about it. She doesnt need to know. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 10, 2019 Share Posted October 10, 2019 How come everybody keeps asking this poor guy why he did it? He did it because it was there. I was in college for 10 years. I saw people do stuff like this on a daily basis. He didnt hurt anybody that I can see, and there isnt anything that unusual about it these days. The world is sort of tilted on its axis, everything is not black and white. People do bizarre stuff just to amuse themselves. All the time! I wouldnt tell your partner about it. She doesnt need to know. I guess I don't see stealing a woman's panties, masturbating and ejaculating into them, then returning them as something people do to "amuse themselves". I'm willing to bet the poor woman who owned the panties wasn't "amused". I'm sure she felt "hurt". Link to comment
Billie28 Posted October 15, 2019 Share Posted October 15, 2019 How come everybody keeps asking this poor guy why he did it? He did it because it was there. I was in college for 10 years. I saw people do stuff like this on a daily basis. He didnt hurt anybody that I can see He did it because it was there??? What was there , the undies, the temptation? That was there for everyone. Not everyone acted on it. What college course takes 10 years?? Or were you not a student but the laundry cleaner? I’m guessing the latter since you saw people do this stuff daily for 10 years? He didn’t hurt anybody that you could see? Well you likely didn’t see them unpacking their laundry smelling of ejaculate? When I was in college ,as a student, none of my undies went missing and none smelt of ejaculate. Why do you refer to the op as a “poor guy”? What he did was neither common nor normal. He needs to face this not ignore it before it ruins his relationship. Link to comment
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